Help needed - english corrections

mickthemage

Long story short - I made a foundry mission, but i am not a native english speaker. I asked my fluently english speaking friend to help me with corrections, but he has a lot of work lately - and after 3 months waiting I want to publish the mission. But not before someone will help me with the corrections. And where better to ask, than on english speaking forums? :-)

Yes, and it is a lot of text...!

So, if is here kind soul willing to help me with corrections, that would be great.

Here is google docs link of the exported text...

And I hope, this is the right place to ask, if not - i am sorry.

Thank you.

markhawkman

I read up to page 12:
That is ordinary planter, captain. > That is an ordinary planter, captain.


Alpha Draconis is a Class A Planet and is the location of a mining operations. > incorrect pluralization. It's either "a mining operation" or "mining operations"


Terra Svatopluk (Ryhe 2) is 2nd planet in the line. > the 2nd planet


Akrania (Ryhe 3) is second Class-M planet in the Ryhe system, and 3rd in line. It has one moon, which is called as 'Mercury'. > the second.... called 'Mercury'


First Class-M planet in the Ryhe system, > The first

It has one moon, which is simply called as 'May'. > called 'May'

Being that this last one is also a Class-K. > Sentence fragment, I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. You already explained that "Titan (Rhye 6) is a Class-K planet," are you talking about Titan's moon Agamemnon?

extra pairs of lungs and extra heart. > extra pairs of lungs and an extra heart.

I didn't quite get what you were trying to say int he "Humans in Rhye" section.

Well, captain I am sure this transporter room is offline... Or it was couple minutes ago... Not sure what exactly happened. Do you, Dunotgi? > it was a couple of minutes ago


The power fluctuation shorted some of the consoles. We need to repair them, but I think it is just minor problem. It is not endangering the ship, captain. > just a minor problem

But we have pair of damaged vessels in the area and transwarp gate will need some repairs too. > a pair..... and the transwarp gate


I know it sounds a little bit vague [Rank] but I only know ambassador as politican...and thats it. > the ambassador ....politician .... that's (it's a contraction not a plural)

Captain, the engineering team has started the repairs. It take them some time. > will take

psycoticvulcan

I'm halfway through. Will post the finished version tomorrow.

psycoticvulcan

And done! I might have missed a typo or two, but nothing that should stand out.

I really like the backstory of the various alien races, by the way. I could easily see a story like that being a novel.

mickthemage

psycoticvulcan wrote: »

And done! I might have missed a typo or two, but nothing that should stand out.

I really like the backstory of the various alien races, by the way. I could easily see a story like that being a novel.

I am sorry for late reply, I was on holidays and without internet for a while.

Hundred times thank you for your corrections! It helped me a lot. Now I can publish the foundry mission and see what people think.

As for the backstory, well that is result of my habit to create background for everything I made. And Ryhe and its culture exists only because 8 years ago I made for myself my own ship design I asked myself - why was the ship built, where it was built etc. I am writing these things - as it is said - into the drawer.