Dark Legacies 3 published: Times Favor Turns

zionus0

Just republished mission three of Dark Legacies: Time's Favor Turns.

Title: Time's Favor Turns
Author: Gromio
ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ
Level: 51+
Faction: Starfleet or Romulan Republic
Starts at: Ancaris Arm, Beta Quadrant
Estimated length: 30- 45 minutes

Description:
A reunifacatiomist colony has been stricken with a plague. Responding to their plea for help, you uncover a deeper and more sinister plot has been covered up. A plot that means to undermine everything you have fought for.
You must prevent a horrifying bio weapon from being used on more than your own crew, before it spreads and devours the quadrant. Leaving it ripe for your adversary to plunder.


........
"Paragon five to beam up.... Paragon?
The crew hears an transporter beam and rematerializes on the bridge of their ship.

???: "Welcome to the I.S.S. Paragon- B Captain.. I apologize for the state of the ship but I only recently came into possession of her and haven't been able to clean up the mess left by the previous occupants. I can't say I wasn't expecting you though."



Dark Legacies provides greater insight into elements and characters used in my Iconian War Anthology entry: Glimmer of Hope, for those who enjoyed it.

evil70th

zionus0 wrote: »

Here we are... I admit this is probably my least favorite episode because of the first few maps- I've never been able to get the redesign working the way I want it to.

Title: [DL-3/5] Time's Favour Turns NOTE: The "our" is Canadian spelling
Author: @Gromio
Minimum Level: 51+
Faction: Starfleet or Fed-Rom
Project ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ
Door: Ancaris Arm Beta Quadrant
Estimated Length: 30-45 minutes

Description:
Dark Legacies Part Three
A reunifacationist colony has been stricken with a plague. Responding to their plea for help, you uncover a deeper and more sinister plot has been covered up. A plot that means to undermine everything you have fought for.
Your enemies return to strike back at you with a terrifying weapon that may be you undoing.

Federation Mission - Time's Favour Turns
Author: Gromio
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ

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Report Start

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Summary: This is a good mission in the series although there were several locations in the dialogue that need work on spelling. The number of errors I came across almost made it feel as if you were rushing to complete the story. You need to take a look at all the dialogue throughout to make sure there are no errors. I am pretty sure I did not hit you for any Canadian spelling versus American English but if I did you can ignore those and resolve the others. The battles were tough but fun throughout with a few that were very tough in places. The map designs are great with a few things here and there that need to be adjusted. Overall I really enjoyed the mission and the series so far. I would definitely recommend this mission and the series to other players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial mission task is well written. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

MAPS:
Jantista Colony Orbit: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing the response button "by the united Federation of Planets" to read "by the United Federation of Planets".

Main Colony: This is a nice map design but some of the objects need to be adjusted as indicated below. There are several tough but fun battles and some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The initial mission task, consider changing "Acsess Federation Communication Network" to read "Access Federation Communication Network".
-The Search of logs dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]call you recived was sent[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]call you received was sent[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]but there are many unacounted for[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]but there are many accounted for[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "that encrption code from the accedmy" to read "that encryption code from the academy".
-The mission task, consider changing "Speak to frightend woman" to read "Speak to frightened woman".
-The post task dialogue, consider changing "I don't belive you" to read "I don't believe you".
-Consider changing the response button "the first ship to recive your" to read "the first ship to receive your".
-Consider changing "my appoligies" to read "my apologies".
-Consider changing the response button "Whats going on here" to read "What's going on here".
-Consider changing the response button "Please contine" to read "Please continue".
-Consider changing the response button "[Summerize]" to read "[Summarize]".
-Consider changing "Look this isn't impornt right now" to read "Look this isn't important right now".
-Consider changing "compound is heavily gaurded" to read "compound is heavily guarded".
-Consider changing "I'd recomend sneaking around" to read "I'd recommend sheaking around".
-The building that is the objective at the end of the map needs to be lowered into the hill more. As it is currently set it looks odd.

Grand Ace: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles and some of the dialogue needs some work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The dialogue with Claire, consider changing "been under seige here" to read "been under siege here".
-Consider changing the response button "Doesn't seem like theres many left" to read "Doesn’t seem like there’s many left".
-Consider changing "with real combat exerperiance" to read "with real combat experience".
-Removing the barricade button says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Remove crates".
-The replicator button also says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Access replicator".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]dark and crammped[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]dark and cramped[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]black jeffreis tube[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]black jefferies tube[/OOC]".
-Consider changing the response button "[Clikmb down into the dark]" to read [Climb down into the dark]".

