The Ruined Temple, NW-DBHC7MUBL, looking for reviews

thalazar1 · July 2013

Hello all.
Finally after 4.5 weeks or so (lost track after a while) my new quest The Ruined Temple is now available. This quest is hand made (except the tavern I used a room and decorated it) and I think it looks great. I hope you will too.
I tried to make this one a story quest so please let me know how that turns out. I'm looking for feed back mostly on the story. (though any little things you find will be addressed too.)

NW-DBHC7MUBL

You received a message from assistant Lugan, whom you previously helped in the tower district collect pre-cataclysm artefacts. He mentions a great new opportunity has presented it's self to recover and study recently found ruins and artefacts. A mysterious benefactor has come forth with information about these ruins and Lugan has recommended you for your work in the tower district. He has asked you to join him at the Hungry Huntsman tavern in the tower district.

Journey to the ruined temple city in the heart of Neverwinter Wood and uncover the secret that lays within.
Search the ruins for clues to the past
Stop the destructive forces which also seek it's secrets.

Story, moderate combat (ungeared 60s will find it standard-moderate difficulty, any one lower lvl will probably find it easy)
-->In the Catacombs the quest will not tell you what to do. That's a puzzle for you to solve.<--
SOLO (can two player)
Optional Necromancy

I think the description says it all. please have a look and leave you quests in the comments for review trade.

Enjoy

*edit* knowing where to go and what to do without reading anything this took me exactly 15 min, I figure if you read everything depending on speed it may take up to 30 min.

Update;
1.4: fixed a typo, a barrel happened to roll in front of the gate in the vault. shorter ppl should find it puts them at eye level with the individual behind the gate so they can now talk to him. fixed quest text, added hints, and clarified objectives.

1.6: fixed yet more typos, adjusted timer for end 'cinematic' so it should be a tad quicker, added clickies to remove unneeded quest items once quest is complete, fixed / updated quest and dialog text.

1.7: changed some typos and added some small dialog for story flow.

1.8: more typos, clarified some quest objectives, enhanced some text for better description, broke up paragraphs a bit for easier reading.

screen shots
Temple

Temple 2

Catacombs

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

Very nice job! Excellent environments and use of detail.

I couldn't help but be completely immersed pretty quickly. As a 60 TR running solo, combat felt extremely balanced. Can't wait to see even more yet again. ~

lolsorhand · July 2013

I shall try this out straight away, if you want you can always give Part 3 of my campaign a try, it's in the signature below

lolsorhand · July 2013

I found myself stuck between two invisible walls. I'll send you the printscreens, but I loved every bit so far. So I came back to the area via a logout, got moved abit further back. Now it works. Think I ran into the fog too quickly.

thalazar1 · July 2013

lolsorhand wrote: »

I found myself stuck between two invisible walls. I'll send you the printscreens, but I loved every bit so far. So I came back to the area via a logout, got moved abit further back. Now it works. Think I ran into the fog too quickly.

from the picture it looks like you got stopped next to the fallen pillar? that's intentional the voice tells you to stop, both walls go up then a spawn timer (about 5-8 sec each) spawns 3 effects then the walls drop. suppose to be a kind of cut scene work around with out a dialog box. logging in to run both quests now.

lolsorhand · July 2013

thalazar1 wrote: »

from the picture it looks like you got stopped next to the fallen pillar? that's intentional the voice tells you to stop, both walls go up then a spawn timer (about 5-8 sec each) spawns 3 effects then the walls drop. suppose to be a kind of cut scene work around with out a dialog box. logging in to run both quests now.

I was there for 5 minutes :P ( Figured you had a timer, It just didn't work the first time.)

thalazar1 · July 2013

ok i will revisit the timer. its a small room with 3 hard guard encounters that keep getting feed skeletons to kill, may have flooded it too quick when you ran in. will make an encounter easier or add another guard to keep the timer short.

