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Mere Mortal Enemies
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Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
Captains.. I would be grateful if you would review:
'Mere Mortal Enemies' (Part 1)- ST-HK7V4FLG8
and
'Mere Mortal Enemies (Part 2)- ST-HAQVTQOWP (currently to be found in "review content" tab)
Synopsis:
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." -Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke (the elder)- Human Strategist, 19th Century.
"To Ghe'thor with escape pods! HELM...RAMMING SPEED!!" -Captain Bhoo'tse- Klingon Strategist, 23rd century. (Last recorded words)
Your Ship is to be the vanguard of a relief force inbound to Darien: A remote federation colony under siege by the KDF.
As events unfold you will soon learn that nothing about the battle for Darien is as straightforward as it first appears.
Mission features:
- designed for solo play, Fed31+ ,estimated duration: 60ish mins (most in depth dialog is skippable)
(NB:this mission will probably most appeal to players that are not in a rush to grind through content and are more interested in a decent story for their character to play a part in. )
- moderate amounts of space and ground combat.
-optional objectives, puzzles and branching narrative paths.
'Mere Mortal Enemies' (Part 1)- ST-HK7V4FLG8
and
'Mere Mortal Enemies (Part 2)- ST-HAQVTQOWP (currently to be found in "review content" tab)
Synopsis:
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." -Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke (the elder)- Human Strategist, 19th Century.
"To Ghe'thor with escape pods! HELM...RAMMING SPEED!!" -Captain Bhoo'tse- Klingon Strategist, 23rd century. (Last recorded words)
Your Ship is to be the vanguard of a relief force inbound to Darien: A remote federation colony under siege by the KDF.
As events unfold you will soon learn that nothing about the battle for Darien is as straightforward as it first appears.
Mission features:
- designed for solo play, Fed31+ ,estimated duration: 60ish mins (most in depth dialog is skippable)
(NB:this mission will probably most appeal to players that are not in a rush to grind through content and are more interested in a decent story for their character to play a part in. )
- moderate amounts of space and ground combat.
-optional objectives, puzzles and branching narrative paths.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
*Prays for a patch* (one that fixes this, the dialog emote selector and... at this point i'd just settle for a patch that doesn't break anything else
and... less than helpfully, a 1 star with no feedback and no name so I cant even ask the guy if he encountered a bug :mad:
I mean... Who does that!?
I am going to take a look to your mission when I get back in game.
You not only give us grate maps, but also the possibility to make our own decisions and change the course of the mission, that is something not even a cryptic mission manage to do.
To bad the foundry is bugged as hell, and some of the prop dialogs appear in the incorrect moment. But that is something that is out of your hands.
To the foundry community I tell you that you should play this mission, and of the authors, just give it a look, I can learn a lot of things here.
The drive-by 1 stars are the worst. I had two of those on my mission. No clue why. I guess they just didn't like it, but who really knows?
I think your mission length might be closer to 1.5 or 2 hours (granted I was not skipping anything). I didn't keep track of the time that closely, but it felt pretty long. I definitely wouldn't add any more length to the mission. Overall I liked it, although I felt a little bit lost during the investigation at times (wasn't that clear who to talk to next, although I'm not sure if there's any way around that).
Some minor criticisms:
Overall I consider the mission storyline to be 4 stars, because I enjoyed it, but it was maybe bordering on being just a little too long. Technically (in terms of Foundry use) the mission definitely deserves 5 stars, and as a Foundry author I can appreciate the effort that went in. Hopefully my 5 star review will help counter an unfair 1. I look forward to the next installment. I'll also try to convince a friend or two to play your mission.
FWIW, it seems like we enjoy making similar story driven missions, so you might enjoy mine if you have the chance to tear yourself away from the Foundry editor. I'd welcome any feedback you may have.
