In-game Relationships

Namari - Dreamweaver

A friend showed me to this game to help me get out of my rut. I wasn't expecting to be playing it for very long, let alone to fall in love with anyone. I started on Heaven's Tear and then I moved to Dreamweaver since I thought "oh hey, East coast servers!" At the time, I was living in New York.

I made a few friends and what not, and I had a relationship that didn't work (we're still close friends to this day). But I kept on playing because well...I wasn't expecting anything. It wasn't until I joined one of the biggest factions on DW at the time (Calamity) where things started getting interesting.

A little (compared to me; he was still level 6x when I was 8x) fist (when it wasn't cool to be) BM started talking to me. Initial thought: "who is this nub?" but he managed to break through my impenetrable wall of doom. We couldn't do much in squads together because of the level range, but he started to level and the gap started to get smaller. All the while, we're still talking; he's not quite on my radar, but he's a nice guy, so why not? However, the more we talked, the more we started falling for each other. He was the one to say "I love you" first; I still had my barrier up for a while before I was able to say it myself.

A little bit after that, he insisted on getting married in game. After he got a divorce from his previous wife (I know she still lurks on forums, so hi Diva!), we got married. And the rest is history.

2 years later, we're living together, engaged, and we have a daughter together. Yes, it could have gone bad, like some other experiences others had. But some can turn out to be awesome. Now if I can get Escorian to pipe down on these forums sometimes...b:laugh

Anyways, don't treat this as a dating service. If it happens, it happens, and then just thank the internet for bringing you together with your love. b:thanks

JanusZeal - Heavens Tear

Castgurl - Raging Tide wrote: »

Dude...

I'll be honest, I tried it. Yep, I thought it would be cute and who knows, right?...haha.

And seriously

I'd say don't do it. Some (SOME, okay? You see that word? PURTY ISN'T IT?) people that play this game are probably extremely cool but outside of it, in other words just chatting them up on facebook; they turn into super *** creeps.

It went from the "wizard" being an awesome person to some f'd up, emo, insecured piece of trash that would stalk me non-stop on facebook. Not sure if he still plays but if he does; then wow...

BUT that's just me. Don't flame me if you're in one/thinking of getting into one, I'm just...well I guess 'warning' you.

Unfortunately people like this are common even as friend never mind relationships.

The main problem one will run into meeting anyone online is the issue of them having social anxiety and/or issues getting over themselves (i.e. talk about themselves and their accomplishments too much instead of showing much/any interest in others). This issue generally solves itself through the process of maturity, and in the case of anxiety, familiarity, but for some, no. Teenagers have to be especially careful given the high rate of relationship failure in real life, never mind pixels, going through the learning and experimenting phases, getting over things like insecurity, control issues, and self-centered behaviour. On the subject of immaturity, one of my wife's cousins for example, got pissed off at my wife and I rl for being too busy (she's almost 9 months pregnant now and sleep patterns are erratic) to help finish farming his canny's for 5 aps (even though we got most pieces in a rather timely fashion for him) and got a huge attitude toward us outside the game as well as inside (ne'er a "thanks" or any show of gratitude for the help he was given, more like he was entitled to it), to a point of telling people in the game about our personal business that no one really has any business knowing, even he. That, right there, is teenage self-absorbed behaviour that I defer to. Back in the U.S. where I used to live, the friends down the street that showed me this game ranged between -5-9 to +10-15 years difference than myself and never showed even a slight amount of this type of nonsense.

Back to relationships, I've been engaged to a woman who I went to college with, and I've been twice engaged to women I met online, and I noticed little difference really when both parties were mature, and the way we came together (got to know each other as friends first, before trying a relationship out later) for me was rather ideal to avoid typical poker-faced "dating scene"/"job interview" type behaviour. Unfortunately, sometimes things just don't work out for one reason or another. I would advise people not to take the poster quoted's attitude toward relationships (online or otherwise) but also not actually go out looking for a relationship from a game. If it happens, it happens. If it fails, which most do, take the good and bad from the relationship and use it as a learning experience for the next.

Talihina - Raging Tide wrote: »

I met my real life boyfriend through PWI. Granted he lives 35 hours away, but we've visited and we've been together for 6 months now.

