Quest: A Dwarven Rebellion

antonkyle · July 2013

Video sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyaZZGQmWWU

Description:

Quest: A Dwaven Rebellion
Campaign: An Echo of the Forgotten Ballad
Time: 15-20 minutes
Tags: #Story #Lore #Combat

While searching through the local jobs board you feel a tap on your shoulder, you turn to find a young lad staring at you.

"A letter from Sergeant Knox"

As soon as you are in possession of the letter the young boy scampers of, the letter reads:

I have an urgent task for you. A small Dwarven Kingdom, Clan DiamondAxe is under attack from an army of Many-Arrows Orcs. I need you to meet with a Dwarf named Boindil near their stronghold and help him in any way you can. If The Many-Arrows Orcs are attacking a Dwaven Kingdom then it can only mean trouble for us later down the line. Any assistance you can offer will be much appreciated.

Last update:28/07/2013

Notes: I have corrected the small number of floating objects. More detail has been added and the text has been edited.

antonkyle · July 2013

[IMG][/img]

antonkyle · July 2013

I'm off to bed now, thought I would shamelessly put this to the top of the list before I do. Anyway, so far one play and one five star rating so that's a good start.

Night all, or morning.:p

runebane · July 2013

Played it earlier. Thought it was pretty good. Lots of stuff to kill.

Minor issue: The one orc by the leader had a number on its name.

antonkyle · July 2013

runebane wrote: »

Played it earlier. Thought it was pretty good. Lots of stuff to kill.

Minor issue: The one orc by the leader had a number on its name.

Cheers, dude. I will change that. Still only had the one play.

talli0 · July 2013

Running through yours now. Remember running another of yours recently and liking it. Will be back in 15-20 min with comments

Looking for run-throughs/reviews of my newest as well, if you don't mind. Check out part 2 in my sig.

antonkyle · July 2013

talli0 wrote: »

Running through yours now. Remember running another of yours recently and liking it. Will be back in 15-20 min with comments

Looking for run-throughs/reviews of my newest as well, if you don't mind. Check out part 2 in my sig.

Cheers, you did indeed run through Into the Underworld and added a comment and added a review on the trade reviews google thingy, so cheers for that. I will run through both of yours. I saw that The Dark Garden was getting some good reviews and is already on my to do list but I will add your new one also.

talli0 · July 2013

Just finished your quest, was able to leave a 4-star review and a tip but it bugged out before I could leave a comment.

I really like your quests. You definitely know how to tell a story that is fun, interesting and different than alot of the other ones available.

Major comments:
1) Some of your maps seem empty and could use alot more details. Namely the dwarven area and the mines were particularly empty.
2) Also commented on this in your Underworld quest, but grammar is still a problem for me. Mainly it is your use of run-on sentences. For example, the very first dialog in the game should say,
"Well met, Talli. It is good of you to come on such short notice. When I sent word to Neverwinter I wasn't sure if the call would be heard.
Response: I'm glad to help. I hear your kingdom is under attack."

So basically, many (or most) of the places you use commas should actually be periods.

Usually, since I'm not an english major, I don't comment on minor grammar issues but since your quests are as good as they are and since this problem is throughout every dialog, I do feel it detracts from the overall quest experience.

Minor issues:
1) At one of the doors into the queen's room, it is still called "Invisible Wall 200x200"
2) One of the dwarves in the king's room at the end is called "Courtesan Dwarf 2"
3) There are 2 Boindil's standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the king at the end.
4) The very last transition out of the quest should be changed from the generic message "press f to leave map"

antonkyle · July 2013

Thanks Talli0,

I will sort the minor issues asap, once the 3d editor is better I will add more detail too. I don't really know what to put in caves. I was looking for Dwarf power tools and stuff but... well there isn't any.

'grammar is still a problem for me. Mainly it is your use of run-on sentences.'

