Torg's Treason

uncle2fire · May 2013

I published my first mission a few months ago, and it has so far gotten nine 4-star reviews. I have taken all the suggestions I have gotten and done my best to incorporate them into my mission. I have finally finished with that and am now interested in what people think of the newer product.

I am still very interested in any constructive criticisms, suggestions or ideas you might have to improve it, so please let me know!

Torg's Treason is a Fed mission for levels 16+

Thanks so much for playing!

evil70th · July 2013

uncle2fire wrote: »

Mission Name: Torg's Treason
Author: uncle2fire
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HENPNLRSY
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes

Hello there Brian, my name is Bryan :P Anywho, I published this mission a couple of weeks ago and got some feedback and updated things accordingly, so now I'm looking for some more opinions. Yours would be nice, especially because yours are so thorough This is my first mission, so I'd like to know how I can improve overall as well as the specific mission. For example, my story-telling, dialogue style, pacing, character design, etc. as well as anything about this specific mission.

Thanks a ton!

Thol Komihntra

Federation Mission - Torg's Treason
Author: uncle2fire
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HENPNLRSY

Report Start

Summary: This is a good combat oriented mission with good map design, several very tough battles, and well written story dialogue. The mission dialogue takes the player through each map from battle to battle, gathering information as you go. At the end of the mission it lives up to the title with the betrayal of the Klingons by one of their own and the aid of a valiant Federation captain in the restoration of Klingon Honor. I would recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level.

I mentioned the puzzle in this mission. This part of the critique is not completely aimed at you the author but at all authors who like using puzzles in their missions. The puzzle in this mission, like so many others I have played, did not seem to really be needed as part of the story line. As I recommended below I liked the fact that you provided a "skip" option albeit after the player had attempted it at least once. I would suggest placing that option at the start of the puzzle. It would give the player the option to skip over and continue the mission. I understand that some players may like solving puzzles but it does absolutely nothing for me as I go through a mission except stop the flow of it. I do not play these missions so I can do math problems. If I wanted to do that I would not be trying to duck math classes as I go for my degree.

The short answer here is for all authors who want to use puzzles in your missions you should provide the skip feature same as many do with dialogue, including myself. We give the player the option to skip the majority of the dialogue and receive a summary of information needed to proceed. The puzzles should be handled the same way.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description but you may want to cut down on the details about what you updated in the mission and add more of the story. The description should be used to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial task is good but consider adding the sector block to make it easier for the player to find where the first custom map starts.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the Entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Ponor System: This is a good map design with a good battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Research Station: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I like the fact that you gave the player the option to skip the puzzle after the first attempt; however I think you should give the player the option to skip it from the start. I will cover this in more detail in my summary above.

Deep Space: This is a simple but good map design with very tough battles and a little story dialogue to move the mission forward. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-If you are going to place multiple enemy mobs on a map for the player to defeat consider moving them further apart to allow the player to use tactics to engage each enemy unit.

Aido System: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The house of Martok Cruiser does not survive the second wave of the attack but Hol'eQ still talks to the player at the end of the final battle.
-Consider spreading out the enemy mobs to give the player a better chance to use tactics to defeat the enemy.
-In the first dialogue following the second wave of attack the enemy is named Horath, but in the second dialogue window he is named Korath as he was in the initial dialogue before the battles started.

End Report

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 07/28/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.

Torg's Treason

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