Further to your points raised:
-A few of the people reviewing so far have pointed out that it could use another pass at spelling and grammar, so I will definitely take another run through when I have the time. (Failing that what I may do instead is offer my services at painting forum sigs and foundry mission posters in exchange if people are willing to thoroughly proof read for me since a painting probably won't take me as long and will be more fun!):p
-One thing that jumps out at me here as an easy fix is a quick rewrite of the dialog prior to the 1st optional objective "Rescue Coldstream".. I totally agree with the idea that telling the player they can gain from it negates the value of the moral choice so I will most likely change this at the earliest opportunity.
-I was unsure as to how open ended to leave the investigation part. Something I don't particularly enjoy in missions is where you're given an objective and then the author waypoints you and holds your hand all the way to it's completion. There's nothing particularly engaging about that for me if it's a constant feature, I'd rather be left to figure out the solution myself occasionally.
You're definitely right though, a few more dialog prompts and a persistent dialog box to talk it over with your Boffs are going to be worthwhile adding here.
-I wonder about the combat at the end. Which choice did you make earlier in the mission? This dictates who shows up to assist you at the end. Although the two assisting forces are pretty much equal, just skinned differently. ( I think one has 2 cruisers instead of a battleship, but I should really go back and check this.)
I think I get a false impression of the durability of friendly NPCs since my main toon (with whom I tested this) flies an intrepid refit. So if I see a friendly about to go down in flames I generally have a spare heal to throw at him. I can see how this fight would potentially be frustrating for a high dps escort pilot (for example) once the friendlies are down.
-About the twitch stance.. I totally never noticed! I guess I just characterised too many of them as being "twitchy".. The hyperactive cadet, the mysterious ambassador's aide etc etc... You're right, I should probably tone this down a bit as it could be misinterpreted given the way the story unfolds in the latter stages. (Having said that, this will probably be alot less noticeable once the emote options are fixed in the dialog editor.)
Thanks again for the feedback (and for vouching for me in the court of the Grand Nagus!)
I will definitely try out 'Dereliction Duty' this evening, looking forward to it.
Featured in this weeks bitesizeUGC..
This review will let you know what you're getting in for
Please note: The known foundry bugs (which ARE NOT my fault) mentioned in the video have since been addressed in a republish by highlighting the bugged dialogs which you can then dismiss as they appear. (Which is the best I can do until cryptic fixes this bug.)
Thanks to CaptPFDennis and RogueEnterprise for taking the time to play and review my mission.
Sorry for not responding to your question. I chose to assist the fleet rather than go back for my away team. I also made a tactical error in the final battle that may have made it worse than it otherwise would have been. In order to try to get rid of some of the reskinned shuttle groups I activated F@W but that just ended up drawing the fire of all the enemies, so I died and by the time I had managed to respawn and head back the "friendlies" had either been destroyed or almost destroyed. If I hadn't done that things might have gone better.
In general I've discovered that the "weakest link" in terms of difficulty is an escort played on elite. The reason being that it's such an unbalanced ship with high damage output but very limited durability. You simply can't survive long enough to complete some difficult encounters. In comparison a cruiser can generally handle more enemy vessels successfully (don't really have much experience with a science ship).
Also, one thing to keep in mind about the fighter groups is they seem really weak, but on elite they can put out a serious amount of damage, and they actually don't die that quickly. So, they can be quite a challenge. It might be safest to either switch the two helping vessels to battleships, which would increase their durability while not really increasing their damage output that much, or you could add a third friendly cruiser.
By the way, I don't know if you've already done this, but it might be good if there was some sort of penalty for not running the blockade. We were told to go in as quickly as possible and not stop for any reason. Maybe something else goes wrong because we chose to stop and assist? Just a thought.
What I most enjoyed about this mission was the writing. Although there were multiple typos scattered throughout the the dialogue, it was so well written that I actually didn't care. You did an amazing job of bringing your characters to life; my favorite was the Aenar who aids you with her telepathic abilities. Her descriptions of the minds of your suspects was hauntingly poetic.
