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ULC #6 discussion thread!

worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
edited January 2015 in Ten Forward
This is the comments thread for Unofficial Literary Challenge #6: "Gods of lower decks in wintry timelines".

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. Please be respectful of your fellow participants! Do not troll your fellow Captains, give them constructive feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked about their stories, and respect their rights to change their entries as they see fit.

Good luck, people!

Entries thread here.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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    takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    Interesting prompts.

    Not sure if I'll be able to work with them - will need to see if I come up with anything.
    76561198160276582.png
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    Hoo boy.

    No idea what to do with #1 at the moment (crashing on a planet surface would probably kill the Bajor, and likely kill the planet if I used the Aen'rhien), but #2 seems like a good place to use some of my Mauve Shirts.

    #3, I had in mind to use the Aen'rhien and Jaleh Khoroushi again, if only for the shameless Avengers reference: "There's only one God, rekkhai, and I'm pretty sure He doesn't look like that."
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    I like the looks of "Lower Decks" and the Pantheon prompt myself, thinking I'd have some of D'trel's crewmen have a day in the sun, and Pantheon would be a great time for her to be Very Upset (tm).
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    hawku001xhawku001x Member Posts: 10,758 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    holy good-prompts, batman
    Phoenix_Compendium_1.jpg
    USS Phoenix-X Literary Index | Comics | Most recent story: "The Opposite of That"
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    starswordc wrote: »
    Hoo boy.

    No idea what to do with #1 at the moment (crashing on a planet surface would probably kill the Bajor, and likely kill the planet if I used the Aen'rhien), but #2 seems like a good place to use some of my Mauve Shirts.

    #3, I had in mind to use the Aen'rhien and Jaleh Khoroushi again, if only for the shameless Avengers reference: "There's only one God, rekkhai, and I'm pretty sure He doesn't look like that."

    XD

    For prompt 1, try putting <character{s}> into a runabout and have them run afoul of a couple of Breen fighters and a frigate in a patrol group. The space wedgie nabs the fighters and the runabout but leaves the frigate, Our Heroes and the Breen survivors have to figure out what the hell to do.
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    XD

    For prompt 1, try putting <character{s}> into a runabout and have them run afoul of a couple of Breen fighters and a frigate in a patrol group. The space wedgie nabs the fighters and the runabout but leaves the frigate, Our Heroes and the Breen survivors have to figure out what the hell to do.

    Actually, I just had this crazy idea to use Brokosh and have him be responsible for the Carrington Event.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    starswordc wrote: »
    Actually, I just had this crazy idea to use Brokosh and have him be responsible for the Carrington Event.

    ...

    Do that.

    Do that right f*cking now.

    That is f*cking brilliant.
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    ^ This. Yes, this.

    Right f*cking now.
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    I could do #2 easily enough for the Tiburon, since I know that ship like the back of my fin. (Pectoral fin, that is.) The Norgh'a'Qun would be more difficult, being thirty decks high, a mile long and having a typical crew of over thirty-five hundred. (And I have no idea what most of them do.)

    I'm feeling something humorous and probably non-canonical for #1 as well. We'll have to see if I have time to get to it.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    sander233 wrote: »
    I could do #2 easily enough for the Tiburon, since I know that ship like the back of my fin. (Pectoral fin, that is.) The Norgh'a'Qun would be more difficult, being thirty decks high, a mile long and having a typical crew of over thirty-five hundred. (And I have no idea what most of them do.)

    I'm feeling something humorous and probably non-canonical for #1 as well. We'll have to see if I have time to get to it.

    Bonus points if you put Ssharki in a cowboy hat and Sheriff's badge a la Worf in that one episode.

    Have him come off the Holodeck or something.

    :D
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    ...

    Do that.

    Do that right f*cking now.

    That is f*cking brilliant.
    cmdrscarlet wrote: »
    ^ This. Yes, this.

    Right f*cking now.

