My first Foundry: Part Time Job

mcwill · July 2013

I published my first Foundry quest today. Since it won't show up on the For Review thing, I'm posting it here.

Here's the code: NW-DEAU6OW29

On my own play-through, I did spot a few mistakes, such as spelling and some unnamed objects, which I plan to correct soon. I'm specifically looking for feedback regarding the encounter difficulty and combat flow, but any and all feedback is more than welcome.

If you'd like your own Foundry reviewed, just say so and I'll check it out and review when I get the chance. Thanks.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

In a quest right now, but I'll run yours when I finish. If you wanna take a look at mine, it's in my sig.

As for the "For Review" thing...I think the one who's managing it has to add that in manually, which means it'll probably get listed tomorrow.

keuwrk91 · July 2013

Couldn't find it yet, though I suspect we have to wait about 12h until it shows, as the Foundry update will take place then.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

I died in the last boss battle and it respawned me into a wall

Move the campfire just a bit more from the wall.

My review up until that point: I really like the realism you put into it as well as the story progression in general. It was amusing playing out the first day all normal-like. The only other thing that I'd mention is that you could really liven up the environment with some details and music. Doing that, you could really amp up how engaging it all is.

mcwill · July 2013

xpurpleinsanityx wrote: »

I died in the last boss battle and it respawned me into a wall

Move the campfire just a bit more from the wall.

My review up until that point: I really like the realism you put into it as well as the story progression in general. It was amusing playing out the first day all normal-like. The only other thing that I'd mention is that you could really liven up the environment with some details and music. Doing that, you could really amp up how engaging it all is.

Will fix the respawning ASAP. Thanks for that. I forgot to test the whole dying part, lol.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

mcwill wrote: »

Will fix the respawning ASAP. Thanks for that. I forgot to test the whole dying part, lol.

No prob.

I would say I'd try again when you get it fixed...but I'm pretty sure I can't solo that last boss fight XD Too squishy as a TR and my 60 gear isn't that great yet

I really did find the concept laid out in the story really amusing though.

Edit: Sorry it took me so long to get to it in the first place, I had some things come up irl.

mcwill · July 2013

xpurpleinsanityx wrote: »

No prob. I would say I'd try again when you get it fixed...but I'm pretty sure I can't solo that last boss fight XD Too squishy as a TR and my 60 gear isn't that great yet

I really did find the concept laid out in the story really amusing though.

Edit: Sorry it took me so long to get to it in the first place, I had some things come up irl.

Ok, I believe I fixed the respawn issue. I put it in a bigger room, should solve the problem. I also added a few little details to some rooms, moved some encounters around, and added music, boss music, and victory music, yay. I'm sorry that your rogue has issues. Do you think maybe it's too difficult? I only tested it with my GWF. It was challenging, requiring a few potions, but I made it through.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

mcwill wrote: »

Ok, I believe I fixed the respawn issue. I put it in a bigger room, should solve the problem. I also added a few little details to some rooms, moved some encounters around, and added music, boss music, and victory music, yay. I'm sorry that your rogue has issues. Do you think maybe it's too difficult? I only tested it with my GWF. It was challenging, requiring a few potions, but I made it through.

Is it a challenging boss battle for solo? Yes...but I don't think it's too much. My squishy little TR just isn't in the best position when I'm facing several instead of 1 on 1...so, I think you're fine there. Just might wanna put some kind of warning to higher levels who are soloing...will be fine for some classes, but very difficult for others.

thalazar1 · July 2013

Ok just tried it out. noticed the at the end know should be knew.
the environments are barren after the tavern, and in the stock room some of the details are stacked together.
the first wave at the end on returning to the tavern was a bit much. maybe have the groups spawn and attack as the last one dies instead of three all at once.
For the beginning maybe talk to the boss and then get sent to the higher bosses before going home instead of leaving twice.

Over all the story was interesting, the twist at the end was unique, and i enjoyed it. Without getting into spoilers it's a different way to finish up. the interact at the very end didn't seem right. there was nothing to click on just a hovering click f to interact. If it's meant to be an introspective at the end then maybe change the wording from "use chamber pot" to "ponder your situation".

