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Nature of the Beast - Trading Reviews
marakthemauler
Member Posts: 41
Well my first foundry has been published and I will like feedback on its quality. I will naturally review any foundry you have posted (or re-review if that is the case).
Within the domains of Nature, there are many paths that can be followed but which one will you take? The fate of a village depends upon your choice, as does the creatures that live in the area.
Adventure Type: Solo
Difficulty: Fights range from easy to challenging as depending upon what allies you make
Mission Type: Combat, Story
Dialog: The dialog choices changes the story along the way and allows for multiple different outcomes.
version 1.0
Within the domains of Nature, there are many paths that can be followed but which one will you take? The fate of a village depends upon your choice, as does the creatures that live in the area.
Adventure Type: Solo
Difficulty: Fights range from easy to challenging as depending upon what allies you make
Mission Type: Combat, Story
Dialog: The dialog choices changes the story along the way and allows for multiple different outcomes.
version 1.0
Post edited by marakthemauler on
0
Comments
1. Maps: Solid maps, I had trouble finding unicorn bones. might want to add combat points in village so that players find combat a little easier.
2. Story: A gem of a story with so many actual choices that change the way the module plays out. Very topical to current storyline of the fey style maps work well.
3. Combat: Depending on choices can be light or medium. Not challenging with choices I made but perfect for the story that you tell.
4. NPC's:Bar ambience was right on let you feel the tension between the two factions you set up and build the story. thornclaw was a really solid choice and story for a druid.
5.Flow In a few places you have multiple overlays of NPC that can be a touch distracting when reading through the really good story.
Overall this is a good story driven quest with more choices then almost any other module I have played effects the outcome, would need at least 3-4 play through to find all the possible outcomes I think.
A few notes about some immerse breaking for me issues:
• I can’t recognize what map you’ve used and what is added by you but the town looks really weird with this grass :P Like it is abandoned or poorly maintained from lazy folk.
• The things that the non-interactable NPCs in the inn say are kinda useless, they pop up together and technically I find it hard to read.
• The attack of the wolves is not tense, felt like just running to the sides of the town. I think they should be inside the town. I don’t know how the horses attacked by wolves are set but they move in weird way standing on the wolves or on the harmed man.
• The music for the battle for the baby unicorn plays even when you talk to the 3 guys to solve their issues.
Family Secrets NW-DM71LY21M
Thank you for the review, I am glad you enjoyed the story and the characters.
I tweaked the unicorn bones so hopefully they are a little easier to find now. I changed the village combat from area to point, so hopefully that will make it easier on the players.
I know about the overlays, unfortunately with the style of story I was telling and the options I was giving the players (and the limitation of the foundry engine) some of the choices showed duplicate NPCs and some fights started in a conversation block.
Review of the "And Justice for All" Campaign:
- The story and characters are excellent. They give a real "natural" feel to the missions and allows the players to learn some of the history of the Realms (if they already didn't know it).
- The combats are unique and appropriately tied in with the theme of the overarching campaign.
- The maps show a lot of custom detail and attention that would have taken hours of work to implement and a true love of setting the right atmosphere to help the players get immersed in the missions.
I have enjoyed the three you have published and cannot wait for the next installment.
This was on purpose, I wanted to show physical aspects of the conflict with the druid. I am an old P&P D&D player, so I drew upon that experience for a lot of the interactions and environmental aspects. The tall grass is the result of the druid casting "Plant Growth" on the grass so it will choke out the village and the crops.
I am sorry you didn't like that touch, this was to provide an additional dynamic to the other nature vs nature conflict theme of the mission.
I can see what you mean, I will change it to series of encounters to hopefully give a heightened sense of urgency and threat. I initially had the horses (and pigs) set to "Timid" but the critters would act as tanks while the PCs attacked the wolves. I changed the contact behavior to "Wander - Ignore Combat" so the wolves will attack the PCs instead. (Heh, PCs, my table-top gaming is showing through.) I wish the "Timid" behavior would make the encounter NPCs break off and attack the players instead of the current activity.
Hmm, I will have to look into that. I thought I had it end when you started talking to the dryad again.
Thank you again for reviewing my quest. I will post a review of "Family Secrets" later tonight.
Would appreciate a return review of any of my quests. Campaign is in my signature. Warning though, mine are more combat oriented. With a lot less dialogue. They are soloable though.
Please give one of mine a try under the "For Review" tab:
Into the Drow Helix - 20 min.
Siren's Cove Castaways - 30 min.