Obviously, this kind of a mission isn't for everyone; those looking for an action trip or easy puzzles should look elsewhere. But I can say that this is one of the best missions I've played. As for the action...jumping out of an exploding tower (ala "Die Hard") onto a shuttle-craft was freakin awesome!
Thanks for all your hard work; can't wait to see what you come up with next!
Federation Mission: Mere Mortal Enemies
Author: Pure_big_mad_boat_man
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HK7V4FLG8
Report Start
Summary: This mission is a little long but still a great mission. You did a really good job in writing the story dialog. Your map design was quite good. I would definitely recommend this mission.
Below are a several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is s good mission description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.
Grant Mission Dialog: This is good dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-In Admiral Patersons dialog; consider changing "a.s.a.p." to read "asap".
-Consider changing "At 2500 hours" to "At 2400 hours". This is the most common use of the military clock in regards to a 24 hour clock. If this usage is in reference to another time keeping system that you are aware of for STO please let me know.
-Consider changing "federations" to read "Federations".
-Consider changing the response button "Helm.. best speed for the vendor system." to read "Helm... Best speed to the Vendor system".
Mission Task: Good mission task with a clear description of where to start the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: Nice simple and good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.
MAPS:
Darien System - Invasion Imminent!: This dialog for this map is very detailed and well written. The maps and trigger effects are very well done too. I liked the choice the player has to make. I noted several items to consider changing:
-Post scan the vicinity and report dialog; consider changing "captain" to read "Captain".
-Consider changing "starfleet" to "Starfleet".
-I was going to say something about "outwith" but then I looked it up and it is a UK use meaning "outside" which of course would fit. Ill try to keep the Kings English in mind while reviewing the rest of the mission.
-Post "escape pod report" dialog; consider changing "The admiral's orders" to read "The Admirals orders".
-I like the use of the "I'm aware of this [skips in depth dialog]" buttons although I did not use them. If you are going to use them consider moving the buttons to be available at the start of all log dialog sequences.
-Post "time we don't have" dialog; consider changing "try and confim if any" to read "try to confirm if any".
-Post "scan Coldstream" dialog; consider changing the response button to "Agreed" or something along those lines rather than "Continue".
-Consider changing "This is embarassing" to read "This is embarrassing."
-Consider changing "Embarassing for me" to read "Embarrassing for me".
-Consider changing "At the rate am goin'" to read "At the rate I'm going".
-I won't hit you for the "absa'-loot' pleasure" as I assume that is dramatic flair.
-Consider changing "Simmer down commander" to read "Simmer down Commander".
-Post "You have a theory" dialog; consider changing "victory that klingons" to read "victory that Klingons".
-Consider changing "they will have intensely difficult" to read "they will have an intensely difficult".
-Post "a cadet" dialog; "the klingons won't" to read "the Klingons won't".
-At this point I'm going to stop registering hits for "captain", "klingon" and "starfleet". Be sure to go through your dialog and buttons to check for the proper capitalization of all of those items.
-Post "deploy teams" dialog; consider changing "Security and medical teams report readiness" to read "Security and medical teams report ready Captain".
-Post "I just wanted to wish" dialog; consider changing "Thankyou Captain" to read "Thank you Captain".
-Post fleet battle dialog; consider changing "but i must insist" to read "but I must insist".
-Post planet orbit battle dialog; consider changing "While Lt. Comm D'cell's" to read "While LCDR D'cell's" or "While Lieutenant Commander D'cell's"
Darien Surface - Main Compound: This map design is excellent. The deployment of reinforcement elements is simply outstanding. The battles are tough but not impossible. I liked the method you came up with for getting the player down from the tower. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Beneath the Compound: This map is really well designed. The dialog is really good and the battles are a challenge but not impossible. I did come across the error with the dialog you mentioned in you "Disclaimer". Just a thought, you could try the same set up on a different test map. This would help to narrow down if the issue is related to the map you used or the method of setting up the dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Cadet Willoughby response to "random equipment" dialog; consider changing "Starfleet are trying" to read "Starfleet is trying".
