test content
Logo
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc
The Helping Hand
velqua
Member Posts: 1,220 Arc User
Title: The Helping Hand
Author: velqua
ID: ST-HNDKCWMYB
The Kobali have finally visited the Gamma Quadrant. In their eagerness to explore, they have found themselves in need of assistance. Starfleet, in maintaining and thriving the alliance between the Federation and the Delta Quadrant species, has directed Admiral Marconi to deal with the situation by calling upon the most experienced captain in the Federation--YOU.
Go to Reimers System in the Alpha Quadrant to start the mission from sector space.
Hi!
This is my first Foundry mission in a long time, and I would like to have some feedback on it. I am not certain how long it really it is, but there is quite a bit of dialog and a lot of walking around. Thanks.
Author: velqua
ID: ST-HNDKCWMYB
The Kobali have finally visited the Gamma Quadrant. In their eagerness to explore, they have found themselves in need of assistance. Starfleet, in maintaining and thriving the alliance between the Federation and the Delta Quadrant species, has directed Admiral Marconi to deal with the situation by calling upon the most experienced captain in the Federation--YOU.
Go to Reimers System in the Alpha Quadrant to start the mission from sector space.
Hi!
This is my first Foundry mission in a long time, and I would like to have some feedback on it. I am not certain how long it really it is, but there is quite a bit of dialog and a lot of walking around. Thanks. 
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
grant dialog:
(Marconi)
are > our
(tactical officer)
Koabli > Kobali
Captain Tanyen:
They have been with out> without
Do not dispair > despair
GQX:
a distress call that eminated > emanated
Finding Camp Ke'nol?
The boff argument... heeh...
techtonic > tectonic
"salty vampires"
"can we cut the dramatic"
"patter emitters"
kill more salty vampires.... needs a respawn point.
"cannister"
system:
"asteriod"
overall thoughts.... the ground part had a lot more running than really felt needed.
Also... there are three plot threads here that seem to be only tenuously connected due to happening at the same place. 1: the True Way base. 2: the Kobali exploring the Gamma Quadrant. 3: the Elachi using something to make people into Salt Vampires.
Also... it could use a bit more explanation of each.
Also... what was up with the building submerged in the lake? Aside from people saying there's something weird about it I didn't see anything explaining it.
My character Tsin'xing
Thank you for the feedback.
The plot to the mission was that the Kobali had received a distress call from civilian Cardassian research facility/village. The Kobali, being the new explorers in the Gamma Quadrant and also interested in seeing what could interest them, answered the distress call by going to the planet. A small True Way group had also picked up the distress call and went to investigate to see if they could get anything of benefit to them. When the True Way squadron arrived, they found the Kobali already attempting to survey the planet. They took the opportunity to pick a fight with the Kobali in hopes of taking control of their ship. It was during this fight that the Kobali sent out a distress call. Fortunate for the Kobali, they were able to fight their way into hiding. The True Way remained in the area in hopes of finding the Kobali ship while attempting to figure what was going with the planet.
Starfleet, via their communication relays in the Gamma Quadrant, received the distress call. Admiral Marconi had be assigned to help the Kobali; however, he chose to monitor the situation before assigning the player the job to help the Kobali. By the time the player arrives, the player encounters the True Way in the asteroid field, still searching for the Kobali. After the battle, the player is then able to find the Kobali and learn of the away team being sent to answer the distress call. The player sends a repair team to the Kobali ship to help the Kobali while transporting down with an away to find the Kobali. As they find each of the members of the Kobali away team, the player learns of the Salt Vampires. The player only wants to get the Kobali back to the ship so they can be on their way. It is after the last Kobali away teams are beamed back that they are forced to check for protomatter at each of the buildings.
Finding nothing, the check out a terminal that has gone active, and in the process, they meet up with the Salty Vampires and learn of a canister that had appeared east of the buildings. The away team makes their way to canister to investigate what is so special with it. When they arrive, the science officer informs them that it contains some type of biological pathogen. The canister is then beamed up to the science lab for further analysis, and the team leaves the planet to avoid any further contact with Salty Vampires and having completed their objective.
