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Picking Up The Pieces: Re-release Trilogy
solastrius
Member Posts: 39 Arc User
After being down for over a year due to a mysterious foundry glitch, 'Picking Up The Pieces'
is undergoing a new unveiling! If you missed this undiscovered gem the first time around, now's your chance
to start it from the beginning of part-1. (screenshots below)
...A world is threatened when a rogue faction of romulan soldiers decides to seek revenge. Halt a swiftly executed plot and deal with the aftermath of a senseless catastrophe...
Tactical and diplomatic solutions grant you the power to decide how much combat you wish to undertake. Sneak and talk your way around problems or go for glory with much larger battles. Make ethical command decisions and set the playstyle of your own story experience.
Feature Include:
~Awesome and logical puzzles
~Tenuous negotiations (and interrogations) of an all new alien species
~Discovery of well hidden Easter-eggs while exploring custom areas
~Dynamic maps changing to reflect your actions upon worlds around you
~Shorter episodes repackaged to allow play for those with little time
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:1] ST-HMJCL5JHK (the reworked original, already published)
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:2] ST-HATMUG78N (needs plays and reviews for full publishing)
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:3] ST-HTGR4TIXI (also needs some sweet love and attentions)
[img][/img]
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Please, rate and enjoy!
is undergoing a new unveiling! If you missed this undiscovered gem the first time around, now's your chance
to start it from the beginning of part-1. (screenshots below)
...A world is threatened when a rogue faction of romulan soldiers decides to seek revenge. Halt a swiftly executed plot and deal with the aftermath of a senseless catastrophe...
Tactical and diplomatic solutions grant you the power to decide how much combat you wish to undertake. Sneak and talk your way around problems or go for glory with much larger battles. Make ethical command decisions and set the playstyle of your own story experience.
Feature Include:
~Awesome and logical puzzles
~Tenuous negotiations (and interrogations) of an all new alien species
~Discovery of well hidden Easter-eggs while exploring custom areas
~Dynamic maps changing to reflect your actions upon worlds around you
~Shorter episodes repackaged to allow play for those with little time
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:1] ST-HMJCL5JHK (the reworked original, already published)
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:2] ST-HATMUG78N (needs plays and reviews for full publishing)
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:3] ST-HTGR4TIXI (also needs some sweet love and attentions)
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
Please, rate and enjoy!
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
Federation Mission - Picking Up The Pieces [Part:1]
Author: Solastrius
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMJCL5JHK
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map designs, balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players. The story was very intriguing and made me feel as though my actions mattered. I am looking forward to the rest of the story to see where it goes from here.
In the description, grant dialogue and the maps below you will note that I called out the use of Romulan or Romulans in lower case. The use of lower case spelling of these two words is incorrect in the Star Trek universe, including STO. As with other races, including Nausicaan’s, they should be capitalized. There were a few places in the dialogue, when it was a Romulan character that you used uppercase for those races.
One final thing, your use of the response button "Continue" was overdone and needs to be addressed. Since "Continue" is the default for these buttons I recommend using "…" if the player is simply listening to additional dialogue. It looks better than the default, especially in tactical situations. For example, if the tactical officer reports the enemy is off the port bow the response from the player should not be "Continue". Otherwise I felt the story dialogue was well written and I enjoyed it.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description is simple but direct. It could use a little more of the story to help draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted one item to consider changing;
-Consider changing "romulan solders" to read "Romulan soldiers".
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. It makes the player feel as if they are becoming part of the story. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "operatives in romulan space" to read "operatives in Romulan space".
-Consider changing "We know the romulans have" to read "We know the Romulans have".
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the initial entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS:
Fitzan Operation Zone: This is a good map design with a balanced optional battle and well written story dialogue. I note one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "several romulan patrols" to read "several Romulan patrols".
Fitzan Science Facility: This is a good map design with balanced battles, good optional battle avoidance and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Agent Lareth dialogue; consider changing "keyed to the romulan-encryption lockouts" to read "keyed to the Romulan-encryption lockouts".
-Consider changing "I'm not the romulan you're looking for" to read "I'm not the Romulan you're looking for".
-Consider changing "it appears the romulans here have been" to read "it appears the Romulans here have been".
-Both security consoles that close the blast doors buttons are labeled "Interact" which the default. Consider changing them to say "Access blast door controls" or something along those lines.
-The antiesthetic gas controls explanation was a little confusing. The combination required to get 100% did not match the examples given. Consider rewriting this portion to be a little more detailed.
-The post Establish Uplink dialogue; consider changing "keyed to the romulan algorithms" to read "keyed to the Romulan algorithms".
-Consider changing "but i'm sure we just triggered" to read "but I'm sure we just triggered".
-Consider changing "I'm detecting a contigent of romulans south of us" to read "I'm detecting a contingent of Romulans south of us".
