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"An Orc plan" New foundry need reviews :)
jonzillas
Member Posts: 0 Arc User
"An Orc plan" is my first foundry quest and is waiting for reviews, if wanna try it i thank you a lot.
You need search in "for review" tab. thanks a lot
You need search in "for review" tab. thanks a lot
Post edited by jonzillas on
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I gave your quest a go, but I didn't leave a review since I think that there are quite a few things you should probably think about touching up first before I leave a review and I didn't want to give a final review on something that is bound to improve.
So, a few general things:
-The encounters seemed balanced. I have a feeling that kiting characters such as Divine clerics may have some problems with some of the battles though, but playing through as a level 41 Guardian Fighter was fine.
- Music and sound would be the first things I suggest you add. It's really noticeable during the boss fights and would have made those last few battles feel a lot more climatic.
The environments and details felt alright. I did really like the first room though with the dead bodies and the arrows!
- Fix the map transition at the end. It currently says "Go to next map" which breaks the illusion a little.
- Forgive my lack of D&D lore knowledge, but I'm not exactly sure why there were kobolds fighting alongside orcs? From what I thought, I didn't think kobolds and orcs were allies at all, but I could be wrong here. Perhaps you could add some sections to this quest to investigate this unholy alliance?
- I thought it might have been good to have you talk to a questgiver to start this quest. I felt the quest started and ended a bit too abruptly.
Now, some more nitpicky things:
-The interactive text for when you enter the house doesn't make sense. It says "This door shows some red marks that make you family". I would probably change it to something like "Open the door with bloody marks" or something like that.
-Objective "Investigate what happens in this place" is grammatically incorrect/doesn't seem right because you're supposed to be investigating something in the past, not the present/future. It should say "Investigate what happened in this place
-"So you get to see an orc group somehow in on the city and managed to build this place". Well talk about stating the obvious! Apart from fixing the grammar, I suggest trying to add a sense of intrigue here. Imagine you were telling your quest as a story. It's much more interesting to hear something like "It seems like a troop of orcs managed to sneak into the city!" or "To your surprise, you have stumbled upon a hidden orc outpost!" or something (you don't have to use what I said. The point is, I think you should try and draw the player in with some more interesting descriptions.)
- When you inspect the door to the main hall before you fight the Battlemaster, it says "This door go to the Main Hall but is closed.". I was wondering why I couldn't just open the door? I would suggest instead that you make the Orc Battlemaster drop a key that opens the door. It makes more sense instead of making the door just 'disappear' once you defeat the Orc Battlemaster.
So, that's it for my review. In it's current state, I'd give your quest a generous 3/5, but I reckon it could be a lot better. Let me know when you've touched it up and I'd be willing to play it again.
I went through the quest again, left a review this time and you're right! It is indeed a much better quest
Just some quick remarks though:
- When you end the level, you exit through a weird side door that's not attached to the wall. I think this might be a mistake, since it would have made more sense to leave through the big main one. If that's not an option, I suggest you put some invisible clicky thing over the main door and have the player leave through there.
- There are some general spelling and grammar typos, but on the whole, the dialogue is a lot better.
- At the beginning, when you have to investigate the dead bodies, maybe you made the player investigate too many dead bodies? If you want to do that to start, I suggest make them investigate about 2 dead bodies max and try putting some interesting descriptions on the bodies instead of the standard "This is a dead body", which we can all see that it is.
Since your quest is quite short, I would suggest that if you wanted to make it longer so that it could be eligible for the Daily Foundry rewards, you could lengthen this quest by having the player go into the orc tunnel and investigate what's happening on the other end? That seems like a logical choice for me if I wanted to expand on this quest.
Anyway, I would give this quest now 4.5/5, and the only reason I'm not giving it the full 5 is because of its short length. Well done and I hope to see more of your work
Dialogs:
--Some general grammar clean up work needs done. Like with Guard Frinko you can add a paragraph space or two. When examining have it /OOC blue. (knit picky type stuff)
-- A few places need the sentences looked at. Seems a word missing or needs rephrased.
-- Guard Jolen at the end says: "Such detailed map seem to be done.." I would rephrase that. Example: There is no way orcs could draw maps with such detail.-- It seems orcs have learned to draw and use a ruler. Or, they have help.
-- You respond to the guard at one point saying: " I think we have not seen all about it.." Maybe change to "I don't think we have the full picture here. There must be more to this than simple orcs get lucky." For example.
-- Same comment line above it ends with a contradiction. We agree with the guard the maps are done by others prior to this, yet we say. " There seems to be an orc plotting something so detailed and complex alone." Which means no outside help.
Maps/Objects:
-Frinko's behavior isn't a talking behavior. I thought he was having a seizure. hehe
-The crates in the abandon hall are too perfectly lined up. Maybe someone is helping them, but perfectly lined up crates?
- May need to unstack them encounters a bit, or add invisible walls so one cannot kite the wrong way into all of the encounters down the line. The other way is to have one encounter only appear after one ahead of it is done. My companion would get agro from the next room while I am still working on one.
- Some doors you have us use and they vanish. Would be nice to see where they went. (yes it is buggy to use a door, make interactable and then lock it. They don't work right.)
This is a good first build! I did give it 3 stars. I had read here and figured some things may already be fixed. Hope I didn't double mention anything still.
I use the same map in the beginning and end of my first build Grey Society Introduction. I had originally used the same exit door as the hall exit you are trying to use. There is an exact replica available and I placed it right over the top of the one already there. Made sure it stuck out further than the painted one and it worked as a map transition just fine. You can take a run through mine and see how I dealt with some of these same issues. Get some ideas of other ways to exit if no perfect one close enough.
Since you mention you don't speak English as your first language I've given some more common phrasing below. I understood everything, it was just a little unusual.
Play through notes:
-When talking to Guard Erik in the second dialogue option the I in "I need more information" should be capitalized
-when the player finds the tunnel the second sentence would make more sense if it were "The guards will take care of sealing it, now you have to find the person responsible for all of this"
-for the locked door this would make more sense: "The door is locked and cannot be broken. Surely the one responsible for this is inside. Look for the key."
-in the conversation with Guard Jolen, after he says thank the Gods: "Frinko sent me to see what happened. We heard fighting and we weren't sure we could get in. What happened here?"
- in the player response you will want to remove "it" between "made" and "below"
-in the line about Frinko telling Neverember, this would be more common: "Frinko will inform Lord Neverember about this and the necessary measures will be taken."
(Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
I hope you like it more now.
Thanks to all for the help and the tips and reviews. I hope now the quest be good enough
I just played your quest with my lev.60 GWF. This quest enjoyable, but some advice:
(Execuse me, but the english is not my first language)
- At the start of the quest(talk to Frinko): the animation of Frinko(he is looking around - I don't know now the exact name of the animation) not fit to the dialog(I think...)
- map transitions: "Press F to go to the next map" - better: "Press F to go into the abandoned house", or "...to go into the tunnel"...etc.
- "Talk to the Dead Guard" - a./ I can't talk to a guard, who is dead.I can only EXAMINE or INSPECT the body of the Dead Guard.
b./ The "Dead Guard" is standing on the ground before dialog, then lying, then standing again.
Change the Dead Guards behavior Contact -> Dead body and Quest Objective Dialog -> Inspect object .
- In the first room the chains of the chandeliers are floating in the air
- door in the Abandoned house: "Press F to This door is open" - Press F to open this door.
- Quest objective: "Back to the Main Hall", door: "Press F to The strange symbol from the tunnels open this door" - to my mind this is not understandable. Press F to open this door with the strange symbol".
- too much encounters in too small place
In conclusion: good fights, good story, nice enviroment(!), maybe need some correction. Good work!