I don't think it's recommended to go on PWI solely to search for a partner, as people can easily lie, but sometimes you just can't help who you fall in love with. b:victory

I agree with this.

I also met my rl wife through PWI. I took a comfortable job, living in a spacious townhouse in the San Francisco Bay Area, and a great understanding of the area and work force, as well as a rather decent circle of people to network with for the sake of fun and future jobs, and went to living under someone else's roof in another country, and a much less comfortable immediate position (with a far more positive outlook in the near and distant future) until I can legally work, while still getting paid for things I'm owed, but obviously not the same environment I'm used to until I can once again maintain my own place. The process of this is nearly done, but the bottom line is, internet relationships cannot really continue to be "internet" relationships for too long. Both people need to have the patience (more short term than long term), enough things in common (including goals) to keep focused on, and both be go-getters to simply make it happen, as excuses (mostly due to comfortable familiarity), laziness, and entitlement (that they are owed things therefore need not work to get the things they want) is also a rather huge several issues that rear it's ugly head way too often I've found (increasing in more recent years) that place too much difficulty upon a long distance relationship for it to work. My wife and I spent countless hours together (even before I was in Canada) researching filing for paperwork to move to Canada to avoid the hefty cost of lawyers, the cost of moving some things, and our legal rights/options, because we both know you can't half-*** a relationship especially when the bottom line is being together.

ZeaKuro - Raging Tide

Welcome to the internet.

Where the men are men.

The women are usually men.

And 15 year old girls are FBI agents.

Bunnybites - Harshlands

Hideori - Lost City wrote: »

so you are fat?



it's not terrible it's natural. you dont want fat boyfrend too. nobody wants.

See, I should have known, you missed the point entirely. Some people judge others by their heart, not by their hair color, job, skin color, eye color, religion, or a million other shallow points that really makes no difference in the end. Someone's heart and how they treat others is the important stuff.

For your sake, I hope you never gain an ounce or have a receding hairline. What comes around goes around and your judgment of other humans may at some point turn around to bite you in the butt.

Let me ask you a question, try to answer it honestly. Your madly in love with a woman, and God forbid she gets pregnant. Omg guess what, shes gonna gain some weight, are you going to give her hell for nine months because she looks like a "cow" then leave her because the pregnancy got her fat? Or, are you going to decide to stay with or leave her on the basis of how she treats your child?

Since I don't "date" you question is just silly, but having such a shallow outlook is also kind of silly. You will miss out on some great people if you judge them without ever even getting to know them.

I do wish you luck and hope that your just trolling and don't really feel like you sound.

JanusZeal - Heavens Tear

Bunnybites - Harshlands wrote: »

See, I should have known, you missed the point entirely. Some people judge others by their heart, not by their hair color, job, skin color, eye color, religion, or a million other shallow points that really makes no difference in the end. Someone's heart and how they treat others is the important stuff.

For your sake, I hope you never gain an ounce or have a receding hairline. What comes around goes around and your judgment of other humans may at some point turn around to bite you in the butt.

Let me ask you a question, try to answer it honestly. Your madly in love with a woman, and God forbid she gets pregnant. Omg guess what, shes gonna gain some weight, are you going to give her hell for nine months because she looks like a "cow" then leave her because the pregnancy got her fat? Or, are you going to decide to stay with or leave her on the basis of how she treats your child?

Since I don't "date" you question is just silly, but having such a shallow outlook is also kind of silly. You will miss out on some great people if you judge them without ever even getting to know them.

I do wish you luck and hope that your just trolling and don't really feel like you sound.

He's obviously trolling. Also, people so pre-occupied with things like that tend to be the very type they make fun of (in sore need of feeling better about themselves). Just an FYI.

Neodaystar - Sanctuary

I do know 2 couples that did meet in game as friends at first, and when they found out that they lived very close to each other coincidentally, they started a relationship irl. One couple happened here in pwi, but I haven't heard from them for a while - don't know their status. The other couple I meet in another game - they got married to each other after a couple of years, and they still are. However, love and relationship wasn't their first intention when playing the mmo games. It just happens, I think those 4 people are really lucky.

Whether if the friend you make in pwi is of the same sex, or the opposite sex, and happens to be of similar age, won't you want to hang out with that person in real life if you happen to enjoy that person's company and both of you live within less than an hour drive from each other? Things like this is hard to come by.