-Did you write "Well 2 reasons" and then have the NPC give three reasons on purpose?
Darien Command Bunker: This is a very interesting map. The dialog is very well written with really good plot twists and turns. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The reference to 2500 hours. If this usage is in reference to another time keeping system that you are aware of for STO please let me know.
-Post "The Anstrath" dialog; consider changing "what am i looking at" to read "what am I looking at".
-Post Vulcan elder "Tre'van at 2500" dialog; consider changing the response button "afte rth attack" to read "after the attack".
-The next response button; consider changing "THanks for your testimony" to read "Thanks for your testimony".
-The Ferengi Captain response button; consider changing "Thankyou for your time" to read "Thank you for your time".
Cadet Willoughby response button; consider changing "You were teh last person" to read "You were the last person".
-Consider making the crew interactions and interviews appear in the order they are to be completed. This would save confusion on where to go to complete the next step of the mission.
Darien System - Vultures Circling: This is a good map with good dialog and a good tough battle. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Bridge: Nice simple map design with a good wrap up to the story. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Chef dialog response button; consider changing "Thankyou" to read "Thank you".
-VA dialog; consider changing "Thnakyou to read "Thank you".
End Report
Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to the sequel to this mission.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/09/2011 on forum posting for: [URL=" http://forums.startrekonline.com/showthread.php?t=236755&referrerid=312767"]In depth mission reports upon request[/URL].
Hey thanks sovereign.. I'm chuffed* that you enjoyed the mission
Very few people have mentioned the writing specifically as a positive so far in reviews (I was beginning to wonder if I'd just gotten delusions of having any sort of writing chops!) so I'm particularly glad you got a kick out of that as well as the novelty of being a trek version of John McClane.
Further to comments and reviews so far: I'm planning on making a thorough sweep for spelling errors over the next few evenings.. and I'm also giving serious thought into splitting this mission into 2. (Part 1 will end at the point where you find the murderer's victims.)
I look forward to trying out the Deadly intentions series when i get a chance and shall let you know how I get on with it.
And as for you Mr Evil 70th, you scarily prolific and thorough reviewing machine :eek:, I have sent you a pm so check your inbox...
Also.. I just found out! It's just Bajor that has a 26 hour clock, all this time I thought it was Starfleet overall. I stand corrected sir! (This is what I get for being a Niner
* "chuffed"- Enthused and encouraged, (Scottish)
You're very welcome! The praise is well deserved.
You're not delusional. I was amazed at how you created enormous depth in your characters within just a few short pieces of dialogue; I've rarely seen characters come alive so vividly. I believe you're being held back in the reviews by the numerous technical problems in your writing (grammar, spelling, etc.). Normally, these would bother me as well; however, I can easily overlook them when someone's writing transcends its role of "getting me to the next objective" and actually becomes art.
I strongly recommend implementing all of the suggestions offered by Evil70th (he truly is a reviewing machine!) Another suggestion I would offer is to play the mission with fleet members/friends who have strong proofreading skills. You should conduct these play-throughs with voice chat, and keep a meticulous record of all the mistakes your friends identify. This really is a great mission with outstanding writing, and it deserves better than to be held back by unnecessary technical issues.
Careful...I might hold you to that!
Thanks again for all your hard work in creating this mission. You've given me some great ideas that I hope to implement in future Foundry missions of my own.
Thanks for the compliment. I do what I can.
Thanks again for authoring, and Ill read the PM this evening while Im getting ready for another round of reviews.
The format and schedule isnt totally determined yet. Just seeing if you were interested.
