A polite request to DS9 Traffic Control

jaimeson99

(Please note, this message has been translated from Klingon by an SF interpreter and has had all threats, promises of reigning vengeance down and discussions of paternity removed or modified for a human audience).

Msg from: Lieutenant General L'la - Fleet coordinator Q'onos, Honour Guard 1st Class.

Hi there Starfleet officers in charge of giving permission to dock at DS9.

As a Klingon, when I first visited DS9 as a junior officer I was rightly asked "not to cause any trouble" and was given rather short shrift by your traffic control personel. Rude would not be an unfair assessment of your customer service skills. Normally this would have lead to your ritual dis-embowlment, but the interests of The Empire precluded this.

At a later point in my career I was not only instrumental in repelling a Dominion invasion of the Alpha Quadrant but also in saving the lives of every individual on DS9 at no small risk to myself, my ship and my crew.

The next time I visited DS9 I at least expected some level of courtesy from your staff. Maybe a small "thankyou for saving my family's lives". Perhaps some sort of recognition of the fact you would be currently floating in deep space like a rather messy explosively decompressed human popsicle if not for the actions of myself and my heroic crew.

On arrival at DS9 what was the welcome I recieved? "If you must dock, dont cause any trouble you Klingon scum".

I must recommend that the station commander remedies this before my next visit or the Starfleet personel who were saved by me quite recently will find their insides adorning your docking ring as a cheap alternative to bunting to welcome my heroic crew*.

Thankyou!**

Lt.Gen L'la.

* Please note, on translation this section was vastly toned down from the original message. Two translators are still in counselling after having read the message as it was originally written.

** I chose to interpret the torrent of invective that closed this message as "Thankyou!" out of sensitivity for the (possibly soon to be deceased) crew of DS9.

danielpenfold

jaimeson99 wrote: »

(Please note, this message has been translated from Klingon by an SF interpreter and has had all threats, promises of reigning vengeance down and discussions of paternity removed or modified for a human audience).

Msg from: Lieutenant General L'la - Fleet coordinator Q'onos, Honour Guard 1st Class.

Hi there Starfleet officers in charge of giving permission to dock at DS9.

As a Klingon, when I first visited DS9 as a junior officer I was rightly asked "not to cause any trouble" and was given rather short shrift by your traffic control personel. Rude would not be an unfair assessment of your customer service skills. Normally this would have lead to your ritual dis-embowlment, but the interests of The Empire precluded this.

At a later point in my career I was not only instrumental in repelling a Dominion invasion of the Alpha Quadrant but also in saving the lives of every individual on DS9 at no small risk to myself, my ship and my crew.

The next time I visited DS9 I at least expected some level of courtesy from your staff. Maybe a small "thankyou for saving my family's lives". Perhaps some sort of recognition of the fact you would be currently floating in deep space like a rather messy explosively decompressed human popsicle if not for the actions of myself and my heroic crew.

On arrival at DS9 what was the welcome I recieved? "If you must dock, dont cause any trouble you Klingon scum".

I must recommend that the station commander remedies this before my next visit or the Starfleet personel who were saved by me quite recently will find their insides adorning your docking ring as a cheap alternative to bunting to welcome my heroic crew*.

Thankyou!**

Lt.Gen L'la.

* Please note, on translation this section was vastly toned down from the original message. Two translators are still in counselling after having read the message as it was originally written.

** I chose to interpret the torrent of invective that closed this message as "Thankyou!" out of sensitivity for the (possibly soon to be deceased) crew of DS9.

That's cool

azurianstar

I agree. The Traffic Control Officer isn't very friendly to visiting dignitaries of the Empire.

malkarris

Here here.

Also, why do they always assume I have not been invited by Admirla D'Vak. Of course I have been invited by Admiral D'Vak, why else would I be hailing your puny station for docking clearance instead of ordering my fighters to straf it?

naevius

Proper etiquette is write your reply on a torpedo and send it to them via express tube.

altechachan

naevius wrote: »

Proper etiquette is write your reply on a torpedo and send it to them via express tube.

As clearly shown by Dr. McCoy and Mr. Spock in the final battle of Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country?

equinox976

This is infact the correct way to speak to Klingons. To show any fear (or even politeness) would result in them attempting to take over the station.


...I am suspicious of your true origins as Klingon, if your crew heard of these 'human-like' complaints, they would no doubt assassinate you at the first opportunity!

jestersage

Nah, you already know how to send a message - you did that in the beginning of your career when you sent your message on your BoP in a torpedo. Did working with the Feds made to senile, warrior?

skyranger1414

TH KDF should use a freighter hidden in a nebula cloud or something instead of having access to DS9 at all.

heimdallw32

You'd think the Empire wouldn't care if someone 'greeted them harshly'. I mean isn't that the only way Klingons know how to greet one another? Being all "Why are you so rude to me" seems more like Starfleet's gig.

turbomagnus

If I remember my Klingon culture right, snapping "What do you want?" is a more-than-acceptable reply to a greeting. Therefore, while I do agree that the assumption about visiting D'Vak is annoying, the implied threat of "Don't cause any trouble" is about right.

azurianstar

equinox976 wrote: »

This is infact the correct way to speak to Klingons. To show any fear (or even politeness) would result in them attempting to take over the station.

heimdallw32 wrote: »

You'd think the Empire wouldn't care if someone 'greeted them harshly'. I mean isn't that the only way Klingons know how to greet one another? Being all "Why are you so rude to me" seems more like Starfleet's gig.

turbomagnus wrote: »

If I remember my Klingon culture right, snapping "What do you want?" is a more-than-acceptable reply to a greeting. Therefore, while I do agree that the assumption about visiting D'Vak is annoying, the implied threat of "Don't cause any trouble" is about right.

You all misunderstand Klingon culture, to tell them "don't start trouble" is implying they would conduct dishonorable acts, which is insulting. Especially since your Klingon character is there as an ambassador / diplomat and representative of the Klingon Empire.

So yes, you can talk tough to them, just don't go insulting their honor.

angrytarg

azurianstar wrote: »

You all misunderstand Klingon culture, to tell them "don't start trouble" is implying they would conduct dishonorable acts, which is insulting. Especially since your Klingon character is there as an ambassador / diplomat and representative of the Klingon Empire.

So yes, you can talk tough to them, just don't go insulting their honor.

I was thinking that as well. This game and in consequence many players treat Klingons like clich? mongolian norsemen from italian 80s barbarian movies or some kind of space orcs.

That aside, the OP is a hilarious good read

fmgtorres1979

Oh come on...a true warrior laughs at the feeble remarks and welcomes a speech that does not bow down or hides in kind words.

Qapla'

smoovious

I think an appropriate reply to the klingon's message (translated of course) would be "Suck it up, princess..."

-- Smoov