If you get a chance please check out my quest The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D. (would put that in a sig block but i cant figure out how

)

karitr · July 2013

This was really most excellent. My ramblings as I played through:

Great first impression. Love the relaxed mood of the customers (feet up) and actual food being prepared and plated up in the kitchen! Squeee.

Debra's office a bit spartan.

Fairy trail led to stove before I had potatoes. Same with Veg. Both veg and potatoes could use a more appropriate quest item icon.

And meat...is there really no food items in the foundry toolset?

Meat spit 01 label.

Enjoyed my first day. I like this working malarky, a novel concept for a quest.

Day 2:
A promotion!

Uh oh, she was about to say "ritual", I know it.

Could have been more subtle: in the real world, this is where I hand in my notice and get out of there sharpish.

Aha. And just in case I didn't get it, here is my white knight to make it clear. (Listen to him, you idiot).

Lol at the ritual costumes. Brilliant.

Ooh nasty-looking serrated blade traps *approves*

Also liking that not all the groups of cooks have a 'strong' one among them. It's nice to have a mix as it doesn't make the player complacent.

Lovely use of colours/lighting in the sewer crypt.

Just when I thought I wouldn't fall for those traps again, ouch.

Now to find Joan. Great ambient music. These cooks are really creeping me out.

Combat pacing is excellent so far, let's see what The Don is made of.

Or not. Maybe give us a choice there?

Hmm OK, your way is better. Enjoyed the fight, The Don dropped a BLUE! A +5 Smiting Berserker Greatsword no less.

Oh this just gets better and better. Loving this twist.

Use the Chamber Pot *snorts*

As noted above I found the pacing of the combat perfect, leading the player to progressively harder encounters naturally. It was probably just the right side of easy (solo L60 CW), but for a midnight crawl that was just what I wanted. It also meant the twists flowed thick and fast and being the star of the show it was probably best not to detract from them with too heavy combat.

A couple of points. I think it was imperative we got sent home a second time. It sets the scene for what comes next and it isn't as if we have to do more than turn a short corner. Had we not been sent home, how would you explain the now shut and empty tavern and the fact the bosses had changed clothes? So please keep that. Secondly, I saw the chamber pot fine - you had me laughing real tears with that - but the pot itself was not interactable, just the air above it. This wasn't an issue for me, but perhaps is what thalazar1 was talking about?

Anyway, brilliant work. You have a new subscriber. What's next

mcwill · July 2013

thalazar1 wrote: »

Ok just tried it out. noticed the at the end know should be knew.
the environments are barren after the tavern, and in the stock room some of the details are stacked together.
the first wave at the end on returning to the tavern was a bit much. maybe have the groups spawn and attack as the last one dies instead of three all at once.
For the beginning maybe talk to the boss and then get sent to the higher bosses before going home instead of leaving twice.

Over all the story was interesting, the twist at the end was unique, and i enjoyed it. Without getting into spoilers it's a different way to finish up. the interact at the very end didn't seem right. there was nothing to click on just a hovering click f to interact. If it's meant to be an introspective at the end then maybe change the wording from "use chamber pot" to "ponder your situation".

If you get a chance please check out my quest The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D. (would put that in a sig block but i cant figure out how )

Thank you for the feedback. I will add some details each chance I get when I go back to fix the little errors here and there. As for the chamber pot, the pot itself is the clickable, but for some reason the area to click takes up most of the room. I will try to find a fix for this or maybe just use your idea of pondering the situation.
I will check out your Foundry first thing when I play tonight. Also, at the top of the page is a link "User CP". That's where you can edit your sig

karitr wrote:

As noted above I found the pacing of the combat perfect, leading the player to progressively harder encounters naturally. It was probably just the right side of easy (solo L60 CW), but for a midnight crawl that was just what I wanted. It also meant the twists flowed thick and fast and being the star of the show it was probably best not to detract from them with too heavy combat.

A couple of points. I think it was imperative we got sent home a second time. It sets the scene for what comes next and it isn't as if we have to do more than turn a short corner. Had we not been sent home, how would you explain the now shut and empty tavern and the fact the bosses had changed clothes? So please keep that. Secondly, I saw the chamber pot fine - you had me laughing real tears with that - but the pot itself was not interactable, just the air above it. This wasn't an issue for me, but perhaps is what thalazar1 was talking about?

