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Save Lilyana
gravman213
Member Posts: 22 Arc User
Hey all this is my first Foundry Quest(go easy on me) no but really please give it a try and please leave a review good bad or ugly.....also willing to trade reviews. i like to get feedback so i can work to improve it..
During your travels you encounter a woman named Anne who is searching for her sister and husband. You agree to go to the town of Glover to locate information on their wareabouts.
You will enounter foes that range in difficulty from easy to very chanllenging. Do you have what it takes to find Anne's husband and save Lilyana?
Average time is 19-24 min long.
Name of Mission Save Lilyana
Search @DRAKKO213
Short code is NW-DUF7HTHDQ
Mindflayer server
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thanks
Offering to do a Review Trade is a pretty quick way to get some feedback as well, but requires some willingness to return the favor.
Also, including the image is great, but maybe add some quest description to your post here - basic things like story setup or average/estimated playtime can help entice people or let them know what they might be stepping in to. (Yes that's provided in-game, but from the forums it's still helpful.)
Added you to my "to play" list, and will send a PM with notes when I'm done.
thanks kithlis
Thought the story was well written and interesting to follow. The actual implementation of the story feels very rough and needs a lot of polish.
- Combat: Too many stacked encounters. Especially the sub boss on the first map. He just healed and healed forever. The was very painful for my Devoted Cleric. Feels more like a group zone.
- Look and feel: Mostly generic "Nasher" rebels, enforcers, Hexers, snipers got very repetitive after a while. Recommend giving them custom costumes and renaming them. Also saw the extremely generic named "Adventurer Fighter" just plopped down into the map. There were a few of these in the third map. They could be renamed as Taskmasters, or body guards, and put a different armor skin on them. Make them fit the story.
- Special story interactions: There are couple parts where is says Free the town folks but when you free them nothing really happens. Have them get up and walk out of the jail cell when you open the door.
- Ending Exit: consider adding a door transition at the end instead of using "F" to exit.
This story has a lot of potential so keep working on it. The difference between good foundries and great ones is matter of polish. The more you customize your encounters, NPCs, and maps the better it will be.
**
Please check out my foundry Claiming the Halfling District NW-DIRTSMWZH
Thanks
Sequel: The Return to Sloping Street NW-DACVPHGHW
Part 3: The Merchant's Tower NW-DC3LB6TZ9
There is a know bug where people get a older version of a mission so i have started to lable my updates. If you get a older version then zone from the map your on and pick the mission back up.
Added costum to all NPC and encouters.
Changed many of the town folk to walk away after being saved
Removed most fog
Revamped last encounter in map 3.
Fixed the exit @ end of mission and added a door.
Added some detail to map one
Know Issue- Still need to rename some NPC's
Will be running Claiming the Halfling District here in a few hours. I will leave a review Boudiccia
Ann Potter dialogue:
-"mothers" should be "mother's"
-the player's name needs to go inside of the question mark in her opening remark.
Joshua Potter dialogue:
-"lose" should be "loose"
-"ou" > "you"
-"his and his daughters life" > "his daughter's life"
Franklin the Butcher dialogue:
-"looting and burning and pillaging" > "looting, burning, and pillaging" is better.
-"check if there" > "check if they are"
-"help the citizen" > "help the citizens"
Lilyana dialogue:
"God's" > "gods"
"citizen" > "citizens"
I found it a little difficult to see in the mine with all the fog. Adding a little for atmosphere if fine, but when you can't tell what is going on it becomes a problem. Also, you could move the last door in the mine in a little so that it does not overlap with the surrounding wood supports when opening. Good work overall.
Please give "Into the Drow Helix" a quick play when you can.
Fixed many grammatical errors. Thanks nimzowitch
Revamped map 3 end boss for Tasty Awesomeness
I will be taking a look after the football game today @ "Into the Drow Helix" and ill leave a review
Ran though a bunch of reviews and corrected many punctual spelling errors
Re works the whole start of the mission up to frosty pines
Frosty Pines map
-Fixed gateway .
-Added injured man.
-Removed ring from story.
-Added some detail.
Glover Town map
-Add in Opinion quest to save horses
-Reworked the keys so they drop from encounters.
-Add locked mine door
-Added town History
-Added encounter from building.
Glover Mines map
-Added many crystals
-Moved Lilyana to locked room
-Added mini puzzle and bridge
-Fix Anvil names
Several other little fixes
I am always up for a review trade, let me know. I also want to thank the foundry community for being active. A good review will always help me to improve on Save Lilyana
trying to polish the heck out of this so plz give me hell in review in game or here
Search @drakko213
Update 1.7
Knox Room Map
*Fixed names on bags
Potters House Map
*Changed Map Transfer to wagon
*Added a lot of dialog to Black Jack
Frosty Pines Map
*Added Tower
*Changed Map Transfer to wagon
*Re Skinned all Encounters with custom Skins
Glover Town
*Re Skinned all Encounters with custom Skins
*Made save horses part of main quest
*Changed to one Key Drop
Glover Mines
*Re Skinned all Encounters with custom Skins
*Fixed Dialog
*Hammer now is used on action and not in your inv
*shorted the mines and added 3 maps
Lower Glover Mines
*Added this whole custom made map
Lower Mines Room
*Added this whole Map
*Changed end fight(much better now):)
*added Knox and Lilyanna NPC
Boat yard Map
* added this whole map
* new ending to the mission
Willing to trade reviews
I can see that you're continuously aiming to improve your quest. I really enjoyed it, especially the Glover city map and the icy forest you had created. The mines integrated cleverly to the city and looked fab with the crystals and other decoration.
There's a fair number of typos and a couple of areas where I think you can add some polish to complete the feel and look of a 5* quest.
Map transitions - you can change what it says when you have the city map open, please change them all to other than "press F to go to the next map"
Innkeeper - change dialogue to "here, it's 'players name', very pleases = pleased
Inn Door 3 - need to move it closer to the wall
In the Inn, you used the same sound effect on each door and picking up each backpack - maybe try some new ones
Retrieve backpacks (sine there are 3 of them)
Knox - strait = straight
In the forest, maybe have Black Jack appear after the conversation with Anne.
black jack - somethin = something
In Glover, if the merchant is a butcher, why's he selling books? Just felt wrong
I like Glover a lot, saving the horses was a nice touch; but I thought you could add some more fire FX, maybe on rood tops, windows etc, give a more 3D feel of it being pillaged.
In the cave when you break down the door, maybe use the hammering interaction.
Lilyana - there = their
Final map on the cliff tops - it looked lazy, just blank open space. Build something wonderful, a creepy temple, ancient ruins, a dilapidated fortress - anything. It's is the final map the players will see - make it memorable
Horse by the treasure chest - named horse 18.
You mentioned willing to trade, I think you'll enjoy my adventure too as a fellow map-builder.
422 - Yeenoghu's Bride
NW-DUMTEJ9KZ
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?411131-Proud-to-present-for-reviews-422-Yeenoghu-s-Bride
The hammer wasn't visible (I use very low graphics settings and only found it by random luck), and I was able to run through the traps and kill the enemy in the passage beyond but the door was still locked. I eventually realised that I had to go back and use the 'secret' passageway to disarm the traps BUT it might be better if you blocked the way past totally, as this was very confusing.
BTW when the player is talking with Rossco he says corps rather than corpse.