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Time for Tribble Troubles
jezaleigha
Member Posts: 7 Arc User
Please try out my Foundry mission, "Time for Tribble Troubles"
It's your chance to join the DS9 and TOS characters in their classic adventures.
Intro:
Section 31 has discovered that the last son of the disgraced House of Darvin, Karwen, has gone back in time to assist his grandfather Arne Darvin ("The Trouble with Tribbles"; "Trials and Tribble-ations") in his attempts to sabotage the special grain, Quadrotriticale, headed for Sherman's Planet and to assassinate James T. Kirk in the year 2267.
Travel to K-7 sector space, slingshot around the sun, stop Karwen Darvin and preserve the timeline.
Suggested loadout:
Original Series era uniforms
Federation Type 2 Phaser or Type 3 Phaser Rifle (available from episode "Night of the Comet").
Early 23rd century ship such as Constitution, NX or Miranda.
Space combat is scaled for appropriate level gear in a tier 1 ship; the overall mission focus is on ground.
Approximate run time: 25 minutes
Thanks!
It's your chance to join the DS9 and TOS characters in their classic adventures.
Intro:
Section 31 has discovered that the last son of the disgraced House of Darvin, Karwen, has gone back in time to assist his grandfather Arne Darvin ("The Trouble with Tribbles"; "Trials and Tribble-ations") in his attempts to sabotage the special grain, Quadrotriticale, headed for Sherman's Planet and to assassinate James T. Kirk in the year 2267.
Travel to K-7 sector space, slingshot around the sun, stop Karwen Darvin and preserve the timeline.
Suggested loadout:
Original Series era uniforms
Federation Type 2 Phaser or Type 3 Phaser Rifle (available from episode "Night of the Comet").
Early 23rd century ship such as Constitution, NX or Miranda.
Space combat is scaled for appropriate level gear in a tier 1 ship; the overall mission focus is on ground.
Approximate run time: 25 minutes
Thanks!
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
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Comments
Federation Mission - Time for Tribble Troubles
Author: jezaleigha
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUXDG4Y00
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission overall with fun battles and well written story dialogue. With a little polishing it can be a great mission. I would recommend this mission to other players who like short but fun missions as it currently is. Please do not take the following paragraphs as anything more than my suggestions on things I felt you could change to improve the mission.
The very first issue most people do not deal with in these types of missions is when a time traveler goes back in time they would change the timeline and no one would know the difference. The exception to this would be time travelers, temporal agents and certain species. The only other way to avoid this issue is to have the player shielded as demonstrated in the TOS episode "City on the edge of forever" or the TNG movie "First contact". In both those examples the characters who maintained knowledge of their timeline and of the time travelers were both shielded from the changes. The characters involved in those incidents were all shielded from the effect of changes to the timeline by the influence of the device or time travel flux. In your mission I understand you were trying to give the player some action and mission objectives while following the TOS and DS9 stories involving Tribbles. The issues arise from the actual interactions with NPCs from both the TOS and DS9 episodes. For example, it felt odd that Kirk acted as if the player and ship were known in Starfleet. In the DS9 episode they got away with it because of the cloaked ship and no overt contact with the TOS characters. Yes, Captain Sisko interacted with Kirk but only in a passing manner that had no actual affect on the timeline. Therefore it would not be an overt interaction and affect the timeline.
How do you correct this issue? You could redesign the mission start so the player, while on an unrelated mission, is contacted by a temporal agent or other time traveler and brought into a shielded location. From there they are briefed on what is happening with the timeline intervention. This avoids the main issue I address in the previous paragraph. Next you could redesign the initial K-7 orbit map so the player must navigate quietly into the station and covertly enter it. This navigation could be setup in a way that the player has to move to a specific point near the station without being detected by the Enterprise. You could write optional dialogue that comes up if the player is discovered by the Enterprise while maneuvering into position. The dialogue would be a simple call from the Enterprise to the unidentified ship. The dialogue would then have the player identify themselves as a merchant vessel or something along those lines. Obviously players with cloaking devices would have an advantage and others would simply have to take a long way around to avoid being detected. Once on the station the player could intercede only in the events that were not from the timeline. You can add them stopping an enemy interference with the DS9 team locating the bomb and so on. The combat with Karwen Darvin would be moved to an obscure location of the station away from the NPCs for that timeline.
To fix the specific K-7 orbit maps issue I mention below consider redesigning both maps as blank maps that you add the planet, K-7 and other elements. With this type of design you have options that would work much better. You could have a temporal agent or time traveler mentioned above meet the player while in space. They shield the player and then explain what is happening to the timeline. The agent or time traveler then briefs the player on what they must do to reset the timeline. The agent opens a time portal and the player travel through it. At that point you make the planet, K-7 and other objects appear. The player maneuvers into the station as I indicated above. On the way out they maneuver to a remote location away from the station and planet then initiate the portal. When they pass through it you trigger the planet, K-7 and other objects to disappear. The agent or time traveler then tells the player they have successfully restored the timeline to its original flow. At that point you can end the mission and you do not need the final map.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding [MissionInfo] "Travel to K-7 sector space". This will give the player the ability to refer back to the start location more easily if needed.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue; however consider removing the reference to "The Trouble with Tribbles" and Trials and Tribble-ations". Both of those are titles to episodes on TOS and DS9 respectively. They are fine in the description so the player has the context of the mission but do not work in the grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
K-7 orbit: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You have a couple of freighters with the default labels "Generic Freighter Medium" that looks odd. Consider giving them actual names vice the default names.
-The Captain Kirk outfit is close but the actual uniform shirt should be available in the costumes. Consider changing it to that uniform shirt.
-It felt odd that Kirk acted as if I were a known Starfleet Captain and ship. Consider changing the map so the player covertly beams aboard the station without interacting with the Enterprise or Kirk. The combat over the freighter is okay and I know what your goal in the story was for that but you may want to reconsider it. I will note the time travel paradoxes on each map and cover it in my summary above.
Deep Space K-7: This is a nice map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Time travel paradox to be covered in the summary.
-Consider redesigning Lieutenant Uhura's character to remove the ear piece. The communication ear piece would be worn at her station on the bridge but not on shore leave or liberty.
-If you are going to keep the interaction with the TOS characters you should have the player move away from Kirk and the other TOS characters to discuss the bomb.
-The use of the response button "Continue" in the dialogue where the player is listening. Consider changing it to " " vice "Continue".
-The background NPCs continually to say the display dialogue. For example one NPC says "Welcome to Deep Space K-7" over and over again. The previous statement is still visible when they repeat it again. Consider resetting the repeat level of this line to something less repetitious.
-The combat with Karwen Darvin should be in an obscure location of the station away from the NPCs for the original timeline.
K-7 orbit#2: This is a nice map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Time travel paradox to be covered in the summary.
-If you feel the battle is necessary then consider having the player maneuver to time travel when they are attacked. Having the battle right next to Deep Space K-7 seems odd and would be a paradox in the timeline.
-If the battle remains consider having the player maneuver away from Deep Space K-7 before time traveling.
25th century space: This map has a single dialogue box that ends the mission. If it were not for this being the end of the mission it would be an unnecessary map transfer. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I will cover a suggested fix in the summary above.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/07/2014 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request. The specific report in that posting can also be viewed here: Mission Critique Report - Time for Tribble Troubles