I never thought about the length because i knew it was going to happen lol.

lolsorhand · July 2013

Well I had to restart the map, so I don't think it was an timer issue as such. (The walls would just not dissappear, I went afk and cooked some food etc. And came back, still there.)

But even so, the map was totally worth the playtime, even with replay. Without a doubt lol

thalazar1 · July 2013

ok few fixes

i will revisit the timer

-changed a hard encounter to an easy encounter to make the time shorter. will continue to re-tune it. still feels longer then i want but i have to tinker with it.

…However there are spots that short chars cannot do as the items show out of line of sight. Talking to
behind bars in the vault can't be done, had a taller friend who helped. Final chest as also hard to get.

from the reviews.

added a broken barrel on it's side in front of the gate so it doesn't look out of place. this should help halflings. moved a barrel near the pillar. and added a box near the cart for halfings to stand on. (i don't play halflings so if you find other spots or if the fix dint help let me know

... the quest helper. It would read "Speak to Lugan" would have been heaps easier if it said find "Plant" and speak to Lugan. Also the plant took me 10 minutes to find - The wall looked like it carried on and I almost raged quit. Same problem in the inn - quest helper said "The Ruined Temple" I was expecting to exit but I had to speak to someone.

from pm

added [MissionInfo]DM note. The next part will not tell you what to grab as it encourages exploration. Karah wants 1 item first then she will tell you to take the next 3 items back to Lugan. Hint each labourer is near an item.[/MissionInfo] to Lugan's last dialog bubble, and change the next 3 objectives from 'return to Lugan' to return[item] to Lugan.
change 'Ruined temple?' objective to 'A ruined temple? Talk to Ben.'

and finally

...Ending felt open ended. Didn’t feel it ended properly...

this one i am having a problem with. the ending is supposed to be final and show that the npc's are not done there yet but you are. any one that has played or would like to play and is good with story telling can help maybe? just some hints at what looks open ended and could be change to be more final.

feuygar · July 2013

Hi there,

I gave you top marks - very enjoyable quest, well thought-out maps and clever use of objects. Everyone will love the skellies (worth a star on their own).

A couple of things:

Maybe have the question instruction as "travel to the Hungry Huntsman Tavern" rather than it just saying "Hungry Huntsman tavern"
In the tavern there was an NPC - Peasant Human 16
Missed which dialogue it was in my notes, but there is "temple it self" rather than "temple itself".
Maybe have the question instruction as "Travel to the Ruins" rather than it just saying "the ruins"
When searching for object in the temple, two of the plaques were named "Graveyard plaque 01". Also, I couldn't tell if there was a theme behind the plaques inscriptions or whether it was just random stuff.
Not sure if I got this right, was the first Orgillion still named as a ogre savage?

thalazar1 · July 2013

Awesome thanks, I can't believe i missed the default named ppl and items

as those are the first thing i look for in others quests

changed the npc to drunk (was intended to be his name but i forgot to do while naming the others commoner.)

changed the quest names as suggested, just looks better.
found 'itself' had to run through the dialog 3 times it is in the tavern talking to ben the it was at the end of the line and self the start of the next so it didn't stand out

The ogrillion was named ogrillion savage but i changed it to ogrillion brute to be the same as the other two.
and nope the plaques are just random gibberish. I couldnt think of any thing creative to write.

Thanks again for point those out. quest is updated and starting it's republish

thalazar1 · July 2013

added screen shots to front page

thalazar1 · July 2013

still looking for plays/reviews. just need 4 more to hit daily

docsc00ter · July 2013

I'd love to trade reviews with ya! Playing it right now...

Okay. Just finished. And all I gotta say is...

AWESOME!

(Alright, well, that's not all I gotta say, but...)

I kept a notepad by my side as I played and jotted down some thoughts:

* Wow! A custom tavern! A layout that makes sense and has personality! LOVE IT!

* Hmm. A typo. (I wasn't watching for these, but caught this one I think.) Ben should say "But IT stuck out" during his tavern dialogue.

