Reviewers needed for NW-DU7IXVVDR (Enchanted Castle)

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

You can find both quests under author:ladykathleen55

This is the group ID NWS-DCPHMJS4W

Act I is NW-DU7IXVVDR
Act II is NW-DJTJO4I5P

I would like to get some Constructive criticism on them before I try working on Act III which I want to try to a quest with optional paths.

This is my first set of quests. And even though my kids have run it and given me so Constructive criticism I would like to know what others think about it. (thinks kids can be biased)

Lady Kathleen

orangefiree · January 2014

I am about to take a look at your quests now.

Any chance you could take a look at some quests in the campaign in my signature when you get a chance? Thanks.

orangefiree · January 2014

Review: First quest.

The "Gift for Sir Rodney" is in a basket 01. You might want to change the name. The same objective also has the "I" in gift capitalized.
Right after that objective it has a "go to next map" transition that you might want to change.
Why are we reading the sign post but not actually finding out what it says.
What are the Nashers doing here?
The ogres were mentioned, but why are the orcs here?
The door to the stable says "go to next map".
The mysterious enchantress is an adventurer?
The final transition once again says go to next map.
And, just a final note, some more enemy customization might be nice. (I pretty much tell that to everyone.)

Review: Second quest.
The entrance to the first map is in a different spot on the gate map then the first one.
Several of the costumes don't seem to be the same as the first one (Daymin and Tyrrin come to mind here.)
The "Leaders of the pack" were labeled as frost goblins and winterforge. They also didn't really animate very well.
What was the random wererat encounter for?
I am curious how the werewolves got here, did some guests come over and forget to mention they had lycanthropy?
if the werewolves are in werewolf form, then it should be night outside.
The werewolf leader wasn't shown as a werewolf at all. he also was just an ordinary stormcaller. You might want to change the base encounter and costume up a bit to make it feel more unique.
The final transition said "go to next map".
Again, a little more enemy customization might be nice.

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

orangefiree,

Thank you so much for you great comments. For my first review (other than family) on my first try at the foundry, it was really nice to have. Now I have something to work on too!

I will also run your quest as well. Thank you again for your Review.

Lady Kathleen

orangefiree · January 2014

ladykathleen55 wrote: »

orangefiree,

Thank you so much for you great comments. For my first review (other than family) on my first try at the foundry, it was really nice to have. Now I have something to work on too!

I will also run your quest as well. Thank you again for your Review.

Lady Kathleen

Thank you.

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

Ver 1.1 is now available for Review for both acts.

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

orangefiree,

I tried to play you quest today, but I could not find it. I searched under all tabs and used the Number and the name.

It is just not finding it at all.

orangefiree · January 2014

ladykathleen55 wrote: »

orangefiree,

I tried to play you quest today, but I could not find it. I searched under all tabs and used the Number and the name.

It is just not finding it at all.

It is doing that to you too? Try searching for "The Shadowfell Disciples" in the "best" or "new" tabs. It likes to glitch on me sometimes too. Especially since I added part four. It should continue normally after that.

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

I will check that out. Most Likely tomorrow as it is a bit late to start a quest tonight.

melinden · January 2014

Part 1

I played with a level 60 cleric. I thought this was a straight forward quest and the feel of it matched the title. Generally speaking the only thing I would suggest would be to smooth the transitions from one part of the quest to another since it is made up of little different parts. Other than that everything worked just fine!

I ran through the exit door without getting my reward since I thought that it was behind the door (I didn't hear the chest chime in the room I was in) so unfortunately I wasn't able to give you a starred review.

