New Foundry writer: Goal is to only write short 15min foundrys

gynkoba · July 2013

I am completely new at this. Started with Dzogen's contest with this, but didn't get any responses. Please review and I will do the same for any of yours.

Thank you in advance for any reviews, comments, and critiques.

http://imgur.com/DfzkLIT

NW-DQD8MB46W
Name: Q. Q. "Locked Out of His Tower"
Description: Qliphoth Quarterhour - "Locked Out of His Tower"

An urgent missive has just been received from the apprentice of a very wealthy wizard. He begs that you arrive quickly as the tower is in chaos and his master just ran out the front door casting spells and shouting obscenities. He promises magical rewards and future employment if you come quickly. Seek Qliphoth.

gynkoba · July 2013

gynkoba wrote: »

I am completely new at this. Started with Dzogen's contest with this, but didn't get any responses. Please review and I will do the same for any of yours.

Thank you in advance for any reviews, comments, and critiques.

http://imgur.com/DfzkLIT

NW-DQD8MB46W
Name: Q. Q. "Locked Out of His Tower"
Description: Qliphoth Quarterhour - "Locked Out of His Tower"

An urgent missive has just been received from the apprentice of a very wealthy wizard. He begs that you arrive quickly as the tower is in chaos and his master just ran out the front door casting spells and shouting obscenities. He promises magical rewards and future employment if you come quickly. Seek Qliphoth.

bump? anyone?

zbkolde · July 2013

gynkoba wrote: »

bump? anyone?

Sorry, i have this written down on a post-it, just got busy yesterday and didn't get to it. I'll try to run it today.

docsc00ter · July 2013

Well, I tried running it this morning. However, ol' Qliphoth is kneeling on the roof of his porch instead of on the ground. I couldn't reach him to talk to him and start the adventure. At first I thought it was some kind of cruel jumping puzzle, so I ran around trying to find some way to get up there with him. But, nope, couldn't find a way. So I never got past the first objective.

Looking forward to trying again when he's accessible.

karitr · July 2013

I'll take a look at it gynkoba. I am not an author, so it's an obligation-free review for you

Edit: Lol same as scooter. Ran all the way around the house looking for the jumping puzzle that would allow me access to the porch roof to speak to QQ.

Notes to that point..

On picking up the quest, the on screen objective states "Qliphoth's Tower". Some direction needed there, even if just a simple 'Travel to' added to the destination.

The locale immediately you arrive looks good and lol you must have used every smoke, cloud, fire effect the Foundry has to offer. Made me chuckle.

Now then, how do I get to QQ in order to speak with him...

zbkolde · July 2013

Just ran this, Qliphoth was kneeling on the ground for me, maybe he's glitchy sometimes? Fun quest, and quick.

I'll send you my notes in a forum private message.

gynkoba · July 2013

karitr wrote: »

I'll take a look at it gynkoba. I am not an author, so it's an obligation-free review for you

Edit: Lol same as scooter. Ran all the way around the house looking for the jumping puzzle that would allow me access to the porch roof to speak to QQ.

Notes to that point..

Thats odd, I can't force it to do that. But I will move him farther forward. No one else we tested with got that.

karitr · July 2013

Well there was two out of three on this thread alone

I'm winding down for the night but will play through tomorrow

oortexplorer · July 2013

I'll add this one to my list. Hopefully you can play mine in return (info in sig). It's a dialogue-heavy comedy.

A note about the "15-minute" point. I figured mine would be more in the 20-30 min range, but it has hovered around 15-17 minutes, and unfortunately just went down a "14-minute" average a few days ago, which removes it from Daily Foundry eligibility. Not a single play since then, other than myself. So hopefully you take your time lol, and remember that people can't read and if they start burning through it too quickly as a daily your average could go down quickly.

