New lore based campaign - The Captains Return parts 1 to 3. Reviews requested

bandolini · July 2013

Firstly I would like to thank the Foundry community for the tips, assistance, and general help received whilst I have been learning how to use the Foundry, You're a great bunch! It has been invaluable in me finally publishing my 3 part campaign based very loosely on 'The Pirate King' storyline which I have named 'The Captains Return'.

I would really appreciate your views (good or bad!) so if you could find the time to give it a run through and post your comments I would reciprocate with a run through of yours too. We have to get our work played somehow eh?

The Captains Return Pt 1 - NW-DHEX3XPPU
The Captains Return Pt 2 - NW-DO595JNP2
The Captains Return Pt 3 - NW-DBSJ4HMOU

Now updated with some improvements suggested by first reviews.
Thanks all!

bandolini · July 2013

Can anyone let me know what the sequence is for getting eligible for dailies, and then to be listed in main foundry menus other than new? Thanks!

casekuk · July 2013

Hey Band!

Good to see you starting your own thread, good for you!

The requirements are pretty simple for eligibility. The quest needs to be played 20 times. Thats pretty much it. Runs through from yourself count and your guild members and you can all run it several times if required.

Anyone reading and wondering whether you should play this foundry? YES you should! I was one of the first to play Band's first quest and if you like a good story, then here is where to find one!

Take care mate,

Art. (aka Casek)

bandolini · July 2013

Cheers Art! I have made those changes you suggested, That tip about the NPC walking away after speaking really makes a nice difference, and it was a small change to stop the enemy getting caught in the wall in the tavern. I am quite happy with it now, I am refining parts 2 and 3 so I hope you get the chance to take a look at them when you want a bit of recreational undead bashing!

Band.

casekuk · July 2013

I just played part 2, and loved it as much as part 1! I said in the review and will reiterate here that this part of the quest shows how you have a talent for both story telling and map creation!

Your maps were so well put together, I can see the effort that went into them and I tip my hat (if I had one - lol) to you!

In this one I did notice a couple of things... Firstly, a couple of the light effects early on are floating at about eye level, and are a little distracting, maybe you could move these up a bit to just 'cast' light, rather than actually seeing it? I found this to be distracting in several places throughout the quest.

The main boss we speak to, was standing on top of his tent rather than in it. You might want to replace him just a little.

And a couple of places, its possible to see the straight edge of the map. As in the transition between the two there is a gap, that has a perfectly straight line.. This looks very out of place, and needs to be covered with rock or similar. (just after speaking to the tent boss you can see this most clearly)

But once again Band, I played a quest that I though professional, polished and despite the small issues a joy to play.

I look forward to part 3... I will play that some time tomorrow.

Thanks for the fun Band,

Art (aka Casek)

lolsorhand · July 2013

I'll check through these

, Would be glad if you go play through my campaign i've made, though not completed just yet!

Campaign is in the signature

bandolini · July 2013

casekuk wrote: »

I just played part 2, and loved it as much as part 1! I said in the review and will reiterate here that this part of the quest shows how you have a talent for both story telling and map creation!

Your maps were so well put together, I can see the effort that went into them and I tip my hat (if I had one - lol) to you!

In this one I did notice a couple of things... Firstly, a couple of the light effects early on are floating at about eye level, and are a little distracting, maybe you could move these up a bit to just 'cast' light, rather than actually seeing it? I found this to be distracting in several places throughout the quest.

The main boss we speak to, was standing on top of his tent rather than in it. You might want to replace him just a little.

And a couple of places, its possible to see the straight edge of the map. As in the transition between the two there is a gap, that has a perfectly straight line.. This looks very out of place, and needs to be covered with rock or similar. (just after speaking to the tent boss you can see this most clearly)

But once again Band, I played a quest that I though professional, polished and despite the small issues a joy to play.

I look forward to part 3... I will play that some time tomorrow.

Thanks for the fun Band,

Art (aka Casek)

Once again, thanks for the very encouraging comments, I am working on them now, I ran through it myself earlier and saw the guy on the tent and was really annoyed with myself, so that's been fixed, and the light effects and straight edges are all down to my inexperience and I'll take a look at them. Thanks for that, this is exactly why I wanted some fresh eyes looking objectively, as after you play through it so many times in the foundry you tend to rush through and you can miss some glaringly obvious faults. As soon as you said them, I thought, yes, I should have seen them myself, so your observations are much appreciated.
I am glad you enjoyed running it despite those niggling issues, and I look forward to what you think of part three, it's a bit longer with the 5 captains and the final boss, but I have tried to keep it interesting with varied environments once again.

