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"Uprising: Act II - The Tempest" unofficially official discussion thread
maninblack017
Member Posts: 152 Arc User
I am pleased to announce that my second Foundry mission "Uprising: Act II - The Tempest"is now available to be played. It is the sequel to Uprising: Act I - Off The Grid. It is recommended that you play Act I before this new chapter. Please by all means leave feedback whether you like it or don't. If you don't like it, please explain why instead of just saying "It sucked". I'm very excited for this series and I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed creating it.
Uprising: Act II - The Tempest
ST-HHVBJJLMC
Faction: Federation
Level: Any
Ground and space combat
Heavy dialogue
Single player
Approximately 1 hour playtime
Thanks for playing!
Uprising: Act II - The Tempest
ST-HHVBJJLMC
Faction: Federation
Level: Any
Ground and space combat
Heavy dialogue
Single player
Approximately 1 hour playtime
Thanks for playing!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
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Comments
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
I'm eagerly awaiting Part III -- I'm excited to see where the story goes next. But I hope it will feel more open and less obviously like I'm being railroaded through a series of conversations between non-player characters.
One idea I would have, if you want to open this mission back up for revisions (some Foundry contributors do, some don't), would be to simply include more dialogue options. Those can go a long way sometimes toward making the player feel more like a participant and less like an observer. You might also add a few more tasks here and there, if you'd like, but I wouldn't do anything to compromise the tightly woven plot you've crafted to do so.
Member, Shadowbroker
Not linear
I agree that Act II seemed a bit more...confined...than Act I. Unfortunately I felt that I really had to lay the groundwork of the story with this chapter which meant LOTS of dialog. And since I want the whole plot to continue being kind of a mystery it was necessary to not just be like "here's what's happening, fight some baddies". I actually debated quite a bit but eventually found that combat wouldn't be as prevalent but hopefully the action was - especially toward the end. Which I hope it did. If that makes sense.
Act III will have more to do because the plot will come to light. I have some "different" things planned that I hope people enjoy. I hope you'll enjoy it. And I'm always open to suggestions, but they might not be in place before III comes out. Thank you for playing!
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Federation Mission - Uprising: Act II - The Tempest
Author: maninblack
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: HHVBJJLMC
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission in the series with good map designs, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. The mission was riveting from start to finish. I did note two maps you have in the mission that do not appear to be needed as they add nothing to the mission or the story. I would highly recommend this mission and the entire series.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good and detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing all informational dialogue to [OOC] vice plain text.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "These ones come straight from the top" to read "They come straight from the top".
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task for your first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Starbase 117: This is a nice map design but seems unnecessary to the mission. You enter the map, fly across and beam to the ship. Consider removing this map and having the player beam directly to the U.S.S. Longstreet.
U.S.S. Longstreet: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deck 10: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Battle Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Delta Vienna System: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the three scan to a single scan. The three scans seem pointless without a report following each one.
U.S.S. Interceptor Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Battle Bridge#2: This is a good map design with great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Imperon System: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deck 9 Forward: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deck 9 Aft: This is a good map design with great effects and well written story dialogue. I do not feel like this map is to the mission. You should consider removing this map and reworking the previous map to take up this portion of the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Imperon IV: This is a good, simple map design with great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-One of the casualty patients has his head partially sticking in the crate. Consider moving the crate a little further out.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and the series. I am looking forward to the next installment in the series and to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/08/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Perhaps you're right about the Starbase 117 map being kind of pointless. It was going to come into play in another scene that I eventually removed so I should probably remove that too. I will definitely look into correcting the errors you pointed out. Thank you!
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
It's true that it has to do a bit of "playing my Captain for me", putting large chunks of dialogue into her mouth that might or might not fit (every Foundry author prefers not to think about the possibility of Vulcans...), but that's the nature of the story - you couldn't really do it any other way, and I don't mind that myself, it's like reading a story about a character who's part of the story, rather than having to necessarily act like mine usually does.
Here are the notes I made as I went along, but they're all tiny things.
USS Longstreet, end of briefing: It's awkward about President Locke. According to STO's loading-screen trivia, the President of the Federation is Aennik Okeg from Sauria. Could Locke be somebody else? Also, the person who mentions him looks like Admiral Quinn, who is present, but is named as "Admiral John Chamberlain", who isn't.
