The Puppet

thane6000 · February 2015

Hello, everyone. Remember the Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest? My entry quest received a lot of feedback, and now that I am a lot more experienced with the Foundry, I decided to fix some issues and alter some things before continuing my work for a Campaign I'm preparing. ''The Puppet'' was the first Quest that I created, so I give my thanks to everyone that provided feedback.

So, here is version 1.2.

Name: The Puppet

Short Code: DDGNJXGGZ

This new version of the Quest is in the ''For Review'' tab.

The older version is on ''Featured'' right now. Just in case you want to play the old version.

I would appreciate opinions and feedback in general! Thanks!

melinden · March 2015

I played with my level 60 DC.
I’m one of the types of players who really dislikes it when a quest tells me that my character is someone other than who she is. In your quest this is exacerbated by the fact that there isn’t any warning and then the quest calls for murder and threats of torture. I have to say this resulted in me wanting to quit within the first map.

After playing through I was starting to wonder if you intended this quest to be satire? If so you may want to be more upfront about that at the beginning.

Others may find this story more to their liking, it wasn't one that was a good fit for me.

Detailed notes:

Merchant House:
-this is the standard auto populated

Headquarters:

-the cult hurler who ate all the chicken has “Lieutenant” misspelled in his dialogue
-there is a lot of running around in long hallways between objectives. The Cult common room was interesting but the other halls don’t have much of interest. This is especially true when there is a lot of running back and forth
-I was a little confused by the fact that Hansinor gave me the information at the mere threat of torture when he did not divulge it when he was tortured earlier?
-the portraits in the common room are floating away from the walls

Vilzan’s Retreat:
-in Vilzan’s first dialogue box “incompetent” is misspelled
-I did appreciate having the option to teleport back to the entrance once I was done with Vilzan

Clearing the Mountains:
-part of the broken pine tree detail is floating off the ground. That one takes some work to get to lay right.

In Layelle’s 3rd or so dialogue box before the last fight “rightful” has two Ls

thane6000 · March 2015

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. I guess I should put some kind of warning in the description that the player has a background story in the quest. You are the second person who told me that. Now, for some parts I intended to use satire.

About the hallways, I should shorten them. I didn't think this was a big deal but here we are so...

Thanks for pointing out the misspellings. I will correct them.

-I was a little confused by the fact that Hansinor gave me the information at the mere threat of torture when he did not divulge it when he was tortured earlier?

The main idea behind this was that he intended to give away the information sometime; he just withstood the previous torture to avoid being suspicious. I guess I should change that fact seeing that it causes confusion. I have some ideas.

tipadaknife · March 2015

Video review here --> http://www.twitch.tv/tipa16384/b/631501904

In short, it was much as I remembered it from the contest. I think an introduction which clearly states who you are, right up at the beginning, would be better than having it interspersed throughout the quest. There were a few misspellings. The various enemies did have a tendency to ramble on. Overall, though, a decent quest.

thane6000 · March 2015

I watched your video review Tipa, and I must say that I saw a couple of things that should not be there. For instance, before you go to Lanylle's quarters for the first time (before the first portal), the platform was just floating in the middle of the portal. That never happened while I was testing the quest, and I tested it 3 times plus all the time I was editing. Another thing is that Vilzan talked while in combat, although I removed his combat dialogue before release. Strange.

While seeing you play, I realized that I put a lot of dialogue in each person which may get a little tedious. But I'm afraid that if I delete some details, the plot will not be understandable. I already tried to shorten some of the dialogue but I guess that I have to do it again.

The main reason I re-edited the quest is to fix some technical issues and make the enemies stronger. I guess in order to make it more likeable, I have to shorten the hallways and the dialogue, fix some other things and put a warning of some sort in the description that the player will be the ''bad guy''.

Thanks for reviewing my quest again and on video no less. It made me better understand what it is lacking.

melinden · March 2015

You may find that you can spread out plot information along the way instead of an "info dump" at the end. Maybe optional details (ones you feel you can cut) can be placed as diaries, letters, and other information that players can find along the way. This will reward explorers with a fuller explanation for the quest but other players can skip them if they wish.

tipadaknife · March 2015

I know I fall in love with my story, too. I have my friend, Kasul, run through my foundries while I watch. If he's spending too much time on an NPC, I work on that NPC.

You might want to offload the story onto other objects. For instance, a painting of Lanylle with the young player and that half-orc rival, where, when you look at it, you remember appropriate bits of your past. Perhaps you can have your own personal room that holds other mementos that fill in the back story for those who are curious.

Villains who talk a lot before killing you are kind of a cliché. A simple, quick path for people who just want to kill, with optional items or sidequests for those who want to spend more time in your world, would be one alternative.

thane6000 · March 2015

You are absolutely right, both of you. The story could sure be implemented through optional sources. And yes I find it more preferable than having each villain rant. When I was first writing the dialogues, I was excited enough to think that others will be as well when reading them. Rookie mistake. I mean sure, I knew that there would be people who would not like the premise, but even so.

While I am working in another series of quests, I put them on hold because I want to finish this first and not leave it like this. I want it to be as good as it can get. So thanks for everything you two, truly.

The Puppet

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