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Deus In Machina
theyredeadjim
Member Posts: 243 Arc User
Hi All!
I recently completed my first Foundry mission, and I'd like to get feedback from as many folks as I can. The mission info is as follows:
Mission Name: Deus In Machina
Project Id: ST-HIYASJH9I
Author: @Thomas_Baston
Faction: Federation
Minimum Level: 16+
The mission is still at the content review stage, so you will have to be a reviewer and search for it under the Review Content tab. I should mention that the mission is a bit on the long side; I would appreciate it if you could let me know how long it takes you to complete.
The mission involves both Ground and Space components, and you will find your tricorder scan function (the "v" key in default keybinds) very handy once you have beamed down to the planet.
I hope you enjoy it!
I recently completed my first Foundry mission, and I'd like to get feedback from as many folks as I can. The mission info is as follows:
Mission Name: Deus In Machina
Project Id: ST-HIYASJH9I
Author: @Thomas_Baston
Faction: Federation
Minimum Level: 16+
The mission is still at the content review stage, so you will have to be a reviewer and search for it under the Review Content tab. I should mention that the mission is a bit on the long side; I would appreciate it if you could let me know how long it takes you to complete.
The mission involves both Ground and Space components, and you will find your tricorder scan function (the "v" key in default keybinds) very handy once you have beamed down to the planet.
I hope you enjoy it!
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
Deus In Machina is now out of the review stage, and may be accessed under the Browse All tab by selecting New missions. It is also now a Top Foundry mission for the Hromi Cluster, and so may be accessed that way as well.
I appreciate all input regarding my first mission for the Foundry; your comments and criticism will help to make my next mission better! Please feel free to use this thread to critique or discuss this mission.
Many thanks!
It would be a good idea to actually put this tip in the mission using mission objective or OOC highlighting. I know you put it in the mission description info, but just as a reminder it wouldn't hurt to put it at the end of any pop up dialog boxes in the mission where scanning something will be your next objective.
BTW, I'm playing your mission now and will give more feedback as I play
***edit***
1) there do not seem to be any scanning animations on the first space map when you scan the anomalies
2) After you scan the last anomaly and have to locate the Interdiciton, the "v" key no longer works. And since you are using the static effect on the map, you also cannot see the waypoint on the map. Therefore I recommend putting another tip or OOC comment at the end of the previous dialog box telling the player that they will need to look around for the beacon flash(which is easy to miss with that static effect on the screen).
3) Since you are using the static effect on the map and players cannot use impulse, you might want to move the object just a little bit closer together as it is slightly frustrating traveling in between them at what feels like a very slow pace without impulse.
4) Nicely designed custom ship map. I've seen some that look pretty bad, but this looked very natural.
5) One of my personal pet peeves is when I enter a new room and a dialog box immediately pops up blocking my view before I even get a chance to look at the room I'm in. I understand the need for dialog to drive the mission, but something I would prefer would be when you enter a room, like the conference room, and want to have your Boff tell you something, have a selectable option that says "talk to officers" or something similar. You can do this by having an invisible object in the room you interact with, and then having the dialog box pop up after the interaction.
6) Kudos on keeping the captain's logs short and to the point. Some people have several pages of dialog in situations like this, and I don't mind reading, but I don't really want to read a novel on a computer screen. So again, perfect length on these IMO.
7) First impression of the base camp: not what I was expecting, but a pleasant surprise. Most of the planets I beam to in foundry missions are pretty "foresty", so it was nice to see something different for a change.
8) Going back to #5 above, as soon as you load to the new facility map after transporting you get an instant pop up before you can actually see where you are. Also, my boffs got stuck inside the transport device, so you might want to just move the spawn point outside of the device, with the common sense understanding that your crew has stepped forward.
9) Why is my character waving his arms like some kind of shaman when using the security consoles? Even if that is how you intended the people who made those consoles to use them, it doesn't really make sense that our characters would know how to do that, IMO. It would look more "logical" if we were using our tricorders to hack/interface with the consoles.
10) Once again I like the design of your custom map facility. It doesn't look cheap like a lit of customs do.
11) The use of Undine enemy types for the security holograms looks a bit odd, because the Undine use quite a bit of melee attacks, but the custom NPCs you are using as costumes do not actually do the melee animations very well. You might want to consider using a different type of enemy group, like Dividians, that use less melee attacks and will look better visually.
12) I might have missed some dialog, but why was I suddenly fighting Orions at the end of the mission?