Anyway, brilliant work. You have a new subscriber. What's next

I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yes, the toolset seems to be limited on icons. I couldn't seem to find an actual meat icon, or much of any food, so I had to use bags. Perhaps this is something to be suggested to the devs.

sphecida · July 2013

I got to the last part, Defend Yourself from the Patrons, and could not progress. There is either a door missing from the hallway into the rest of the tavern, or something didn't trigger after I killed Allen and his friends.

A few observations:

-When you first go to work, it's odd that all the cooks are duplicated. I wasn't sure if that counted as foreshadowing or not. Do they become clones after being taken prisoner?
-When you get your first task, it would be natural for the player to respond, "Where's the stockroom?" and have Allen point and say, "Down the hall to the left."
-Sam says, "the new help the started" should be "that"
-the other bartender is called Bartender Human 02
-I think you should be able to agree with Toth Douglas and respond, "Yes, I think there's something odd about them, too. I'll come prepared when I return tomorrow."
-bound cook says, "They all ran passed," should be "past"
-Allen says "supressed," should be "suppressed"
-I needed a campfire or two in the dungeon
-combat for lvl 20 cleric was ok, though I used a few portable altars

I liked it that you chose different types of encounters and re-skinned them, but I didn't like all the cooks looking the same. I noticed there were a couple of bartenders in one encounter at least. I know it's a pain to re-skin mobs, and all the generic ones look the same anyway, but it just seemed odd to have cloned cooks. Maybe I don't notice that so much when enemies are wearing armor.

Overall, it was a good story and well-paced dungeon. Wish I could have finished it.

karitr · July 2013

but I didn't like all the cooks looking the same

See now I liked that (ref my note: "cooks creeping me out" or words to that effect), I even liked they were all stood there ramrod straight. I found it very 'Village of the Damned'.

But I do understand an author viewing it will have a completely different perspective

mcwill · July 2013

sphecida wrote: »

I got to the last part, Defend Yourself from the Patrons, and could not progress. There is either a door missing from the hallway into the rest of the tavern, or something didn't trigger after I killed Allen and his friends.

A few observations:

-When you first go to work, it's odd that all the cooks are duplicated. I wasn't sure if that counted as foreshadowing or not. Do they become clones after being taken prisoner?
-When you get your first task, it would be natural for the player to respond, "Where's the stockroom?" and have Allen point and say, "Down the hall to the left."
-Sam says, "the new help the started" should be "that"
-the other bartender is called Bartender Human 02
-I think you should be able to agree with Toth Douglas and respond, "Yes, I think there's something odd about them, too. I'll come prepared when I return tomorrow."
-bound cook says, "They all ran passed," should be "past"
-Allen says "supressed," should be "suppressed"
-I needed a campfire or two in the dungeon
-combat for lvl 20 cleric was ok, though I used a few portable altars

I liked it that you chose different types of encounters and re-skinned them, but I didn't like all the cooks looking the same. I noticed there were a couple of bartenders in one encounter at least. I know it's a pain to re-skin mobs, and all the generic ones look the same anyway, but it just seemed odd to have cloned cooks. Maybe I don't notice that so much when enemies are wearing armor.

Overall, it was a good story and well-paced dungeon. Wish I could have finished it.

Thanks for the feedback. I will correct the spelling mistakes next chance I get, as well as that little tip about Allen giving directions. As for the cooks looking the same, I only created a male and female version, but I may add a few more with different faces to add some variety.

danielspicard · July 2013

Will check it out tomorrow or so.
Heard some great things so have to check it out. (just because I am working on my own (to large) quest

distortedillu · July 2013

Want to trade reviews?

Humor quest!

mcwill · July 2013

Hello everybody. My latest version is being published as we speak. I'm sorry about the missing door near the end. That was a huge mistake on my part. Here are the latest patch notes:

Replaced the door that I accidentally deleted. (Sorry guys)
Created more cook variations. No more twins (per encounter).
Allen the Trainer has new dialog telling you where the stock room is.
Corrected various spelling mistakes.
Bartender Human 02 now has a name, as well as an encounter later on.
New dialog option to agree with Toth Douglas
Moved the dungeon respawn point to a more central location.
Adjusted some of the Boss heights.
Added sound effects to some of the doors that didn't make any.
Added some dialog to the Bosses at the first meeting.

