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Tales from the JJ-Verse

squatsaucesquatsauce Member Posts: 0 Arc User
edited May 2013 in Ten Forward
I have decided to write a set of short tales about how Khas' and his crew would be be potrayed in the JJ-Verse. They are VERY short and profoundly stupid! They probably can't ride rollercoasters. Feel free to enjoy (or not, I cannot make you) or add some short tales about your own captain.

As a side note: Khas and the USS Shimmering are totally in the game. Just holler at @ambigue for a look at the ship and the crew mentioned in these horrible stories.

Tale I: Vengeance Fandango

Khas ducked, barely avoiding the enormous fist of the Gorn Death Dealer. Khas didn't have much time, the blood of Lord Khan Wolfcry was already pumping in his veins. If he couldn't get the Organians to give him the cure for his mega-lycanthropy, he would spend the rest of eternity as a hairy, but marginally less depressed howling monster. But first, to deal with this Gorn Vampire.

Thinking quickly, Khas raised his chitin-covered head up high, catching the planet's weak sunlight and splitting it into a hundred blinding lens-flares. The Gorn stumbled and covered its eyes with it's trenchcoat. Pulling his locally-sourced, zero-emissions bamboo gun from his own trenchcoat, Khas aimed it at the flailing Gorn.

"Suck on this!" Khas quipped as he pulled the trigger. From some unknown location, the souds of pounding dub-step music filled the air.

Tale II: The Illest Wind

The phaser-bike howled through space, it's thrumming engines causing the nearby space-dock workers to try and cover their ears. Unfortunately, their space helmets got in the way and they simply had to suffer as Khas screamed into the shuttle bay of his vessel, the USS Shimmering.

His first officer, a sexy twenty-something Trill woman smiled coyly at him as he pulled his own helmet off his head. For a moment, the visor caught the overhead lighting and filled the shuttle bay with scintiliating lens-flares, but the woman was used to it. Tarayl had grown up working in her father's Lens-Flare Repair shop, afterall.

"Khas..." She blushed and stammered "I mean...Captain. Starfleet reports the Klingons are attacking the Federation border. They want us to join the fleet."

Khas gave her a smouldering look. "How many Klingons are attacking?"

Tarayl blanched and then gave him an intense look, perhaps of longing. "All of the Klingons."

Within moments the Shimmering's massive engines had roared to life, sending the space dock repair crews scattering for cover. As it cleared the space dock, the Shimmering's nose angled upward, the enter vessel popping just a wicked wheelie as it shot into warp, the lingering strains of The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again" still filling nearby space.

Tale III: The Captain's Fall

Khas grunted in pain and wrapped his arms around himself. Nearby, the bridge crew of the USS Shimmering gasped and turned from their duty stations. R'ath, Khas' attractive, twenty-something Reman science officer arched a carefully groomed brow. "Is it the blood of Lord Khan Wolfcry, again Captain?"

Khas uncurled himself slightly and gave R'ath an intense look. As he did so, hair started to sprout around his eyes. "Yes. And the blood of the Gorn vampire as well. I am becoming something...other." Tarayl gasped and Simon Pegg uttered some sort of ethnic Scottish guy curse.

"It is true. My ability to command has been compromised. Computer, beam the Wicked Ride to the bridge along with my Tunnelsnakes jacket. Tarayl, you have command."

Tarayl, overwhelmed by attraction, threw her arms around her beloved horrible spider-man captain. "Oh, Captain. What will you do?"

Khas pushed her away, demonstrating both his phyisical dominance and emotional detachment. He slid on his jacket and straddled his phaser-bike. "I am your captain no longer. Now...I am Lord Wolfcry."

R'ath took a tentative step toward Khas and looked down at his own feet. "I love you, captain."

Khas put on his space-shades and nodded. "I know." And, with that, he gunned the engine, popped a wicked wheelie and smashed through the view screen.

Engine roaring, he sped down the saucer section and into open space, Alice in Chains "Them Bones" blaring from the ship's sound system.

The end...OR IS IT????
Post edited by squatsauce on


  • sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    The JJverse - Where Everything Is So Awesome It Doesn't Need to Make Sense. :cool:

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
  • seanaldusmagnusseanaldusmagnus Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Uh-oh, you said JJ-verse. I hear a crapstorm brewing...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Peace Through Tyranny
  • ironwolfiicironwolfiic Member Posts: 3 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Far too restrained. I want to see a much more vibrant and thrilling action story, not some boring romance subplots.
  • baudlbaudl Member Posts: 4,016 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    jj-verse is more action driven...this is dawsons creek in space
    Go pro or go home
  • squatsaucesquatsauce Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    There are no romance sub-plots. Khas is just so awesome and good-looking that everyone loves him, obviously. He's too busy putting the bug-mac on new alien women every week to bother with romance.

    You really should have read the 9-volume background series that brings us up to this point if you're gonna make such comments. Some people!
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