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Lordarathron's Foundry Missions
lordarathron
Member Posts: 249 Arc User
This is the official thread of Lordarathron's Foundry Missions.
Currently I have two series: The New Peace Federation Saga, and the Legacy of Attumar Series. There is also a stand-alone mission "Attumar: First Contact", that leads into the events of Legacy of Attumar.
NPF SAGA
"A New Beginning"
"Resolution on Risa"
"War on Earth"
"The Devil and All His Angels"
Legacy of Attumar
"Legacy of Attumar Part One"
"Legacy of Attumar Part Two"
STANDALONE MISSIONS
Attumar: First Contact
Bounty on the Bounty
[ICO] A Secret Weapon
Sorcery of Old -A KDF mission
Calinax: First Contact
Currently I have two series: The New Peace Federation Saga, and the Legacy of Attumar Series. There is also a stand-alone mission "Attumar: First Contact", that leads into the events of Legacy of Attumar.
NPF SAGA
"A New Beginning"
"Resolution on Risa"
"War on Earth"
"The Devil and All His Angels"
Legacy of Attumar
"Legacy of Attumar Part One"
"Legacy of Attumar Part Two"
STANDALONE MISSIONS
Attumar: First Contact
Bounty on the Bounty
[ICO] A Secret Weapon
Sorcery of Old -A KDF mission
Calinax: First Contact
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
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This discussion has been closed.
Comments
Work on "TDaAHA" is... nearing... completion.
The concept of a Gorn splinter faction trying to establish itself is interesting. Let's see what is delivered here
-The first space map, "travel to the homeworld" is nice space scenery, but it's kinda short, just annihilate a couple of enemy ships then beam down.
-Find the npf hq: some turkey shooting with no dialog to forward the story... I am starting to annoy myself running in that thick mist.
-Escort Gorn Ambassador ground mission. Again some turkey shooting, with no dialogs to help in pushing the story. Good job on costum creator for the new Gorns, albeit these NPCs seems to have the same behaviour, standing there looking around.
-(Space map) - This brings some fine combat, although the antagonist, the Klingon brass,Obzdedox, is a bit too bidimensional, and has the less Klingon name I ever heard.
-Beam down to Embassy (Orbiting Vulcan) Good plot point on letting Obzdedox follow the ship by means of a misterious villain, maybe a time traveler...
is rather odd that after the Klingon baddie taunts me, telling me he will attack me... then I have to search for him using the minimap... maybe you should activate the Klingon NPC group/s with a state condition, or using a reach marker as trigger. A rather short map, I must add.
-Preside over peace talks - Nice map, but I found some dialogs unnatural, maybe you should check and smooth them.
Final report:
A good effort, but you still have to learn how to steer a story through the dialogs. Premise was interesting though, hoping that will get better with the other chapters...
3/5 stars for this one
A review
-Check in on Risa - Speaking at Andorian ambassador, there is a line that sounds like "Sorry
pal but I am here for the seaside" -Don't think a Starfleet Officer would ever dare saying
that...and the mission is rather on the serious side of things. I mean, yes, you can do
it... to put more than an answer to choose helps immersion immensely and on the other hand
you sort that dialog so that if the player does not give the other answer doesn't go forward
in the story... maybe was better to put some more to that branch dialog, showing not
disrespect to the ambassador, but maybe distrust to the "secrecy factor".
The son of Q was a nice surprise...
Tons of NPCs standing still doing nothing in particular though...
There are some ways to avoid the whole building shine as actual objective, like putting a
building block in the archway of the door and make it the anchor of the story tab...
I was right about to get into the mood of the second map that I had to pass to the next...
way too short map...
-Get to the meeting -
The starting point is right outside the building, and the first objective is to lock the
room of the previous map... to enhance the moment, you should suggest via dialog to the
player to turn towards the door before hitting the "Lock" tab...
A lot of wandering to the next objective... some mild fighting then a change.... a bit
boring. At least the fighting should be enhanced.
-Defend the delegates_ way too short map. You should change the line when the turboelevator
is reached (like "Activating Turbolift") instead of "Open Doors"... the doors opens
automatically...
-Repulse...assailants map - Finally some decent combat here...
You should rotate the gas emitter in foundry editor 180 degrees, the way it is shoots the gas unconvincingly.
-Clear resort ground troops map- Some decent ground combat here. However the story trough dialog disappeared... now that I think of it, there is no background on characters yet...