Thank you for reviewing. Yes, I did spend a lot of time with minor details to help the overall experience. I tried the doing "Find Elleso's Body" as a marker, but the text box is too small and disappears too quickly.
I will review one of your missions tomorrow.
Assorted English tense, phrasing, and spelling issues. Didn't break up the flow enough to write them down individually. In example the beginning of Thornclaw's dialogue has "this incredibly beauty sylvan woman" which should probably be "beautiful".
Ashira NPC glitched on gesture change while talking to her. The model doubled on the screen. (after explaining about her relationship with druid, end of conversation)`
Elesso Mada is breathing against the tree. I don't know if there's a way around that, but it looks odd for a dead person.
The rear ambush gnomes in the Bilgup ambush were positioned oddly, seemed to idle until they were attacked.
The dryad Cherry Blossom constantly stands and sits during the three person conversation. The models (all three) also double at the end of that dialogue.
Polywag's model doubles during the final conversation.
Quest targets on the map are well done.. I didn't have a problem finding my way through the chains.
Dialogue also flowed well. I didn't have a problem following the conversations at all.
Seldan's Tower - NW-DLZLEFX4N - Link to Thread
I'll go through your quest this weekend (probably Saturday morning) - so you have until then to implement whatever updates, tweaks, corrections suggested by the others here, because I don't pull punches. I'm not an <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>$ about it, but being in show business myself I also tell things the way they are.
What I mean is this: I do not give stars so easily willy-nilly. I always begin a quest with three stars in mind (neither good or bad, but neutral). Then I start adding or deducting from there. I like a lot of what I'm reading from commenters in this thread, so I'll give your quest a go.
I also don't sugar-coat my reviews either, I'll be truthful and honest, but also frank. I was a stage producer for years so I know all about smoke and mirrors and audience deflection and redirection - I hope you practice this stuff in your quest, I can be anal. But also because I've been building Foundry works for almost four years, I also understand the difficulty and hard work; many hours that go into this stuff.
I'll give it a run-through on my level 30-ish Elf, which is my "Foundry Reviewer" alt. I'll report back here (and ping you in IM when I do). So you have three days to curtain. Make ready, break a leg.
And good luck.
UPDATE: I have played this quest and present a very thorough review below.
Jump to it if you like:
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?479131-Nature-of-the-Beast-Trading-Reviews&p=6053221&viewfull=1#post6053221
I enjoyed the exploration aspect of your Halgarth's Legacy mission. I like to take time to explore the environment to see what little hidden treasures lurk around the corner. The fights at the end of the mission were really challenging (for my GWF) and nearly died a couple of times, but made it out in the end. You might want to add a little pause between part 1 and part 2 to allow players to heal up a bit.
I am glad you enjoyed the story and yes play through all the various options. I will review you mission and review in thread linked in your signature.
I will fix it. It takes another pair of eyes to catch the little things like that. I am sure I have a few other errors sprinkled through the dialogs. A word processor is only so good at reporting grammer/spelling errors.
There is very little I can do about the doubling due to the nature of my mission. I have dialog options A, B, C that result in X, Y, Z that do not have a single dialog exit point and spawn different versions of the NPC(s). I would love it if the foundry allowed a combination box for NPC appearance, i.e. Dialog/Component Complete + Dialog Option reached, but alas there can only be one trigger type.
I will have to look at the Dryad dialog actions, I thought I had fixed them all. She should be sitting up to a certain dialog point and after that remain standing.
If there was an animation for a dead body sitting against something I would use it, so if you do not look too closely at Elleso Mada it works but yeah she is breathing.
Good, I had spent a lot of time on the dialog even more than I did on the environment. I know there a few places where it could be a bit more polished but I tried my best at writing a good story and allow for the players to really choose how they wanted it to unfold.
I appreciate frank reviews and welcome them in the spirit they are given as honest opinions and observations to improve the foundry mission to make a good project even better. I have given out more than a few myself.
I know some people indicated that they want more "decoration" in the forest, but I hit the decor limit.
As when you or anyone else play my mission (or any other UGC) know that there is a foundry bug that is being investigated that sometimes causes older versions of foundry to appear in the list. If you haven't already, take a gander at this thread. My current foundry version is 1.4 with a date of September 10 (may be 11), anything earlier is an out-of-date version. With the updates I am making tonight, the latest version will be 1.5.
Played through this a few days ago, but wanted to give it a second run while making different choices before providing any feedback. I'll PM my notes to keep things spoiler free, but I will say here that this was quite excellent. You are a very good storyteller and did a great job with the map designs.
