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Black ice history update, and writing tips
dwamur
Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 0 Arc User
This morning, I saw a link telling me that a write-up of the history of black ice was available (http://community.arcgames.com/en/news/neverwinter/detail/3040413). I clicked, eagerly, and what I read bugged me. Not being a native speaker, I didn't know what bugged me about it, just that it felt "wrong." So I asked a friend, who writes for a living. I'm sharing this here in case you, dear reader, have ever felt like writing, and would find useful some input into what constitutes "good" writing, and why what was published there was "bad" writing.
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No commas where there should be commas, and generally the commas that are in there are wrong. The writing is really choppy and unclear, and events covered in one sentence don't flow naturally into the next sentence.
There's not really a source. Technically a lot of this is correct, but in terms of spoken language and actual idiomatic usage the majority is wrong, which is why it reads badly.
The best way to correct for this kind of specific problem is to read it out loud. If you do, you'll see it doesn't sound like spoken language at all. Going through and restructuring it via punctuation to sound like normal, day to day spoken rhythms would more or less fix it.
It's also third person omniscient, told from a high vantage and a historical distance. It's hard to make that kind of writing sound grounded and immediate, but it can be done.
"When the undead wizard, Akar Kessell was freed from a century of imprisonment he immediately set out to find some trace of the power he once gained from the evil relic Crenshinibon, the Crystal Shard."
That's ugly, and kind of a run-on. Chronologically it's all over the map. Here's my revision:
"After a century's imprisonment, Akar Kessell was finally freed. All the undead wizard craved was the lost source of his power, the evil relic Crenshinibon. Upon his release, he immediately set out to find even the slightest trace of it."
Nothing teaches that but just knowing how language is put together idiomatically. It's a kind of music, it's dialect. It's good writing vs. bad and that doesn't always have to do with rules.
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No commas where there should be commas, and generally the commas that are in there are wrong. The writing is really choppy and unclear, and events covered in one sentence don't flow naturally into the next sentence.
There's not really a source. Technically a lot of this is correct, but in terms of spoken language and actual idiomatic usage the majority is wrong, which is why it reads badly.
The best way to correct for this kind of specific problem is to read it out loud. If you do, you'll see it doesn't sound like spoken language at all. Going through and restructuring it via punctuation to sound like normal, day to day spoken rhythms would more or less fix it.
It's also third person omniscient, told from a high vantage and a historical distance. It's hard to make that kind of writing sound grounded and immediate, but it can be done.
"When the undead wizard, Akar Kessell was freed from a century of imprisonment he immediately set out to find some trace of the power he once gained from the evil relic Crenshinibon, the Crystal Shard."
That's ugly, and kind of a run-on. Chronologically it's all over the map. Here's my revision:
"After a century's imprisonment, Akar Kessell was finally freed. All the undead wizard craved was the lost source of his power, the evil relic Crenshinibon. Upon his release, he immediately set out to find even the slightest trace of it."
Nothing teaches that but just knowing how language is put together idiomatically. It's a kind of music, it's dialect. It's good writing vs. bad and that doesn't always have to do with rules.
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Post edited by dwamur on
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Comments
Hopefuly Scott is not a Quest or Lore text designer.
BTW, can we also have the history of enchantments and runestones? That is a huge blank part.