    Okay, okay! :D I'm doing some broad strokes plotting (thinking of a time travel comedy a la STIV) but my shift starts at midnight, so...
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    starswordc wrote: »
    Okay, okay! :D I'm doing some broad strokes plotting (thinking of a time travel comedy a la STIV) but my shift starts at midnight, so...

    Well, I can't do much other than check the forums occasionally until the 18th, I have papers due tomorrow and the day after, so...good luck!

    Also, our Voyager rewrite already has 2 follows and 2 favorites on FFN. I feel proud. This must be what fatherhood feels like... :D
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Also, our Voyager rewrite already has 2 follows and 2 favorites on FFN. I feel proud. This must be what fatherhood feels like... :D

    I should point out, one of those favorites and followers is takeshi. Still.

    To explain, worffan and I are doing a VOY AU series on Fanfiction.net, The Mysterious Case of Neelix's Lungs. It's basically a "What If?" story where Gul Evek got dragged into the Delta Quadrant along with the Val Jean and Janeway and Chakotay were killed in the crossing, too (Voyager ends up captained by Veronica Stadi, who survived in this storyline, with Tuvok as XO). We're also trying to make Neelix actually competent.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    ambassadormolariambassadormolari Member Posts: 709 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    First off, WHOOPS. (Re: my accidental posting in the main thread)

    Second, this is going to be fun. I need to write Arkos meeting the Pantheon, the banter between a host of ancient gods and a hardcore atheist will be hilarious to write.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    organicmanfred wrote: »
    Well done my baby :o

    Wrong thread, my precious.

    But thank you! :)
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    "Strange Times Are Upon Us, Part I"

    Crew of the IKS HoSbatlh:
    • General Brokosh, FOIC, Klingon Sixth Fleet, and Lord of the House of Chel’tok: Murphy Guyer
    • Captain Meromi Riyal, commanding officer: Robyn Kramer
    • Lady Ba’wov, daughter of Ka’tak, acting chief engineer and Councillor for the House of Chel’tok: Yancy Butler
    • Commander Norigom, operations officer: Beau Billingslea
    • Lieutenant Ila’kshath, chief of sciences: Adrianne Grady
    • K’Gan, son of Kortak, QaS DevwI’: Roger Craig Smith
    • Doctor Vornigar, chief medical officer: Steve Blum

    Other Characters:
    • Special Agent in Charge Gariff Lucsly, Federation Department of Temporal Investigations: James W. Jansen
    • GuiMon Trag, Ferengi Alliance Commercial Protection Force flag officer: Ethan Phillips
    • Captain Koren, daughter of Grilka, CO, IKS Bortasqu’: Secunda Wood
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    Super excited for part 2, Starsword; that was epic.

    Hey, if you're not too burnt out, could you hop on to the Voyager rewrite doc and give me a bit of a hand? I've kind of hit a wall.
  • Options
    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Super excited for part 2, Starsword; that was epic.

    Hey, if you're not too burnt out, could you hop on to the Voyager rewrite doc and give me a bit of a hand? I've kind of hit a wall.

    I'll take a look later; gotta go find some food.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    ambassadormolariambassadormolari Member Posts: 709 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    I'm currently working on mine, will try to post it soonish-- I've just hit several plot snags that I'm trying to deal with. (On the other hand, writing the dialogue of Odin is proving to be quite fun).

    Incidentally, speaking of semi-divine beings, I've also posted a new story in LC 60 in cases anyone wants to give it a look.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    starswordc wrote: »
    Yancy Butler

    :wuv:


    I'll save my review until you finish it. I have trouble reading stories one piece at a time. (And yes I know that's a bit strange considering my knack for writing novel-length epics that take me months to complete.)
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    sander233 wrote: »
    starswordc wrote: »
    Yancy Butler
    :wuv:
    Yeah, been watching Witchblade on DVD last couple of weeks and I thought her voice and features were perfect for a Klingon noblewoman. :D
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    That show was too short-lived.
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    jorantomalakjorantomalak Member Posts: 7,133 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    starswordc wrote: »
    Hoo boy.