Fitzan Orbital Launch: This is a good map design with challenging but balance battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "I've got starfleet on hold" to read I've got Starfleet on hold".
-The Admiral Graeme dialogue; consider changing "remnants of the old romulan military" to read "remnants of the old Romulan military".
-The post Stay the Course dialogue with Sanra T’kavo; consider changing "Now I believe i'll take my leave" to read "Now I believe I'll take my leave".
-The Guraht dialogue; consider changing "starfleet pests" to read "Starfleet pests".
Slipstream Distorian: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Slipstream Distorian" to read "Slipstream Distortion".
-Consider changing "The romulans must have feared" to read "The Romulans must have feared".
Uncharted Sector: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "our nausicaan friends" to read "our Nausicaan friends".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to continuing the series as soon as I can.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/17/2016 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Federation Mission - Picking Up The Pieces [Part:2]
Author: Solastrius
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATMUG78N
Report Start
Summary: This is a very well done rescue oriented mission. The map designs are good, the battle, both required and optional, are balanced. The story dialogue is well written and fits into the story very well. I did note a few spelling errors but overall I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.
Below I mentioned the excessive use of the response button "Continue" on every map in the mission. It is a bit of a pet peeve of mine especially if over used. The general use of it occasionally can be ignored but when it is used in dialogue that should have some sort of response from the player it gets annoying. There were a several locations in the dialogue where I felt a better response from the player could have been used. For example on the Mining Outpost 1/2 map when the player was listening to the Outpost Technician the only response was "Continue". In this example the technician was telling the player about all the problems he encountered and the player only responded with "Continue" which felt awkward. Consider replacing that with "…" or appropriate responses to what the NPC is saying.
I also mentioned the use of puzzles and there were a few maps where tasks may have been excessive too. As for the use of puzzles as storytelling points is okay but can be over used. Many players do not like puzzles as they just want to get to the information needed to complete tasks. That is why I suggest putting in "Skip puzzle" buttons. On the Desert Hatchery map the tasks may have been a bit excessive. The player had to tag 7 refugees by running across vast areas of the map, plus the optional battle. That may be a bit much and you should consider reducing the number of refugees that need to be tagged to 5 or less. Both the puzzles and tasks are only suggestions and not necessarily a problem with the mission play.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The mission description is intriguing but needs a little more substance to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Hail'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is okay but like the description it needs a little more substance. There is nothing in the description nor this grant dialogue that makes the player want to click the 'Accept' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Siftune System Part 1: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The background sound effects appeared to be of a beach. I could hear seagulls in the background and crashing waves. Consider changing the background sound effects to another type in order to remove these sounds.
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive. From this point forward I will note the maps where this is a problem and cover it in more detail in the summary above.
Mining Outpost 1/2: This a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-Some players love puzzles and others find them tedious. Consider adding a button that allows the player to skip the puzzles.
Mining Outpost 1/2: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The Shift Supervisor dialogue, consider changing "your having worse luck" to read "you're having worse luck".
-In the Shift Supervisor dialogue you should consider linking the dialogue so the window does not close. Consider removing the "Close" and having the player go to another dialogue field that links back to the "I came to help" button from the first dialogue window. More specifically you could continue a separate line of dialogue that leads to the same conclusion as the main line you wrote. Otherwise it is just annoying to have to reopen the same dialogue path to go in the intended direction.
-Consider changing "Verywell" to read "Very well".
-The Shift Supervisor dialogue, consider changing "What few belongings remain us have all been gathered" to read "What few belongings remain have all been gathered".
Siftune System Part 2: This is a good map with balanced, fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The Foreman Bune dialogue, consider changing "i'd be more than happy" to read "I'd be more than happy".
-The Nausicaan pre fighter battle dialogue, consider changing "federation swine" to read "Federation swine".
-The Foreman Bune dialogue, consider changing "your personell carry out" to read "your personnel carry out".
-The location of the evacuation fleet is marked on the map but is limited in the way it shows up on the maps. The location is far below where the player finishes up the satellite repair. Consider adding a beacon at the location of the fleet to make it easier for the player to find them. It would also give the player something to use the scan on in order to find them.
Desert Hatchery: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-This may be a glitch in the Foundry but when completing the tags of the refugees in the caves they beam out and disappear, however the refugee reappears after beam out. You need to ensure they disappear after the tag and beam out, otherwise it just looks odd.
Egg-Hatchery Cave: This is a good map design with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I like the diplomatic option to resolve the situation with Commander Zurl vice having to fight our way in. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Verywell" to read "Very well".
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The Commander Zurl dialogue, consider changing "I can't believe what i'm hearing" to read "I can't believe what I'm hearing".
-The militant dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]Your officers fills her in[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your officers fill her in[/OOC]".
-The Rescue Final Refugee dialogue, consider changing "[Rank], i'm receiving a communication" to read "[Rank], I'm receiving a communication".