I don't know what that even means, I am dyslexic and have struggled with English my entire life. I use an on-line spell check, which is better than open office but still not much help with anything but spelling. You suggested Word but I don't have it and from what I remember it is no better than open office.

Cheers for the review. I just finished your first quest, it was good, I added a short review

I will do the next probably tomorrow.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

Taking a look at yours now~ I could use some more reviews on Part 2 if you have the time. Thanks.

Will update when I'm done!

antonkyle · July 2013

xpurpleinsanityx wrote: »

Taking a look at yours now~ I could use some more reviews on Part 2 if you have the time. Thanks. Will update when I'm done!

I will try all the quest's people add here so consider it done. I've been meaning to play part one for a while now, I'm a sucker for well presented banners/sig so I will play that first and then follow up with part 2.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

antonkyle wrote: »

I will try all the quest's people add here so consider it done. I've been meaning to play part one for a while now, I'm a sucker for well presented banners/sig so I will play that first and then follow up with part 2.

Thanks! As for yours~ Played/Reviewed. Very nice job on the battle setups and I love your environments as well. I liked the layout of the castle. There was a stock named invisible wall...can't remember which door it was..

There's a couple of crooked items in the main hall (where the quest ends) The two that come to mind are the table in the middle and the reward chest. These are all little nitpicky things because overall, I thought it was great!

good job~

antonkyle · July 2013

xpurpleinsanityx wrote: »

Thanks! As for yours~ Played/Reviewed. Very nice job on the battle setups and I love your environments as well. I liked the layout of the castle. There was a stock named invisible wall...can't remember which door it was.. There's a couple of crooked items in the main hall (where the quest ends) The two that come to mind are the table in the middle and the reward chest. These are all little nitpicky things because overall, I thought it was great! good job~

Thanks, I just read your review and will be starting on part 2 soon enough. Once I have played all the swaps I agree to and I think a couple of days time out. I'm a PVP junkie but hate PVP in Neverwinter. I have been playing Chivelry online to get my fix, I do wish it was better here though. In fact they should add a pvp foundry option.
I'm not much of a pve player myself but I have found that running peoples foundry quests has changed this somewhat. Many of the stories are much better than anything I have seen in any of the mmo games I have played. I see no reason why that would be different with pvp. We can hope.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

antonkyle wrote: »

Thanks, I just read your review and will be starting on part 2 soon enough. Once I have played all the swaps I agree to and I think a couple of days time out. I'm a PVP junkie but hate PVP in Neverwinter. I have been playing Chivelry online to get my fix, I do wish it was better here though. In fact they should add a pvp foundry option.
I'm not much of a pve player myself but I have found that running peoples foundry quests has changed this somewhat. Many of the stories are much better than anything I have seen in any of the mmo games I have played. I see no reason why that would be different with pvp. We can hope.

I'm a pvp junkie too! >:D I would go mad with excitement if they'd let us make pvp maps....

antonkyle · July 2013

Still need more plays please.

yipykaye · July 2013

Now playing your Quest.*spoilers*

Couple spelling mistakes/grammer in quest overview.
Some of the items near horses at first camp are floating.
The first encounter spawn didn't feel quite right. We have just decided to head in to attack them but they spawn at us and attack. Maybe if they spawn and we see them running toward us might look better. Just an idea.
One of the fires inside the gate is in the stone.
Trees high on the right aren't in the ground can see the root stumps.
Banner above the door is floating out from the wall.
Push on the third set of doors and they come back at me.
I would like to see a final comment rather than an orange continue each time with dialogue or interactions.
two of the vents near Duncan are set into the floor two are not.
The kitchen in the corner is a good start but it feels like it needs walls around it or something just to seperate slightly from the large room. Also the encounter I would have thought were sick or something by feigning death but nothing to mention why. An interactable bowl of mead or something like that where you summize they drank and are now struggling.
When speaking of the King and Queen they should be capitalized.(King not king)
I would expect to pick up the Kings keys not just interact and it still be flashing afterwards.
another door that pushes the wrong way. And again. Lol. Might be just a small thing but yeah I noticed.
I didn't notice however having to unlock a door which I am guessing why I needed the Kings Keys. I have used an invisible wall in front of the door so I unlock that and the door remains transitional.
Maybe interact with the book not the anvil. I had to jump up to read it. Nice wording in that though.
Large wall of interact for mine cart looked funny. Also got stuck first couple of times in cart. Eventually got through.
Once you save the King the quest tells you to escort him back but he disappears. Maybe a follow command there would be better.
One thing that so many people do. After the chest tell me to return to Protector's Enclave or something other than go to next map.
I think this will take alot more than 20 mins to complete. I took my time but it didn't feel like a short quest.