Hey thanks alot for the offer. The planned changes are not that extensive beyond the actual splitting of the mission into a 2 parter. Beyond that I may just add some more boff prompts for folks who struggle with the last puzzle... (and maaaaybe..if i have time:p.. I'lll go back and do what Nagorak suggested and implement another consequence to stopping to help the ship at the start.)
I shall post up when the changes take place, but I leave it to you to decide wether it merits another review. Am happy either way. (Although if you're gonna review something of mine then I'd love it if you did the sequel when it comes out!
In the mean time you guys should do a KDF mission! I'm sure there's alot of KDF authors out there who'd appreciate the extra plays a review will bring.
Here is a work in progress of the poster for 'The Treacherous Path'.. Which is the continuation of 'Mere Mortal Enemies'
Posting this shall surely motivate me to finish it!
(edit: My girlfriend's just wandered in, took one look at this and said: "battle royale anyone?"...oh dear, may have to rethink it!)
This ist definatly among the best I have ever played in this game, and it puts cryptic to shame ( just my honest opinion).
The storytelling and dialog really did capture and hold me, kept me interested in the story the whole time.
I spent at least 2hrs on your mission and enjoyed every minute of that.
Branching dialogs, different options and an impact of your decisions, just wonderful!
Its missions like these that remind me why I still play this game.
Let me just say a big thank you for your hard work, I am looking forward to your next project.
I could not decide wether to aid my crew or follow orders to support the fleet, i chose the latter and later on you made me feel very bad for leaving my security team behind. Gonna give this a replay
Incidentally, I would not recommend foundry mission surgery to anyone.. ever...
I have no qualms in admitting: I was utterly terrified it was gonna break somehow :eek:
It seems you are the 1st one brave enough to go back for a replay
Thanks for your kind words and support. It's the greatest encouragement to be told that I've "added something" to a game that I enjoy so much.:o
While I'm not as thorough as Evil70th, I did catch a few typos for your consideration:
In the first conversation with the Vass and the envoy, there were a few mistakes; specifically in the sentence, "Very little I'm afraid. All i can be sure of.." the i needs to be capitalized.
In that same dialogue sequence there is a place where Vass is spelled with only has one "s" instead of two.
Finally, in the dialogue sequence with the Vass and the envoy that takes place after I solve the mystery, the envoy says, "Be assured, Nass and I..." I believe this should be "Vass and I..."
A few quick compliments. I enjoyed the appearance of the Lethean interrogator in the first episode. I believe the way you created this minor character was very clever, and shows a tremendous amount of attention to detail (one Foundry author to another: did you use invisible walls with a place marker to pull this off?) And as I said before, several of your dialogue sequences border on poetic; they create a beautifully vivid portrait of your characters. I also want to thank you for your simple, but clever, solution to the unfortunate Foundry bug of dialogue remaining on the screen after it should disappear. I actually applied your solution in one of my missions suffering from a similar problem.Although I personally love this mission and enjoy the challenge you present with the investigative dialogue, I notice that you've taken a little flak from some players for the difficulty this can present. One suggestion on how you might mitigate this is to create a "cheat" option. This could take the form of an NPC who can guide the player to the next person/task necessary to unravel the mystery. Different hints and directions could appear/disappear when objectives are met. You would want to put some OOC text at the beginning of this NPC's dialogue stressing that players should only use this resource if they get stuck (I believe that much of the fun of this mission is figuring out what to do, but not everyone will feel the same way).
Thanks again for all the time and effort you have put into these missions. I highly doubt this will be the last time I play them.
Umm.. this was done with a reach marker and three sets of invis. walls as you turn the corner. The first reach marker drops the inv. walls around whichever mob your puzzle choice spawned and the second one further down drops the inv. walls around the main Klingon character and the Lethean.
Since he's a skinned Reman (for the psi effects) he attacks the Klingons as soon as the walls drop. This was to give the idea that as you complete the puzzle and their CO starts acting really weird the Klingons turn on him because they think he's the source of teh strange goings on.