There is a LOT of ground to cover, maybe you should think of some discovery to be found
between combat goals (the hills) - like, what about the vacationers ? There is no mention
that Risa had been evacuated for the event...
Also there is not explanation on how the player character get to close the time
portal seems that he is doing it with bare hands......on a general advice, you should add some animation to reached objectives, like
typing in midair or something.
-Liberate Risa space map- Average looking background... brief battle. Come on, you can do
far better.
-Liberate the Taleka. The Shadowkind is a "nice" group of villains... remains to see if you
are going to cardboard them or not... Add some re-spawn point please... eems you have put at good use some Tholian NPC group. Fine with me, but they tend to spawn Tholian drones ruining immersion... Not all Shadowkind are Thols though... the Davidian re-costumed ones NPC groups work more appropiately then the Thols.
Final thoughts:
Slightly better than part 1, but there is not enough meat on the story yet. Also, I wondered
where the RIsa vacationers went...and still no clue who this Rissix is, albeit the
Shadowkind are interesting villains, as long as you don't cardboard them
3 on 5 stars are yours.
A new world has reached warp capability. It is a world of peace-lovers, but they are surrounded by forces of darkness they cannot control. Threats from within and without could spell doom for the people of Attumar.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvR0_pJ1EHw&feature=youtu.be
Excellent. Just added it to the to-play list.
I think I'll just leave you hanging on that one to figure out yourself. :P
Federation Mission - Attumar: First Contact
Author: Lordarathron
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJHJJM4KX
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling issues at all in this mission. There are some items listed on the maps below that need work but overall no real serious issues. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who like the combination of a good story and maps with fun battles. You would like this mission.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a very intriguing and well written description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: his is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Holodeck: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Attumarian research console button is labeled "Interact" which is the default label for the button when no entry is made. Consider changing the button to read "Access research console".
Attumar System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The North to South Weather Star Streak 01 effect does not function well at most speeds, except for full impulse. Consider changing the orientation of the map to a west to east configuration and then use the West to East Weather Star Streak 01 effect, which works at any speed.
Attumar Prime: The map design was very detailed but some of the tasks and items need to be reworked. The story dialogue was detailed and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The scanning of 6 artifacts under the platform became repetitive and boring. Consider reducing it to no more than 2 artifacts followed by the post scan dialogue.
-The scanning of 5 plants became repetitive and boring. Consider reducing it to no more than 2 plants followed by the post scan dialogue.
-The trees that we scan were off the ground and looked odd. There is one that most likely would be used in a swamp as it has lily pads. The lily pads are sitting about 1 meter off the ground around the tree. Based on what I am seeing here I suspect you designed this map without using high detail terrain feature when you played it. Consider changing the resolution to high detail and then lowering both trees but particularly the one with the lily pads around it.
Military HQ: The map design is okay and the dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map feels like it is larger than it needs to be. Several of the NPCs on the ground level are not doing anything except standing around. The ramp leading up to the Princess is a bit excessive and fully visible from the ground as hanging in the air. I can see you are trying to create a grand space for the story but consider using an existing map layout. Also give the NPCs tasks and use existing platforms for the Princess to stand on rather than building your own. It would look better.
Attumar Forest: The map design is okay but needs a little rework. The battles were fun and the dialogue was well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The tower and fortification being used for the Check in with Ranger Lamesh task is right up against a hill and needs to be moved to the southeast about 5 meters so it sits on flat ground.
-The second task to Check in with Ranger Nevlix seems unnecessary to the story. Consider removing this task and move the Check in with Ranger Rizza to that location. This would alleviate the issue with the building and tower used in the task with the building buried half way into the hillside.
-The third task Check in with Ranger Rizza needs to be moved to the location of the second task and remove the second task. Where this task currently sits is on a hillside, which causes the building to be buried halfway into the hillside and the tower does not sit flat.
Research Station Gamma: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The darkness of the map makes it difficult to see much. Consider lightening up the map a little more to give the player a better sense of their surroundings.
Unknown Location: This is a good map design with a very ethereal look to it. The dialogue was well written but felt a little rushed as if you were trying to end the story too quickly. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 12/24/2014 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request. The specific report in that posting can also be viewed here: Mission Critique Report - Attumar: First Contact
Happy to help anyway I can. Keep up the good work.
Brian
Hang on, I might have played it already. Regardless...
Edit: Yup, did play it before, I already wrote an in-game review. it was better than I remembered.