Sorry this sounds like a lot but really its just finer detail missing.
I think you did a great job overall. I liked the story progression. Not too much to remember enough detail to know why we are doing it. This is definetly a quest that ticks alot of boxes and I could enjoy playing again. I woul drecommend this to any player to try.
Well done. I will try some more of your quests soon.

antonkyle · July 2013

yipykaye wrote: »

Now playing your Quest.*spoilers*

Couple spelling mistakes/grammer in quest overview.
Some of the items near horses at first camp are floating.
The first encounter spawn didn't feel quite right. We have just decided to head in to attack them but they spawn at us and attack. Maybe if they spawn and we see them running toward us might look better. Just an idea.
One of the fires inside the gate is in the stone.
Trees high on the right aren't in the ground can see the root stumps.
Banner above the door is floating out from the wall.
Push on the third set of doors and they come back at me.
I would like to see a final comment rather than an orange continue each time with dialogue or interactions.
two of the vents near Duncan are set into the floor two are not.
The kitchen in the corner is a good start but it feels like it needs walls around it or something just to seperate slightly from the large room. Also the encounter I would have thought were sick or something by feigning death but nothing to mention why. An interactable bowl of mead or something like that where you summize they drank and are now struggling.
When speaking of the King and Queen they should be capitalized.(King not king)
I would expect to pick up the Kings keys not just interact and it still be flashing afterwards.
another door that pushes the wrong way. And again. Lol. Might be just a small thing but yeah I noticed.
I didn't notice however having to unlock a door which I am guessing why I needed the Kings Keys. I have used an invisible wall in front of the door so I unlock that and the door remains transitional.
Maybe interact with the book not the anvil. I had to jump up to read it. Nice wording in that though.
Large wall of interact for mine cart looked funny. Also got stuck first couple of times in cart. Eventually got through.
Once you save the King the quest tells you to escort him back but he disappears. Maybe a follow command there would be better.
One thing that so many people do. After the chest tell me to return to Protector's Enclave or something other than go to next map.
I think this will take alot more than 20 mins to complete. I took my time but it didn't feel like a short quest.

Sorry this sounds like a lot but really its just finer detail missing.
I think you did a great job overall. I liked the story progression. Not too much to remember enough detail to know why we are doing it. This is definetly a quest that ticks alot of boxes and I could enjoy playing again. I woul drecommend this to any player to try.
Well done. I will try some more of your quests soon.

Thanks for the review, I think it's great when people put things in list's like this. I can use it as a tick box to make my quest better, that's only ever a good thing.

'Maybe interact with the book not the anvil. I had to jump up to read it. Nice wording in that though.'

lol, that's not mine, it's the Dogma to Moradin, but it is nice. I'm really disappointed with the Anvil it actually has a hammer in it but for what ever reason it's not there now it's published. I was really happy with that as well. I will be making changes tomorrow so I will include as much of these as I can.

Thanks again for the review, one more and it will be the five to get it into the new tab.

docsc00ter · July 2013

Played through your adventure this afternoon and left an in-game review.

Good stuff! Adventures are always more fun with Dwarves! I took some notes as I played, so here are my random thoughts. (Some of it's nitpicky, but it's what I wrote down.)

* Loved the look of the first canyon. Very moody. Fun first step!