ImNotFiveAps - Dreamweaver

_blood_rain - Sanctuary wrote: »

Was she fat?

no she wasnt. she was just a total *****.

Juriana - Heavens Tear

I would like to say that most relationships that start out online (in game, whatever) don't last long in real life. With that said, to those who have working relationships (and I know a few myself), congratulations. You guys are exceptions to the rule.

Don't play the game expecting to get into a relationship, and when you do, don't expect it to work out like a fairy tale. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, don't force it.

Revisiting your question, if it gets too serious, take a moment and question yourself (and the other person). Where do you want to go with this? Is it all just in game, or are you both willing to test your relationship outside the game in the real world?

I hope my blurb has helped, and best of luck.

Angel_Spawn - Sanctuary

Namari - Dreamweaver wrote: »

Anyways, don't treat this as a dating service. If it happens, it happens, and then just thank the internet for bringing you together with your love. b:thanks

This pretty much sums it all up!

Sir_Puma - Raging Tide

Hideori - Lost City wrote: »

well if you are over 40 and looking for "girlfriend" so desperately (cause you're maybe fat or something, so you never had one) that you would take anything in any shape... then that may be option for you. like for this guy:



lol.

but prepare for great shock when you will see her real face. it may be scary.

What the hell is your problem with me ? You lack attention ? Your jealous perhaps ? I did meet her IN REAL LIFE, I know who she is, what she looks like, what she smells like etc.

Edited : And yeah we are both "fat" im like 165 pounds, she's like 125. So take ur assumptions and shove it up where the sun will never shine..

To me you just got on my case cause "oh I wish it would be true and happen to me too" Well go continue stroking ur e-peen to pixels and think it might never happen and stay on ur *** in front of ur comp then Yah, the feeling of a keyboard is much more better then the skin of a woman..

I usually don't replay as bad, but you attack me, and my love life that DOES exist, we didn't see the game as a dating simulator, it just happened. playing together, starting to talk on msn, on vent, then by cam, by phone, and decided to fly there to meet her. So what is so out of ordinary in that story that make su as mad as me as that ?

And to any mods, if u think my reply was harsh, just ban me a few days.. He attaked the thing I cherish most in my life and thats my girlfriend, he got the answer he deserved.

Angel_Spawn - Sanctuary

Sir_Puma - Raging Tide wrote: »

What the hell is your problem with me ? You lack attention ? Your jealous perhaps ? I did meet her IN REAL LIFE, I know who she is, what she looks like, what she smells like etc.

Edited : And yeah we are both "fat" im like 165 pounds, she's like 125. So take ur assumptions and shove it up where the sun will never shine..

To me you just got on my case cause "oh I wish it would be true and happen to me too" Well go continue stroking ur e-peen to pixels and think it might never happen and stay on ur *** in front of ur comp then Yah, the feeling of a keyboard is much more better then the skin of a woman..

I usually don't replay as bad, but you attack me, and my love life that DOES exist, we didn't see the game as a dating simulator, it just happened. playing together, starting to talk on msn, on vent, then by cam, by phone, and decided to fly there to meet her. So what is so out of ordinary in that story that make su as mad as me as that ?

And to any mods, if u think my reply was harsh, just ban me a few days.. He attaked the thing I cherish most in my life and thats my girlfriend, he got the answer he deserved.

Kudos to you sir, if any mod wants to punish you for defending you and your gf, (bad words here) b:cute This thread is a target to flame fest from the beginning, unfortunately!

chaoticshelly

No mod will punish him for that. b:cute

Liandri - Lothranis

ChaoticShelly wrote: »

No mod will punish him for that. b:cute

oh hai shelly can we start dating? Il defend youb:dirty

Tsukyini - Raging Tide

Sir_Puma - Raging Tide wrote: »

Edited : And yeah we are both "fat" im like 165 pounds, she's like 125.

Are you crazy? That's not "fat". b:sad

chaoticshelly

Liandri - Lothranis wrote: »

oh hai shelly can we start dating? Il defend youb:dirty

Even my boyfriend knows I am well capable of defending myself b:pleased

Pressa - Heavens Tear

ChaoticShelly wrote: »

Even my boyfriend knows I am well capable of defending myself b:pleased

b:cute well said shelly well said

Lesthar - Heavens Tear

Tsukyini - Raging Tide wrote: »

Are you crazy? That's not "fat". b:sad

It's pure rhetoric. Of course it isn't.