Enjoy! Cheers. Band.

bandolini · July 2013

lolsorhand wrote: »

I'll check through these , Would be glad if you go play through my campaign i've made, though not completed just yet!

Campaign is in the signature

Hi, yes I am happy to give yours a play through, I'll take a look and probably give it run tomorrow, and report back.

Cheers. Band.

lolsorhand · July 2013

I'll start with the negative things i've spotted, since there aren't of them tbh.

I spotted a few things hovering here and there, also a house hovered.
Also would have liked more dialogue options but, the story is well told and I had fun throughout Part 1 of your campaign.

The positives
Quite many, love the work you've put into the details, even things most will miss out on. Things looks good, and the city is awesome!

The story was interesting, although sometimes I wondered why I got long explanations from certain people when time was of the essence, or they didn't trust me. - The just had no reason to tell me.(Atleast how I felt.)

All in all, it is a great quest imo and not that much to point out other than that.

Edit: The combat might prove really difficult for some players, especially Clerics at higher levels.

Right at the end, there's an archer carrying the uniform of Neverwinter, or blueish. (Thought you'd want to know, really good work with the uniforms etc.)

Also in part 1, the "go to next map" text is there, and is hovering. This is because there's point to exit from.

bandolini · July 2013

Hi Lolsor, thanks for the constructive comments, I will certainly look into them.

I have just run through Riddles in the Dark, but it didn't take my star rating and wouldn't let me put it in again, so I'll have to give it another go... But my impressions are that firstly you have a very imaginative style, and I like your slightly surreal approach, it's novel. I got confused by the golem at the beginning, he just said "....." when Iinteracted with him? I got injured running from the goblins in the chase scene, I wasn't sure when I was supposed to stop running and where the final destination was so I just kept getting hit. Maybe this is just me, not sure. I did it second time ok as I just got tired of running and took them on and wiped them. I enjoyed the caves much more than the first section, again this is just me, I like to understand where I am going and what I have to do when I get there. The goblin encounters in the caves are well balanced but I ended the adventure totally injured in all four limbs, so I think maybe the last part is a little difficult, it's hard to pull some without the whole group coming at you, do you test with a guardian fighter, because I think they would be really hard? Don't want to be negative as I thought you put a ton of work into the environment and I loved it. Really nice job mate! I also like the variable difficulty scales which makes it very flexible, I wil pick easier next time. Wasn't sure whether 'grubb' should have gone away after the text said I dismissed him, he just stayed with a blue diamond over him. All in all, I loved the imagination and the detail of your environments. So much so, I started playing you Dwarven Tale straight after, but I forgot to repair myself, and couldn't find a healing fire at the beginning so came out with the thought I want to go back when I am in better shape, one thing though, what's the solution of those chains? I read the pillar and it said the chain on the left open the right and vice versa, so I pulled the left, but couldn't find anything on the right (north) can you explain to a dumbo like me so I can have another go please? It looked great! Thanks for all the effort you must have put into both those, there is a lot of work in both and they're a credit to you, we'll done.

Cheers. Band.

lolsorhand · July 2013

bandolini wrote: »

Hi Lolsor, thanks for the constructive comments, I will certainly look into them.

I have just run through Riddles in the Dark, but it didn't take my star rating and wouldn't let me put it in again, so I'll have to give it another go... But my impressions are that firstly you have a very imaginative style, and I like your slightly surreal approach, it's novel. I got confused by the golem at the beginning, he just said "....." when Iinteracted with him? I got injured running from the goblins in the chase scene, I wasn't sure when I was supposed to stop running and where the final destination was so I just kept getting hit. Maybe this is just me, not sure. I did it second time ok as I just got tired of running and took them on and wiped them. I enjoyed the caves much more than the first section, again this is just me, I like to understand where I am going and what I have to do when I get there. The goblin encounters in the caves are well balanced but I ended the adventure totally injured in all four limbs, so I think maybe the last part is a little difficult, it's hard to pull some without the whole group coming at you, do you test with a guardian fighter, because I think they would be really hard? Don't want to be negative as I thought you put a ton of work into the environment and I loved it. Really nice job mate! I also like the variable difficulty scales which makes it very flexible, I wil pick easier next time. Wasn't sure whether 'grubb' should have gone away after the text said I dismissed him, he just stayed with a blue diamond over him. All in all, I loved the imagination and the detail of your environments. So much so, I started playing you Dwarven Tale straight after, but I forgot to repair myself, and couldn't find a healing fire at the beginning so came out with the thought I want to go back when I am in better shape, one thing though, what's the solution of those chains? I read the pillar and it said the chain on the left open the right and vice versa, so I pulled the left, but couldn't find anything on the right (north) can you explain to a dumbo like me so I can have another go please? It looked great! Thanks for all the effort you must have put into both those, there is a lot of work in both and they're a credit to you, we'll done.

