A Simple Retrieval -- First Foundry Review Request/Trade

ladyorianna · February 2014

Hi, everyone! I have recently published my first quest after grueling hours of screaming profanities at my computer and yelling at the NPCs for not doing what they were supposed to do. As a complete newbie at this, I would love some feedback/critiques on how to make my dungeons and stories better. I know it still needs work, but I've been working so closely to it at this point that I can't see the small stuff anymore.

If you post back here with the critique/feedback/happy thoughts and your quest info, I would be glad to do the same for you!

Whispers Through the Shadows: A Simple Retrieval -- NW-DLK9RWOKU

stevedestiny · February 2014

I will trade reviews. I have two quests up: Adventure In Ash Grove [NW-DKSPVAQKE] and A Wayward Heart [NW-DP3UINOHP] author name @stevedestiny1 --these can currently be found in a search under the 'In Review' tab. For some reason they don't show up just scrolling through the general list.

ladyorianna · February 2014

Thanks, Steve! I will take a look at them

ladyorianna · February 2014

I have ran and reviewed "An Adventure in Ash Grove" for you, Steve. Great quest!

stevedestiny · February 2014

Thank you for the review. I am glad you liked it despite the long runs. Only reason they were there was that this was my first foundry quest and I did not realize I could put multiple objectives on one map. I plan to go back and fix that, but it will be a pita to redo all the dialogue for the NPC's. A Wayward Heart is much better put together. As for your quest, there was much more I wanted to say in the review, but they only let you type so much. I did like the deco and time and effort you put into the maps. The cemetery (?) was an interesting design. The crypt was put together well (except for that one floating spear trap) which might have been intended that way or bugged on my end. I was impressed with the amount of story you put into it and the lack of typos. I find a lot of typos and bad grammar reviewing others foundry quests. Yours was perfectly flawless. The battles were fun and challenging enough. Was pleased that it was solo friendly. I will be subscribing to you and looking forward to seeing what you do next. This adventure was short, but I strongly suspect there will be a sequel or a campaign. I do hope you will check out 'A Wayward Heart'. My in-game characters' name is Nanjia (she is a rogue trickster).

myrmecoleon · February 2014

I gave this a run - it was a pretty enjoyable, short quest! A good mix of interesting environments, story and combat. It was a little on the short side, but that's not a complaint - I generally prefer shorter quests in any case. I did think the combat might have erred a little on the easy side, though - most of the encounters weren't particularly threatening to a 60 GF. I did also pick up a few typos and bugs:

- The first map is labelled as "Tomb of the Ancients" in quest text but "Tomb of the Ancient" on the overworld map.
- In Billy the Initiate's dialogue, "three rocks shy of a full barrell" should be "barrel".
- As noted above, there's a floating trap immediately after Billy the Initiate, on the stairs.
- In Ocalla's dialogue, I think the more usual spelling is "Dracolich" (rather than "Dracoliche").
- In the first book, "shilvers with ancient magics" should be "shivers".

ladyorianna · February 2014

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback. I'll be heading in soon to fix that

I also just finished up Crimson Descent, and I have to say that I loved it. The dialogue was great, and the combat was challenging. Your special effects were also top notch!

stevedestiny · February 2014

I will check out Crimson Descent also.

[EDIT] I have also fixed Adventure in Ash Grove. It was not as difficult as I thought it would be. A few changes and now the long runs are removed. Thanks for the feedback.

ladyorianna · February 2014

Shameless bump. Still looking to trade reviews if anyone is interested!

tipadaknife · February 2014

Playing this now -- thanks for playing mine!

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Talking to Young Street Urchin -- second response is simply "Continue". You might want to just remove that option entirely.

"Tomb of the Ancient" overlaps Helms Hold on the map -- moving it a bit to the northwest should fix it.

Is this the Neverdeath Graveyard map? It looks awesome.

"Find Lady Orianna" completed when I killed some zombies. I spent a couple seconds wondering if she had been one of the zombies before I noticed that the next objective was to speak to her, and she was a little further down. Maybe have her first, then the zombies?

Why won't I be expelled by the magic as she and her crew were? For that matter, since they were just chillaxing outside the crypt, why didn't they bump off those zombies while they waited? I guess All Will Be Revealed very soon...

The encounters in the tomb are all pretty generic. Why not dress some of them up and name them, provide a bit of story to the encounters? Who were these skeletons and wights in life? Might be fun to find out who they were.

Ah, the plot thickens... time to meet the Boss.

Why are all these people loitering on the stairs? Are they working for the boss?

Definitely need to dress and name Fighter and Cleric.

Leaving the tomb, the text says "Go to Next Map". Should be something relating to the objective.

Nice to see Orianna and her crew finally got off their duffs and got down to some killing!

Why would Orianna want to hire me for a second job, when I totally failed at the first one? For that matter, what happened to the magic that prevents her from doing anything? How come the Boss or her minions didn't use that magic on me?

Okay, on to Forest's Edge....

Wow, this map is empty. Is this still in development?

"Press F to Into the cave you go" "enter the cave" might be better.

One thing to think about is, for every encounter, why is that encounter there? What were those creatures doing before they noticed the player run up? Definitely most Cryptic-designed dungeons don't seem to care much about that, but it's something to keep in mind. Encounters placed without any customization, existing only to be killed, bring down the excitement of an adventure.