* Whoah! The temple looks incredible! Such a beautiful map... and that waterfall! Just... wow! Great layout, great transitions from claustrophobia to openness, great mixing of submerged details. And thank you for the encouragement to simply explore, pick up trinkets, read plaques, etc. Wonderful!

* The catacombs are also spectacular. What a great map with so much atmosphere. And, I admit it, you totally had me fooled. Just when I was thinking something was bugged because I couldn't move forward any more, I started paying more attention to details, the items I'd picked up, and then... well, there it was... the very sneaky solution to my problem. Well done!

* Thank you for my somewhat anorexic guards. First time I've had those as helpers on a quest. Fun stuff (and fun sound effects following me around... totally appropriate for the setting!)

* I get to push down a pillar? Nifty!

* I was amazed by your "cut scene." Not sure how you achieved the timer for it, but it worked flawlessly.

* The storyline was great. Really, really great. I felt like I was a part of the team investigating the temple, and the twist caught me by surprise. There's obviously a legend at work here, and I am very eager for a sequel.

THANK YOU!

(Left a 5-star in-game review and max tip for ya, too. Awesome stuff!)

saerrael · July 2013

Been meaning to play this! Will hop to after this post.

Edit: just ran and I'm afraid I have no feedback aside a resounding 'Wauw!'
Would have tipped, but just put everything on the Zen exchange >.<

thalazar1 · July 2013

I'm always on the look out for typos. I try to copy past all dialog to word but it just doesn't catch everything. especially if the word is spelt right but just the wrong word or missing altogether. will fix the typo after i run your quests. (i find if i edit in foundry then play i lag out to almost 0.5 fps

) and glad you enjoyed it

Edit* Finished danger in the fog. and really enjoyed it, it's no surprise it has as many plays as it does. very well put together. had a very Lovecraftian feel to it imo, and made me want to revisit an H.P. Lovecraft themed quest i was making then dropped.
Saerrael I will play yours after supper.

Edit 2 just hit daily Thank you every one that gave it a go!

yipykaye · July 2013

Playing the quest now. *Spoilers*

The target location on the overhead map covers the Tower district. Maybe move it slightly so that they do't overlap.
Left hand boar at bar is slightly out from the wall.(Picky but meant to help)
When talking with Lugan in the woods. The first line doesn't sound right. "Here we are the temple." maybe "Here we are.. The Temple"
Love the temple. Looks great.
Great use of changing a costume when she is injured.
Like the eavesdrop as well.
Starting to collect alot of items. I try not to have more than 3 items needed at any time otherwise players tend to complain about bag space.
Awesome effect of orb exploding.
When inspecting the piller there is a spelling mistake. "Durring"
Nice effects with that coming down.
And cut scene looked really good. Don't we all wish for easier timers.

Overall well done. A nice quest with great detail and good story line. Encounters fitted the story and nothing stacked or too hard.
Really enjoyable and recommend to others for a play. Did take close to an hour but I wasn't rushing.

thalazar1 · July 2013

Fixing the quest, last thing to do was move the boar's head. move it finish 3d editing, game crashes >.<

oh well. Thank you auto save.

fixed:
-'it'
-'durring'
-the map button (moved, hopefully still in the tower district without overlapping the TD button.)
-'here we are, the temple.'
-added more invis clickys to drop off extra items once done, and added DM note: ensure you use the invis clickys to remove items (paraphrased)
-used a shorter nail to hold the boar's head onto the wall (good find

)
-added a second timer for the dust cloud which was previously sharing the cinematic timer. this change will start the event on hitting the place marker without having to wait for the dust to settle first, speeding up the cinematic a bit.

synial · July 2013

Hey Thalazar,

This was a fun quest

Overall I liked the map design & story (final cutscene was great) but a few things stood out to me while playing.