TL DR - don't make 'em too long, but also take care not to make 'em too short.

oortexplorer · July 2013

Just played this one. It is quite refreshing to play a short quest since some can be fairly long, this one's short but sweet. That being said, you probably need to add some depth to the story since it is pretty basic at this point, and does end quickly. Writing is pretty funny but with a few typos:

- You need to add a period to the end of these 2 sentences (locked myself out of my own tower. and could really use your help.)
- Its yours if you help (should be "It's")
- if hasn't gone feral by now (if it hasn't gone)
- Critter encounters near the end are called "Excaped", should be "Escaped" unless you spelled it that way on purpose.

Nice tower exterior, interesting to see what you did on the inside since I have been struggling to create one myself for my next quest. Could use some added details in certain parts. Also, I am not a big fan of the default "Press F to interact" prompt, could change that to "Press F to Go Upstairs" or something similar, if you want.

So, a good start, needs a little story depth and added detail. If you make significant changes, I'd be interested in running it again to see how it's progressed.

gynkoba · July 2013

oortexplorer wrote: »

Just played this one. It is quite refreshing to play a short quest since some can be fairly long, this one's short but sweet. That being said, you probably need to add some depth to the story since it is pretty basic at this point, and does end quickly. Writing is pretty funny but with a few typos:

- You need to add a period to the end of these 2 sentences (locked myself out of my own tower. and could really use your help.)
- Its yours if you help (should be "It's")
- if hasn't gone feral by now (if it hasn't gone)
- Critter encounters near the end are called "Excaped", should be "Escaped" unless you spelled it that way on purpose.

Nice tower exterior, interesting to see what you did on the inside since I have been struggling to create one myself for my next quest. Could use some added details in certain parts. Also, I am not a big fan of the default "Press F to interact" prompt, could change that to "Press F to Go Upstairs" or something similar, if you want.

So, a good start, needs a little story depth and added detail. If you make significant changes, I'd be interested in running it again to see how it's progressed.

Thanks for the great comments and support. I will do some clean up on them.

I will also play through yours tomorrow and "take my time". The idea behind this was to keep it short and sweet, but I think you are right in making it 20min verses 15. That should keep it in the listings for a daily.

Each one of the stories are to be very quick and easy for people to dash through, but I will work on my level designs now that I have more tools and ideas.

Thanks a ton!

gynkoba · July 2013

karitr wrote: »

Well there was two out of three on this thread alone

I'm winding down for the night but will play through tomorrow

Thanks Karitr!

zbkolde · July 2013

oortexplorer wrote: »

... Also, I am not a big fan of the default "Press F to interact" prompt, could change that to "Press F to Go Upstairs" or something similar, if you want.

...

This interaction text cannot always be changed for teleportals. I have seen a few that have custom interaction text, but for mine, regardless of what i enter in the interaction text field, it will still just show "Press F to Interact" to the player. I honestly don't know what circumstances allow for customizing the interaction text. I have used three teleportals, all of them are invisible spheres, all of them have custom text typed in for interaction, but all of them only say "Press F to Interact" when i use them.

docsc00ter · July 2013

Well, I jumped in and gave it another try. Still can't begin the quest while QQ is hanging out on the roof. Here's what the beginning of the quest looks like for me:

gynkoba · July 2013

Docsc00ter, Sorry you are having so much trouble with it. I even adjusted him a bit farther forward this last time publishing and it doesn't seem to effect your play. Below is the map and a screen shot from my play through.

gynkoba · July 2013

I wanted to thank you all for playing/review, or at least trying to. Its given me great feedback and I will be making a 2.0 of this module with a "bit" more content. I really want to keep these short so that people can just have a small epsodic story.

One day I may take the storyline to something more epic or include Q.Q. in a larger adventure, but who knows.

If you have something that I should review, that isn't in your subline, please PM me and I will do it tonight or tomorrow. Otherwise be on the look out for more Q.Q. short stories and have a great day!!

