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"Clean Sweep" by RogueEnterprise
rogueeenterprise
Member Posts: 299 Arc User
Hello all,
I'm happy to announce that I have a new mission that is out now on Holodeck!
This is a mission that heavily touchstones on the TNG episode "Starship Mine" and is a bit more combat focused than most of my other missions. I'd appreciate any feedback you have!
Trailer link! Heavy props to Capt.PFDennis for his work on it.
http://youtu.be/aZgzFL8q3Hw
"Clean Sweep"
Fed, Any Level
ST-HMHPVPQP5
Est. Length: 45 mins?
Start Location: Servin system in Regulus Sector
Teaser:
Behrens Station, one of the largest starship maintenance facilities servicing Starfleet vessels heading to and from the Klingon front, requires your aid providing cover for a task force that will soon be receiving passes by the station's Baryon sweep arrays.
Report to the station and ensure that all ships complete their Baryon particle purging without any interference from the Klingons or other hostile forces.
I'm happy to announce that I have a new mission that is out now on Holodeck!
This is a mission that heavily touchstones on the TNG episode "Starship Mine" and is a bit more combat focused than most of my other missions. I'd appreciate any feedback you have!
Trailer link! Heavy props to Capt.PFDennis for his work on it.
http://youtu.be/aZgzFL8q3Hw
"Clean Sweep"
Fed, Any Level
ST-HMHPVPQP5
Est. Length: 45 mins?
Start Location: Servin system in Regulus Sector
Teaser:
Behrens Station, one of the largest starship maintenance facilities servicing Starfleet vessels heading to and from the Klingon front, requires your aid providing cover for a task force that will soon be receiving passes by the station's Baryon sweep arrays.
Report to the station and ensure that all ships complete their Baryon particle purging without any interference from the Klingons or other hostile forces.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
Federation Mission - Clean Sweep
Author: rogueeenterprise
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMHPVPQP5
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough battles and excellent story dialogue. Some of the maps have a few issues here and there but nothing too distracting. The story is pretty solid and I liked having to make some tough choices on some of the maps. A Captain's reasons are their own.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Behrens Station: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Behrens Station - Command Center: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The chat text from some of the characters repeats so rapidly it becomes annoying and distracting. Consider reducing it or removing it.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue that goes away after the player interacts or is removed when the player reaches or completes a certain objective.
-The PADD is sitting slightly above the bench and looks a little odd. Consider tweaking the height to be closer to the bench.
-This is not an issue but more of a side note to make it a little easier. In my 24 years of U.S. Naval service rank abbreviations come in handy when writing information. For example Lt. Cdr. Pauline Dennis could be written LCDR Pauline Dennis. If it were a commander it could be written CDR and so on.
U.S.S. Rigor Deck 22: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I liked having to make a tough choice on how to deal with sickbay and the science lab. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I could hear birds in the background. I suspect that is from the base map you chose. I am not sure you can get rid of it by selecting another background setting, but I thought it was worth noting.
-The BOFFs had issues with most of the doors but eventually made it through them.
-Science Officer dialogue; consider changing "What if we jerryrigged some power cells" to read "What if we jerry-rigged sine power cells".
-The EPS console in the hall is sunk into the deck. Consider tweaking it a little to raise it a little more so it looks like it is on the deck vice in it.
U.S.S. Rigor Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the Jeffries tube material a lighter color. That would match the bulkhead material a little better.
-The door you are using to block the doorway on the far side of the cargo transporter room looks odd. I know you are trying to prevent the player from flanking the enemy forces but consider centering the door a little more or use another method to block the way.
Retaking the Command Center: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. Again I liked having to make a choice on strategy. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Behrens Station - Final Confrontation: This is a great map design with several tough battles. I would not want to try this map on Elite as it was hard enough on Normal. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/21/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
http://youtu.be/aZgzFL8q3Hw
I enjoyed the mission and that is a great trailer...
Brian
at the moment the speech bubbles appear twice, and the top one flickers and its a little annoying. hopefully cryptic will fix that, but by switching to legacy contacts you can adjust the details as before
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Can't play with it until after the editor is re-enabled.
Another question, I remember Captain Niemys ship to be a Sovereign but in this mission she has an Excelsior refit. If you want to give her a new ship that is fine with me, but some explanation on why her ship is different now than in your previous mission would be nice.
Yeah, sorry, looks like the bug is still there.
Also, yes, in War and Q she's in a Sov. That's actually a continuity problem I intend on fixing when the editor's back up!
Spoiler:
The only thing I do not quite understand is why Niemy choose to follow the traitor when the station was still under attack. Another thing not fully explained are the traitors and the reasons for their actions. (perhaps an idea for another mission?:) )
Great mission anyway and I would have given if it 5.:D
For your first point, I might be able to tweak this so it is explained more during the mission. The general concept is that your ship is defending the station with Niemy's ship until the station is overrun and the traitor beams away, at which point your ship continues to defend while Niemy pursues the escapee (potentially to curb further intel leaks supplied by that officer).
As far as why they do what they did... I originally planned to include this but it just seemed a little unwieldy to include in the plot of the mission so I abbreviated it. Maybe it needs an eventual follow up...