After 2 months, just published my first quest. Looking for reviews.

donnyth · July 2013

Secrets of the Ring

Synopsis:

Warning: this quest deals with adult themes. It is probably not suited for immature children. 3 main maps, solo

What seemed like a small, easy job turned out to be connected to ministriesof the highest order, not to mention one huge headache. Arnold the Bricklayer has lost his ring, which has been in his family for hundreds of generations, at the village brothel of all places. He has put out a call through secret channels that he is in search of any abled bodies to deal with the situation. He is willing to pay handsomly and will even double the reward if word does not get out about his debacle.

Skip throught the dialogue if you want to just fight and finish the quest. Read through, if you're interested in learning about the secrets of the ring. Contrains light humor and drama.

I tried to put in equal parts combat, dialogue, and interactions although it turned out to be probably dialogue intensive for most. This is my first real attempt at any sort of writing or foundry quest making.

ID: NW - dt25qalqy

donnyth · July 2013

It's actually still publishing, will inform on completion.

donnyth · July 2013

Currently published.

mee2002 · July 2013

That was really good. It had a lot of fun use of effects and class skills. First my notes:
- Starting off the quest with a "Go to this waypoint in Protector's Enclave" is bad. Just, really bad. You don't get any pathing help and it doesn't show up on the map. If you already know where Dagger's Way is, it's not a problem. I vaguely remembered seeing it pop up when I was running through town, and spent 10 minutes running through the town trying to find it again. If you want to leave it in, add some directions like north of the bank. I'd suggest removing it though and making the door the first objective.
- Missed a space in description - ministriesof the highest order.
- Typo - Arnold - estblishment. Also, at one point he calls himself a brick layer with a space.
- Street Urchin - Missed a space, hiswares
- Personal preference here, but *hic up* just doesn't read right. Might want to shorten it to just *hic*
- Madame Lilac convo - missed a "you" in "Before is who must be that...". Also, sentence reads kinda funny. Maybe "Before you stand a lady who must be..."
- There's a response that includes (Give name), I'd just use the <name> code there.
- I picked the Selune's tears as soon as I got in the room, and they grew back before I pulled back the rug O.o Also, I might have missed something but I was thinking they would be the present for the cook, however I never saw a chance to give them to her.
- towards the end you have a few "Press F to interact"s. On 2 gates and... something else just past them.

I was really impressed with your effects. The different drinks were perfectly done. The class specific choices were a great example of how that mechanic should work. I enjoyed the dialogue, and hitting on every woman with my female half-orc. Combat is hard to judge as this is my first Foundry on this alt, but it never seemed like too much. It was a bit weird being a member of the guild "Dungeon Masters" and reaching the end where it looked like we caused every major disaster in Neverwinter history :P I liked the references of some of the girls' names. When I got to the end, I realized the char I ran it on had no diamonds, so I couldn't tip you. But I did enjoy it and will run it again once I get some.

donnyth · July 2013

mee2002 wrote: »

That was really good. It had a lot of fun use of effects and class skills. First my notes:
- Starting off the quest with a "Go to this waypoint in Protector's Enclave" is bad. Just, really bad. You don't get any pathing help and it doesn't show up on the map. If you already know where Dagger's Way is, it's not a problem. I vaguely remembered seeing it pop up when I was running through town, and spent 10 minutes running through the town trying to find it again. If you want to leave it in, add some directions like north of the bank. I'd suggest removing it though and making the door the first objective.

I was trying to put in an objective here and didn't like the 'unlock door' option. I had to go with waypoint which doesn't allow the sparkling trail. I now realize all I have to do is use the map transition. Change in next update

- Missed a space in description - ministriesof the highest order.
- Typo - Arnold - estblishment. Also, at one point he calls himself a brick layer with a space.
- Street Urchin - Missed a space, hiswares
- Personal preference here, but *hic up* just doesn't read right. Might want to shorten it to just *hic*
- Madame Lilac convo - missed a "you" in "Before is who must be that...". Also, sentence reads kinda funny. Maybe "Before you stand a lady who must be..."
- There's a response that includes (Give name), I'd just use the <name> code there.

Oooh nice! Thanks

- I picked the Selune's tears as soon as I got in the room, and they grew back before I pulled back the rug O.o Also, I might have missed something but I was thinking they would be the present for the cook, however I never saw a chance to give them to her.

There's actually a way to get with the cook and the usher in private. You'll have to do a little exploring but they're totally optional and right in the tavern area.

- towards the end you have a few "Press F to interact"s. On 2 gates and... something else just past them.

I was really impressed with your effects. The different drinks were perfectly done. The class specific choices were a great example of how that mechanic should work. I enjoyed the dialogue, and hitting on every woman with my female half-orc. Combat is hard to judge as this is my first Foundry on this alt, but it never seemed like too much. It was a bit weird being a member of the guild "Dungeon Masters" and reaching the end where it looked like we caused every major disaster in Neverwinter history :P I liked the references of some of the girls' names. When I got to the end, I realized the char I ran it on had no diamonds, so I couldn't tip you. But I did enjoy it and will run it again once I get some.

Your proof reading and review is very much appreciated. And I probably should've realized there would be guilds called the dungeon master lol. But, I needed that phrase for the later story parts where it gets really weird and philosophical.