    No idea what to do with if I used the Aen'rhien)

    :eek: how the hell did you get my ship you you you...pirate you stole my ship while i was in the latrine...and crashed it into a planet.

    but you dont look like deanna troi :D
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    Personally I don't think the person making these should pick their own prompt. Just feels wrong. Anyhoo, I'll have to think if I can do something for these.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    Nice one as usual, starsword. Very intense, very cool.

    Coming out with my own for that prompt soon-ish.
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    Now that was damn funny, worffan. Especially the "freaking laser beams" bit. :P
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    starswordc wrote: »
    Now that was damn funny, worffan. Especially the "freaking laser beams" bit. :P

    It sure was fun to write. :D

    Did you notice how I had the same voice for Zel and Thot Gor (no, not that Thot Gor, THAT Thot Gor)?
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    My entry is up for Lower Decks. It follows directly on from LC69.

    Cast list:

    Talaina Kazzur: Sharon Stone (Total Recall era)
    Ttorkkinn: Michael Ironside
    Xui Li: Rinko Kikuchi
    Jenna Jones: Sarah Chalke (first season of Scrubs era)
    Claire Dotson: Denise Richards
    T'Fon: Jason Statham
    Karry: Anne Hathaway
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    grylak wrote: »
    My entry is up for Lower Decks. It follows directly on from LC69.

    Cast list:

    Talaina Kazzur: Sharon Stone (Total Recall era)
    Ttorkkinn: Michael Ironside
    Xui Li: Rinko Kikuchi
    Jenna Jones: Sarah Chalke (first season of Scrubs era)
    Claire Dotson: Denise Richards
    T'Fon: Jason Statham
    Karry: Anne Hathaway

    Nicely done. I'm reminded a little bit of the repairs that had to be done to Serenity at the end of the movie.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited January 2015
    @Starswordc:

    First, the good: I liked your space combat sequences. Very intense, and very believable. I also like the historic touch on your trip back in time, triggering the Carrington Event* and aiding the Underground Railroad.** I also really liked Ila'kshath.

    As for the not-so-good: I found a lot of crew interactions on the HoSbatlh to be very unrealistic, even immersion-breaking in at least one instance. (The bridge crew's apparent familiarity with the Human expression "no sh*t, Sherlock!") The presence of Captain Koren and the Bortasqu', despite your lampshading efforts, was also unrealistic and really added nothing to the story. Also, I was disappointed that you didn't return to the TI scene at the end of your story. Escaping from rural Pennsylvania in the 1850s is one thing. Escaping from Temporal Investigations would be legendary.

    Overall, 7/10 - a few rough spots and missing pieces but still a highly enjoyable story.

    * You said you cribbed DS9: "Shadows and Symbols" as inspiration for using the tractor beam to trigger a coronal mass ejection. However, the Rotarran used an EM pulse to cause a solar plasma ejection in that episode, to destroy a Dominion shipyard. The tactic you described is much more similar to that employed by the Enterprise-D under temporary command of Dr. Crusher in TNG: "Descent, pt. II." Good trick, anyway.

    ** I doubt Williamsport would have been part of any Underground Railroad route - it's on the wrong side of the Appalachians and too far east to be on a direct run from Virginia to Buffalo, an it's too far inland to be on any coastal route. Still, an interesting touch.


    @worffan: I'm sorry, I couldn't read past the barrage of "gender neutral" at the start of this story. I skipped to the end and saw your note on how you perceive the Breen culture, but if that is in fact the case then surely they wouldn't call attention to it by referring to themselves and each other as "gender undefined" or "uncertain gender adults." And if gender truly has no meaning to them, then wouldn't the phallic gesture of flipping someone off would be equally meaningless? At any rate, your description of Breen society and culture just did not jive with their dialog and mannerisms as you depict them. If this were a Three story I might have given it a chance but I'm used to D'trel's stories being taken more seriously.


    @grylak: a very touching story. Your descriptions of the dead nightshift crew at the start were especially poignant. Well done.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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