To Hideori:
You should leave others alone for your sake. You'll only make enemies if you behave like that all the time.
If you are just trolling, it's not the right way to do it. Train harder.

Evolen - Heavens Tear

Wow so many posts about it not being a good idea. haha. I guess we're just one of the lucky ones.

Zyfou and I met in a Faction. At the time I was in an abusive relationship, and not allowed to work. So I played pw all day. Zy and I became great friends (playing together almost everyday), and in a completely platonic way he helped me gain the strength and confidence to leave my husband and start a new life for myself.

Many months later (I had been away from pw rebuilding my life) I came back to pw and we returned to playing again. He was always saving me... (I have the play style of a BM with a Veno lol). One day I realized he'd become my best friend, and so we began to txt and skype. We both had school/jobs and not enough time to be on as much, but still wanted to talk.

We both turned out to be attracted to one another physically as well as our personal bond we'd created mentally and emotionally over the years.

One day I said..."You know... life is to short. I don't know you irl, but we've talked, we've seen each other, we've spent most our days together for the last few years. Lets be roommates and see where it goes."

I moved up and we got an apartment together. A week later we were dating. It wasn't weird at all, and we just felt so comfortable, like we'd known each other for our whole lives.

I'm happy to announce we're still together, and engaged to be married in May of 2012.
I don't mean to be a sap or anything. But hey... my in game marriage/relationship turned into a real life one, and it's the best relationship I've ever had in my life, and I'm happier than I've ever been.

So does it happen often? By the threads I read, it doesn't look like it... but is it possible?

I'm happy to say it is. :-)

Hideori - Lost City

Bunnybites - Harshlands wrote: »

See, I should have known, you missed the point entirely. Some people judge others by their heart, not by their hair color, job, skin color, eye color, religion, or a million other shallow points that really makes no difference in the end. Someone's heart and how they treat others is the important stuff.

For your sake, I hope you never gain an ounce or have a receding hairline. What comes around goes around and your judgment of other humans may at some point turn around to bite you in the butt.

Let me ask you a question, try to answer it honestly. Your madly in love with a woman, and God forbid she gets pregnant. Omg guess what, shes gonna gain some weight, are you going to give her hell for nine months because she looks like a "cow" then leave her because the pregnancy got her fat? Or, are you going to decide to stay with or leave her on the basis of how she treats your child?

Since I don't "date" you question is just silly, but having such a shallow outlook is also kind of silly. You will miss out on some great people if you judge them without ever even getting to know them.

I do wish you luck and hope that your just trolling and don't really feel like you sound.

you ask questions but you didint answer my question b:sad but ok, I'll give you honest answer about that pregnancy: god help me if that hapens. abortion is the only way (I m not troling here).

btw, Im not hate fat peoples, nothing like that. dont have strong emotions for them. its not about hate, just fat (or ****, or handicaped) peoples are the ones who often trying to start online relationships because they afraid to try it in RL. I knew peoples like that in some other mmorpg (Im trying not to involve in any kind of "friendship" anymore in pwi). anyway fat ppls are fine for me, but you never see me in "close relationships" with them. not my taste, I like skin.

Hideori - Lost City

Sir_Puma - Raging Tide wrote: »

What the hell is your problem with me ?

I really dont have any problems with you. Im troll and thats all.

Deadlife - Lost City

Talihina - Raging Tide wrote: »

I met my real life boyfriend through PWI. Granted he lives 35 hours away, but we've visited and we've been together for 6 months now.

35 hours eh? Just enough time to take his real girl friend out on a date, have her stay the night, make her breakfast, go work a full day, come back home log onto pw to pretend your the one.....or vice
versa

Long distance relationships are pointless in my opinion, they lack a major component to make a healthy lasting relationship...and that actually being able to"be"with someone...anything else is just a facade

Massad - Harshlands

Oh god why am I posting in here


I have done it... Got some great friends and a couple of ex gf's (that are now friends). I am trying very hard not to ever.... NEVER EVER EEEEEVVVVVEEEEEERRRR DO IT AGAIN!!!!