If you'd like to check out one of mine, I'm always look for more plays on my new quest TUUM (NW-DR2GL2VJL)
PMing notes now.
Reviewed Sirens Cove Castaways in your thread.
SHORT ANSWER FOR OTHER READERS: Recommendation: PLAY. This is a good quest with a good story.
NOTE TO THE QUEST AUTHOR: I apologize that after completing the quest I rated and tagged it, but clicked the submit button before actually writing an in-game review. Hopefully this one will suffice and prove more valuable anyway.
**********
FOUNDRY WORK "Nature of the Beast" by MarakTheMauler
First objective is "Talk to traveling merchant" - it is helpful to include her name and location (no matter if you include pixie dust path or not) - such as "Talk to Alricia Fenta, the traveling merchant in Seven Suns Coster Market". (Always work hard to not allow your audience to "fall through any cracks") I automatically headed to a gate because many Foundry works start that way. It took me a while to realize there was no waypoint to your quest, only then did I look to see if there was a quest path in PE itself.
Traveling Merchant dialog:
Options are ""What is the problem?" and "I am busy..." - Option 2 is redundant and silly. Why would I say such a thing when I am the one who initiated the conversation? Option 1: Perhaps a better phrase might be something along the lines of "I saw your notice, what's the story?" (if someone changes their mind, they can just click the "Done" button).
First dialog - more information. "under attack" by what? When? Why? Give plenty information for fewer player clicks. (I invite you to play my quest "Blakelake Luskan" - short code in my signature - to know better what I am speaking about. Yeah, shameless plug there.)
First dialog options numbers 2 and 3: presumptive. As an adventurer looking for work it presumes I already know what's going on, have already been to this town or that I have a really dry sense of humor (which the player may or may not have - and I don't, at least not this style).
Dialog options and colors: ORANGE color indicates "choose this to complete the dialog and move on" - should only be used to indicate the dialog tree will complete and the next objective placed into your journal. YELLOW text usually indicates the primary objective. WHITE should be used for all other text, especially expositions (explanation for story context).
Your "all yellow" and "all orange" dialog choices are highly confusing. SUGGESTION: Options that affect the quest should be yellow. Options that end the dialog should be orange (those that will close the dialog and allow the player to continue the quest). If an option returns to a previous tree, it should always be white.
Written prose: not that important, but pithy works better. For example: "Go to the Dancing Leaf Inn and speak to Pollywag, she is the owner of the Inn and the current mayor [sic, Mayor is a noun]" might read better if it were phrased like "Look for the Mayor, called Pollywag. She is often found at the Dancing Leaf Inn." Just saying.
WHEW! All that just on the first contact in Protector's enclave. Okay, consider all of the above to apply throughout your entire quest. From here on I'll stay as pithy as I can.
Very nice exterior map on landing in the instance.Town feels deserted, no life (first impression: something is wrong and is probably why I'm here to investigate/fix).
Greeted by Gilda - she gets my attention and I move to her, but she is not intractable (confusing). Jacob is asking me if I want to play. Again, he is not intractable. NPCs should not speak to me unless I can interact (this is called GodModding in RPG communities: an action that involves me but does;t allow me to respond).
Suggestion: allow me to ask Gilda where I can find the Inn and she tells me. But make her interaction optional in case I choose to ignore her and search on my own.
Pollywag Dialog: Oh Gawd I *HATE* slashes ("/") that denote "and/or". Just use "and" for God's sakes. It really looks unprofessional and lazy on the writer's part. Instead of "Bartender/Owner" just say either "Bartender" or say "Owner" - this detail does;t matter. Why not just say "bartender/owner/Mayor"? Srsly.
Also, irrelevant OOC text describing her and the bar (wasted time reading that). Perhaps something lightweight like "You find it surprising to find a halfling tending the bar." or something simpler.
When someone speaks (including the player responses) it's easier to read if you use contractions, "it's" instead of "it has", for example.
Prose and grammar: "I've heard something that her and the Druid…" should be "I heard something that she and the Druid…", etc. Second player response option is injecting personality into me (the player) - feels like GodModding, FYI.
Accidentally went to Cravson before the girl the Polly told me about. Option one of response starts with "I heard you have…" Ummm, how did I hear about that? Unexpected presumption. More conversational exposition would do well here. FYI
Llithlin: Immediately I see option three, which will not be available until I complete some quest tasks. Suggestion: remove this dialog response; when I begin the tasks she gives me, have her disappear/ Appear a clone of her with the third (and other) options that apply after I have completed her tasks.