Aboard the starship, the player wishes the best for the Kobali who now have a repaired ship and watches them go on their way. To warn others of the danger that lurks on the planet, the player puts a buoy at the our edge of the planet's asteroid field. Just as the player is about to leave, the Elachi appear. The science officer discovers the pathogens are Elachi-based. The Elachi, though only implied in the mission, have returned to evaluate their experiment. The player fights the Elachi to ensure that they are not able to get the data they need nor are they able to recreate the pathogen.
The player then contacts Admiral Marconi to discuss the situation only to learn that there maybe an even bigger issue at hand.
The main reason why I had the building in the mission was to have something extra and out of place. I felt that the Kobali would create their own theory as to why the Salty Vampires were there even though it wasn't the true reason.
I hope this answers your questions, and thank you for pointing out the typos. I found it difficult to type in the dialog boxes when putting the mission together. Any suggestions on a better way to do that?
There were a few things I forgot to mention. What was up with the 6 day delay? The Kobali captain mentioned that he sent the signal 6 days prior.
Ok, so it was originally a civilian Cardassian facility... in the GAMMA quadrant? Uh... isn't that a violation of the treaty with the Dominion? I was thinking the True Way were trying to be sneaky and came up with some way to hide it from the Dominion. This is one that would make a bit more sense if it was the Fek'lhri and not Elachi. Elachi.... well, neither race has anything to do with Salt Vampires, but Elachi are known for abducting people to turn them into more Elachi. Feks seem a lot more likely to use a bio-agent to create random chaos.
Also.... did you put down ANY ground mobs that weren't captain mobs?
My character Tsin'xing
And let's get into what needs a bit of work.
-The plot, I won't say anything about what does or doesn't work with Star Trek online cannon but the one thing I can definitely recommend is reducing the number of factions involved. Starfleet doesn't need the Kobali as an excuse to send a team to a remote planet to investigate strange goings on. Likewise that planet doesn't have to be in the gamma quadrant, and the salt vampires don't have to be involved with the elachii.
Basically to get where you ultimately wanted to go with that mission (fighting salt vampires, questioning just what the hell they're doing there) you could have taken a much simpler approach (ex. starfleet colony in distress on planet in alpha quadrant) that wouldn't have required juggling a dozen different faction relationships (which is always going to be difficult to get exactly right.)
-The ground map, you make full use of the space...but on a map that size effective map use is probably going to involve cutting down rather than scaling up. What probably would have worked better is making a series of ground maps (ex. outdoor, caves, outdoor again) which could play host to all your major plot points but without long, skyrim-esque treks across the wilderness. Likewise, focus objectives around single, logical locations rather than spreading them out UNLESS wandering around is a very necessary part of the story (which shouldn't come after more wandering, vary what it is the player is essentially doing as well as what it is they're actually interacting with. Eventually it all starts blending together.
-Combat, it's on par with cryptic's early ground missions but I think you can still do better. Try combining a couple of light mobs and use the heavy, alpha-containing mob very sparingly (it shouldn't be used with almost every encounter, as the in-editor description says it's boss fight material.)
-Mission grammar (just a little thing), it should be "Find the X" rather than "Finding the x." Both are technically correct, I think, but conventionally for video game objectives the player is being told what to do rather than being given an account of what they're doing.
-Scenery, you don't have to rely on what the default map gives you to do the heavy lifting, try playing around with more from the "details" category!
So a few key structural details need to be worked out, but I do think your mission has a lot of promise. It's going to require some big change (ex. bringing things down to a salt vampire character story) but you've got the subtle things (ex. how you write back-and-forth bridge officer dialog) down pretty well. I think that's a much better start to having a good mission (because while you can easily rework objectives, plot points, and introduce more map areas with suggestions, it's very, very difficult to teach someone how to write compelling personal dialog through feedback. You're off to a good start here!)
Notable missions: Apex [AEI], Gemini [SSF], Trident [AEI], Evolution's Smile [SSF], Transcendence
Looking for something new to play? I've started building Foundry missions again in visual novel form!
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Notable missions: Apex [AEI], Gemini [SSF], Trident [AEI], Evolution's Smile [SSF], Transcendence
Looking for something new to play? I've started building Foundry missions again in visual novel form!