Qwark KDF Infiltrate ESD

System

Greetings all..

I would appreciate the developers and community of KDF players to check this mission. It is a cool story line and the potential for polishing it up is remarkable.

MISSION DETAILS:

Last Update: 2 Nov 2011
This Update: 30 Nov 2011


Mission Name: (Qwark KDF Infiltrate Earth Space Dock)
Author: (@Jasper22)
Minimum Level: (All Levels or above)
Allegiance: (Federation)
ST-(Mission ID Number)
Estimated Mission Length: (45-60 minutes)
Contains: Story line, Ground and Space Combat.

Your mission is to infiltrate Earth Space Dock. The heart and soul of the Federation. You have been chosen for this most dangerous mission because you have proven to be the best in the Empire.There is a threat that may turn the tide of the war in the Federations favor. Determine what this threat is.

TECHNICAL INFORMATION:
I have remastered parts of this mission and believe it flows better and more interesting dialog and a few tricks.

AUTHOR COMMENTS:
The mission has been reviewed by Evil70th and has been an extensive report. I appreciate the time he spent playing and reviewing. I have instituted the recommendations that he suggested. Ty Evil for that . I hope you will try the mission again.

Thanks for reading.


Enjoy

Qwark

Archived Post

Jasper22 wrote:

Qwark KDF Infiltrate ESD

Contains: Story line, Ground and Space Combat.

Your mission is to infiltrate Earth Space Dock. The heart and soul of the Federation. You have been chosen for this most dangerous mission because you have proven to be the best in the Empire.There is a threat that may turn the tide of the war in the Federations favor. Determine what this threat is.

Klingon Mission - Qwark KDF Infiltrate ESD
Author: Jasper22
Allegiance: Klingon
Mission ID:

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Report Start

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Summary: This mission is a good mission. Your map design is really good. The battles are pretty tough most of the way through the mission but not impossible to beat. The story dialog is pretty well written and only needs a little tweaking. Don’t take this the wrong way. I still recommend this mission to any Klingon player who loves the sting of battle and a good story but not an overwhelming one. Despite the number of notes I made it still is a good mission. It shows you put effort into the design and didn’t just throw a bunch of battles together and call it a mission.

Instead noting each "Continue" response buttons below I thought I’d address it here. While the use may be appropriate in some aspects of the dialog many others it seems awkward. For example if the Tactical officer makes a report of something the "Continue" button should be changed to a response appropriate from the Captain of the ship regarding that dialog or adding to the follow on dialog. This is something for you to consider but by no means is it a show stopper.

Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description.

Grant Mission Dialog: Nice short grant mission dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank] You are to report to Worf at the Main Hall at First City in Qo'nos for mission assignment" to read "[Rank]. You are to report to Worf in the Main Hall of the First City on Qo'noS for a special mission assignment. The Empire needs you".
-Consider adding a specific [MissionInfo] to the dialog indicating on where the player needs to go first.

Mission Task: You need to add the start location for the mission. When speaking with a NPC on a Cryptic map you should indicate the location as well. For example; "Speak to Worf in Main Hall, First City".
-The meeting with Worf and his dialog doesn't seem to be needed to drive the mission forward. Consider adding more in-depth dialog with him regarding the specifics of the mission or remove him from the mission.
-Even though you mention the start location in the dialog with Worf you should add it to the Mission Task.
-The second mission task; consider changing "Transpert to Ship and Warp to Encrypted Mission" to read "Use Transport Console, First City to receive encrypted mission data".

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good detailed prompt. It further makes the previous meeting with Worf unnecessary. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Federation Outpost Ground: The map design is outstanding. The battles are tough but not impossible when using good tactics. Use the cover provided. The story dialog is good. I noted several items to consider changing:
-Computer Hologram task; the tent opening is facing a rock and can't be accessed. You are able to get up close to the back of the tent and a "Talk to UGC Contact" prompt appears. The "UGC Contact" is the default name of interact objects and NPC Contacts in the Foundry when they have not been named.
-Hologram "Hobus Shipyard" dialog; consider changing "The Romulan has allowed the Federation use of the Hobus System where once the Romulan home world was located until it exploded" to read "The Romulan’s have allowed the Federation the use of the Hobus system where the star exploded. That explosion destroyed the Romulan home world located in the Romulus System".
-Hologram "Dilithium Mining Facility" dialog; consider changing "This Planet has the highest Deposits of Dilithium ever discovered" to read "This planet has the highest concentration of Dilithium deposits ever discovered".
-Consider changing "But it does show several deposits for thousands of feet down" to read "But it does indicate that the deposits run several thousand feet down.
-Post Hologram dialog; consider changing "[Rank], There are" to read "[Rank], there are".
-The Dilithium crate beam up; consider changing the task from "Dilithium Crates" to "Tag Dilithium Crates for beam up". Change the player interacts to "Kneeling" vice "Beam out".
-The post "Dilithium Crates" and "Camp 2 Encounter" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], I scan a structure to the north,I can not locate the exact location" to read "[Rank], I am picking up a structure to the north, but I cannot get an exact location".
-The "Camp 3 Encounter" is actually located to the West-Northwest on the map.
-After the last battle consider adding an additional dialog from the away team Tactical officer saying "That appears to be the last of them. We should get to the facility directly ahead". The response button for that could be "Let's go" or something along those lines.