Initial response give me the immediate impression Llithlin is hostile to me and everyone else in the town ("The humans need to learn…") My impression is that I'll be dealing with her in combat later. So why not right now? Presumptive because one of the player responses in the bartender dialog indicated I have "ways to make her talk" - this is causing my impressions and RPG moods to roller-coaster into different directions, breaking immersion and feeling chaotic and illogical.
Note: player response "Why would the fey be attacking the town" is illogical as Llithlin just told me exactly why they would be attacking the town (cutting down tree, "woods" are responding).
The Llithlin dialog on the next page would fit well if made part of the initial dialog (not requiring a player response in-between them).
Spelling: "You's better what yourself…" should be "watch yourself…" Also, If I know to ask what kind of fey are here, I already know they can be fickle and dangerous. Lllithlin seems to be insulting my intellect (which may be intentional on the author's part).
Player response option 2: GodModding
Ditto Ashira: remove the "after task" dialog options from initial NPC, clone NPC after player sets out and put those options in there to be seen when the player returns. Also: dialog options requiring items or task completion should be at the right-end of the dialog set-up so they appear last in the in-game dialog window, not at the top requiring me to scull just to see the options that ARE available.
Ashira: initial dialog, redundant OOC text.
Spelling: "That is must better" should be "That is much better". "What is it you will like to know" should be "…would like to know".
Logic context: Ashira explains she came to help with problems; player asks how she is helping with farming. I don;t care about that, I'm here to solve a problem. I'd ask about the problems first.
BUG: On the "How do you contact him" dialog where Alshira respond she just meets in the woods… a second copy of Alshira became visible - there are now two copies of here, one onto of the other.
Prose: "OK" should be "Okay".
Logic: Ashira ends the conversation with "back to my conversation with…" - but there is no one else near her.
Cravson FYI: "people that live here" reads better as "people who live here" ("that" would work better as in "that live there" for example). Just FYI
MAP-Mistletown Defense: Jacob is waving at me, grabbing my attention. Not interactable.
Logic: if Volkar knows the town is under attack, should;t I be the one following him, rather than having to find the location of assault? (Update: okay the quest path finally appeared.)
Note - the combat is so far spread out over the map, perhaps Volkar should state that he is "getting reports of attacks" rather than being so definitive about it.
Logic: after initial combat, the trappers are far way - how would I know to talk with them? Perhaps some interaction with Volkar after combat? Stating some people were spotted at the edge of the wood or something? It can be explained they are trappers when interacting with them.
MAP 3: I'm supposed to be following a trapper - but there's no one in sight.
BUG: The location of Elleso's body has no body, only a sparkly interactive with "F to interact" label. If this is intended, the objective should;t be called "Find Elleso's body", but rather "Search for Elleso's body". That, or a NPC body needs to be placed here. UPDATE: The location of the interact is not near the NPC body I have accidentally found (not visible from the interact point that describes the body).
Objective presumption: after finding dried pool of blood, the objective states "Find the injured horse" - which seems to give away too much of the story. Perhaps different phrasing, such as "continue to follow the blood trail" or something? My point being, I'm unsure if I'd actually know it was a horse that is wounded, considering other animals and people are involved.
Spelling: Thornclaw dialog, "She wants to cut down the trees and ruin the habits for the creatures living in the woods" should be "…ruin the habitats of the creatures…" (at least, this is how I was reading it. And the original is intended, then disregard).
Dialog Keillan: Drethca, player response "You will not off that easily" should be "You will not get off that easily" (Or "be let off").
Dialog: "baby Unicorn" might be better described as a "Unicorn foal". Just Saying.
Dialog Keillan: spelling - "The woman turns to you saying, …" should be "saying".
Logic: After taking the Unicorn Horn, objective is to talk with Cherry Blossom. How do I know to do this? Perhaps a better objective description might be "Make your way out of the forest" - but still leading me to Cherry Blossom?
Mechanics: NPCs already interacted with should be removed (made invisible) after the player moves on, but returns to the vicinity. Do this by having the NPC disappear when another goal is met (such as picking up the Unicorn Horn while those "used" NPCs are not visible to the player). The player will simply assume they've moved on.
No need to describe what I see in OOC text (Cherry Blossom dialog, "you see several other figures…" - I understand how table-top works, but this is a 3D visual medium. Just Saying.
