stupid jokes 101

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  • Davitiel - Heavens Tear
    Davitiel - Heavens Tear Posts: 978 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    Yo mama is so fat she fell in love and broke it.

    Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    And now faith, hope, and charity remain; but the greatest of these is charity.
  • Ansin - Sanctuary
    Ansin - Sanctuary Posts: 45 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    some say the glass is half empty. some say the glass is half full. all i want to know is, who's been drinking my beer?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You keep what you kill
  • cactusman101
    cactusman101 Posts: 1 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity... TWICE.
    There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
    Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

    TYVM Chuck Norris jokes :D
  • Ansin - Sanctuary
    Ansin - Sanctuary Posts: 45 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch. He decides what time it is.

    When God said 'let there be light' Chuck Norris made him say please.

    There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.


    Ive got more where those came from
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You keep what you kill
  • Cgl_ifrit - Harshlands
    Cgl_ifrit - Harshlands Posts: 77 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    "knock knock"
    "whos there"
    "me"
    "me who"
    *random shotgun cocking*
    "AHHHHH!!!"
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] u people make me stupid
  • sarashina
    sarashina Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    q: a priest, a rabbi, and an indian shaman walk into a bar at 11 AM, what do they all have in common?

    a: a drinking problem

    q: a man hits a woman in a car accident, who's fault is it?

    a: the man's, for driving into a kitchen

    q: what do you call a dog with no legs?

    a: it doesn't matter, it won't come to you anyway
    q:what's the difference between your mom and a boeing 747?

    a: about five or six lbs.
  • DivineChang - Heavens Tear
    DivineChang - Heavens Tear Posts: 56 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    sarashina wrote: »
    q: what do you call a dog with no legs?

    a: it doesn't matter, it won't come to you anyway

    LMFAO b:laugh
  • scionofchaos
    scionofchaos Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited March 2009
    Got a brother with a Sun complex.
    He thinks the world revolves around him.

    What is the difference between doctors and engineers?
    Doctors kill their patients one at a time.

    A prisoner that never got any visits was asked if he had any friends or family. He replied " Of course I go, but they're all in here."

    Yo mama is so hairy that when you were born you got third degree burns.
    Do not walk behind me, I will not lead
    Do not walk in front of me, I will not follow
    Do not walk beside me, This twisted road I must walk alone
  • Ansin - Sanctuary
    Ansin - Sanctuary Posts: 45 Arc User
    edited April 2009
    Yo mama's so fat when she hauls **** she has to take two trips
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You keep what you kill
  • Ansin - Sanctuary
    Ansin - Sanctuary Posts: 45 Arc User
    edited April 2009
    a man tries for an appeal because he was judged guilty in a murder trial when the victim came and testified
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You keep what you kill
  • Ansin - Sanctuary
    Ansin - Sanctuary Posts: 45 Arc User
    edited April 2009
    there are two things that can cut diamond:
    1) other diamond
    2) Chuck Norris' beard

    Chuck Norris is the fastest recorded land mammal. even while standing still.

    Chuck Norris does not care if you say "uncle"

    there was a contest to see whether Superman or Chuck Norris was faster. the answer will remain unknown because Chuck Norris killed Superman before the race could start.

    it has just been confirmed that Ozzy Osbourne is not the anti-Christ. Lucifer confirmed this when confronted in his home in LA, saying "No, he's not my boy, but I love him like a son."
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You keep what you kill
  • Ansin - Sanctuary
    Ansin - Sanctuary Posts: 45 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Confucius says:

    man with hand in pants is feeling cocky.

    base ball is wrong. man with four balls cannot walk.

    man standing sideways on airplane isle is going to Bangkok.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You keep what you kill
  • Maddrox - Harshlands
    Maddrox - Harshlands Posts: 1,140 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Who wants to hear a dirty joke!!b:laugh
  • Saomuel - Dreamweaver
    Saomuel - Dreamweaver Posts: 94 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Who wants to hear a dirty joke!!

    The elephant fell into the mud. Pretty old b:laugh

    My turn:

    A man and a woman are lying in bed, both nude, almost in sleep, when a light and a car noise comes from outside.

    The woman screams "my husband!" and the man, in a impulse, jumps naked through the open window ans runs.

    Two minutes after, he comes back through the same window and say "I AM your husband!"
    [SIGPIC]http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/9329/pwisign.jpg[/SIGPIC]
  • Kakamira - Dreamweaver
    Kakamira - Dreamweaver Posts: 94 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Saomuel - Dreamweaver wrote: »
    The elephant fell into the mud. Pretty old b:laugh

    wanna hear a clean Joke?He took a bathb:victory
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Ansin - Sanctuary
    Ansin - Sanctuary Posts: 45 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    not to be disrespectful, but now I think the sig is just plain creepy. I myself have nothing against homosexuality, but I think it is another thing entirely to parade your interests across the web.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You keep what you kill
  • Marianas - Dreamweaver
    Marianas - Dreamweaver Posts: 20 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the World and hit himself in the head.

    Yo mamma so fat when she wears heels in Texas she strikes oil.

    What do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel balls... Sparky.

    Confucious say: Man who sits on a porcupine will stand up again.