* First conversation with Boindil has a typo: "buried in the mountainGs"

* LOTS of run-on sentences throughout the adventure. Dialogues need a thorough editing pass. As an example, just from the first conversation with Boindil, I noted the following:

-- Sentence break needed before, "Elderin runes lit up..."
-- Sentence break needed before, "Once we have obliterated..."
-- Sentence break needed before, "We also have the good fortune..."
-- Sentence break needed before, "He is a powerful wizard..."
-- Sentence break needed before, "He's with his troops..."

After those, I stopped keeping notes because it was time consuming and not fun. In general, the flow of thought is fine; it's just a matter of breaking up the sentences and using proper punctuation.

* In the canyon, you NEED battle music! And ambient noise! It's too quiet!

* BUT right inside Boindil starts talking about how eerie the silence is... while music has finally begun playing! Ha ha ha! (Switch those around maybe?)

* Some of the doors that the player pushes open toward the player instead of away from him/her.

* I've always wondered why stubby little Dwarves always build homes with such high ceilings and massive architecture. Hmmm. Methinks there's some compensating going on...

* The Royal Couple has a fully stocked tavern bar in the antechamber of their bedroom? Why, of COURSE they do! Bwa ha ha!

* Hmm. When the king was following me, he actually cowered in fear instead of joining me in the fight. I have half a mind to let you die and get replaced with a more courageous monarch, ya know...

* The final step was the dreaded "Go the next map." Needs some customization.

Hope that's helpful! Oh, and if you wanna give my quest a run and leave a review, that's always appreciated!

avistar001 · July 2013

played NW-DD4MQBRFI, more via PM

~Avi~

ruinbane · July 2013

Hello Antonkyle.

I reviewed your quest and I enjoy the decor and furniture of the dwarven city. The history is simple but fine. I think that if you put traps it will be better.

antonkyle · July 2013

Just wanted to say thanks to all the people who have played, commented and reviewed my quest/s I will be spending today catching up with all yours.
It is really nice to get such positive feedback and once I have finished running your quests I will be working on the suggestions and fixing any mistakes people have pointed out.

Still need more plays to get to daily.

Thanks

antonkyle · July 2013

Updated, and I have added a sample video on the main thread.

antonkyle · July 2013

[IMG][/img]

Thought I would show how it's coming and maybe convince some more people to play. Still up for swapping plays too.

edvai · July 2013

This one was a LOT of fun.

A couple of notes, just minor spelling, I'll PM you as to avoid any spoilers.

But, great job on this!

antonkyle · July 2013

edvai wrote: »

This one was a LOT of fun.

A couple of notes, just minor spelling, I'll PM you as to avoid any spoilers.

But, great job on this!

Thanks, I'll add the changes next time I update.

I will be doing more plays for plays, I have two quest's from xpurpleinsanityx and then I'm caught up. I will be out for a couple of hours but will then have a good three to four hours for swaps. So add your links here. If you think I have missed your quest let me know.

antonkyle · July 2013

Now available for the daily but still in need of some love!

Thanks to everyone that played it so it could be played as a daily.

rawrasaurus90 · August 2013

Have a small issue. When in the mines headed back to the stronghold the door won't open. I'm in quest right now and it's notopening. What do I do?

green9206 · February 2014

This might be stupid but where do i find Boindil ? There is no mission marker or path to the objective.Where to find him ?

antonkyle · February 2014

green9206 wrote: »

This might be stupid but where do i find Boindil ? There is no mission marker or path to the objective.Where to find him ?

At the start? Move forwards about 20 meters.

katfishwv · February 2014

antonkyle wrote: »

At the start? Move forwards about 20 meters.

Where is the start? I'm standing at the job board in Protectors Enclave and do not see Boindil. Little confused how to start this quest.

vayle · February 2014

I liked it. Nice story and it was eventful, i'am looking forward to next chapters.

-Nemeia

Quest: A Dwarven Rebellion

Comments