Anyway, I rated your mission 4/5 stars. Overall I think it was a very good mission and an interesting story and I look forward to playing more of your missions
The-Grand-Nagus
Join Date: Sep 2008
wrt point 1...i had to fix this element and apparently forgot to set the scan animation. I will do this when I reopen the project for improvement.
wrt point 2,3...the map is supposed to be a puzzle. I am trying to determine the correct length to target on this one, and that requires more data. The beacon, though, was part of the puzzle.
wrt point 4...many thanks, although most of what I know about the foundry can be attributed to Nagorak and Kirkfat. Many, many thanks to them
wrt point 9...yes, I know it's kinda cheesy...but you did learn how to activate these consoles on the surface
wrt point 11...you are likely correct on this one, and the change would make it more widely available. I thought the challenge was kinda cool. I'd really love it if Cryptic would release archetype groups that weren't race related, but oriented to skill...say enegy weapon, melee, or psionic.
wrt point 12...I'm guessing you did miss the pop up dialogue...what Orion isn't interested in an interdicted system?
You have no idea how much your thoughtful run through means to me. I appreciate any opportunity to improve my project.
*** EDIT ***
I have now made the following changes / corrections:
1) Added scanning animations that I missed the first time around.
2 & 3) Changed the positions on the first map such that following the v key will lead to the objective that advances the mission. It is still possible to advance the mission without following the path created by the v key, provided that the player selects the correct beacon. The distance between beacons has been shortened a bit.
5 & 8) Created new reach points that place the pop up dialogues further into the respective rooms. I also changed the spawn point such that the BOFFs will no longer become stuck in the transporter device; this was apparently a sporadic problem.
11) Changed the costumed NPCs from Undine to Devidian. I had originally played with the Devidian NPC groups, but thought that the Undine might provide a greater challenge. I played around with the Devidians some more, and I have to agree with you that they appear more natural for this use. As a result, the minimum level of this mission is now 16+.
Thanks again for your very helpful review!
Federation Mission - Deus In Machina
Author: Thomas_Baston
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HIYASJH9I
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission and story. For your fist Foundry mission I would say you did a fantastic job. The map designs are excellent, the battles are challenging and the story dialogue is well written. There are a couple of maps that you should examine placing respawn points but overall it is an enjoyable mission. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.
Just as a side note; did you ever watch a movie called Circle of Iron? There was a character called Zetan in that movie, which is similar to the character you called Z'eitan.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description is short but not exactly to the point. Consider adding more information about the mission without giving it all away. The goal of the description is to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue is well written with no spelling or grammatical errors, however I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-In the follow on dialogue the button "We'll certainly look into that for you, Admiral" needs a period at the end of the sentence. I mention this because the other two buttons have proper punctuation.
-In the follow on dialogue I would recommend instead of linking back to the initial dialogue window to select the next button you continue the dialogue in the same chain. Specifically, if the player chooses the first button then all the dialogue that is under the second button is there. If the player chooses the second button first then the entire dialogue under the first button follows that dialogue string. If the player chooses the last button then they continue the mission.
Mission Task: The initial task is well written and I noted no spelling errors.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
H-1273 System: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Ophion: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The turbo lift is slightly higher than the rest of the doors. Consider lowering it.
U.S.S. Ophion Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Having four consoles for the player check with no dialogue between them is mildly annoying. It is unlikely that the player would check each one only to receive a summary at the end. Consider placing popup dialogue following each console the player checks on the bridge. This can be done on the map with the trigger set for each console without adding it to the storyline.
-The Captain's Personal Log; as with the recommendation in the grant dialogue above, consider linking each log entry so the player chooses 'log entries' and the string of logs follow. You can then place a summary button vice all the log entry dates so the player can skip reading the full log entry.
H-1273 IV Surface: This is a good map design with fun optional combat that is very difficult to avoid and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Chief Xenologist Garret dialogue; each button works to allow the player to choose a starting point but as mentioned above you should link the dialogue, so when the player starts at one point the conversation will continue until done. If they choose the last entry, which end the conversation, you can provide a summary of the dialogue the player needs to complete the tasks.
-Having five objects for the player to scan with no interaction is tedious. Consider adding popup dialogue as mentioned above for some if not all the devices the player scans. Despite leaving the away team behind the player should still be linked to them and Garret.
-The placement of the various patrols needs to be checked. At one point while I was checking each device a patrol found and attacked the research camp where I left the away team. You should also make the patrol routes around the perimeter of the objects vice directly next to them. This would provide an opportunity for the player to sneak around the patrols rather than waiting for them to clear the area of the device.
Alien Facility: This is a good map with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding respawn points on the lower level as well. I believe the separation works with horizontal separation as well.
-Consider separating the enemy mobs on the lower level a little more so the player and away team do not engage both at the same time.
-The machinery on the lower level below the chambers is off the ground. Is that intentional?
-For the computer core codes and the power settings puzzles, consider making skip puzzles button for the player.
H-1273 System - Redux: This is a nice map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 06/13/2015 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request. The specific report in that posting can also be viewed here: Mission Critique Report - Deus In Machina