Play through notes:

-in the first conversation with the girl you have some transposed letters in the last option: "haerd" instead of "heard" (I really hate the 10 pt font dialogue editor, it makes it really hard to catch these kinds of things in editor)
-are the purple fires in the castle just part of the "enchanted part"? I thought they were very unusual and an explanation in the text or dialogue might be nice
-I like the way you decorated the house!
-in the northwest room there is a door over one of the windows that comes with the house. This looked odd. Maybe you could move it one section to the left in front of the stairs?
-the knight statue by the northwest stairs is a little bit too low into the floor
-the buildings on the way to the stable might look more natural if they weren't leaning so much. I'm guessing you wanted to follow the line of the terrain but I think it would be ok if they were built into the hill.
-in Sir Rodney's conversation the 2nd response option about orcs the H in The is capitalized.
-one of the wandering horses ended up on the hay bales. This is amused me. But I've seen real horses do that and weirder.
-the wood piles near the first orc aren't quite level with the uneven terrain there so the ends are floating
-phew, an ogre and two battletested orcs are a hard combination. Thankfully this is a wild open map so I can play the DC kite-like-mad game. This might not be a winnable fight for some of us. Same for the Ogre plus Eye of Gruumsh. Some people like fights that hard, so maybe a difficulty slider or make them optional in one of the various ways to do that?
-some of the dirt of the flower patches near the stone wall are floating
-I really like the riddles, and the funny wrong answers are great
-I got caught with the nasty bug that the spike trap permantly rooted me after I dodged into when fighting the enchantress. To avoid that I would recommend despawning the traps when that fight starts to help the dodging classes

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

I must move that chest... can't have people running out of the room without the reward.... as little as it is...

As far as the review I will certainly get some of those fixes in. The wide open map was on purpose to help to kite those guys. That is how I do it when I run the quest.

Look for the Ver to change to 1.2 to know it was udated if you want to try it again.

casmelak · January 2014

posted in the wrong thread...epic failure.

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

melinden

you mentioned a difficulty slider. I have been trying to figure out how to make one. got any clues for that one?

casmelak

That is ok, you can join us here too!

casmelak · January 2014

you mentioned a difficulty slider. I have been trying to figure out how to make one. got any clues for that one?

A difficulty slider can be one of several things, but they are typically triggered off of optional dialogue.

Basically, you can set encounters, walls, traps, etc, to appear/disappear based on 'dialogue prompt reached'. You set, for each map, an object or NPC in the story to allow someone to indicate their difficulty preference. Based on that preference choice you can spawn more difficult mobs, or despawn more difficult mobs, more traps, fewer traps, etc, accordingly.

The other way you can add a difficulty slider is through the mechanism of adding optional NPC companions. There are encounters of type 'adventurer' which are 'friendly' (cleric, fighter, mage are the types available). If you spawn one or more based on 'dialogue prompt reached' and set them to follow the player immediately, they will become a tank, healer, or extra dps, depending on the NPC type you've chosen.

Those, at least, are the two ways that I'm familiar with it. I'm sure that there might be more, but I'm kinda new to this as well.

Either or both can be tied into the story so you don't have to outright ask, "hey, do you want a theme-park ride or to be dropped in an MMA ring?"

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

I think I like the 2nd way. and that one should work nicely into my storyline.

Thanks a lot!

chieori · January 2014

Greetings ladykathleen55!

I had the chance to run Act 1 Enchanted Castle tonight. It is a very interesting story and well designed/detailed environments. The combat in the stable area was a bit much at times, but over all it was fine.

Things I noticed along the way ...

-young girl / PE - "when you ge there please.." get

-after the fights for kathleen and jonathan, they immediately started following me, was really annoying as they were very much under foot and hard to interact with. especially kathleen when I was trying to get to the book, I kept having to move around to try to get to the book before she moved in the way

-jonathan - "I am sure of it, I did heard something!" hear

-margaret - "Please go a assit him..." drop the a and assit is assist

-margaret - says the gift is in a basket by the door, but it is actually in the corner of the room, nowhere near a door?

-While the Enchanted Castle is tidy, neat and well decorated, it seemed somewhat odd that I had to kill all those kobolds and yet there was no blood, dirt, corpses or anything afterwards to show that combat had taken place ... though I guess it is a "Enchanted Castle"

-fight to stables - this is a rather tricky area, there are a lot of encounters here, some up in the trees and not easily noticeable, if not careful you get 3-4 groups of mobs at one time, makes for a very painful section, same goes for the elite mobs mixed in with the standard caliber casters and melee, lot of potion drinking here.