I tested the entire quest before publishing this time to make sure it's completable. So feel free to give it another try. Also, make sure those patch notes are in the description to make sure you are playing the current version. Sometimes publishing takes a really long time.

And once again, thank you for the valuable feedback.

distortedillu · July 2013

Hey McWill, I just tried to run your Foundry! Here are my play-by-comments:

Sims-ish, love it! I have not played any Foundry like this before, and I apprieciate the unique quality.

Tips: Label stock room door. A little confusing finding it and weird not to be shown since it’s our first day on the job

Mel’s OOC wording could be reworded for clarity. [I.E. “looking over at Tasha (who is making funny faces)”... The other boss interactions were priceless!

Some monster they call “The Don”[.] Missing period.

Kill *each other* [is two words: Joan the Flayed conversation]

Objective: Kill Tasha: mob stacking makes this encounter pretty hard to solo + companion. Had to pot burn fast to survive.

Main Boss Fight: The stacked mobs make this impossible for me to solo. Pot burning like crazy and am on a cleric but could not heal through it. [Have Man-at-Arms companion.] I died 3 times before realizing there was no way it was going to happen [due to Neverwinter having all mobs respawn when you die, regardless if you have killed half of them, ugh!].

I would not label this a solo quest with the encounter difficulty as of present.

I really loved the story and the novel quality this Foundry had. I wish I could have completed it because it’s very compelling and well-done! I look forward to your future updates

mcwill · July 2013

distortedillu wrote: »

Objective: Kill Tasha: mob stacking makes this encounter pretty hard to solo + companion. Had to pot burn fast to survive.

Main Boss Fight: The stacked mobs make this impossible for me to solo. Pot burning like crazy and am on a cleric but could not heal through it. [Have Man-at-Arms companion.] I died 3 times before realizing there was no way it was going to happen [due to Neverwinter having all mobs respawn when you die, regardless if you have killed half of them, ugh!].

I would not label this a solo quest with the encounter difficulty as of present.

I'm sorry the difficulty was a bit too high. My goal was to make those boss fights challenging, but I didn't want them to be impossible. I have personally run through solo with a GWF(60), GF(35), and CW(18). I have not played a cleric yet, so this information is good to know. As always, I continually go back and tweak things based on feedback from the forums. So please do try it again after I've made some updates.

distortedillu · July 2013

I think adding a scale rating as follows to the quest could nix having to tweak encounters:

Solo[+companion]: Challenging
Duo: Average
Group: Easy

I will admit I am a new Neverwinter player and my cleric is only level 29. So, the scale above I imagine would be for the Joe-Schmoe average PC & not skilled/serious players. ^^

danielspicard · July 2013

I did this with a lvl 33 Divine Cleric.
If you ask me it was pretty nice to do.
Only the search for the stockroom

But nice going.
Hope you will also play my quests when they are done.

mcwill · July 2013

danielspicard wrote: »

I did this with a lvl 33 Divine Cleric.
If you ask me it was pretty nice to do.
Only the search for the stockroom

But nice going.
Hope you will also play my quests when they are done.

I will. I enjoy playing new quests and it's the least I can do for a fellow foundry author.

danielspicard · July 2013

mcwill wrote: »

I will. I enjoy playing new quests and it's the least I can do for a fellow foundry author.

Oke nice.
Mine will turn into a campaign some day. But first I will finish the one I am working on now. And then start working on the campaign version and continue to improve the one I build. Foundy is still hard.

nimmanu · July 2013

Hi mcwill. I ran your quest. First thing I'm going to say is that I'm not going to talk about the fighting, only because my char is still only in her 30s. Ah, those were the days.... oh wait, different 30s. Something I love about video games... when you turn 40, you actually celebrate... :-p

Okay, enough silliness, you want a critique. I gave you 5 stars, because it's clear you put forth effort and a great deal of thought. It's also nicely executed.