Federation Outpost Facility: The map design is very well done. The battles are tough but not impossible when using good tactics. The story dialog is really good. I noted several items to consider changing:
-Post "Access Communications Terminal" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], Communications has been disabled" to read "[Rank], communications have been disabled".
-Did you mean "Investigate Computer Core" vice "Isolate Computer Core" for the task and dialog?
-The "Romulan Conflict" dialog; consider changing the entire dialog to read "There is a conflict between the Tal Shiar and the Romulan Senate of the treaty allowing the Federation to build a ship yard in the Hobus system."
-The "Starfleet Mission Logs" dialog; consider changing "Data also staties that the ship is constructing 3 more of these ships" to read "There are currently 3 additional ships of this class under construction at the Hobus facility".
-Post "Scan Computer Console" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], We have acquired all the information contained in the outpost Data Banks and have transmitted them to the High Concil" to read "[Rank], we have downloaded all the information in the outpost data banks and transmitted them to the High Council".
-Post "Awaiting Orders" dialog; consider changing "[Rank] [Lastname], We are receiving a transmission from the High Concil, transmitting to you now" to read "[Rank] [Lastname], we are receiving a transmission from the High Council, patching it to you now".
-High Council dialog; consider changing "[Rank], [Lastname] We have examined" to read "[Rank] [Lastname], we have examined".
-Consider changing "and report back to the High Concil with your findings" to read "and report back to the High Council with your findings".

Sol System Entry: This map is outstanding and the battles are great. The dialog is good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Beam to ESD" task says "eam to ESD" in the mission task window.
-The map transition dialog; consider changing "[Rank], Scans show" to read "[Rank], scans show".
-Consider changing "It appears the starfleet compliment" to read "It appears the Starfleet compliment".

Earth Space Dock: This map is really well designed and the battles are tough but not impossible. The story dialog is well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post "Access Data Console" dialog; consider changing "transmited it to the High Concil for" to read "transmitted it to the High Council for".
-High Council dialog; consider changing "we can not be intimadated" to read "we cannot be intimidated".

ESD Generator Facility: The map design and battles are very well done. The story dialog is good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The “Spatial Charge” 1 and 2 task interact animation effect is "Beam up". Consider changing to a kneeling interaction and then make a spatial charge object appear.
-The map transition dialog; consider changing "[Rank] We are cloaked" to read "[Rank], we are cloaked".
-Consider changing "On your order we will send the detonation command to the satellite when you transport back to the ship" to read "We will detonate the charges when you transport back to the ship".

Sol System Exit: This is a good simple map and the station debris was very well done. The dialog was good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Hobus Space Entry: This is a great map with a good battle. The dialog was well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Jupiter Dreadnought: The map design is excellent. The battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is very well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post "Federation Squad" battle dialog; consider removing the "Scan Crates" at the top of the dialog.
-Post second "Scan Storage Crate" task dialog; consider changing "[Rank], In scanning these terminals" to read [Rank], in scanning these terminals".
-Post "Upload Data" task dialog; consider changing "[Rank], The Data has been" to read [Rank], the data has been".

Dreadnought Bridge: This map is excellent. The fighting is very tough but not impossible to beat. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Hobus Space Exit: The map design is very well done and the battles are glorious. The dialog is good. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Go back through the dialog from the Federation NPC for this map. The dialog feels a little clunky for a Federation character. I never thought I’d write this but it sounded more Klingon rather than Federation.

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End Report

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. We have so few Klingon missions out here and it is good to see them.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/14/2011 on forum posting for: [URL=" http://forums.startrekonline.com/showthread.php?t=236755&referrerid=312767"]In depth mission reports upon request[/URL].