-interestingly enough, the "stable" seemed to be more of a house than a stable. There were no fences, water for the animals, barn etc. Also, the whole area seemed a bit barren, needs more detail.

-jonathan never asked me about the gift from margaret, nor was there an option to give it to him, though the objective said I did give it to him, it was still in my bags.

-mysterious enchantress - "my bandit brother said you would nver ..." never

-riddle- 3rd option - "The King's Warth" Wrath

-at the end there was no exit, it said "Press F - Go to next map" although there was a door that said "Object" and it had 2 colored blobs on it, one said "Go to next map" the other said "Press F to Exit" the door didn't actually seem to act as an exit though?

When you get a chance, please review my quest Temple of the Winds NW-DM5JFJ3UL

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

chieori,

Thanks for reviewing my quest, I can see why they like so many reviews before granting them to the higher area. Typos seem to be the worse for me to catch.

I actually found Lady Kathleen and Jonathan annoying as well when they followed. I wanted them to move closer not be on top of the player .. Need to figure a better way to do what I am wanting.

I added a section last night (late) where you can get a companion to help with the orcs. Perhaps I need to add one for the Bandits as well.

the gift for Sir Rodney, Yes it says in one option that you give him the gift, but I am finding that the npc's do not consume items (at least where I can find. But you will see after talking to him a wagon appear. that consumes the item there. I am hoping either someone can tell me how to comsume items with NPC's or a better way.

ROFL basket by the door... Well it use to be by the door... until I moved the door because of the annoying window.. ROFL.

I will be editing the quest again soon. Look for Ver 1.4 if your interested in running it again.

P.S. I will try to run you quest after I edit mine.

casmelak · January 2014

Enchanted Castle by @ladykathleen55
NW-DU7IXVVDR

====================================

Played, reviewed, rated, tagged, and tipped.

Overall: This is a cute quest with some interesting story-telling elements. For a first shot with the Foundry it's not bad. There are design and dialogue issues, but in general the quest worked and was fine.

The first thing I'll say about design. The interior of the library didn't seem very...library-like. The 'kitchen' didn't have a stove, or shelves. The larger library space didn't have tables, chairs, benches, etc to read on. The lighting didn't seem to comport with the purpose. I like natural light as much as anyone, but the room was just dim for reading. As was the rest of the building, poorly lit. I'd recommend throwing some lanterns around and generally sprucing the place up.

The next thing is the 'Road to the stables'. The houses were tilted or sunk into the ground to accommodate the uneven terrain. Most everyone does this. I'd recommend throwing a foundation under the houses instead. There are some very good 'floor' pieces that work great for foundations. I'd also recommend adding something to denote a 'path' for the road. Most of the way to the stable was just plain grass.

Regarding the dialogue; there were several parts that I found confusing, but not so much that I got upset about it. The one thing that I'd recommend changing is the one sentence paragraph style. It get's disconcerting to read. Throw in some complex sentence structure, most of your audience is adults or teens who do a fair amount of reading, they can take it.

My detailed notes are below. Bear in mind that these are largely stream of consciousness thoughts as I played through and are not to be taken as criticism. Some of my thoughts are random and not directed at the author at all, simply observations that I made as I was playing. I also include some grammatical, syntactical, and typographical notes.

I'll likely be running your second one at some point, but I have a fair backlog at this point and can't promise it'll be soon.

If, or when, you have the time, I'd appreciate feedback for my quests. I've listed them below. You can decide which one to run, either or both could use more attention.

"The Divinity of Lankeshire" by @casmelak
Short Code: NW-DF7Y9QTCM

"A Time for Death" by @casmelak
Short Code: NW-DDVSHT5TY

SETTING -- Enchanted Castle

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Details
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-Lady Kathleen must be very distraught indeed to not wonder who I am or why I'm in her castle before asking for my help.