Cheers. Band.

The quest is tested with every class ranging from lvl 10-60. Both solo, duo and with parties. Thing is, you are battling a whole goblin tribe, it's meant to be hard. There are also alternate routes you can take to avoid fighting at certain places, and even optional fights.

The chase scene states that it doesn't spawn any goblins to chase you if you pick that option.

The final area you can easily take one one group at a time, or one mob at a time. It depends on your playstyle, the first group shouldn't be that hard, go with the normal tactics and kill the weak ones first.

And the goblin should stay there, this is for when there are more people than one playing the map.
Also the last "boss" encounter in Riddles is completely optional. All in all it shouldn't be that hard to play through, especially with the alternate routes to evade some of the encounters. (But the cavern is made to be tough, you wipe out half a goblin tribe in their home. Think of this more as a lvl 20 epic campaign tabletop wise.)

There is an invisible wall on the right side, the pillar tells you this. Perhaps you should give the dialogue an actual read :P - The collapsed "wall" is more or less just an illusion, step through it and the rest will be easy.)

But yeah all in all, while I will return to polish/revisit certain things, it is basicly as intended atm. The story is meant to be Vague, hence a campaign. You learn more as you go through it, as well as you explore the maps. Am I happy with it? No I am not. It's okay for now.

But it's tested with all characters at all levels, from duo to party. It's more up to how much thought the player puts into it, and his or her playstyle.

bandolini · July 2013

Hi Lolsor, I absolutely agree with you, I am not the best fighter and I will give it another go. Thanks for the fun. Band.

casten24 · July 2013

Heya, Bando. I just finished playing Chapter 1. A very worthwhile endeavor. The details are very well done, though there are a few minor, slight-misplacement issues (the mis-alignment of the Seven Sails' walls in quite apparent and the scroll that's dropped by the guy who wants your letter is floating). The story premise was also well developed and played out. The battles were (for the most part) placed well enough that it didn't feel like I was fighting every single second.

However, there are still some issues. First, the grammar. There's quite a lot of it. Commas where there should be periods. Nothing where there should be commas. Second, the respawn point would be much better if it was closer to the middle of the traversable map... at a place most padded over would be nice. The most annoying bit came after getting knocked out, and having to run through all the respawned mobs again, so it'd be nice if I didn't have to run through all of them again every time the player slips up and gets knocked out, plus, being in the middle, it'd give a place to rest up a bit since there's a bit of back and forth. I'm, also, a bit with Lolsor, on the amount of information given. Time doesn't really feel like it's 'of the essence' with how much some of them talk, and the trust you must earn seems a bit too easily earned from others. Plus some of it (the conversation with Robillard) felt like they were telling me information that would have already gotten around enough that my toon would already know the history. Those were epic enough historical events that most of that information would have been disseminated amongst the people of Faerun. Because of that, I'd have to agree with Lolsor that more dialogue options should be provided (somewhere along the lines of 'tell me the history, I don't know it'). I'd suggest breaking down the conversations into smaller bits, the speechifying sometimes broke immersion, leaving some of the NPCs feeling a bit unrealistic (Robillard comes to mind). Oh, and quite of a few of the OOC descriptions of NPCs could be taken out of their conversations and replaced with emotes. Don't tell, when you can show.

