Online Dating Story Funny and Scary
l0ki
Posts: 93 Arc User
This is not mine *or me* and I don't know who wrote this.. So.. Enjoy~?
I haven't tried online dating before, a friend of mine recommended me to try it he found him self a good-looking girlfriend, so I gave it a shot and went to looking around at Myspace. While searching around the web page I saw this girl's profile and she looks pretty hot in all her picture. So I talked to her over a period of a few weeks, getting to know her. Telling myself hell yea I am going to get me some booty!! Grinning and giggling at the same time, because she looked incredibility hot and I thought to myself why *Didn't tried online dating before?
I called her on the phone and decided to meet up. She wanted to go see a scary movie. I was like ok, cool, I guess I can let her hug me when it gets scary laughing to myself. So naive of me, what was I thinking. The only person that is going to be scared was myself. I went to the theater, tried to look around for my dream girl and couldn't find her. So I text her and all along she was standing right in front of me looking and holding her giant size diet coke. Oh my f**k God, I was scared straight, I'm never ever trusting a picture ever again unless they got web-cam!!
Standing before me was a behemoth (be-he-moth) the size of purple Barney. The moment she spoke to me I knew I was in some deep sh**. It was a deep husky man voice with a vibration sonic boom. She asked where I parked and I pointed to my car, which was right in front of the theater. My legs were about to collapse from her voice. I stood straight looking at Goliath who towered before me, I felt like David staring at this beast. She looked at me in the eyes and gazed at me like I'm a prey. My eyes were wondering left and right trying to look for an escape route. I knew this was going to be a long and troubling night.
She took two steps forwards and I took two steps back. She said *Come here let me give you a hug*, smiling at me with a gaping tooth. She tried to move her huge arms towards me and her fat fingers were digging against my arms. It felt like a Superman being torched with kryptonite, my body felt really weak and my legs shivered. I told her *I can't go in because I got oil on my shirt from working on a car*. I had on a black shirt but I looked spotless and smelled good, I knew she smelled my lied.
She asked if I was ready to watch the movie, I said, *I forgot my wallet at home.* The beast pulled out two tickets smiling at me and said, *Don't worry I got two tickets already.* I wasn't for sure how to escape so I went inside the movie with her. Sat down and I can't believe it's love seats. She almost took up both sides of the seat, I sat there feeling trapped in the little corner of the seat. There was a reeking smell coming from her. It smelled like rotting flesh and the stench of death. I couldn't handle it but I tried my best, my eye visions began to blur. All the strength in my body was drained. Fifteen minutes into the movie, Goliath kept grabbing and squeezing me every time there was a scary part or a suspense part in the movie. I felt like a piece of meat being abused and used. She was groping me and I was defending myself with all my might, brushing her hands away every time she tried to reach down south or the mommy & daddy button.
Finally I gathered enough courage and told her *I need to go to the bathroom.* She sensed my escape and tried to hold me down. Saying she wants to go to the bathroom also. I said, *Well I need to go really badly*, I got up and ran down the flights of stairs. Not daring to look back at all. Running as fast as I can to my car. People were staring at me like I was a crazed man. I hop in the car and the engine wouldn't start. I'm thinking to myself oh sh*t no, please don' t let this happen! I kept trying and trying, I looked over my shoulder at the front of the theater and I see behemoth walking out and running towards my car. One two one two, the closer she got. The sudden, a big roar came from the engine the car has finally started, I drove off as fast as I could. I was so scared I almost hit a pedestrian while speeding out of the parking lot. Never ever again will I let this happen to me. After the great escape I said to myself, *Man, ain
I haven't tried online dating before, a friend of mine recommended me to try it he found him self a good-looking girlfriend, so I gave it a shot and went to looking around at Myspace. While searching around the web page I saw this girl's profile and she looks pretty hot in all her picture. So I talked to her over a period of a few weeks, getting to know her. Telling myself hell yea I am going to get me some booty!! Grinning and giggling at the same time, because she looked incredibility hot and I thought to myself why *Didn't tried online dating before?
I called her on the phone and decided to meet up. She wanted to go see a scary movie. I was like ok, cool, I guess I can let her hug me when it gets scary laughing to myself. So naive of me, what was I thinking. The only person that is going to be scared was myself. I went to the theater, tried to look around for my dream girl and couldn't find her. So I text her and all along she was standing right in front of me looking and holding her giant size diet coke. Oh my f**k God, I was scared straight, I'm never ever trusting a picture ever again unless they got web-cam!!
Standing before me was a behemoth (be-he-moth) the size of purple Barney. The moment she spoke to me I knew I was in some deep sh**. It was a deep husky man voice with a vibration sonic boom. She asked where I parked and I pointed to my car, which was right in front of the theater. My legs were about to collapse from her voice. I stood straight looking at Goliath who towered before me, I felt like David staring at this beast. She looked at me in the eyes and gazed at me like I'm a prey. My eyes were wondering left and right trying to look for an escape route. I knew this was going to be a long and troubling night.