Gynkoba

docsc00ter · July 2013

gynkoba wrote: »

Docsc00ter, Sorry you are having so much trouble with it. I even adjusted him a bit farther forward this last time publishing and it doesn't seem to effect your play...

Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? I'll give it another go later today, but figured I'd keep you updated. Not sure why that's happening. It's like he's either dropping from some height, or springing up from the ground. Have you checked his Y axis and made sure it's based on zero altitude? That's the only thing I can think of.

docsc00ter · July 2013

Yay! I was able to successfully play through this one today, and ol' QQ spawned on the ground for me.

It's always fun to go wandering around in a Wizard's Tower gone awry, so it's a simple but entertaining basis for the story. The structure of the quest is also straightforward -- clear a level, climb the stairs, rinse, repeat, until you meet the big boss at the top of the tower. Nice enough.

Regarding the length of the quest, trying to get a quest to time out to about 15 minutes is tough. Some players will plow through everything, skipping all the dialogue, crushing all the encounters, just eager to squeeze in 4 Dailies as quickly as possible. As a result, they'll pull your average run-time down. I've had luck with my quest, "Danger in the Fog," and it continues to hold steady at exactly 15-minutes average playtime after 2,500 runs. (I've done plenty of tweaking along the way to keep it at that average, and I'm learning more about the timing of a Foundry run for my future quests.)

One possibility is to balance out those rushing to finish as quickly as possible with entertaining options for those who are looking for a story or enjoying the details that you've developed. So adding more plot to your adventure will help significantly. How about well-written books scattered about the place that tell us more about ol' QQ. Maybe some cowering servants that need to be rescued, and who can also give us a clue regarding what to expect when we reach the "Bad Kitty." And, hey, it's a Wizard's Tower, so a small (i.e., don't let it become frustrating!) maze of teleporters could add nice color along with a simple puzzle.

As usual, I kept a notepad by my side while running the adventure, so here are some things I jotted down in no particular order.

* The floors by where Kevin is standing are misaligned; one room is higher than the other, creating an odd trip hazard.

* When talking with Kevin, I decided to kill him. Suddenly there were TWO Kevins (the first didn't despawn when the combat encounter began). Besides looking weird, this allowed me to speak with the original Kevin a second time, following the same dialogue options, but not getting the combat spawn the second time. Should be an easy fix.

* Many of the doors open TOWARD the player when they should really open AWAY FROM the player (considering you've got a PUSH animation instead of a PULL animation).

* I think the entire tower would look better with a LOT more details and furnishings. Give each space some thought; what does ol' QQ do in that room? How can you make it look "lived in" and used? Since it's a Wizard's Tower, there are all sorts of weird and wonderful options in the Foundry!

And what if each level took on more oddities as I climbed, as if magic was going kind of crazy without the wizard there to keep things in control. Perhaps strange floating objects and furniture, floating glyphs, eerie lights, etc.?

* Speaking of lights, the entire Tower would look SO much better with custom lighting. Because of the magical nature of the place, you can bathe the rooms in various colors of dynamic lights which would add to the sense of mystery and wonder.

Looking forward to revisiting the tower in the future!

-- Doc

gynkoba · July 2013

docsc00ter wrote: »

Yay! I was able to successfully play through this one today, and ol' QQ spawned on the ground for me.

It's always fun to go wandering around in a Wizard's Tower gone awry....

Thanks Doc for the awesome play through and review. I will be working on this next week and creating the 2.0 version. I really do like your suggestions and tweaks. The "Kevin dialog" was a bit of a challenge but I thought I had it, I'll check again to see why he pop'd back into existence. That shouldn't have happened.

Gynkoba

jintortle · July 2013

Cool. I will give it a shot before close down - you can play mine still in Beta - The wonderful wizard of Og - I will leave any comments here! or PM.

K finished that was quick

I also have a quick one 'Protectors Enclave garbage Dump"

Anyway was fun and quick - one thing though I was going around in a circle on floor 2 accessing the staircase black portal interaction before I looked for a door - lol I thought I was going up heaps of stairs. Maybe have a solid door appear there after dialogue with the mindflayer starts.

