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"Salvaged" by Tom_Riker01

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
*** Moved this to the appropriate forum.
CapnBludd wrote: »
I had the pleasure of just playing this mission and want to encourage others to enjoy it tool. It was a great example of crew interaction and a good story as well.:) Nice job Tom.

Thanks, Capn for the positive feedback. Hope everyone enjoys it.

Intro: The Romulans are returning a derelict starship to the Federation. Starfleet Command has dispatched you to accept custody of the mysterious vessel. (Story-based, some ground and space combat.)

Also, any feedback is always appreciated.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited November 2011
    Intro: The Romulans are returning a derelict starship to the Federation. Starfleet Command has dispatched you to accept custody of the mysterious vessel. (Story-based, some ground and space combat.)

    Also, any feedback is always appreciated.

    Federation Mission: Salvaged
    Author: tom_riker01
    Allegiance: Federation
    Mission ID: ST-HO89USKUI


    Report Start


    Summary: This is an outstanding mission. The dialog is excellent and the map design is really well done. The battles are good and the effects are executed really well. The story twists and turns served to draw me deeper into the story. I would definitely recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story mixed in with an investigation and some battles as well.

    I would recommend adding a "Skip dialog" button to each of the lengthy dialog in your story. You can create a "Skip dialog" button that then leads to a summary window of what the player needs to continue the mission. I’m not sure if you get very many if any comments like, "too much dialog" or something like that. I had a few on my missions before I added the "Skip dialog" button.

    Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

    Mission Description: Good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
    -Consider making the note stand out by choosing [OOC] dialog for the note.

    Grant Mission Dialog: The grant mission dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
    -Consider changing some of the response buttons towards the end of the dialog from "Continue" to something that the CO of the ship might interject to drive the dialog.

    Mission Task: The mission start point is very clearly detailed.

    Mission Entry Prompt: Nice simple dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

    MAPS:
    Fitzan: The map design is nice and simple. The dialog is very detailed and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

    Grimsby_bridge: This story dialog is outstanding. The map design is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

    Grimsby2: This is a great map design. The dialog is good and the battles with the infestation are an interesting diversion to break up the investigation. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Initial dialog regarding spiders; consider changing "energy and injests wiring" to read "energy and ingest wiring".
    -Response to "Interesting lifeform" dialog; "Grimsby must had a few spiders" to read "Grimsby must have had a few spiders". Additionally in the response button consider changing "lifeform" to read "life form".
    -Consider having the away team return to the tubolift for the next map transfer.

    Cargo bays: The map design and investigation dialog are really well done. The battles with the spider infestation are again an interesting diversion to keep things interesting. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Post “transporter log scan” dialog; consider changing "the generator and the transpoter" to read "generator and the transporter".
    -Post "examine cargo" dialog; consider changing "circuits and de gauss the" to read "circuits and degauss the".
    -Post "rewire generator" dialog; consider changing "damage and the transpoter appears" to read "damage and the transporter appears".
    -Post Romulan defector dialog; consider changing "incoming romulan vessels" to read "incoming Romulan vessels".

    Fitzan System: This is a really good map and the battles were tough but not impossible. The story dialog is well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -initial dialog; consider changing "but the other romulans are" to read "but the other Romulans are".
    -Post battle Valar dialog; consider changing Empire who are adamently opposed" to read "Empire who are adamantly opposed".
    -Consider changing "don't hold their distateful actions" to read "don't hold their distasteful actions".

    Starbase 35: This is a very good map design. The story dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

    Transporter Room: The story dialog is excellent and a great wrap up to the story as a whole. The map design is well done and the effects are well designed. . I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Speak with Admiral dialog; consider changing "Several romulan vessels" to read "Several Romulan vessels".
    -Explain to the Admiral dialog; consider changing "group of romulans intent" to read "group of Romulans intent".
    -Consider changing "our romulan defector" to read "our Romulan defector".


    End Report


    Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to playing and reviewing more of your missions.
    Brian

    This critique report also filed 11/10/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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