-Kitchen needs a stove. Some shelves wouldn't hurt either.

-For a library this seems remarkably denuded of chairs/tables; places to read.

-When you first talk to Lexy she says, "I'm the librarian, but I help out when I'm not busy." Is she lying? I see 'Librarian Taylor'.

-While the windows are good, natural light and all that, I'd recommend throwing up some lanterns. Kinda gloomy for a library.

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Dialogue
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Servant Lexy

@Prompt: Yes a snack would be nice.

Consider: Yes, a snack would be nice.

@Prompt: Yes a snack would be nice.

I see Lady Kathleen is looking for something maybe you can help her out.

Consider:

I see that Lady Kathleen is looking for something, maybe you can help her out.

@Prompt: Oh that is Lady Kathleen, Let me see if I can help her.

Consider:

Oh, THAT is Lady Kathleen. Let me see if I can help her.

@Prompt: I would rather have that cook drink now!

I think Lady Kathleen is getting mad now she can't seem to find what she is looking for!

Consider: I expect that Lady Kathleen getting mad is more of an event than her looking for something. This also seems to work better as two sentences.

I think Lady Kathleen is getting mad now! She can't seem to find what she is looking for.

@Prompt: OK If I must!

Consider:

OK... If I must!

Lady Kathleen -

@Prompt: Your Welcome M'Lady. I took it from the pesky Kobolds.

Consider: 'Welcome' doesn't need capitalized.

@Prompt: Your Welcome M'Lady. I took it from the pesky Kobolds.

Can you tell him about the Kobolds when your are done?

Consider: "when you're done?"

Lady Airlynn -

Consider: Would she call her husband 'Lord Jonathon'?

Queen Margaret -

Consider: Her first dialogue is somewhat confusing.

1. The first order of business for you is to welcome Sir Rodney home.
2. Can you do something for me?

1. Why is this business for me? Welcoming someone home seems like something best done by people who actually know him and...well, belong there. The Queen doesn't know me from Adam, and yet is saying that it's my job to be the welcoming face for someone I don't know. I'm dripping with Kobold guts and a complete stranger... Anyway, I'd recommend saying something more like, "Oh, thank you so much for eliminating the Kobolds! You simply MUST join us for the party to welcome back Sir Rodney! He'll be in the stables presently."

2. She just said that the first order of business is welcoming Rodney, so I assume that she's going to ask me for something in addition to that, but it would make sense for her to say something more like, "I actually have further need of your services before you go, however. Can you do one more thing for me?"

SETTING -- Road to the stables

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Details
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-Try putting foundations under the houses instead of tilting or sinking them to match the terrain. The 'netherese' floor works well for that. They're about 12 feet tall, so you line 'em up and stack them even to create a level surface for the house.

-Consider adding bushes along the path and some rock wall to denote the 'road'

-Consider adding music to this area. It's real quiet out there.

-Consider shortening the 'interact duration' for the wagon.

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Dialogue
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Sir Rodney -

@Prompt: Before I forget Queen Margaret told me to give you this gift.

Consider: Before I forget, the Queen asked me to give you this gift.

@Prompt: Before I forget Queen Margaret told me to give you this gift.

I wanted to tell you , that on my way here...

Consider: extra space between 'you' and the comma

SETTING -- Stable

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Details
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-Moving or hiding the 'map exit' door until it's needed. I ended up going through the door because it was glowy and seemed like the next thing to do. Now I can't complete the quest.

-After speaking with Jonathon the Enchantress appears behind you back in the room with the Queen. Makes it hard to follow. Either have the Enchantress in the room with Jonathon, or have Jonathon appear in the room with the Queen.

-Yep, after speaking with Katherine, the Enchantress appears in the room with Jonathon. I'd switch them.

ladykathleen55 · January 2014

I have had some very good reviewers. I have incorporated a lot of their suggestions. (not just the typos)

Ver 1.5 is up and ready if anyone would like to try it.

Reviewers needed for NW-DU7IXVVDR (Enchanted Castle)

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