**SPOILERS**

Grammar:
1. Ben references The Spellplague as the spell plague. Spellplague is one word and is always capitalized when talking about the actual event. I think this issue was repeated later in the quest as well.
2. The second time you talk to Lugan he says you'll be joined by four labours instead of four labourers.
3. Karah says she is a priest. Don't know if that was intentional but female priests are generally referred to as a priestess in D&D lore.
4. Two of the sarcophagi have issues. One says "plque" instead of plaque, and another mentions "defled" instead of defiled.
5. Karah (in the ruins) mentions something was "wonderfull" instead of wonderful.
6. When talking to Lugan about a fern: he says, "See what can find."

Gameplay:
1. I was able to click a fern from inside of the area where the sarcophagus was. I didn't see a fern anywhere around so I assume I clicked it through the ground. I did see ferns above that room and near the water, though.
2. I was supposed to "Stop the Shaman" - From an immersion standpoint I don't know what I was stopping him from doing. Some kind of FX detail or perhaps one of your eavesdrop interactables would have been nice. He was just standing there.
3. I could see the "soul harvester" conversation bubble on the map. That gave away the illusion wall. Not sure if that was intentional.
4. When I was running around a corner I unintentionally went an inch too far and one of the "eavesdrop" interactions despawned when orcs attacked me. Maybe move that back a bit so people have a better chance of reading it.

thalazar1 · July 2013

ok good stuff, the chat bubble was not intended to be seen. didn't even think about it, will make her spawn on a place marker just inside the hidden area. good pick up on the typos, and priestess yes i know the term lol unfortuneatlly i have a really bad habit or well i don't know what you would call it but i type a word when going fast and forget to add to it so often i forget 'ed, 'ing, 'ess etc.
stop the shaman there is small mention in the floating text on entering the temple that he is chanting something. will add fx to make it stand out
the eavesdrop i willplay with its a ghost that i use and if it it too far out from the wall players can see it at a range before it goes invis. will have to tinker.

ok parents dropped by this morning so i cant work on these or any foundries till some time in the afternoon but i will get to them.

thalazar1 · July 2013

synial wrote: »

Grammar:
1. Ben references The Spellplague as the spell plague. Spellplague is one word and is always capitalized when talking about the actual event. I think this issue was repeated later in the quest as well.
2. The second time you talk to Lugan he says you'll be joined by four labours instead of four labourers.
3. Karah says she is a priest. Don't know if that was intentional but female priests are generally referred to as a priestess in D&D lore.
4. Two of the sarcophagi have issues. One says "plque" instead of plaque, and another mentions "defled" instead of defiled.
5. Karah (in the ruins) mentions something was "wonderfull" instead of wonderful.
6. When talking to Lugan about a fern: he says, "See what can find."

Gameplay:
1. I was able to click a fern from inside of the area where the sarcophagus was. I didn't see a fern anywhere around so I assume I clicked it through the ground. I did see ferns above that room and near the water, though.
2. I was supposed to "Stop the Shaman" - From an immersion standpoint I don't know what I was stopping him from doing. Some kind of FX detail or perhaps one of your eavesdrop interactables would have been nice. He was just standing there.
3. I could see the "soul harvester" conversation bubble on the map.
4. When I was running around a corner I unintentionally went an inch too far and one of the "eavesdrop" interactions despawned when orcs attacked me. Maybe move that back a bit so people have a better chance of reading it.

fixed.
hoping i found all the instances of Spellplague (was a few)
labourers and priestess fixed
plaque, defiled (and sepluchre was er), wonderful, 'see what I can find'

-fern moved and rotated to stop wall clip
-stop shaman now defeat shaman. the npc version was always reading a scroll the encounter version should now too and added floating runes that will disappear once encounter spawns. if you kite the ogrillion around the room as i do (60 cw) you will see him deep in ritual. (couldn't find a good chanting sound fx to go with it, only one was multiple voices lead by a female voice.)
-harvester will now spawn when intended not immediately
-moved the place markers to spawn the eavesdrop and despawn it which should give more time to notice it. but it is still intended that if you come too far around the wall the orcs will see you and attack

thanks for the pick ups. always good to have multiple eyes on the project especially when these eyes see the same thing for a month solid lol.

reiwulf · July 2013

I loved it! it was very fun to do, not too hard, but definitely not too easy either, congratulations!

pris23 · July 2013

A story that made sense, could be completed in a reasonable amount of time, and had nice environments to match what the author was trying to convey. I had a good time. I love exploring long, lost ruins in my spare time.