She took two steps forwards and I took two steps back. She said *Come here let me give you a hug*, smiling at me with a gaping tooth. She tried to move her huge arms towards me and her fat fingers were digging against my arms. It felt like a Superman being torched with kryptonite, my body felt really weak and my legs shivered. I told her *I can't go in because I got oil on my shirt from working on a car*. I had on a black shirt but I looked spotless and smelled good, I knew she smelled my lied.
She asked if I was ready to watch the movie, I said, *I forgot my wallet at home.* The beast pulled out two tickets smiling at me and said, *Don't worry I got two tickets already.* I wasn't for sure how to escape so I went inside the movie with her. Sat down and I can't believe it's love seats. She almost took up both sides of the seat, I sat there feeling trapped in the little corner of the seat. There was a reeking smell coming from her. It smelled like rotting flesh and the stench of death. I couldn't handle it but I tried my best, my eye visions began to blur. All the strength in my body was drained. Fifteen minutes into the movie, Goliath kept grabbing and squeezing me every time there was a scary part or a suspense part in the movie. I felt like a piece of meat being abused and used. She was groping me and I was defending myself with all my might, brushing her hands away every time she tried to reach down south or the mommy & daddy button.
Finally I gathered enough courage and told her *I need to go to the bathroom.* She sensed my escape and tried to hold me down. Saying she wants to go to the bathroom also. I said, *Well I need to go really badly*, I got up and ran down the flights of stairs. Not daring to look back at all. Running as fast as I can to my car. People were staring at me like I was a crazed man. I hop in the car and the engine wouldn't start. I'm thinking to myself oh sh*t no, please don' t let this happen! I kept trying and trying, I looked over my shoulder at the front of the theater and I see behemoth walking out and running towards my car. One two one two, the closer she got. The sudden, a big roar came from the engine the car has finally started, I drove off as fast as I could. I was so scared I almost hit a pedestrian while speeding out of the parking lot. Never ever again will I let this happen to me. After the great escape I said to myself, *Man, ain
Post edited by l0ki on
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Comments
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Truth is, I met my husband over a game called FFXI. We are happily married now irl of course for almost a year so far
. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
★ :Sikozu :: Venomancer: ★ :Nebira :: Cleric: ★0 -
I met some reaal weirdos online..thats why I don't date online. D; one guy told me "i want to remove your spine and have *beeps* with the hole" i knew this guy hmm maybe 2 weeks and he was manicly depressed. >_>
Also quite disturbed. <_<[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Ambie is back baby!
Faction UnLimited (Faction sounds..Kinda pervy ;D)0 -
I've had this one guy say to me "If you werent married I'd so own you like a dog pissing on its territory your so f***ing hot" omg........... that officially creepd me out........... lolElis - Lost City wrote: »I met some reaal weirdos online..thats why I don't date online. D; one guy told me "i want to remove your spine and have *beeps* with the hole" i knew this guy hmm maybe 2 weeks and he was manicly depressed. >_>
Also quite disturbed. <_<[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
★ :Sikozu :: Venomancer: ★ :Nebira :: Cleric: ★0 -
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Heh
Being the homo-sapien-hating person I am, I'm unafraid to admit I've tried many time to meet 'someone' online. I don't like socializing with most people, so I figured it'd be easier to get to know someone beforehand.
I've yet to have any luck.
Most of the girls I've tried to hook up with through the ol' electric typewriter machine turned out to be completely opposite of what I was hoping.
The few guys I've gone after usually turned out to be either egotistic fools and/or unworthy of my time.~Beauty is in the eye of the beholder~
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]0 -
Heh
Being the homo-sapien-hating person I am, I'm unafraid to admit I've tried many time to meet 'someone' online. I don't like socializing with most people, so I figured it'd be easier to get to know someone beforehand.
I've yet to have any luck.
Most of the girls I've tried to hook up with through the ol' electric typewriter machine turned out to be completely opposite of what I was hoping.
The few guys I've gone after usually turned out to be either egotistic fools and/or unworthy of my time.
Yeah you just have to be careful. There are a lot of really nice people online that would be wortth you meeting. But there are also a lot of really nasty people. So you just have to learn how to weed them out. The internet is a place of no consequence, so naturally people dont have restrictions on how they interact with others. Just remember this is not the real world so dont get too cought up in it.[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
★ :Sikozu :: Venomancer: ★ :Nebira :: Cleric: ★0 -
It can be risky dating online..but one can get lucky i guess..>.>..but god...b:laugh You could have told THE MIGHTY GOLIATH *.* you aren't interested..I wonder if she would have hit you on the head with the giant soda b:laugh..XD..0
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Still trying to find out how people manage to dig up threads from back in september.[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]0
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