Now, according to the sandwich method, here's where I tell you the things I noticed, and might change were it my quest, personally. I didn't see anything "wrong", and these are suggestions I think might improve the quest. But they are subjective things, so don't take them as "this makes the quest bad", because I liked the quest, though it seemed a bit short to me (not necessarily a bad thing--and maybe I was having enough fun that I didn't notice the passage of time! :-) ).

1. I don't care for items going into the inventory for the main quest. Side or optional quests, fine. If it's pretty much necessary because the person will zone first, then I'm good with it. Otherwise, I try to do it with dialogue prompts. Let the box of potatoes say "you picked up potatoes" without putting anything in inventory. This being said, I respect greatly that you kept the "central quest necessary" item to only 1 thing at a time.

2. Honey and I ran it together, and he was like, "Is this just a run around and collect stuff quest?". My point here being that it might be a better idea to move Toth to an earlier section... have him warning the player almost from the start. Something like "don't accept the job" even from the start. I knew there was something about a bar fight in it, otherwise I might also have thought it was such a quest.

3. When you talk to the bound people, they simply sit there, still bound... though they state that they'll make their own way out. I would personally turn them into pathing NPCs who walk back towards the exit. Set a marker a little further along the pathway and make them disappear. This being said, it's okay if you were past your NPC budget or close to it on that map. If you aren't, I might change them to path backwards and disappear when the player gets around the next corner.

4. Total personal opinion here, and at odds with most opinion, so.... yeah. I would have enjoyed more clickie interactives to find and read. I like lore and would have read it all avidly. It didn't detract for me, though.

5. Racial diversity would have been nice, but it's no big deal. Just a secondary consideration that many don't think of. Perhaps something to have in the back of your mind for next time. This is less a criticism of any kind, and more an observation of something that I thought of as I went through the quest.

Now, to complete the sandwich, things that I personally enjoyed about the quest:

1. I liked your story/ idea/ concept. I thought it was well executed and that you did a very nice job not only coming up with the idea, but making it clear with relatively little time or dialogue. It was a complex concept that you managed to convey succinctly.

2. I liked the "work" concept, and I think it was fine that you sent us home. I wouldn't change that. I think that if you bring in a bit of warning or conflict a bit sooner, it might assist in making that less irksome for the impatient folks.

3. I think you did a good job with the areas and those beginning quests. I liked them and I felt that they told a story and felt a bit like a 'real' job. But not so much or so long that it really felt like a 'real' job. If you know what I mean.

4. I sort of had to rush through the dialogue because honey is impatient. I didn't notice errors, and I usually do if I have time to read properly. So if you have any errors still, they're not monstrously blatant ones.

In conclusion, I thank you for the pleasant quest that allowed me to enjoy my recreational time.

It got 5 stars from me, because I think that 5 stars means that you put in clear and obvious effort and gave me time value. It doesn't have to be perfect to be a 5 star for me (honey is the opposite, lol). I don't think honey reviewed your quest at all (sorry--he's not altogether on board with my foundry fascination :-p ).

mcwill · July 2013

nimmanu wrote: »

1. I don't care for items going into the inventory for the main quest. Side or optional quests, fine. If it's pretty much necessary because the person will zone first, then I'm good with it. Otherwise, I try to do it with dialogue prompts. Let the box of potatoes say "you picked up potatoes" without putting anything in inventory. This being said, I respect greatly that you kept the "central quest necessary" item to only 1 thing at a time.

2. Honey and I ran it together, and he was like, "Is this just a run around and collect stuff quest?". My point here being that it might be a better idea to move Toth to an earlier section... have him warning the player almost from the start. Something like "don't accept the job" even from the start. I knew there was something about a bar fight in it, otherwise I might also have thought it was such a quest.

3. When you talk to the bound people, they simply sit there, still bound... though they state that they'll make their own way out. I would personally turn them into pathing NPCs who walk back towards the exit. Set a marker a little further along the pathway and make them disappear. This being said, it's okay if you were past your NPC budget or close to it on that map. If you aren't, I might change them to path backwards and disappear when the player gets around the next corner.

4. Total personal opinion here, and at odds with most opinion, so.... yeah. I would have enjoyed more clickie interactives to find and read. I like lore and would have read it all avidly. It didn't detract for me, though.