    A longer one: Man walks into a bar in Scotland. Sees a banner celebrating it's 200th "birthday" by selling drinks at 1809 prices. He starts drinking like crazy then asks one of the locals. "Why aren't you all drinking! This booze is practically free"
    The local replies: "We're waiting for happy hour."

    van der Merwe and Bob are working on the top floors of a construction sight and have stopped for lunch.
    Bob: "For pitys sake! If I get Ham and cheese sandwiches one more time I'll jump of this skyscraper!"
    van der Merve: "Bliksem! If I get peanutbutter and vleis again I'll jump of this skyscraper!"

    The next day Bob gets Ham and Cheese. He jumps and falls to his death.
    van der Merve gets peanutbutter and vleis and jumps to his death.

    At the funeral Bob's wife sees van der Merwes wife and and says to her through her tears: "If only I'd known he hated ham and cheese he'd still be alive."
    van der Merwes wife responds: "Don't look at me! He made his own lunch!"

    Thank you and Goodnight!
  • Kraanium - Sanctuary
    Kraanium - Sanctuary Posts: 39 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Whats hitlers least favorite planet?

    JEWPITER b:laugh
  • Nisanthro - Heavens Tear
    Nisanthro - Heavens Tear Posts: 36 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Prewancker - Lost City wrote: »
    There are two muffins on a plate. One muffin says to the other, "Oh no, we're gonna get eaten!" The other muffin says, "What the hell, a talking muffin?!"

    I really like this one LOL
    [SIGPIC]http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/9228/mardukwolf.jpg[/SIGPIC]
  • U_got_sniped - Lost City
    U_got_sniped - Lost City Posts: 292 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    LEAVE CHUCK NORRIS ALONEb:cryb:cry
  • Saomuel - Dreamweaver
    Saomuel - Dreamweaver Posts: 94 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    Little Mary was taking a bath with her mother. She looks at the middle of her own legs and ask her mother,

    - Mom, why i don't have that little hose that little John have?
    - My dear, this is cause you're a girl. But don't worry, if you be a good girl, when you grow up, you'll have one for yourself.
    - And if I do not be a good girl?
    - Then you'll have a lot of it...
    [SIGPIC]http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/9329/pwisign.jpg[/SIGPIC]
  • sixtyfour
    sixtyfour Posts: 99 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    What do you call a **** dinosaur?
    Megasaurus, (Brit joke).

    What do you call a **** octopus?
    Lickalotopuss.
    Some more, but I cba to write them. :]
    Sixty Four.
  • Dreadmaul - Heavens Tear
    Dreadmaul - Heavens Tear Posts: 519 Arc User
    edited May 2009
    a man with no legs was in the shore of a beach
    then a hot girl passes by. she felt sorry for him
    hot girl: have u ever been kissed before?
    man:no
    So teh hot girl bent down and kissed him.
    then another hot girl passed by. she also felt sorry for him.
    hot girl:hello have you ever been hugged and kissed before?
    man:why, no
    Feeling sympathetic, she hugged and kissed him.
    Then another hot girl passed by.
    hot girl:hello sir, have u ever been screwed before?
    man: why, no
    the man got excited....
    hot girl: just wait till high tide comes... then you'll be screwed.
  • Shredclaw - Sanctuary
    Shredclaw - Sanctuary Posts: 311 Arc User
    edited July 2009
    *Chuck Norris initilizing can opening procedure*
    *can type: whoop *****
    I used to wonder why I would have these scary dreams every month. About the wolf, who kept running through town. And as I wondered, I also thought about how I couldn't remember having those dreams before being bitten by this very big dog...



    But now I know the truth.
    And I am not afraid.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Austin_Power - Heavens Tear
    Austin_Power - Heavens Tear Posts: 87 Arc User
    edited July 2009
    4 women visit a counselor with their 4 small children. The counselor says "You're all obsessed with something, and it manifests itself in your child's name.
    The first woman is obsessed with money, her child's name is Mercedes,
    The second woman is obsessed with food, her child's name is Kandi,
    The third woman is obsessed with alcohol, her child's name is Tequila.
    Before the counselor could speak about the fourth woman, she whispers into her son's ear: "C'mon D-ck, let's get the hell out of here"
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Tilt your head to the left. Shat bricks.
  • Zerstorer - Heavens Tear
    Zerstorer - Heavens Tear Posts: 18 Arc User
    edited July 2009
    Two guys walk into a bar. One goes directly to the bathroom while the other walks up to the bartender. He says to the bartender "I'll bet you 500 bucks that i can **** in a mug without spilling a drop on your bar, or anywhere else." the bartender says ok and the guy starts pissing. However, he does not **** in the mug, he pisses all over the bar, the people at the bar, and even on the bartender himself. He never even got a single drop in the glass. The bartender looks at the guy with a smile and says "you owe me 500 bucks". Then the guys friend walks out of the bathroom. the guy says to the bartender, "here's your 500 bucks, but what you dont know is that i bet my buddy here 10,000 bucks that i could **** all over your bar, your patrons, and you, but you would have a smile on your face!!









    ICH MUSS ZERSTOREN
  • eatwithspoons
    eatwithspoons Posts: 54 Arc User
    edited July 2009
    this thread is way inappropriate. It was "stupid" jokes, not crude, sexual, and racial jokes b:shocked
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