Paterlarg’s Labouratory: This is a nice map design but some of the objects need to be adjusted as indicated below. There are several challenging battles and some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing "about the jeffries tubes" to read "about the jefferies tubes".
-The mission task, consider changing "Look over Database consol" to read "Look over database console".
-Some of the consoles need to be lowered to touch the deck. They look like they are floating.
-The post mission task dialogue, consider changing "tranporters" to read "transporters".
-Consider changing "Theres mention of an iconain gate here Captain" to read "There’s mention of an Iconian gate here, Captain".
-Consider changing "cause irreprable damge" to read "cause irreparable damage".
-Consider changing "the damge thats already" to read "the damage that’s already".
-Consider changing "where his infomation came from" to read "where his information came from".
-The post Proceed to Main Lab dialogue, consider changing "inside one of my driods" to read "inside one of my droids".
-Consider changing "their experiances" to read "their experiences".
-Consider changing "be irrelenvant once" to read "be irrelevant once".
-Consider changing "be permitied to do" to read "be permitted to do".
-The post Find Main Control console task dialogue, consider changing the response button "Target infomation" to read "Target information".
-Consider changing the response button "Weapon distubtion" to read "Weapon distribution".

The Bridge (Taken): This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Deck 5: This is a good map design with several good battles. Some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post mission task Defend yourself dialogue, consider changing "I can’t belive this" to read "I can’t believe this".
-Consider changing "was Engsin Nokar" to read "was Ensign Nokar".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Your officers collaps to the ground[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your officers collapse to the ground[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "What ever will I do the [Rank] is comming" to read "What ever will I do, the [Rank] is coming".
-Consider changing "i’ve already won" to read "I’ve already won".
-Consider changing the response button "You havn’t won" to read "You haven’t won".
-Consider changing "Quite ingenous" to read "Quite ingenious".
-Consider changing "I need some sampels" to read "I need some samples".
-Consider changing the response button "into the jefries tubes" to read "into the jefferies tube".
-The post mission task Find a survivor dialogue, consider changing "Last I chekced you were" to read "Last I checked you were".
-Consider changing "going to loose everything" to read "going to lose everything".

Deck 4: This is a good map design with several tough battles but the last one was particularly difficult. Some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post mission task Clear the Deck, consider changing "it is fourtunate you arrived" to read "it is fortunate you arrived".
-Consider changing "much more effecently" to read "much more efficiently".
-Consider changing the response button "Lets get to work" to read "Let’s get to work".
-Consider changing the mission task "Observe resulsts" to read "Observe results".
-The post mission task Observe resulsts dialogue, consider changing "Your more resourceful than I" to read "You’re more resourceful than I".
-Consider changing the response button "We’re comming for you" to read "We’re coming for you".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "Brillant Captain" to read "Brilliant Captain".
-Consider changing "work i took the liborty" to read "work I took the liberty".
-Consider changing "be emergeny rebreathers in the jefries tube" to read "be emergency rebreathers in the jefferies tube".

The Bridge: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The personal log console button also says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Access console".
-The personal log console should be moved to match the existing wall console. From there is could serve as a trigger for the console access.
-The post mission task Put antidote into the air dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]Her expresion chages into[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Her expression changes into[/OOC]".
-The Q dialogue, consider changing "That was quite enteraining" to read "That was quite entertaining".

Jantista Colony Orbit: This is a good map design with a challenging but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing the response button "I’m not familair with that name" to read "I’m not familiar with that name".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]You immeidatly set a course[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You immediately set course[/OCC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Rishis watched securly in your brig[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Rishis watched securely in your brig[/OOC]".

Facility 4028: This is a good map design with well written story. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the dialogue to add a period after the word "enough" and before the word "Every".
-Consider changing "Every citezen of the Federation" to read "Every citizen of the Federation".
-Consider changing the response button "you have a moral compas" to read "you have a moral compass".
-The Mirror universe Victoria dialogue, consider changing "I never get out of becuase when I do" to read "I never get out of here because when I do".
-Consider changing the response button "But its a problem" to read "But it’s a problem".
-Consider changing the response button "wont be leaving here" to read "won’t be leaving here".
-The post mission dialogue, consider changing "and want to contine the story" to read "and want to continue the story".
-Consider changing the response button "[Finish: Times’s Favour Turns]" to read "[Finish: Time’s Favour Turns]".

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End Report

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/08/2016 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.