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The Merchant's Tower: NW-DC3LB6TZ9
boudiccia
Member Posts: 74 Arc User
This is the third part in My Claiming the Halfling District Campaign.
Part 1: Claiming the Halfling Quarter NW-DIRT5MWZH
Part 2: The Return to Sloping Street NW-DACVPHGHW
Part 3: The Merchant's Tower NW-DC3LB6TZ9
Willbur is back and he needs your help. What crazy scheme did the merchant of Sloping Street cook up this time? Explore Willbur's grand bazaar and the vast Undercity that lurks below. Discover what dark secrets exist in this maze of twisted buildings. Find out in The Merchant's Tower.
Solo 15 minutes
Standard difficulty encounters, new costumes, custom map, exploration
Version 1.0
- Multiple endings
Part 1: Claiming the Halfling Quarter NW-DIRT5MWZH
Part 2: The Return to Sloping Street NW-DACVPHGHW
Part 3: The Merchant's Tower NW-DC3LB6TZ9
Willbur is back and he needs your help. What crazy scheme did the merchant of Sloping Street cook up this time? Explore Willbur's grand bazaar and the vast Undercity that lurks below. Discover what dark secrets exist in this maze of twisted buildings. Find out in The Merchant's Tower.
Solo 15 minutes
Standard difficulty encounters, new costumes, custom map, exploration
Version 1.0
- Multiple endings
Try my Foundry: Claiming the Halfling Quarter NW-DIRT5MWZH
Sequel: The Return to Sloping Street NW-DACVPHGHW
Part 3: The Merchant's Tower NW-DC3LB6TZ9
Sequel: The Return to Sloping Street NW-DACVPHGHW
Part 3: The Merchant's Tower NW-DC3LB6TZ9
Post edited by boudiccia on
0
Comments
Made some changes so the ending is more clear.
Sequel: The Return to Sloping Street NW-DACVPHGHW
Part 3: The Merchant's Tower NW-DC3LB6TZ9
Sequel: The Return to Sloping Street NW-DACVPHGHW
Part 3: The Merchant's Tower NW-DC3LB6TZ9
NW-DC3LB6TZ9
====================================
Played and reviewed
Overall: This quest isn't bad. Story wise it's alright, although some pieces felt a bit lacking. Like, why Willbur's wife doesn't have more to say, why does the mission end with me just bailing, where does the treasure come from and why am I receiving it, why would a drow mercenary (a generally evil race with a, well, mercenary occupation) be willing to eat garbage and live in a sewer for no pay aside from what they can steal?
The combat was better. It was varied enough to not get boring, not overwhelming while still taking more than 2 seconds to drop an enemy. The objectives were reasonably clear - if not always easy to find. The level design was where you really lost me. There was just too much contrast between the two maps as regards model placement and overall design quality. I have my detailed notes below where I've shared those thoughts from while I was playing.
There were several things that I ran into that felt like oversights or things that were forgotten. On the first map, after Willbur says he'll follow you, there's a portcullis open going north into, what looks like, a sprawling manor. There's a named halfling NPC standing there with no contact protocol in front of a big house. The rest of the grounds are open but there's nothing there accept another small handful of mute NPC's. I'd recommend shutting that place down tight. Don't give the player a reason to explore and nothing to find.
General: So, I have a few points that I feel I need to share with you. First, I don't know how custom the first map "Upper Sloping Street" is, but it set a stage for highly detailed and well-tended design. The next map did not meet the standard set by the first one. There were virtually innumerable things off kilter, off the ground, off the wall, both literally and figuratively. I take it you built on top of a populated map. The overall effect is...unsettling. If you had it to do over, I would strongly recommend doing it differently. There were a few aspects of the last map that I actually liked. I liked the feel of the urban jungle. I am, however, reasonably certain that you could achieve that effect without the unfortunate angled, floating, weirdness.
Below are my notes. They include points about typos, misspellings, and suggestions for grammar and syntax choices. Please understand that I'm not trying to be a critic about writing. Everyone has a different style, and to the extent to which it's possible style should be accommodated.
SETTING -- Upper Sloping Street
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
+Very nicely detailed. From the grass clusters to the ramshackle tumble-downs.
-Dead 'thrall' appears to be levitating a bit.
-I'd leave the Northern portcullis down until it needs to be up. I went wandering around up there. And while I didn't break anything, it was still wierd to have this whole open, well detailed, but otherwise empty space.
++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++
Willbur's Now Ex-Wife
-It's strange that she doesn't have any follow-on dialogue.
Local Resident Willbur:
Prompt: "What, more bandits? Can't you just hire a guard or something."
-Missing '?' at the end.
Prompt: Consider:
Prompt:
Consider:
Prompt:
Consider: "Merchant's Tower" is a proper noun/title. "Merchant's tower" is a tower that happens to belong to a merchant.
Prompt:
Consider: (missing ?)
Prompt:
Consider: (typo 'theivery', throw in some emphasis in parts.)
Prompt:
Consider:
Prompt:
Consider: Bazaar, in this context, doesn't need capitalized. Two sentances. A question? Followed by a statement. Adds emphasis.
Prompt:
Prompt:
Consider: You use "Under City" as two-words, capitalized, twice, as though referring to a particular place. Doesn't really matter which you choose to go with, but consistency is the concern here. The next prompt you use "undercity", and "under city".
Prompt:
Consider: (Hyphenate for glory!)
SETTING -- Sloping Side Street
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
-Wierd that someone built a huge, stone, staircase through the side of a building, and OVER a street-lamp.
-Going UP the stairs, to the right is the underneath/corner of a huge tile piece slapped on TOP of the house with the stairs through it. Eminent domain I guess.
-When I start to talk to "StreetRuffian" his twin, "Street Ruffian" shows up.
=Violent Wench be crazy!
-Some of the decorations in the 'Merchant's Tower' are just confusing. There's pieces of buildings sticking out of other buildings, floors used as foundations that stick up at off angles here and there. I guess what I'm getting at is, was that on purpose? Are you trying to show that Willbur doesn't follow through too well on his ideas?
-Might be better to give the player the respawn point before they embark on a murder spree. on the roof-tops.
-On the street again, you have several quad-arch structures in a row. A few of their legs are floating off the ground.
+I really like the urban jungle feel that you've achieved on the streets below. It really seems like a crawl through a gang-riddled
-The booth where you 'find the stolen merchandise' is floating.
-More things sticking out at odd angles, competing, strange architecture.
-Another stall, this one in the center of, what looks like, the main plaza, upstairs. This one is half-buried.
++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++
Willbur:
Consider: "merchandise", "thieves", "Merchant's Tower" - Also, commas.
Willbur2:
Consider: ("merchandise", "the under city", find synonyms for 'merchandise'. 'my stuff', 'my goods', etc.)
Peasant Woman
Consider: (Period. Second Sentance?)
Next prompt: "merchandise"
Prompt:
Consider: the the
Undercity leader
Prompt:
Consider: