In the Shadow of Avalon

thelunarboy

I've recently reworked some of the maps for this mission I created... principally because the over reliance on social maps made it cumbersome and unwieldy. I think Cryptic have taken a couple of non essential dialogues out as well (I think they were being a little too pc if they did).

There is now thankfully *no* sector space travel involved once you get the mission.

I would therefore greatly appreciate it if you could give it a whirl. I'm still at the review stage... but believe I only require one more play through to make it live.

I know many of you use Photoshop etc to create nice mission banners to promote your stories, do you think it would be do-able in Publisher (it's the only program available to me).

Thanks for reading/listening.

thelunarboy

Okay... now the Foundry is back up, please could someone review this. It would be greatly appreciated.

And to my American chums a very Happy Thanksgiving.

duncanidaho11

thelunarboy wrote: »

And to my American chums a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanks!

I'll pop this in the mission queue and get back in the near future.

Edit: Done!

The first thing I'll say is that you did a great job with the exposition/dialog. There's a lot of stuff here but its easily understandable thanks to the good writing [of course, nice characters too]. The second thing I'll say is that the choices were very well handled. Besides the fact that some of them were quite clever, I like being able to TRIBBLE up during a mission (makes choosing the right thing later feel more impactful). These also brought out some of the better moments of characterization. Very well done.

The third thing I'll say is that the plot is, well a bit too broad. A few things that take time, exposition, and space on the ground maps to include don't necessarily contribute to the story you're trying to tell. For example, Tholians in the first ground combat map. You introduce the Tal Shiar's interest but rather than paying that off you jump to the Tholian's, who seem even less involved. Then on Bajor you involve the true way rather than, say, more Tal Shiar [as a different plot choice]. Alternatively you could have brought in the True Way from the start, given the direction you went with the mission. Or if you just wanted to fill some combat space you could have stuck to spiders. The talk of Borg at the start also felt like a bit of a red herring (could just leave that out or as a piece of historical subtext.) I don't think these tangents really hurt the mission but they don't work as well as if you'd focused a bit more and dedicated their time to the big faction/character relationships.

Overall I liked the galaxy hopping recruitment drive (encapsulated the feeling of something like Mass Effect very well). But you could pair a few tangents back and use those opportunities to build up the main plot. That should really make for a great mission.


Suggestion Bucket:

• Some of the maps feel a little barren/default-y. You can certainly add more for that home-made/custom feel.
• Could include options for people who haven't played previous mission(s?) yet.
• Should probably emphasize "galaxy hopping recruitment drive" a bit more in opening dialog as major point of mission (with a bit less emphasis on ultimate point so players don't reach the end fearing "oh TRIBBLE this is only the first part!" :P)
• Rename Spider enemy contacts from default [having to fight an 01 or 02 of anything can be a bit distracting, ditto Romulans later on. ]
• Place "get into orbit" objectives directly ahead of player. Moving to left or right feels like we're having to hit an arbitary location objective. :P
• Work on NPC, respawn point placement on P'jem. AI pathfinding around stairs is pretty bad, probably should avoid that area and focus on courtyard for combat. Respawn point in between two mobs also not recommended...
• Combat balance could use some tweaking (played on a relatively new character, probably more representative of typical STO player, and found later ground combat to be a bit frustrating.)
• Remember, you can play as a Romulan or a FED species who may not be as familiar with Earth mythology as is implied. Wasn't really a problem but it's an excuse for more dialog choices.

thelunarboy

Cheers. Value your input and time.... let me know if there's a mission you would like some reciprocation on.

duncanidaho11

thelunarboy wrote: »

Cheers. Value your input and time.... let me know if there's a mission you would like some reciprocation on.

Thanks, "Polarity" is my latest one and it could use some love (just came out of review too.) It could also definitely use feedback from a good writer (be as brutal as you can if you have the time, I really want to make it better).

thelunarboy

duncanidaho11 wrote: »

thelunarboy wrote: »

Cheers. Value your input and time.... let me know if there's a mission you would like some reciprocation on.

Thanks, "Polarity" is my latest one and it could use some love (just came out of review too.) It could also definitely use feedback from a good writer (be as brutal as you can if you have the time, I really want to make it better).

Will bear it in mind when back at home.

Some of the references to antagonists that seem irrelevant do actually make sense if you've played episode one (the Borg attack on Cymbrogi Prime serves as an introduction to the Cymbrogi people and also sows the seeds of the True Way Interest

The Emrys character in the first episode, (spoiler for Brothers of Man):

is heavily implied to be "Merlin", and the seemingly magical powers stem from the fact that he is actually playing host to a prophet (a deliberate reference to DS9 episode "The Reckoning"). The reason the Borg are attacking the Cymbrogi is because they hope to capture the Emrys and separate the prophet from his body by bombarding him with chroniton radiation - the Borg are literally and ambitiously seeking to assimilate a prophet. The Bajoran link was bit of serendipity... I initially only added it because the cave suited my purposes size wise, but it took me in a new direction which made a lot more sense and gave a new level of intrigue

The Tholians are only there because they are an enemy who are present in other ruins on New Romulus. I just wanted to add "a bit of peril" (not in a Monty Python way), on the way to rescuing Dr Jones (I do hope you got the double reference in that part of the story).

The Tal Shiar & True Way (spoiler for In the Shadow of Avalon):

I felt I needed them for misdirection purposes. I wanted the player to think that they may have been double-crossed by Romulans (in order to facilitate the possibility of a poor player choice in the finale). The real bad guy is a zealot who was romantically and fanatically motivated. He's after the Orb of Regeneration because he wants to resurrect his former lover; but the True Way is after the Orb of Regeneration because of its potential to resurrect fallen soldiers to boost its ranks. They might be in for a surprise in the next episode as I'll return to the themes explored in episode 1. They are also seeing the mission they are on as a way to destabilise Federation ties to the Romulan Republic and this is why they deliberately seek to trick you into thinking the Tal Shiar are involved. I might include a line to suggest that the bodies you find in the tunnels on New Romulus are actually the Captain and bridge officers of the captured vessel.

I never made the Mass Effect link but now you say it, I see it... I've basically turned Starbase 1974 into the Citadel. LOL. Incidentally... did you have a look around the base? I seeded it with a few things to add immersion (primarily the sickbay and the podium area).

I appreciate the planet outside the window is Earth (I wanted to suggest it wasn't a window but a holographic display because the half human, half Bajoran Admiral is a little homesick, but can't remember if the crew by the window mention this).

Thanks for your time and I'll try to work out the wrinkles... but I may choose to focus on getting the next episode involving the Proto-Emissary out.