I took some notes during play and sent them to you in a PM so as not to spoil anything. Thanks for a fun little quest.

thalazar1 · July 2013

Fixed typos (my english teacher is probably banging her head off the desk by now) and added some dialog to the start and end to help story flow.

gornonthecob · August 2013

Hey there! I'm playing your quest. (Found it on the NEW list by chance)

I'm still in the middle of the quest, and I just wanted to stop here and say WOAH! This place is incredible looking! I can tell you put a lot of time into designing this temple. Great job!

Some typos I've found:
Ogrillion: It's actually Ogrillon. No i at the end.

Soul Harvester: Reply - [Defend your self.] Should be [Defend yourself.]

SPOILER: DO NOT HIGHLIGHT UNLESS YOU'VE PLAYED THE QUEST!! VVVV

Hmmm... Illmater kills people? I'm not sure what to think about that. Sorta feels like the opposite of his intended purpose.

All-in-all, I loved this quest. The details alone were enough to get you to 5 stars for me. The effort here really shows! GREAT job!

thalazar1 · August 2013

Didn't expect this post to see the light of day again lol.
fixed the typos.. and i can't believe i was mispronouncing ogrillon all these years >.<
I sent a pm to explain a bit the part in black.

apocrs1980 · August 2013

Hey thalazar1,

Playing through I wanted to make sure I left my comments on things that can help out, first off awesome job on your temple design the areas all look really nice and I love all the details you put in to making it, a few things that may help, the area with the waterfalls and lake are very well done, I think this could be an awe inspiring showpiece with some sort of ruined architecture out in the middle of the lake you can see from the vantage point, (not covering up the falls of course those are glorious on their own.)

some suggestions:

1. Quest tracker while savaging for the objects in the temple, I would suggest putting something like "Find the vase and return it to Lugan." This suggests that if they already found it to return it, and if they haven't found it yet, to go find it.
just saying return the vase to Lugan Implies that the PC already has it in their inventory and can give them a sense that they accidently broke you quest, especially if they do not do much exploring.

2. Defeat the Orcs (after returning all the items.) I would turn off the area marker for the objective in the story panel, the reason being that the orcs are spread out through the temple and the area marker only calculates a distance between them with the circle only covering the center of the ruins, this would help with the exploration a bit and also not derail folks that solely rely on the mini map for clues.

3. Dialogue with Karah after the orcs are defeated. She has a OOC that says "She feels her eye." this seems weird and out of place I assume she is wiping her eyes? I would suggest changing it to "she wipes her eye."

4. Find Ben, this objective leads you to one of the sarcophagi but upon going to component reached it says you've found Ben however, there is no Bed around? This isn't very clear until you return to Lugan and your response says there is no bed to be found. Perhaps have a few reach quest objective to find Ben and each one says "No he isn't here, where could he be I must continue searching." or something to that effect. To queue the PC that they are searching for him. Perhaps leave something ominous at the last reach objective like an orc weapon? doesn't have to be obvious but it's nice little touches like that that wow people that are looking for them.

5. Quest tracker objective text "stop Ben" could be more descriptive such as find a way to smash down the gate"

Other than that it was a very enjoyable little romp excellent job! Very polished imo. Great job!

thalazar1 · August 2013

apocrs1980 wrote: »

some suggestions:

1. Quest tracker while savaging for the objects in the temple, I would suggest putting something like "Find the vase and return it to Lugan." This suggests that if they already found it to return it, and if they haven't found it yet, to go find it.
just saying return the vase to Lugan Implies that the PC already has it in their inventory and can give them a sense that they accidently broke you quest, especially if they do not do much exploring.