Dialog Cherry Blossom: it appears player response option serpent themselves through a couple dialogs ("I will care for him…"
Dialog: Response to "I lead a dangerous life" - Ashira dialog" …clear out a small section so accommodate…" should be "…section to accommodate…"
Dialog: Response to "Enough, you two [sic; I added the comma]" - player response option 2: "…my nonexistence negotiation…" should be "…nonexistent negotiation…"
Dialog: response to "How much of the forest…" - player response option 2: "You better have something…" should be "You had better have something…" (or "You'd better have something…")
Dialog: In response to "I am ready to make a decision" - "The dryad with tied eyes…" should be "tired eyes…". Player response option 3: "…will cause too much farm to the forest…" should be "too much harm to the forest…".
Dialog: response to previous dialog option 3: player response option 1 - "There now, that wash't…" (you have a comma); also: player response option 1: "…was it you too?" should be "…was it, you two?" (comma and numeral 2 spelled properly).
Leaving the wood: THANK YOU for not making me travel all the way back to the beginning of the cave. But a portal swirl or something would be better than an invisible sparkly on the ground.
Final map (Mistletown (Final)) - sky looks awkward with the rest of the map atmosphere. Just saying.
Mistletown NPCs - all facing one direction (and away from the direction I came) - as though they are witnessing something ahead of them, that is nonexistent.
ARGH! Super Chest giving the wrong reward for my class (I *know* it's not the author's fault. I thought Cryptic fixed this sorriest of sorry bugs.)
"Press F to go to next map" is … eew. Find a better way to end the quest.
TL;DR Section...
++++++++++
MY RATING/GRADING PARADIGM:
STARS are granted strictly for quest mechanics (anything the author does to create the environment and experience, such as maps, dialog boxes, interactives, etc.). TIPS are awarded for story creativity and detail; how engaging the overall quest is to me as a player.
My STARS chart:
5-Stars = Highly Impressed.
(Note: it does't matter to me if maps are pre-made or custom and it shouldn't matter to you)
(Also note: even Cryptic doesn't always get 5-Stars from me.)
4-Stars = Very good overall. But either needs work or better creativity.
3-Stars = Neutral, neither really good or bad, unmemorable.
2-stars = Annoyed - Too many immersion-breaking "glitches".
1-Star = Hate. It. Usually falls to "just another stupid hack-n-slash"
My TIPS chart:
500 = Excellent concept or context (Immersive, emotional, logical, engaging, etc.)
400 = Still needs work or bugs fixed, but a stunning start.
300 = Could use more work, especially in telling the story overall.
200 = Good story perhaps, but a little light in the telling of it.
100 = No matter how story-focused, the author was a bit lazy in telling it.
000 = (No tip) - a stupid excuse for a "quest" (read: dumb hack-n-slash).
MY RATINGS AND GRADE FOR "Nature of the Beast":
As with every quest, I begin with the idea of 3-STARS (Neutral).
Color coding of dialog prompt text, OOC text, NPC dialog and player options: - 1-Star; total 2-Stars
Story logic was a bit confusing with GodModding and such - no change.
Visual environment overall: appealing (except for that really ugly last map) - + 1-Star; total 3-Stars
NPC interactives were inconsistent at times, presumptions made (and some GodModding). - 1-Star; total 2-Stars
Attention to detail in the environment was very well done. + 1-Star; total 3-Stars
Overall use of map space regarding decoration and look: very good. + 1-Star; total 4-Stars
Missing (or apparently missing) objects with only invisible sparkles for interactive elements: - 1-Star; total 3-Stars
Overall concept of the quest (player choice affect quest mechanics) - stunningly wonderful; great replay ability (if it didn't take so long). + 1-Star.
FINAL RATING: 4-STARS. Fix the missing objects, grammar and spelling along with some of the logical issues and it will be a 5-STAR from me.
STORY REVIEW (TIPS):
I always start withe idea of zero tips and feel the author must earn this from me.
This is a very good story with a touch of mystery, light on combat and overall and interesting dialog, though a bit redundant in many places (too much exposition and table-top-style descriptions when unnecessary) and not as pithy in others where it could be. The story is rock solid, but work on the writing style needs to be worked on.
Grade would be AD 300 as a rule. + AD 100 for the depth and breadth of the story as told. + AD 100 for the shear concept of allowing the player to affect the quest mechanics based on their choices while they play the quest, giving it a real dynamic feel.
FINAL GRADE: 500 Astral Diamonds Tip (I really wish this limit were increased.)
As a long-time Foundry Author I can clearly see the tons upon tons of hard work that went into this quest and the author's love for the project clearly shines through. it is now at the point of tying-up loose-ends and minor tweaking in the mechanics.