Any reviews you need give me a hollah!

donnyth · July 2013

I'm looking for more reviews if anyone is interested. I'll return the favor. I have 3 plays so far =/

ash4ll · July 2013

Well, feel free to browse my thread then: you'll have plenty of quest to choose from:
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?365371-Review-trades

thalazar1 · July 2013

Really enjoyed this one. I picked up a few small things:
-personal pref but I think 'pawn' should be 'fence' to be more inline with the period
-there were flies near the selune stone at floor lvl.. not sure why but it had me running around the room for a few min trying to find the buzzing lol
-"why you lying" when I lied to the bandit would have read better with an 'are'
-the spawns near the beginning, fighting hordes of bandits may have been improved by spawning them off screen then running in or having a smoke cloud poof to spawn them. they weren't bad just the last pull were 3 groups spawned in succession felt tedious.
-I liked the mixed conversation between bandit and madam, sort of play tests the idea I had for my quest but it may have been better to have them a bit closer so you don't run back and forth.
-Bruticus was just hilarious, I snickered at his name on first seeing him and at the end flat out laughed at him.

Excellent use of class skills as was said above, but i think you don't like mages much lol.. I had to run back to the start of the map twice. once to enter the magic shop and the second to fetch some coal when there were perfectly good torches on the wall. But I may have missed the opportunity to grab the burning coal from the start.

lolsorhand · July 2013

I'll check this out

Will edit/bump when i'm done.

Just going through the first part,

The main NPC, doesn't exchange pleasentries with the "commoner" who he hires to get back a ring? (That's an awfully quick way of getting it stolen :P)
Also would like, and this is just a personal preference OOC emotes in the chat. (Which describes just minor things what he does while he talks, perhaps his tone? If he is stressed you could add dialogue to perhaps calm him down or so. Just a few thoughts.)
Didn't notice any real ambient sounds in the first area except for the fire, but this is just a nitpick :P (Nitpick!)
Add more options in the dialogue, this is another nitpick but will add greatly to many players.
If you use nasher rebells, lvl 60 clerics might have a hard time clearing stacked ones, perhaps change one's skillset.(and keep the same skin.) To avoid them buffing themselves and instakilling clerics :P (I know this the hard way, did this myself in my first quest. That buff is insane.)

Spawns triggered on spawns should feel more than just that imo, Give them a patrol and perhaps lessen the ammount of them. (Again 60 clerics will have a hard time killing these, since they not only buff themselves but the harder ones take healingpotions.)

Area 2

Not sure what you are going with storywise, but i've never approved of using percentages in fantasy conversations. Like 80% percentage feels very modern-like.

Bluff should be intimidate with the bouncer, and Lie should be bluff. (Another nitpick!)

Area 3
A stool is floating :P, another nitpick for me, but not a nitpick for many

Also, why would I tell my enemy, since this is an obvious setup about who sent me? :P(Would enjoy the choice not to!)
A certain rug you interact with is called Rug 02

Area 4, well the dungeons.
Give the boss fight a patrol atleast, and I think people might find it difficult, as they will die from the boss fight. Especielly when they spawn ontop of you :P

Overall I enjoyed the quest!

4/5

donnyth · July 2013

thalazar1 wrote: »

Really enjoyed this one. I picked up a few small things:
-personal pref but I think 'pawn' should be 'fence' to be more inline with the period
-there were flies near the selune stone at floor lvl.. not sure why but it had me running around the room for a few min trying to find the buzzing lol
-"why you lying" when I lied to the bandit would have read better with an 'are'

This was meant to be "ghetto talk" lol but i suppose most people wouldn't understand it, so i'll put in an 'are'

-the spawns near the beginning, fighting hordes of bandits may have been improved by spawning them off screen then running in or having a smoke cloud poof to spawn them. they weren't bad just the last pull were 3 groups spawned in succession felt tedious.

3 is rather tedious, changed it to 2. However I can't find a good way to make a cloud of smoke that appears then slowly vanishes, unless there's one in the details I'm unaware of[/quote]

-I liked the mixed conversation between bandit and madam, sort of play tests the idea I had for my quest but it may have been better to have them a bit closer so you don't run back and forth.

yea, unfortunately there's no real good way to be in a conversation with more than one person lol

-Bruticus was just hilarious, I snickered at his name on first seeing him and at the end flat out laughed at him.

Excellent use of class skills as was said above, but i think you don't like mages much lol.. I had to run back to the start of the map twice. once to enter the magic shop and the second to fetch some coal when there were perfectly good torches on the wall. But I may have missed the opportunity to grab the burning coal from the start.

actually my main is a cw. I'm biased against Tr lol. The last dungeon part is extra long for their path and even goes into a different story. The kicker is, most people play tr, so when tr plays it, the time played will go up, but for tanks, it will be least, cw and dc mid length lol

oortexplorer · July 2013

Sounds intriguing, I will add it to my list. May take a day or two to get to it though. My quest info is in sig if you want to check it out.

oortexplorer · July 2013

Sorry for the delay, played your quest and it is a very well-executed story. Starts out light and gets more interesting as it goes along. Good characters and solid maps. Loved the fortune teller. I don't have a lot of corrections to suggest, didn't even notice any typos, you seem to have polished it up quite nicely. A couple of stacked encounters were close to being too much, but I made it through.

Main thing that bothered me, I died twice and that walk back through the dungeon is quite long and a bit annoying. May wish to consider putting the respawn map closer to the end (maybe halfway through the map?)

Very nice quest, hope you can get some more people to play it. Look forward to Part 2.

anrix2 · July 2013

This was excellently executed for a first time author. Amazing quest, a must play, and a well deserved bump. I think if this quest can get the plays it will one day be a featured quest.

After 2 months, just published my first quest. Looking for reviews.

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