I am concerned that I may be failing. Now let me explain lol.... I had some bad experiences and I am more focused on work right now... the game is to relax only... Not looking for any kind of relationship and I have never intended to use any game I played as a dating service...

So, I was doing good... Staying on my own vent, out of other peoples factions, and only teaming in fc's.... Then I made the stupid move of stopping and opening my big charming mouth in archo... Next thing I know somebody says hi in my pm, I say hi back... Jokes are thrown around she types hehe giggle.... Before you know it I'm on skype with this really attractive blonde, asking and I quote "WTF are you doing in video games??? Your to damn cute to be wasting your time on here" to which I actually hear the giggle now, and can see the smile (ladies webcam or lies you are a man until proven feminine)... And I realize... I am so screwed b:dirtyb:surrender as she replies with... Because I'm a nerd (I will say she is the hottest nerd I have seen in my life)

You try so hard to tell yourself that women don't play video games, and if they do then there is a red flag somewhere that makes you want to run and hide under your bed like some bad 3rd rate horror movie from the 70's....

Or you tell yourself that there is no women on the internet its a 452lb middle aged naked fat man on an alienware computer, in his mothers basement, using a hot toon to try and get free stuff with lines like "CYBA FO 5 DOLLA".... AND THEN I SEE THAT!!!! DUDE WTF????? she's hawt!!!!


Ok so with that being said lol, I am against in game relationships... I am for relationships in rl while playing the same game. Even meeting others in game and deciding to make the leap of faith into rl...


What I am against however, are the people... Some quotes I see on a daily basis


I only let my husband/wife pick me up (my response) Have you ever met him in rl??? (and the famous answer back) No but they get jealous if someone else picks me up..... (You got far worse problems if you are catering to jealous pixels)

the wc elites... I LOVE YOU MrSoAndSo... I LOVE YOU MORE MrsSoAndSo.... But we have never met in rl and are never planning on it....

Also the wc elites... Let me ***** up your *****... Oh yea baby give it to me.... I get more turned on from a bottle of ky and an asain porno.... How does it work across a video game.


My personal favorite Your cute/hot/hawt/sexy(I got a million of them).... Wanna play??? (and I get these on a male toon by the way)

I tend to just ignore the last one lol.


Uhh I think this post makes sense It is after 5 in the morning.... Sometimes I hate my job....


To recap, have done the gaming dating thing, like real relationships can go either way based on the individual.

Trying not to do it again, however some girl has my attention.

I despise people who try to be lovey dovey in game it is just sad and annoying.

JanusZeal - Heavens Tear

Deadlife - Lost City wrote: »

35 hours eh? Just enough time to take his real girl friend out on a date, have her stay the night, make her breakfast, go work a full day, come back home log onto pw to pretend your the one.....

Long distance relationships are pointless in my opinion, they lack a major component to make a healthy lasting relationship...and that actually being able to"be"with someone...anything else is just a facade

Then I pray neither you nor your significant other ever need to go on an extended business trip (or you go join the military and be shipped off) otherwise your relationship is a "facade", as you so naively put it.

Taking out the only useful tidbit of your post, yes, no relationship can truly succeed without the physical part of a relationship being established and maintained. However, most people already know that the "distance" part of a long distance relationship must be eliminated at some point. It takes patience. Not everyone is (or in my case, was, as I'm already "home" with my wife) able to simply up and go and be together on a whim, especially in our case, where I am from the U.S. and my wife is from Canada.

I won't try and convince you of anything, this is more for others who might be susceptible to your "advice". I'm quite content letting you deal with your own view and the possible repercussions of it.

Deadlife - Lost City wrote: »

the wc elites... I LOVE YOU MrSoAndSo... I LOVE YOU MORE MrsSoAndSo.... But we have never met in rl and are never planning on it....

Also the wc elites... Let me ***** up your *****... Oh yea baby give it to me.... I get more turned on from a bottle of ky and an asain porno.... How does it work across a video game.


My personal favorite Your cute/hot/hawt/sexy(I got a million of them).... Wanna play??? (and I get these on a male toon by the way)

I tend to just ignore the last one lol.


Uhh I think this post makes sense It is after 5 in the morning.... Sometimes I hate my job....