Battle Bridge, after Hunter decides to send the Seawolf: "Duely noted" should be "Duly noted".
Nitpicking, but 10 ships doesn't actually equal 10,000 people even if they were all Odysseys; 5,000 is more like it. (Crew sizes in 2409 don't seem to have changed dramatically from the "430 people" that Kirk used to agonise about when things were going wrong.)
Battle Bridge #2, Captain's Log: That is just a teeny bit hammy, even for Star Trek.
"Something was suppressing the electrical current needed for his synapses to pass the neurons on to his brain's neurotransmitters": 9 out of 10 players wouldn't know this is gibberish, but all the same, it never hurts to do it properly. (Though science gibberish is a fine old Star Trek tradition.) "Something was suppressing the electrical current needed for his synapses to pass on neurotransmitters to his brain's cerebral cortex"? That works (depending on the detail of what it turned out happened).
Comms officer's report - "We're in the Imperon System, Captain in the Orion Sector": comma after "Captain".
The final "Imperon IV" map is simply wonderful. What are the map and the main items used? I want to steal them. Even if I have to make up a scene specially to fit them in :-)
Thanks for a really enjoyable mission. Now, how in the world are you going to get out of that? Well, we'll find out soon enough!
*SPOLIER DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVE NOT COMPLETED*
I did love the way you made abandon ship scene. This has been the first time I have seen that and you did a marvelous job. Cant wait for the next mission.
11.5/10
Thank you for the compliments! I'm glad you enjoyed playing it. I'm just now logging in for about the third time since The Sphere was released so I haven't been able to get Act III out as quickly as I wanted but work will be starting soon. I haven't even been in the Foundry for over two months since I took a break during the outage so I will definitely let you know about the map used for Imperon IV. Also, I will be correcting some of those issues you mentioned. Thank you again!
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Thank you! Very happy that you enjoyed it! I was hoping that the ending would be well-received!
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Imperon IV map was as follows:
Map: Rocky Clearing 01
Backdrop: Exterior Sky Night mist 01
The fire was created by placing three "Barrel - Klingon Ship S 01" with two "FX - Fire L 01" on top of them with corresponding black smoke. I then added three "FX - Firelight 01" right around the fire pointing outward so that the light illuminated the area. Then I added various crates as supply boxes. I wanted to have the Shuttlecrafts parked nearby but they create too much noise so I took them out since I wanted it to be eerily quiet. Hope that helps! Any other questions, let me know.
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Believe it or not, Uprising Act I and Act II are my first two missions I'm the Foundry. That's a big reason it takes me so long to make them. I am still learning. I feel like I haven't even scratched the surface of what can be done in the Foundry. I learned by experimenting and asking questions of Foundry authors. Mostly every author is willing to help you if you ask - and that makes it even more enjoyable.
As for props and things like that, if you notice in my missions, I have a lot of things in the maps. For me that solves two things.
1. Star Trek always had amazing sets and scenes. And I attribute that to attention to detail. I want my maps to look like something that is worthy of carrying the name Star Trek. So therefore I'll take an extra hour placing trees in a ground map even though they may never really be seen. In fact in the ground map of Mariana in Act I, one of the trees had buzzards flying over them. Did it add anything to the story? Not in the least bit, but it added to the environment and gave it what I thought was a better look. And other players appreciate lots of detail in environments. So my advice, take the time to create your own world and remember that minor details are not always minor.
2. Putting all kinds of things in environments allows me to experiment with different resources. I created a shuttlebay in a map that is completely out of the way to the storyline. A player would only travel there if he went exploring. But I felt like a shuttlebay in that particular spot would be good. So I put in a bunch of shuttlecraft props but discovered the shuttles sound like cars idling. A bunch of them in one room gets loud. So that's how I found out they're louder than I wanted on Imperon IV in Act II. So definitely take some time to play with different things. Even if the map you're working on doesn't need a "potted plant" or something, put it in and see how it looks. It'll allow you to visualize it and may spur future creativity. Make mental notes.
I don't pretend to know a lot about the Foundry yet. But I feel like I've come a long way from just starting out after just two missions. Remember that EVERYTHING has multiple uses. The limits are the limits of your imagination. Like in Act II where I made a campfire out of barrels and flames. Some people might not have thought to try it. So let your imagination run wild.
Hope that helps!
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo