Lost in Time: Part I

thesprooks17

I would like to announce my first foundry mission "Lost in Time: Part I" which is a quite a short mission but shall lead to longer missions in this short series.

name - Lost in Time: Part I
ID: - ST-HC8NH4AFZ
Author - Thesprooks17
federation
mission start is located earth space dock, hail mission then dock.

Rumors of a group of romulans developing new weapons designed to destroy planets have been going around and it's your assignment to rendezvous with the U.S.S. torquay outside Earth Space Dock and proceed to Vendor Space to follow up on these "rumors"

duncanidaho11

I'll give you a play sometime later today. One quick bit of feedback on the basic info: a really useful thing for getting your mission out there is the sector block top 3 system. If you start at spacedock then you're limiting your audience to those who see happen to see your mission through the UI or on the forums here. Look around for a planet where there's an open space (0, 1, or 2 missions in the top 3 list) and set your mission there with appropriate changes (ex. meet contact at a local Starbase or with a ship in the system, with the first map being a FED starbase interior or a bridge respectively.) Then once you get a few plays your mission will be out there for everyone to discover.


Edit: All done!

That was quite a proficient first go. It just needs more stuff. Dialog, objectives, story, characters, there's a lot more you could be doing here. For example: a Romulan Villain taunting you over the comms as you proceed through the base or conversations between bridge officers describing what you're finding at the station. Just give stuff a try, think about how it's working, and keep building up on it.

You also want to watch out for grammar (repeat words, missing spaces, extra punctuation), maps with only one very short thing on them (just leads to a lot of loading), and unnecessary explanations. Not having support from the Heir is fine but explaining why as a matter of online/offline weapon systems is just a little too much (could just say they're hanging back to watch for incoming reinforcements.)

Anyway, good show and if you have any foundry questions I or another person will definite be around and about the forums to answer them.

thesprooks17

Thanks for the review. i will take all this advice and definitely use this to improve this mission and missions in the future.

markhawkman

A few specific notes:
mission grant: It's a single sentence. It has a lot of capitalization errors.

"left of the liason" is a bit vague.

maptransfer1: not a full sentence. also not capitalized.

first map: several small typos

first space map: where is this supposed to be? it seems to be deep space as there is nothing but a starfield.
Also, pointless as all you do is talk to the USS Heir....

warp space 1: a few dialog typos. also pointless.

Vendor Space: more typos. I don't think that situation counts as irony...

Vendor Ground: hmm... I suspect it was a bug that made it so hard, I started having mobs in different rooms come after me.

Vendor Space2: the triggers you placed only work if the player flies in a perfectly straight line from the spawn to the Heir. A better way would be to put a giant circle around the Heir. That way the player can't accidentally fly around the trigger.

General Notes:
Why Vendor? It's the location of the infamous Divide et Impera mission(no longer in-game). Also it's apparently the homeworld of the Vendorians.

Why not some other system? It'd make more sense to me.