Once cleaned-up and operating smoothly, this Quest is a seriously worthy contender for Spotlighting by Cryptic. Especially the dynamic nature of the construction itself.
More work to do, surely. But overall: Kudos to the author for a job very well done.
++++++++++
Do YOU want an Angry Review of your Foundry Work? Private Message me with the full name and short code of your quest. But be forewarned, I am picky, sometimes anal, and can be brutal when necessary. But, as you can see by this review, I try hard to leave no stone unturned. I usually do one Angry Review (like this one) once a week.
NOTE: If your quest features more combat than story/exploration/puzzles, etc - I will kill you in my review. I so hate hack-n-slash <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>.
Hence: only the serious need apply, please, thank you.
I am glad that you enjoyed the foundry and yes I was planning on submitting to Foundry Spotlight after a few more rounds of review and cleanup. I try not to godmod, but I wrote a number of modules for RPGA years ago so it does trickle into my writing from time to time. Old bad habits die hard.
You have a lot of good comments regarding errors and improvements that I will definitely evaluate and try to incorporate into my mission. I do not know if you return the threads in which you post review, but in case you do I have some responses that explain my thoughts on a particular interaction, provide insight into dialog choices or to try to provide clarification. For the most part if you do not see a quoted section and response, I agree with the comment and will make the change. I will quote some sections for which I will be making the recommended changes just to highlight the fact I saw and agreed with them.
I chose yellow to indicate that the players can get more information about a NPC, history, lore, or any such option that will allow the player to make an informed decision in the quest. Orange is for the choices that will directly affect what happens next in the mission and not necessarily end the dialog at that point. I used white for everything else.
I can see how my color coding can confuse players and will look into a better way of use the colors.
(This response applies to multiple sections regarding comments related to godmodding and player attitudes.) I wanted to give the players who choose to be irreverent, a-holes, sarcastic, or who just have bad attitudes dialog response options. Some of the options I like and others I definitely can improve upon as in this case. I will be revisiting Alricia's dialogs and response.
I can have her give some additional general information about the activity in Mistledown, but at the same time keeping other information relegated NPCs in Mistledown.
See comment above regarding tone in the responses. I can have Alricia provide directions to Mistledown.
I can definitely add minor dialog to these two NPCs.
I will look into which dialogs shoulds have the '/' changed to 'and'. I know I had a few dialogs that hit the 1000 character limit and do not know if '/' was used in any of those cases.
Yeah, my pen and paper background shining through. It will break my heart, but I will see where I can trim this text that duplicates what the player already sees.
Regarding dialog box colors:
Cryptic has been "training" players for four years how to read their in-game dialog boxes. Of course these aren;t hard-and-fast rules, but rather guidelines. Here is the basic paradigm used by Cryptic in all of their stuff:
Here's a sample dialog box for an NPC Name "Jane Doe":
Jane continuously fumbles with a small box as she speaks to you.
If you'll accept this request I make of you, then I'll be grateful beyond description. I only need you to give this box to Sgt. Knox in Protector's Enclave and he will give you a key in return. It's a key I've asked him to hold for me. He'll tell you what to do next.
Understand that once you reach Sgt. Knox all responses from you will continuously and dynamically change the outcome of this quest.
Tell me more about yourself.
What's inside the box?
No trouble, I'll go right now.
Italics are OOC text: description that is in-context with the quest story, maintaining immersion.
Yellow text is the objective the NPC is giving you. The purpose of this is for those who don;t like to read dialog and just want to know what to do.
Otherwise all "dialog" text is white.
On rare occasion, dialog text that is orange is used as "dungeon master" text: not in-context, instruction that the player needs to know to make the quest work.
Responses are always one of three colors:
White - this choice will continue the discussion (more dialog)
Orange - this choice will end the conversation (close the dialog) and advance the quest (give you item, or whatever.
Again, this isn't the "law" - it is simply how Cryptic does it and has been doing it for years, therefore players are used to this. Straying from this paradigm can introduce confusion.
Because your quest is truly dynamic, I suggest you simply follow this "standard" paradigm, players will know that their choices are dynamically changing the quest as they go. I really don;t think they needs additional hints along the way. But in the end, everything I say in this post and the previous are my own perspectives from my own purview - it's your quest. You are the boss.
Regarding "GodModding":
The first dialog it is redundant because it is the *first* dialog of the quest. The choice is either start the quest or don't. Ummm...
