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First foundry project
locutusofcactus
Member Posts: 651 Arc User
I have completed my first foundry project (Fed) and would like feedback. The project is a two mission series: Requiem for a Dream (1/2) and Requiem for a Dream (2/2) .
Check them out and mail me your analysis @11001001_v2.0. What did you like? What could be improved? How long did it take to complete? Be specific if applicable.
On the last map, there's a workaround for a glitch. It's been working but let me know if you know of a better solution.
Thanks
Check them out and mail me your analysis @11001001_v2.0. What did you like? What could be improved? How long did it take to complete? Be specific if applicable.
On the last map, there's a workaround for a glitch. It's been working but let me know if you know of a better solution.
Thanks
Post edited by locutusofcactus on
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Comments
Federation Mission - Requiem for a Dream (1/2)
Author: 11001001_v2.0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HBZMTCLGL
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission even though it starts off a bit slow it quickly picks up. The map designs are very good, most of the battles are very tough and the story dialogue is very well done. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players, although not on Elite level as it was more than a challenge on Normal.
Other than some of the enemy being a little too powerful I noted one item that stood out. That is the use of the response button "Continue" in almost all of the dialogue. As I have stated in several reviews, although not recently, the word "Continue" is a default setting when nothing is entered in the field. I feel its use in the dialogue indicates the player is merely reading and not part of the actual story. There are times when this may be appropriate such as reading a journal or log entry but I usually recommend using " " vice "Continue" for those entries. I caution the author against using it following reports from NPCs or the BOFFs. For example if the BOFF reports "there are enemy ground troops ahead" the appropriate response would not be "Continue". That is usually a good rule of thumb to use and makes the player feel like they are more a part of the story.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs a little more story behind it. You want something that draws the player in and makes them want to click 'Hail'. As it is written currently there is nothing to tell the player what the mission is about. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue with a friendly feel. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
~The Mind's Heritage: This is a nice map design with a minor battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The banners near the "Hunting Chalet Administrator" are from Utopia Planatia and look out of place. Consider removing or replacing them with less distinct banners.
-Some of the tasks, i.e. Find wind direction, Check trap and Steakout seem to be a waste of time and add nothing to the story.
-Consider changing the task "Steakout" to read "Stakeout".
-There is a replicator console with an "Interact" button that seems to serve no purpose to the story. Consider removing it or updating the button to something like "Access the console".
-The response button "Continue" is overused and needs to be reconsidered. I will note the maps and cover it in my summary above.
~Attrition: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Pakled freighter appears to serve no real purpose to the story. Consider removing it.
-Without revealing too much there are too many "Ambush" vessels that prolong the fighting unnecessarily. Total combat time was over 30 minutes. They were more annoying than challenging; consider removing a couple of them.
~Pandora's Box: This is a good map design with some fun battles and few tough ones. The dialogue was well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The doorway leading to the "Library" is a little above the ground and needs to be lowered.
-The doorway leading to the "Sewer" is a little above the ground and needs to be lowered.
-The last two enemy mobs are very tough and the respawn point is too far away. It took a little time to get back to the fight a couple of times. I know the Foundry limits how they can be placed to become active but you may need to redesign the map to allow for it.
-The response button "Continue" is overused.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing your next mission in the series and more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/16/2015 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request. The specific report in that posting can also be viewed here: Mission Critique Report - Requiem for a Dream (1/2)