-The Captain Foss dialogue, consider changing "A number of federation starships" to read "A number of Federation starships".
-Consider changing "even with help from the federation" to read "even with help from the Federation".
-In the sentence that starts with "It’s the nearest" there appears to be a hard return which makes the sentence split between two lines. Consider checking that dialogue to ensure there are no unneeded returns in the dialogue.
-Consider changing the BOFF’s dialogue "lost young siftonian that we found" to read "lost young Siftonian that we found".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing the last mission in the series as well as more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/05/2016 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Federation Mission - Picking Up The Pieces [Part:3]
Author: Solastrius
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTGR4TIXI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good standard operations mission overall. The map designs are excellent, the battles are tough but fun and the story dialogue is very well written. There were elements that felt like a classic TOS mission. This one was longer than you projected but still fun. I would recommend this mission and the series to players that like standard operations missions with some combat and a good story in them.
As I pointed out below, on a couple of the maps there are tasks that I feel could be reduced or eliminated altogether. These recommendations would reduce some repetitive and tedious tasks that really do not contribute to the story. That would make this an even better mission and series. I mention below the incorrect usage in the dialogue where capitalization of "I" is not used. This may be a minor issue but is a point of detail that needs to be addressed. As I mentioned before in previous reports the use of "Continue" is excessive as well and needs to be addressed in the entire series.
One last thing is the use of proper capitalization of races and factions in the dialogue. There are several places in the dialogue where Federation is not properly capitalized. There was a lesser degree of this problem with Romulan. This would also apply to the race you created for this series known as Siftonians. I would recommend going through the dialogue of the entire mission and series to ensure they are properly addressed.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs to be more about the story as it fits into the series. It appears to be the same write up across the series. You need to write so that it draws the player in and makes them want to click 'Hail'. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a rogue faction of romulan soldiers" to read "a rogue faction of Romulan soldiers".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant mission dialogue. Consider writing a little more of the back story up to this point into dialogue. It will help draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is well written. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS:
Escort Route: This is a good map design with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. The cargo ships proceeding from waypoint to waypoint was very well done. It felt like I was really escorting them. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive. From this point forward I will note the maps where this is a problem. I will not cover it in more detail in the summary above since I did that in my last report on Part 2.
Midlani Clutch Station: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The initial dialogue, consider changing "station bear federation markings" to read "station bear Federation markings".
-Consider changing "Secretery Gwee" to read "Secretary Gwee".
-The Secretery Gwee dialogue, consider changing "i'm afraid our shuttles" to read "I'm afraid our shuttles".
-Consider changing "store surplus equipment and personell" to read "store surplus equipment and personnel".
-Consider removing the task for the player to fly to each outpost to find out what they need. It is a tedious and unnecessary task. Have the player fly to pick up the supplies instead and deliver them to the outposts.
Midlani Station Interior: This is an excellent map design with well written story dialogue. Some of the wandering NPCs are interesting, for example the racing children are a nice background touch. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The station is nicely designed and built but due to the spread out nature of the locations consider adding dialogue to the various security personnel on locations of different places. There are blind halls that seem to serve no purpose.
- Some of the tasks seem unnecessarily convoluted. Consider reducing some of the more repetitive tasks on this map.
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The Administrator Noj dialogue, consider changing "bringing you into our houses" to read "bringing you into our homes".
-Consider changing "i'd like to ask of you a favor" to read "I'd like to ask of you a favor".
-There are several dialogue windows on this map that contain incorrect capitalization of "I" in the dialogue. Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-Consider changing "grant the federation new" to read "grant the Federation new". Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-Consider changing "effects certain siftonians" to read "effects certain Siftonians". Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-The non-task based dialogue with Tozig serves no purpose and should be removed or updated to give instructions on how to get around on the station.
-Consider adding popup dialogue following some if not all the medical scans. It would make the task more interesting.
-Consider removing the last scan of cargo since the radiation is discovered on the second scan. It makes the third scan seem pointless.
-The Cargo Inspector dialogue, consider changing "checkpoint when zela is on duty" to read "checkpoint when Zela is on duty".
-The Administrator Noj dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]situation to administrator noj[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]situation to Administrator Noj[/OOC]".
-The Mysterious Stranger dialogue, consider changing "die looking like a romulan" to read "die looking like a Romulan".
T'kavo's Hideaway: This is a good map with some tough but funn battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I have never been found of the Weather StarStreaks (North-South) effect. The star steaks look odd and seem to go in a reverse pattern regardless of player speed. Consider reorienting the map and changing to the Weather StarStreaks (East-West) effect. It looks better regardless of player speed.
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The post Sudue Mistress T'kavo task dialogue, consider changing "The romulans at the launching station" to read "The Romulans at the launching station".
-There is an incorrect capitalization of "I". Consider checking all dialogue on this map to ensure this issue has been corrected.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/06/2016 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Please reward my long hours of dedication by playing and telling me what you think.