As for the other GodModding mention I have made, allow me to clarify:
YES, definitely give the player "attitude choices" - I think it's in your phrasing. For example, among the attitude choice available was the definite theme that I "hate with a purple passion any and all Fey". If I were working on a story such as this, I would redirect the attitude themes to the NPC I am speaking to, not an entire race or species.
I understand you may not be a Star Trek fan, but hopefully you may understand when I say "think of the Klingons". Though may look down on other races, they always direct any hatred to whomever is in front of them. Sheesh, I sure hope that makes sense. My point being, you can keep all those attitude choices in your story, just redirect them to the NPC the player is speaking, or their race or species. This way those choice become a more intimate, personal grudge, rather than a wide-sweeping discrimination.
Agin, just a suggestion from my own perspective. Nothing says I'm more right than anyone else. Just an opinion, here.
Regarding "attention-demanding" NPCs and other things:
It appears your post was cut-off at this point as it looks like you had more to say.
I suggest adding short, simple dialogs to these NPC, but to NOT put them into your storyboard (which makes them required). This way they remain an entirely optional contact and tie-up a loose-end where they greet the player (plain language meaning: demanding attention from the player) - this way if the player thinks to answer, then they can.
The slash thing ("/") as in the common "and/or" has always been a niggle for me. I do understand it is MY issue and no one else's. But I just have to say it looks like "intellectual laziness on the part of the writer" to me. By all means, I just wanted you to know that *I* feel that way, not that it's wrong. Don't change it if you don't want to. That was my "anal self" coming through even though I tried hard to suppress it! LOL
Final thoughts: It is an excellent quest (and I am unbelievably picky regarding UGC). It makes my short list of top-five Foundry Works (this means my top five Foundry Quests and Missions across BOTH: Star Trek Online *AND* Neverwinter). I know clearly how many hours it takes to do this stuff. It just needs a little clean-up.
And finally: it is important to me that you understand all my comments about your quest are really just "this is how I would do it if I were the author of this story and quest" - by no means am I saying: "change this to fix it!". So, with this feedback, I hope you'll take it into consideration and made only the changes you feel you want to make, leave the rest as your own signature. (But I *really DO BEG you: follow the Cryptic paradigm regarding dialog box coloring, etc.) Hahahah.
Really, though: good job on this one. Nicely balanced with very interesting play. And the combat was just right, balance-wise for the level 30 Rogue.
I think I'll write a "Foundry Best Practices" post to help others understand the dialog box paradigms that Cryptic has established. Just as an FYI Guideline for authors.
UPDATE: I am actually a bit mistaken in my description of Dialog Box Paradigms above. I did write that "Best Practices" post and verified everything in the Foundry to be sure I was clear and correct:
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?487181-Foundry-Authors-Dialog-Box-Best-Practices&p=6058291#post6058291
I hope you didn't interpret the tone in my response as adversarial as that was not the intent. For the places that it does not seem like I agree with your suggestions, in fact I do. I do not always clearly express myself as much gets lost in translation from my mind to fingers (or mouth).
For example, my response regarding Gilda and Jacob was meant to indicate that I will add non-objective dialogs to them to give a more interactive feel.
But in regards to your color comments, *pouts like a little child* NO NO NO, I WILL NOT!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!! (Sorry couldn't resist
BTW considering you're trading reviews, you can try mine too "The ravenhill mystery" , it's in my signature
I enjoyed your adventure and could see the effort put into the story, creating both the village and forest environments. I got the feeling that the environment is important to you and that came across strongly within the conversations with the forest NPCs.
I loved the look of the Gnomes, great use of the character creator.
I think you should emphasise in the description that it's story heavy since there was a long dialogue at the end of the adventure, and I know that can annoy players if they're not forewarned.
There's a few typos and improvements that could be made - listed below:
Alrica Fenta - travelling merchant not traveling *unless that's US English?
Durgins goods sign is described as a horse but it's a star.
The corn in the field is very linear and all in the same orientation, maybe rotate some and make it more natural looking?
Pollyway - to well, change to "too"
Ashira - I a change to "I am". The conversation starting "we just met" there's 2x Ashiras, make the old one disappear.
Llithlin - better what, change to "better watch"
Cravson - if it gets a change, you want "chance". Foot into it 'once' maybe use "since" instead.
Irlu - hairs on the back of our hairs (change to necks?)
Thornclaw - that leading, change to "leads"
Pollyway (back in the village at the end) - 2x Pollywags appeared at the 3rd? page of conversation.
At the end there were two separate pieces of music playing at the same time, pipes and something else (hurts the ears).
I hope you find the above helpful.
Please can you review my quest also, I've made a lot of recent improvements to it. - Thanks.
