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Damsel in distress
stcaptainquirky
Member Posts: 70 Arc User
I finally finished and published my first foundry mission.
The title is "Damsel in distress" (actually meant to be a working title but I never came up with a better one
)
The story itself is nothing overly ambitious (just a stand alone episode) and those who are used to save the entire galaxy or at least a quadrant might find it even trivial. Nevertheless I hope some will actually enjoy it.
"Starfleet has lost contact with the Oberth-class scout vessel U.S.S. Diana near the Kinjer system. You are ordered to investigate and conduct a rescue mission if necessary."
Reviews and remarks would be appreciated.
The title is "Damsel in distress" (actually meant to be a working title but I never came up with a better one
)The story itself is nothing overly ambitious (just a stand alone episode) and those who are used to save the entire galaxy or at least a quadrant might find it even trivial. Nevertheless I hope some will actually enjoy it.
"Starfleet has lost contact with the Oberth-class scout vessel U.S.S. Diana near the Kinjer system. You are ordered to investigate and conduct a rescue mission if necessary."
Reviews and remarks would be appreciated.
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
I spend some time writing dialogue but most of it is optional. So players will have the option to avoid reading much text but those who like to ask for additional information will be able to do that.
The player also has two different options for the conclusion of the story (ultimately it doesn't make a difference since the editor doesn't allow for a branching story but I'm glad I could find enough advice here on the forum to accomplish, at least to some extend, what I wanted).
When I testplayed the mission without trying to finish as fast as possible, it took me about 30 minutes. It would be nice if someone could give me an estimate how long it takes for a random player.
I do have some specific points of feedback that might be able to help you improve, find that below:
The first objective (in sector space) reads "Search for traces of the U.S.S. Diana". It would help if in this text field it listed the system and sector so forgetful players can find it easily.
For the objective "Continue the search" after defeating the Orions, I didn't get an objective marker. I just flew around until a next dialogue popup triggered. Might want to check that out.
On the second map, the "Search for U.S.S. Diana" objective doesn't have a marker. Had to fly around blindly to find out where to go.
For the "take turbolift to crew quarters", the objective didn't show up for me. Might not be your fault here, but check the map to make sure it shows up right. Same with the "Return to main deck" objective and "Beam onto bridge"
The last map transition has "Go to next map" placeholder text and buttons.
As I wrote in my first post I wasn't overly ambitious with the story itself but I did try to tell it properly. For example I put some effort into creating an actual crew for the Diana instead of just placing a bunch of nameless generic NPCs and I tried to make it look like they were actually doing something to get their ship back (although always staying one step behind the players efforts
That's a very good point. I will add the information about the entry point next time I edit the mission
Actually, highlighting waypoints is something I'm a bit concerned about since it basically allows players to mindlessly run from one objective to the next without paying any attention to the content of a mission (and it doesn't make much sense that if you are supposed to search for something you are magically guided to the right location). On the other hand it is of course not desirable to get players frustated by having them go around the map blindly. Balancing this can be somewhat tricky. In this particular case I have gone back and forth about giving a waypoint or not. The dialogue triggers when you enter a rather large area around the satellite (which is the only really remarkable object on that map anyway) after that there should be a waypoint again but while it worked correctly in the foundry preview, in the published mission the dialogue seems shows up a good deal later than it should and the waypoint for the "scan satellite" objective was only visible for a split second in my testplay (no idea why this happens but as the waypoints seem to be somewhat unreliable it's probably for the best that I tried to use them as little as possible). In this case I think I might as well highlight the area the player is supposed to reach since it's really not that obvious (whether the waypoint will actually show up as intended will depend on the publishing tool).
I wanted the player to actually search for the ship so I turned off the marker here. In my opinion there are actually just two areas on the map where it would be logical to hide a ship (I think I will add a hint in the dialogue). Also, as an additional help I did place one of those blinking lights next to the Diana which should be noticable at any distance once the player has a line of sight to the ships position. I once read something about a nice little trick to add a scannerpoint to a reach marker so I might be able to change the map so that pressing the V button will guide the player towards the ship (that way players would get directions without having the exact location handed to them).
I might have to add additional objectives with reach markers on the transit areas to get them to show up. I will check on that.
That's something that really bothers me. On a transition from one custom map to another I get a dialogue prompt that I can fill with any text I want. Upon transition back to the cryptic maps I just get a placeholder with nothing to edit. If I'm not mistaken you once had a very similar problem. If you found any workaround to this it would be very nice if you could share it.
I was under the impression that ending with a transition back to cryptic maps was mandatory but that may be outdated or simply wrong. Anyway, your suggestion to let players exit on their own helped to get rid of that annoying default text.
As for your other points:
1. Map:
The area you're supposed to enter for the "continue search" objective is now marked on the map.
2. Map:
There are now 4 ways to find the Diana:
I) By flying around blindly until you get close enough to the ship to show up on the minimap
II) By flying around till you notice the blinking light seemingly placed in empty space and decide to have a closer look on that area
III) By asking your bridge officers for their input after the space battle is over and getting a hint where to look.
