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The Phoenix of Bavar
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I currently have a three part series called Class Dismissed Parts 1-3 for Fed on Holodeck, as well as a brand new mission, The Phoenix of Bavar- Part I. I'm nearly done with the second part and will publish soon. All the information on the missions is in my signature below. Thanks and enjoy.:)
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Author: Capt.PFDennis
Allegiance: Federation
ST - HSZA4B4IB
Report Start
Summary: I want to start off by saying this was a great story with some of the best map design and dialog I have seen. It is a little long but the story is very engaging and the well written dialog carries you through the mission. I have only one suggestion on the dialog. You may want to consider adding a skip dialog button which takes them to a summary of what the longer dialog takes them too. Some players are impatient, dont like dialog and will hit you for the long dialog despite your warning in the mission description. I did this in two of my recent missions I designed and folks seemed to like the option.
So with that said I would like to reiterate how much I enjoyed your missions. The story was very engaging and well written. For me the story is more important than just flying or running around blowing stuff up. That is fun too but not nearly as important to me. Great job and thanks for authoring.
Mission Description: Clear and to the point. Authors notes were very clear as well.
Grant Mission Dialog: Very detailed and well done.
Mission Task: Very clear and understand it is limited to the first custom map text.
Mission Entry Prompt: Good prompt.
MAPS:
Berengaria: The design of the planetary system is excellent. The clouds coming from around the planet look fantastic. The dialog was very well done. Good story.
Ship Interior: Good design and story dialog.
- Perhaps add some crew working within the passageways.
Black Cluster: Great map design and excellent story dialog.
Targola (Beta Herculis): Good map design and story dialog.
Ready Room: Good story dialog.
Targola System (Beta Herculis) #2: Good balanced battles and story dialog was well done.
Lubinus Base: The story dialog was well written and executed.
Targol (Beta Herculis) #3: Good design and story dialog.
Lubinus Base #2: Great story and map design. Mission task, Conyinue should read Continue
End Report
Thanks again for authoring. You did a great job and I look forward to playing part 2 and 3.
Brian
Author: Capt.PFDennis
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HUMA8LBGG
Report Start
Summary: Again I want to start off by saying this was a great story with some of the best map design and dialog I have seen. As with part 1 it is a little long but the story is very engaging and the well written dialog makes the mission worth the time. Again I want you to consider adding a skip dialog button which takes them to a summary of what the longer dialog takes them too. You dont have to but it might help some of the less patient players.
Great job and thanks for authoring.
Mission Description: Good description and notes.
Grant Mission Dialog: Very clear and concise.
Mission Task: Good clear tasking which is tied to the map text for the first custom map. This is a limitation of the Foundry.
Mission Entry Prompt: The supplemental log entry as the entry prompt is a very nice touch.
MAPS:
Lubinus Base: Good dialog to bring the player back into the mission.
Targol (Beta Herculis): Nice battle and good story dialog. Mission tasks clear and well defined.
Ready Room: Good story dialog.
Targol (Beta Herculis) #2: Good balanced battles. I would suggest moving the spawn point closer to the actual fight location. It seemed a little excessively distant. Great story dialog.
Lubinus Base #2: Good story dialog. Here are just a few things.
- Talking to Clybin button reads That , we have to work out The , has a space on each side of it.
-Speaking with Brone; the dialog that is supposed to be my character is not OOC as the others were.
Targol (Beta Herculis) #3: Good story dialog and good battles.
- The last dialog button with Clybin, check the spacing between the period and Standby.
Lubinus Base #3: Great story dialog with a good end to it. Nice ground combat thrown in to help the story along.
Targol (Beta Herculis) #4: Good story dialog and wrap up on this part of the story.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring. You did a great job and I look forward to playing part 3.
Brian
Author: Capt.PFDennis
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HBSZ66V5C
Report Start
Summary: Again I want to start off by saying this was a great story with some of the best map design and dialog I have seen. As with part 1 and 2 it is a little too long but the story is well written and does engage the player. You really should consider adding a skip dialog button which takes them to a summary of what the longer dialog takes them too.
Great job and thanks for authoring.
Mission Description: Good description and notes especially the warning regarding the Foundry issues.
Grant Mission Dialog: Very clear and concise.
Mission Task: Good clear tasking which is tied to the map text for the first custom map. This is a limitation of the Foundry.
Mission Entry Prompt: Good entry dialog..
MAPS:
Black Cluster: Good dialog but the location of the mission task points seems to be arbitrary.
- The dialog following the fighter engagement seems to be my character but is missing the OOC youve used previously.
- There are enemy there and I cant engage them before the dialog pops up then after I get through the dialog next thing I know I am beaming to the barge. Is that intended?
Freman Mining Barge: Good dialog but Im not sure what the point was. Where you trying to show the Laborers could be as cruel as the Execs? It seemed to be unnecessary to drive the story.
Black Cluster #2: The dialog is good as it has been throughout however the dialog and combat seem to be out of synch. The first fight is with Freman ships before the dialog is over and once I destroyed them a Keplis and Ferengi ship showed up to fight too.
- The drive through the gravimetric distortion seemed to be unnecessary.
Targol (Beta Herculis): Good story dialog.
Lubinus Base: Good story dialog.
Targol (Beta Herculis) #2: Good story dialog however again the mission point locations seem to be arbitrary
USS Kissinger: Nice fight and good plot point with the PADD.
Kissinger: Good story dialog and nice scan (optional) points as well.
Targol (Beta Herculis) #3: Good story dialog. Tough but good battle.
Targol (Beta Herculis) #4: Great ending to the trilogy. Good job.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring. You did a great job and I look forward seeing more of your work.
Brian