But yeah, was quick and fun and simple is best

Cheers

karitr · July 2013

Hi gynkoba. Played but not reviewed at the moment as it needs some polish yet. Character: L60 CW.

Typos:
Dialogue with QQ outside, talking about Kevin "if hasn't gone feral by now" needs a pronoun.
About the tower security "poison gas, constructs the usual." needs another comma.
When talking to Kevin, it looks as if you have incorrectly copied and pasted something into the paragraph where he says he wants out as badly as QQ wants in. Sorry I don't have the exact paragraph. I like to look at all dialogue trees if someone asks for feedback/review, but strangely (in a good way) when I went back and forwards with Kevin, the options changed. When I closed down the conversation with him and reopened, I was not able to get the same dialogue tree again.

Other stuff:
I'm not sure if you took sc00ters advice to add custom lighting, but I found the lighting too bright in many places.
The sitting room had a nice feel to it, but other rooms were a bit devoid of personality and could use some more (wizardly) detail.
The combat was never a challenge (10k+ GS). I personally don't do foundry quests for the loot, but the only thing I came away with was the chest reward. You need to add more encounters and beef up the end fight at least. This will help push the time up to make the quest eligible for a daily.

Another couple of ideas to add time:
Make killing the zombie cooks objective a game of sardines (hide and seek), so instead of us killing them all in one fell swoop as soon as we arrive, you have them semi-hidden around the lower floors and we have to seek them out.
Instead of Kevin just saying 'the key is over there', make us have to do something for him in order to earn the key.

What shines:
Your humour. I really enjoyed the dialogue with QQ and Kevin, and giggled quite a bit.
The amount of dialogue and dialogue choices.
The cosy sitting room.
Cat!
Your goal

Good luck and let me know when you have finished polishing and I shall play again and leave a rating.

gynkoba · July 2013

karitr wrote: »

Hi gynkoba. Played but not reviewed at the moment as it needs some polish yet. Character: L60 CW.

Typos:
Dialogue with QQ outside, talking about Kevin "if hasn't gone feral by now" needs a pronoun.
About the tower security "poison gas, constructs the usual." needs another comma.
When talking to Kevin, it looks as if you have incorrectly copied and pasted something into the paragraph where he says he wants out as badly as QQ wants in. Sorry I don't have the exact paragraph. I like to look at all dialogue trees if someone asks for feedback/review, but strangely (in a good way) when I went back and forwards with Kevin, the options changed. When I closed down the conversation with him and reopened, I was not able to get the same dialogue tree again.

Other stuff:
I'm not sure if you took sc00ters advice to add custom lighting, but I found the lighting too bright in many places.
The sitting room had a nice feel to it, but other rooms were a bit devoid of personality and could use some more (wizardly) detail.
The combat was never a challenge (10k+ GS). I personally don't do foundry quests for the loot, but the only thing I came away with was the chest reward. You need to add more encounters and beef up the end fight at least. This will help push the time up to make the quest eligible for a daily.

Another couple of ideas to add time:
Make killing the zombie cooks objective a game of sardines (hide and seek), so instead of us killing them all in one fell swoop as soon as we arrive, you have them semi-hidden around the lower floors and we have to seek them out.
Instead of Kevin just saying 'the key is over there', make us have to do something for him in order to earn the key.

What shines:
Your humour. I really enjoyed the dialogue with QQ and Kevin, and giggled quite a bit.
The amount of dialogue and dialogue choices.
The cosy sitting room.
Cat!
Your goal

Good luck and let me know when you have finished polishing and I shall play again and leave a rating.

Wow.. thanks for the perfect critique!. I haven't had a chance to update it yet but I will release a 2.0 version by next week. It will have most of the fixes and some additions.

New Foundry writer: Goal is to only write short 15min foundrys

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