IV) By simply pressing V or the little scan button next to the minimap to have a blue cone of light pointing in the general direction for a short while. (Implementing that one was a bit more tricky than I had thought).
Other maps:
There are now objectives along the lines "use turbolift" or "step on the transporter platform" showing up so the player will know where he has to go to reach the next map.
Those changes have been published and I already tested them on a quick run through the mission.
Thanks again for pointing out those details
- since the size of enemy groups doesn't seem to scale with player level (only the attributes of the ships) the first space battle felt a bit too trivial (it's not actually hard now either but at least it felt more serious in the test run I did after the revision)
- added some more optional dialogue (not important to most I guess)
- corrected some minor errors in the dialogues (probably still more than enough left though)
- added an estimate for the time it takes to complete the mission to the mission description (20 to 60 minutes best as I can tell depending on how much the player is willing to read)
So far I received two reviews (which were generally favorable, thanks for that). It would be really nice if some of those who signed up as reviewers could spare the time to take a look at this mission and give me some feedback.
Two spawn points seem to be shifted (I will try to look into that as soon as possible) it's not actually a problem but it looks a bit weird to have some of the guards appearing behind the forcefield they are supposed to guard and not in front of it.
Other than that the mission still works fine (and is still one rating short of getting out of the review tab).
As far as I could obvserve the enemies spawn at the right locations but then a few of them start to run off before returning to their start position and apparently they can sometimes glitch through a wall or a forcefield so it's a bit random whether or not one or two end up on the wrong side. Placing some invisible walls might fix the problem or ruin it completely. Since it's more an oddity than an actual problem I decided not to experiment with that unless the feedback I get on that mission indicates that it turns out to be a serious issue that really needs to be fixed.
If I get reports about problems I overlooked I will address them of course but until then I consider the mission finished.
It would be really nice if someone could take the time to give this mission it's fifth rating to get it out of the review section
It still has to qualify for rewards before it gets to show up in the top 3 system (last time I checked there wasn't too much going on around the Kinjer system so it would even have a good chance to be displayed) but at least the filters in the public section of the Foundry seem to work so it can now actually be found by other means than specifically searching for it by name.
If anyone finds problems with that mission that need to be addressed, I will still check this thread every once in a while so don't hesitate to point them out here.
Just in acse you're still wanting feedback, here are the notes I made:
I thought the plotting was satisfyingly tight - there's a reason for everything, why you can't just beam the bad guys out, for instance, and not just a meaningless technobabble one, either. Good job.
Spelling is spot on, but there are places where some punctuation is missing, for instance in the player's replies on the first map which don't end in full stops - if this was fixed, the mission would read much more professionally. Also, Starfleet should have a capital "S".
I liked the Inner Kinjer System map, just looks good.
It might help a lot with the "Where's the ******ing Diana?" problem to just add a note, in the mission description or wherever, saying "The USS Diana is not meant to be obvious - you'll have to hunt for her." Complaints about things like that tend to come from people who just don't realise what's happening and immediately assume the waypoint's missing.
"I advice" -> "I advise" (after speaking to Zela)
"desoriented" -> "disorientated"
Those PADDs lying on the floor are a good touch, instantly gives the effect that there's been a struggle.
Altogether, as I say, a fun mission and deserves its Top 3 spot when it gets it!
thanks for your review. Of course feedback is still appreciated especially feedback that points out specifically where I have to look for some of those minor issues that probably escaped me by the dozen although I went through this mission several times before publishing. (That was also when I looked for possible plotholes and tried to add somewhat reasonable explanations wherever I thought that a question might arise)
I will correct the problems you pointed out as soon as I find the time but that could take a while. If all goes well I might be able to get it done this weekend.
It's nice that you noticed the PADDs
Few Reveiew Notes:
-You could use some copy editing help on the dialogue. Nothing major, just a bit of polishing. The extra space before a punctuation mark was annoying.
-Good use of the Defiant Interior
-Having the Chief Engineer as a "LT Kyle" reminds me of TOS.
And now yours appears as a Top Foundry Mission on the Sector Map
Added full stops where I forgot them in the players responses and capitalized Starfleet where necessary (no guarantee that I got all but there should be a noticable improvement).
Since the mission description will never show up in the top3 system that wouldn't necessarily help. I added "(you can use the "scan area" button to get directions)" to the mission objective so that players know how they can shorten the search if they want to. Also added a similar hint to the mission objective of the "errand boy" subquest after I got a few complaints that "searching the items was too frustrating". It seems there really are some players out there who don't know that their tricorder will always point them to the next interactable object.
Corrected. Thanks for pointing these out.
Thank you for reminding me. I tend to make that mistake unless I specifically try to avoid it. Even in my native language there is not supposed to be a space before a punctuation mark but I have a strong instinct to put one in front of question and exclamation marks anyway because (at least to me) they obscure the last word of a sentence (especially with small font size) if not separated from it.
Since I had to go through all my dialogue anyway, I deleted that extra spaces (I may have missed a few but most of them should be gone now).
Indeed it does