Orianna is the dragon, isn't she?

I like how I expect hazard pay for this

I always feel talk of pay and reward is ironic, because everyone knows the loot at the end is worthless, and even the xp has been nerfed. The only reason to play Foundries is for the joy in playing in someone else's wonderful story.

Just hit a trap. Those are useless; they don't do any damage and just screw up pets. I think I would like to do a real, nasty trap -- custom made, that would do tons of damage and would definitely be worth avoiding. And give trickster rogues some special information so they could avoid it.

I don't know how much of this dungeon was decorated by you vs just having the Populate... command do it, but it looks really nice.

Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life....

The Billy encounter was perfect! A little story, a little customization -- perfect!

Might want to place those skeleton archers around the room a little.

"Press F to Go to Next Map".... "Press F to face Ocalla"???

Why is Orianna following me around? I thought she was going to start a ritual. Room looks cool, though.

On the east side of the room, an invisible wall prevents me from making it all the way to the wall. If you've built this room from Room Builder rooms, you need to place doors from the Special tab all along the wall to remove the wall-ness of it. You won't see the doors, the wall just stops being a wall there.

Aha, now she's interested in starting her ritual.

I see you use a cylindrical invisible wall around Ocalla. Maybe use a fog or a mist or a flame or some other effect to show us that there's a barrier there?

Pillar is named Invisible Interactable Oblong 01.

How did I destroy the pillar by pointing at it? Maybe use the hammering motion. There's also a new mob, the Summoning Rift. You can dress it up like any other mob and just have people "kill" it. Of course, it will emit the occasional imp or devil.... One of my bosses in Najena's Lair is really a summoning rift in disguise. He doesn't move, so I can put his body where he dies, knowing he'll die where I placed him.

Hey, I remember that Ocalla encounter from Sharandar!

"Alright" = "All right", after talking with Shaitar.

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In general, I think you have a great story to tell, and the maps looks really nice. I think you could punch up the encounters a bit, make them part of your story. Not every encounter has to up to Billy level, but looking back, that's the only encounter aside from the Ocalla encounter that I will remember. Some use of wandering and patrolling encounters might help a lot here.

ladyorianna · February 2014

I cannot thank you enough for your reviews. I'm playing around with the things you mentioned as we speak, and your comments are exactly what I needed. There's only so much my husband will say before he thinks he'll hurt my feelings lol

chieori · February 2014

Greetings ladyorianna!

I had the chance to run A Simple Retrieval today. It was a fun, short, yet enjoyable quest and a good lead into the next chapter. I didn't encounter any quest breaking issues, all the combat was ok, if not a bit easy. Good job overall! Tipped and Starred.

I did find/notice a few things during my run ...

The map marker for Tomb of the Ancient is on top of the Helm's Hold map marker. May want to move it a bit so no one accidentally hits the Helm's Hold marker instead.

Objective - Speak to Lady Orianna - You might consider moving her forward a bit, it seems you placed her on top of the patrol point marker for all those in her company, so every few seconds, one of them walks over and stands on top of her, a few of them completely block her out, making it hard to see her.

Bottom of the stairs, after coming down the spiral stairs, next hallway - there is a trap in the middle of the hallway, including the emitter part, which is hovering in the air, in the center. May want to move the emitter over to the wall.

All of the undead and cult of the dragon encounters appeared to have the default costume, you could really liven up the whole quest by giving them custom costumes.

The dungeon area seemed a bit sparse, detail wise, some different lighting , smoke/fog, dust falling from ceiling, etc could all add to the immersion of the quest.

If you get the chance, please run my quest Clan Ravenclaw - NW-DU3QXH237

ladyorianna · February 2014

Thank you so much! I will head in and play your quest now

The map marker for Tomb of the Ancient is on top of the Helm's Hold map marker. May want to move it a bit so no one accidentally hits the Helm's Hold marker instead.

I will change that right now. I swear I've moved that thing a billion times, but sometimes the maps get finicky with me.

Objective - Speak to Lady Orianna - You might consider moving her forward a bit, it seems you placed her on top of the patrol point marker for all those in her company, so every few seconds, one of them walks over and stands on top of her, a few of them completely block her out, making it hard to see her.

I will definitely move her up.

Bottom of the stairs, after coming down the spiral stairs, next hallway - there is a trap in the middle of the hallway, including the emitter part, which is hovering in the air, in the center. May want to move the emitter over to the wall.

I'm actually just going to take that one out. I've been fighting with it since the first version of the map, and I KNOW I've fixed it several times. Thank you for letting me know that it's still doing it's evil.

All of the undead and cult of the dragon encounters appeared to have the default costume, you could really liven up the whole quest by giving them custom costumes.

I am actually working on their costumes right now. I'm just not quite finished with them, so I'm not going to implement them until I have the set finished. It would look odd to have half generic/half customized. But thank you for the feedback!

The dungeon area seemed a bit sparse, detail wise, some different lighting , smoke/fog, dust falling from ceiling, etc could all add to the immersion of the quest.

You are definitely right about that. I'll play around with the details some more.

A Simple Retrieval -- First Foundry Review Request/Trade

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