To recap, have done the gaming dating thing, like real relationships can go either way based on the individual.

Trying not to do it again, however some girl has my attention.

I despise people who try to be lovey dovey in game it is just sad and annoying.

Oh god yes. My wife and I constantly laugh at those who feel the need to project their love so publicly (i.e. world chat) and so often at that. Not because of the way they're doing, that's their right, but because it's an obvious show that they are extensively trying to impress everyone else with it. This conveys the logic that they aren't in a relationship simply to be together but because they care that much about what others think. This kind of thinking is quite harmful to an actual, decent relationship, and I've never seen any truly happy couple for any significant time engage in this sort of circus.

Nahla - Harshlands

bonbonsmalisia wrote: »

I wanted to ask you guys, about ur thougths about relations in game that get serious as if they were real. What do You think about them? Is it worth it?

Kind of skipping all the replies just to say this.
Sorry if someone already did.

I think everybody should do what works for them.
But as always, don't get crazy. (example: **** people)

If you feel happy in an online relationship then go for it. If you don't, then don't do it. It's not like you HAVE to do it.

Me personally, while I do prefer dating in real life - having a relationship in-game has it's advantages and I like that quite a bit as well.

SoulRequiem - Sanctuary

I don't like those kind of faction that"sort of",forces you to be friend with everyone in there.
The fact that Im in the same faction with someone else doesn't imply I have to trust him,or be his friend.

There are even worse,those Factions that call themselves"Family",lol -.- I have only a family and its my real life one,I wouldn't call any other group of people a"Family",even if only for role-playing,its just lame.

Dorset - Heavens Tear

In game Relationships? well if you only ever talk In the Game role playing and such i dont see how that could work.

My advice is always be yourself. i talk in real life just as i do in game for better or for worse and always have thats the person my man fell in love with, not a role play character but an actual person.

But ive met some extremely Solid couples in my journey through pwi, couples who have met up and got married in real life, couples who cant touch but are there for eachother no matter what, and you know something? it CAN and does work.

ive been married in game for ...jeez gotta be well over a year and a half thinking about it almost two years.

If money werent so tight i would be in the US right now but as it is tickets from the UK to the US are expensive. i still see him and speak to him on skype every day and i love the bones of him.

But for what its worth its ****ing hard work. I wouldnt go LOOKING for an internet relationship if i were you but if you fall in love with somebody hey you just cant help it.

People say "well most internet relationships dont work out" and thats correct. BUT in the grand scheme of things MOST relationships where people can touch fail as well. For you, it just takes that one Special person and if its real it will work regardless.

As for my experience its been hard work, Dramatic, Heartbreaking at times...but totally TOTALLY worth it

Ryuukaze - Sanctuary

I'm in love... with my car.

I just had to. b:avoid

Sarrafeline - Sanctuary

_blood_rain - Sanctuary wrote: »

Wtf does communism have to do with ***/straight relations. And how does *** marriage translate directly to "excellent dating service" especially when we are talking about a game set in Chinese mythology.


And about the fat thing, I asked that because that's actually a big possible Rl relationship breaker in game according to my guy friends, lol, terrible yes I know.

Because Wanmei being in China was given as a reason that homosexual marriage wasn't ever going to be allowed in this game. >_>

This game isn't set in Chinese mythology, it's set in Pack Saleology. Come on, if people can have a freaking domino corset and ride a motorcycle, it's no longer set in 'mythology'.

>_> China IS a Communist country, and the Devs seem to enjoy running things like Communists themselves, so... Whatever.

Sarrafeline - Sanctuary

toast223 wrote: »

the last thing the game needs are faags embracing each other even just for fun it would damage the scenery
its better if we could take carry somebody who died to a cleric for example people should make suggestion like that and dont try to make this game homo

It's already homo...Phobic. Like you are, apparently. >_> Way to go.

Talihina - Raging Tide

Deadlife - Lost City wrote: »

35 hours eh? Just enough time to take his real girl friend out on a date, have her stay the night, make her breakfast, go work a full day, come back home log onto pw to pretend your the one.....or vice
versa

Long distance relationships are pointless in my opinion, they lack a major component to make a healthy lasting relationship...and that actually being able to"be"with someone...anything else is just a facade

b:victory Good thing true love is based on something called trust, eh?