2. Defeat the Orcs (after returning all the items.) I would turn off the area marker for the objective in the story panel, the reason being that the orcs are spread out through the temple and the area marker only calculates a distance between them with the circle only covering the center of the ruins, this would help with the exploration a bit and also not derail folks that solely rely on the mini map for clues.

3. Dialogue with Karah after the orcs are defeated. She has a OOC that says "She feels her eye." this seems weird and out of place I assume she is wiping her eyes? I would suggest changing it to "she wipes her eye."

4. Find Ben, this objective leads you to one of the sarcophagi but upon going to component reached it says you've found Ben however, there is no Bed around? This isn't very clear until you return to Lugan and your response says there is no bed to be found. Perhaps have a few reach quest objective to find Ben and each one says "No he isn't here, where could he be I must continue searching." or something to that effect. To queue the PC that they are searching for him. Perhaps leave something ominous at the last reach objective like an orc weapon? doesn't have to be obvious but it's nice little touches like that that wow people that are looking for them.

5. Quest tracker objective text "stop Ben" could be more descriptive such as find a way to smash down the gate"

Well , awesome. Don't know what else to say. I'm honestly floored that you approve of the map

ok fixed most of what you caught, will work on #4 some in a bit.
1. good point. changed the 4 quest objectives to [find 'x', give it to 'y'], amplified the GM note about the items a bit stating that the map will not show where to search (instead of not telling you what to find as it now does) and informing the player that they can collect all four items at once instead of awaiting the queues.

2. tried using points which also didn't work so just removed the marker as suggested.

3. was intended (and in my mind) that she would touch the scar over her eye. OOC now says "[OOC]She gently feels around the new scar over her eye.[/OOC]"

4. change objective from 'Find Ben' to 'check if Ben is okay.', reach text still reads 'He's not here. You hope the orcs didn't drag him off.' return to Lugan objective changed to 'Ben is missing. Talk to Lugan'.
Will play around with this one some more when i have more time

5. expanded objective text to 'Find a way into the inner vault to stop Ben (inspect pillar)'

more and more this quest is coming closer to being complete. may sub to cryptic once there is nothing more to fix or improve.

Still toying with the idea of adding a diff slider to the catacombs to add more monsters for ppl that want them.

aaldaemon · August 2013

I just played and reviewed this great quest.

Liked the ruined temple area.
I felt it had exactly the right balance of story and combat.

Some suggestions.
-Maybe add a line of empty space between paragraphs, big text walls look better that way. (personal preference).
-I remember bartender option being uncapitalized - nothing thanks

If you have time I'd appreciate if you checked and reviewed my quest Assassination Contract found in my signature.

ambitionxp · August 2013

Played and reviewed it. Good job overall. The environments were great and the combat difficulty was fine, though a little easy. The skeleton minions were a nice touch. Also, I would have liked to have more varied enemies. You used the same ones repeatedly (such as the ogre savage), and it got a little repetitive. Other than that I don't have any other criticism.

Please play through my quest as a trade if you can - NW-DNR5AK4ZK. Here's the thread with more info on it:
The Cursed Armor of Steele. Thanks.

thalazar1 · August 2013

well that was kind of intended as its a small(ish) orc raiding party. if we had access to all sorts of typical encounters from forgotten corners of the world like oozes i would have added them.

edit
have your quest on my to play list. ran a diagnostic and it turns out my video card has stopped working. I may be able to run on just the one or have to replace both. haven't trouble shot too much yet. I'm hoping to have the problem fixed (pending i don't need two new cards) before Monday as i will be out of Provence for 2 weeks then on deployment till mid November :S

Edit 2
I got my comp up and running again and played your quest. left comment in your post.

The Ruined Temple, NW-DBHC7MUBL, looking for reviews

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