5. Racial diversity would have been nice, but it's no big deal. Just a secondary consideration that many don't think of. Perhaps something to have in the back of your mind for next time. This is less a criticism of any kind, and more an observation of something that I thought of as I went through the quest.

Thank you nim for taking the time to write up your suggestions. I always appreciate feedback and most of the suggestions/fixes find their way into my quest.

1. When it comes to the inventory items, I thought it was a cool idea to have to carry items out to cook and I made sure that those items were removed quickly as to not fill your inventory and keep room for all the goodies that drop from the encounters that happen later.

2. I'm pretty comfortable with Toth Douglas. I feel that your first day on the job is just that, your first day, so nothing out of the ordinary is supposed to happen. It's not until something out of the ordinary, such as meeting all the top bosses on your second day, should you be warned that something isn't quite right.

3. I see what you mean about the bound people and I agree now that I look back on it. I will keep this in mind and make it happen with my next update.

4. When I first put this quest together, I hadn't even thought about placing lore clickies, but now that I'm thinking about it, there are a few things I can think of off the top of my head that would fit right in. It might even help out #2 by giving hints that something isn't as it seems on your first day, if you remember to go snooping around rather than just doing your job.

5. I hadn't even considered racial diversity until now, so thank you for being the first to mention it. While I am almost considering this quest finished, my next quest (There will be more, for sure) will take this into account.

Once again, thank you for your suggestions. I am still learning as everybody points out improvements I could make. I will definitely take everything I learn from this quest and apply it to future ones, so stay tuned.

casekuk · July 2013

Hi Mcwill,

I just ran your quest, I enjoyed it. It's obvious you spent some time on it, and I liked the story. The fights are tough on my level 60 Wizzy, I feel they would be even tougher on a level 60 rogue, although honestly I dont think the encounters are too tough. The balance is nice, and the 'amount' of fights well thought out. I liked the little twist at the end.

I don't have time to read everything else that is written here, so forgive me if I'm repeating what others say:

Heres what I think you could improve on...

tiny things first:

You are told to 'go find Allen' the trainer in the initail part of the quest. This felt wrong for someone starting a new job, as hands are held for that period of time. 'He's outside waiting for you' would be nicer.

The trail leads to the Stove when you have to gather potatoes. This again is a small thing, but people will mark you down for it. Believe me, people mark you down for the strangest of things!

Medium things...

The 'return to work the day after' feels really unnecesary, and is a little on the tedious side. At that point in the story, we have already been walking around 'working' to simply walk to the door, and then all the way back, just seems to me a little much, and could easily be avoided by making it all happen in one day?

Once the fighting starts there are long walks with nothing happening in them, while I understand that you want to split the characters up, this is just not necessary. Closer fights add to the 'action' feel. Again players will mark you down for this.. Sad but true.

Larger things:

Your using a dungeon map for the action part of the story, and there's nothing in it, except for the mobs. This felt very bland, and 'empty'. Filling up such a massive space with details takes a VERY long time, and this is why the type of map you have used is reserved for dungeons. The 'cryptic maps' of the same type have hundreds of items in each room. Your's are very empty feeling.

You also have no sounds, nothing to make the atmosphere 'feel'. No fog, no 'fx' of any kind. again this left the whole thing feeling rather empty.

All in all I think your quest has great potential, but is let down by lack of detail in general. Great work... Could use a little love

I would greatly appreciate a play if you have the time, thanks in advance.

Art (aka Casek)

mcwill · July 2013

casekuk wrote: »

Your using a dungeon map for the action part of the story, and there's nothing in it, except for the mobs. This felt very bland, and 'empty'. Filling up such a massive space with details takes a VERY long time, and this is why the type of map you have used is reserved for dungeons. The 'cryptic maps' of the same type have hundreds of items in each room. Your's are very empty feeling.

You also have no sounds, nothing to make the atmosphere 'feel'. No fog, no 'fx' of any kind. again this left the whole thing feeling rather empty.

Filling the map up with details has always been my weakness for every game that let's you create maps. The rooms that do have detail were simply filled with the handy Populate button, which randomly throws some junk on the floors, but it's still random. This is something I need to work on in the future. I'll slowly add more each time I update the map and will surely be something I put as a higher priority in future maps.

My first Foundry: Part Time Job

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