422 - Yeenoghu's Bride
NW-DUMTEJ9KZ
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?411131-Proud-to-present-for-reviews-422-Yeenoghu-s-Bride
Only noted a few things (PM incoming), and was just enjoying it for the rest of the way
If you play mine, I appreciate any notes/feedback you'd like to send in a PM - thanks!
NWS-DHAWD84o8 (just the one quest in the campaign so far)
Thank you for your comments. I am running through your foundry now and will post on your thread, TUUM (NW-DR2GL2VJL).
I had a chance to run your quest, Nature of the Beast today. Really liked the quest, very story driven, not a lot of combat. Nice change of pace from some of the grind style quests. A great many choices and different directions to take the quest. Your a good story teller
A few things I noted during my run ...
(going to skip the typos I found, as it looks like most of them were posted by others already)
Pollywag in the Inn - during the various conversations, she sometimes talks to you, sometimes appears to be doing something behind the counter, but there are a couple places where she just stands there, not moving or talking. May want to check the animation tags and make sure they are all set. (lol at the dukes of hazard reference in the text)
Cravson in the Inn - During the conversations, the mug he is holding appears to be attached to the back of his hand and moves around his hand as he moves his arm. Looks kinda strange.
Asahina in the Inn - during the conversation, where you ask how do you contact him, a 2nd Asahina appears and talks, while the first Asahina is still standing there. Once you finish that part, the first one disappears, leaving only 1 npc.
Rescue the Farmer - the wolves aren't actually attacking the farmer, just looking at him. during the fight with the wolves, the farmer is shaking in fear and asking for help. After you kill the wolves, he is still shaking in fear and asking for help. Seems like after the wolves are dead, he should be ok and saying thank you or something.
Tristan Elkson - during the fight with the wolves, he occasionally stands up and tells the horses to run away, then lays back down. Also, after the wolves are dead, he is still laying there, injured. Seems like we should be able to heal him or help him somehow?
Check out the northwest farm - Evelina, a dog and 2 pigs there, yet the wolves aren't attacking any of them? Can set them to be attacked but not killed, so the savior has to kill them to advance. Seems odd that they just stand there doing nothing until I walk over and they attack me. Also, Evelina is talking to the dog about trying to fight off the wolves and being brave, but when I got there, she was already there, talking to the dog, maybe have her show up after the wolves are dead?
After you transfer to the woods map - The quest tells you to follow the guy into the woods, but there's no one there when you arrive? Maybe have him appear and walk over to the camp fire?
Follow the game trail - hmm, I saw no game, no trail really other than the glowy sparkle, no tracks on the ground, only thing that leads you to next part is opening the map and looking at where to go next. The sparkle trail kinda meanders all over, depending on if you go along the top of the cliff, down the ravine, around or over rocks etc. Maybe put some fake tracks on the ground you can inspect that leads you to the next part.
Elleso's Body - when you first get to the spot, there's a sparkle interact on the ground, which tells you about the body and what happened, but there's no body or blood or anything. After you complete the interaction,then it says examine the body, but the body is leaning against a tree about 10 feet away, behind a bush. maybe move the interact over near the body?
Stopping the ritual - you can walk up and take the horn off the alter, before ever talking to the npcs and they don't attack or say anything.
This is just my observations and how I interpreted what I saw. The things I pointed out, may be working exactly how you want them to, if so that's fine. I know there are many limitations on what we can and can't do in the foundry. All in all you have a wonderful quest
If you have the opportunity, please run my 2nd quest, The Summoning and leave a review [post=5652661]here[/post].
[1] Devils in the Sewer
[2] The Summoning
[3] Temple of the Winds
Clan Ravenclaw
Children's Babble
Solstice Academy
I am sorry that I haven't played and reviewed your quest yet. I will do so.
Now featured!
'A wayward child' is currently taken down for upgrades
On issue I came upon is with the dialogue with the the sprite sitting against the tree on the last map (the open map before you return to the village), and the last dialogue of that map. It seems that you have encounters set to appear at the end of the dialogue... I kind of finished the dialogue quickly at that point so I would be able to attack, but the encounters disappeared? That may be intentional, as I said, I ended the last portion of the dialogue quickly to avoid getting damaged while in dialogue, but if they were not meant to disappear after the dialogue, you may want to check on that issue.
Other than that, wonderfully done, I look forward to your input on mine, here is the link again if you don't remember the name of the quest:
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?493731-Introducing-New-Foundry-The-Dark-Secret-at-Highgate