I have decided to write a set of short tales about how Khas' and his crew would be be potrayed in the JJ-Verse. They are VERY short and profoundly stupid! They probably can't ride rollercoasters. Feel free to enjoy (or not, I cannot make you) or add some short tales about your own captain.
As a side note: Khas and the USS Shimmering are totally in the game. Just holler at @ambigue
for a look at the ship and the crew mentioned in these horrible stories.Tale I: Vengeance Fandango
Khas ducked, barely avoiding the enormous fist of the Gorn Death Dealer. Khas didn't have much time, the blood of Lord Khan Wolfcry was already pumping in his veins. If he couldn't get the Organians to give him the cure for his mega-lycanthropy, he would spend the rest of eternity as a hairy, but marginally less depressed howling monster. But first, to deal with this Gorn Vampire.
Thinking quickly, Khas raised his chitin-covered head up high, catching the planet's weak sunlight and splitting it into a hundred blinding lens-flares. The Gorn stumbled and covered its eyes with it's trenchcoat. Pulling his locally-sourced, zero-emissions bamboo gun from his own trenchcoat, Khas aimed it at the flailing Gorn.
"Suck on this!" Khas quipped as he pulled the trigger. From some unknown location, the souds of pounding dub-step music filled the air.Tale II: The Illest Wind
The phaser-bike howled through space, it's thrumming engines causing the nearby space-dock workers to try and cover their ears. Unfortunately, their space helmets got in the way and they simply had to suffer as Khas screamed into the shuttle bay of his vessel, the USS Shimmering
His first officer, a sexy twenty-something Trill woman smiled coyly at him as he pulled his own helmet off his head. For a moment, the visor caught the overhead lighting and filled the shuttle bay with scintiliating lens-flares, but the woman was used to it. Tarayl had grown up working in her father's Lens-Flare Repair shop, afterall.
"Khas..." She blushed and stammered "I mean...Captain. Starfleet reports the Klingons are attacking the Federation border. They want us to join the fleet."
Khas gave her a smouldering look. "How many Klingons are attacking?"
Tarayl blanched and then gave him an intense look, perhaps of longing. "All of the Klingons."
Within moments the Shimmering's
massive engines had roared to life, sending the space dock repair crews scattering for cover. As it cleared the space dock, the Shimmering's
nose angled upward, the enter vessel popping just a wicked wheelie as it shot into warp, the lingering strains of The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again" still filling nearby space.Tale III: The Captain's Fall
Khas grunted in pain and wrapped his arms around himself. Nearby, the bridge crew of the USS Shimmering
gasped and turned from their duty stations. R'ath, Khas' attractive, twenty-something Reman science officer arched a carefully groomed brow. "Is it the blood of Lord Khan Wolfcry, again Captain?"
Khas uncurled himself slightly and gave R'ath an intense look. As he did so, hair started to sprout around his eyes. "Yes. And the blood of the Gorn vampire as well. I am becoming something...other." Tarayl gasped and Simon Pegg uttered some sort of ethnic Scottish guy curse.
"It is true. My ability to command has been compromised. Computer, beam the Wicked Ride to the bridge along with my Tunnelsnakes jacket. Tarayl, you have command."
Tarayl, overwhelmed by attraction, threw her arms around her beloved horrible spider-man captain. "Oh, Captain. What will you do?"
Khas pushed her away, demonstrating both his phyisical dominance and emotional detachment. He slid on his jacket and straddled his phaser-bike. "I am your captain no longer. Now...I am Lord Wolfcry."
R'ath took a tentative step toward Khas and looked down at his own feet. "I love you, captain."
Khas put on his space-shades and nodded. "I know." And, with that, he gunned the engine, popped a wicked wheelie and smashed through the view screen.
Engine roaring, he sped down the saucer section and into open space, Alice in Chains "Them Bones" blaring from the ship's sound system.
The end...OR IS IT????