There are also a few logical missteps in the story. The first I noticed is, why are smugglers floundering ships? They're smugglers, they smuggle goods; they don't steal them. That was never made clear in the dialogue, so I'm still left wondering, "why?" It may be revealed in the following chapters, but from a story-writing point of view, it should either be revealed in the first chapter, or pondered upon a bit so as to give the feel that the answer will be coming eventually. Another logical misstep is with the Apothecary. You discuss the attackers as if you have no clue who the Coin Spinners are, the misstep comes in the fact that you just got finished discussing them with the bartender at the Seven Sails. Also, how long have the Coin Spinners been racketeering? Depending on the answer, there could be a logical misstep in the bar still being open. If their presence was such a problem for him that they'd put him out of business 'within the week,' and they've been around much longer than that, then why isn't he out of business? Did their over-bearing insistence on free drinks come up recently? And if so, how would their actions change and would they change enough for the bartender to suspect that something 'big' is up? If so, that needs to be shown in the dialogue. The next one I found was with Hawkins (sp?), it's amazing that he would be able to just jump off the cart and make his escape through a crowd, which for all intents and purposes would probably make sure he didn't because they'll want their entertainment. An execution was the highlight of medieval life, especially ones with trials... you'd know if and when it was coming. This leads into the next part. The execution at night of Robillard seems a bit odd following the same reasoning of the previous point, though, it could be easily passed off as the traitorous elf (I can't remember his name), could insist on an execution as soon as possible, still we'd need to see the insistence as well as the Guard Captain's reticence to rob the people of their entertainment. Following on that, Robillard's story of the child doesn't check out. How the heck did the kid manage to get the ring and not have it taken from him upon his death? It was only clutched in his hands, after all, which makes it seem like a very poor handling of the frame up. If it was meant for Robillard to find, I can see why it was left, but the problem then becomes that it's too myopic in the off-chance that someone else finds the body first, then the whole reveal of 'who's behind it' to Robillard falls apart. Also, why's it his 'final hours,' anyway? You just saved him from execution, why not untie him and let him escape the city? The final logical misstep is a minor one, really. How the heck did the guards at the end know my name? It was never offered in any dialogue options, so it came off as extremely odd that they'd know it. Also, the bit of conversation before the undead rise to attack was a bit clunky. It felt forced that he'd tell you that you have to help... in both the fact that it's the game actually that's forcing you, and his manner of putting that forth felt completely false. I remember thinking, "What? No, I don't have to help you," when that line came into the dialogue.

All in all, it was a great quest. The scenery was well done. The story premise was well thought out and decently executed. The groupings of mobs was placed well enough that I didn't really feel too overwhelmed (though their respawning was a bit annoying, but I don't believe that is something you have control over). Overall, a very good effort. And I hope this helps with honing your craft.

bandolini · July 2013

Hi Cast, brilliant review, thanks so much. I get all the points made, and will have to really think about how to revamp the dialogue. No excuses, but I was learning the foundry at the same time as I was developing the story, and I won't do that again, but that's why it is a bit disjointed. I read in different posts here, that more experienced authors design the story and text first, and then, when its complete they fit it into the environment. As I was learning as I went, and I was so enamoured with trying to understand what I could actually do in the Foundry, I did sort of fit the dialogue in as I went. However, your points are very well made and I will try to improve it. Also your observations of the misaligned walls and scroll were things I hadn't noticed and I can fix now you have highlighted them.

Many many thanks for taking the time and effort to write such a comprehensive review. I cannot stress how much I appreciate it.

Despite its faults, I hope you enjoyed playing my humble effort, and I know your constructive comments will make my future work all the better.

Cheers mate!
Band.

casten24 · July 2013

No worries, bro. As for story development, I usually get the idea of what path I want the quest to take, then, after that, I'll start creating the environments. I usually don't work on the dialogue till after it's all done, but sometimes I'm inspired with certain characters, so I end up writing their dialogue when the lightning strikes. Usually, with the plan in my head of how I want it to go, I'll usually not have to double check the dialogue, but I often do so, just in case. So, for me, at least, it's story, scenery, then dialogue. And when it comes to dialogue, I always make sure to ask myself after I've written it up, "Would this character know this info/ask this question? How would he react to the current situation and how would it affect how he talks to me? How much does he expect me to already know? And, Does this character sound like he's his own person (he'll have his own reactions to you/the situation. He'll know more/less than other people. He'll have a varying confidence/sense of humour in his mannerisms when talking)?

And your quest is quite a good effort and I plan to do your following chapters, but the foundry calls me at the moment. I have to sync up the adjustments to the building heights in Chapter 1 with the changes I made in the Prologue. Gonna be adding the grass, as well, and as some (new to Fort Neverember as they were built between the prologue and the first chapter) cobblestone pathways. It's all in preparation for the first Gaiden quest for the Campaign. An idea inspired by someone who liked my little Nivram (an NPC from Chapter 1).

bandolini · July 2013

casten24 wrote: »

No worries, bro. As for story development, I usually get the idea of what path I want the quest to take, then, after that, I'll start creating the environments. I usually don't work on the dialogue till after it's all done, but sometimes I'm inspired with certain characters, so I end up writing their dialogue when the lightning strikes. Usually, with the plan in my head of how I want it to go, I'll usually not have to double check the dialogue, but I often do so, just in case. So, for me, at least, it's story, scenery, then dialogue. And when it comes to dialogue, I always make sure to ask myself after I've written it up, "Would this character know this info/ask this question? How would he react to the current situation and how would it affect how he talks to me? How much does he expect me to already know? And, Does this character sound like he's his own person (he'll have his own reactions to you/the situation. He'll know more/less than other people. He'll have a varying confidence/sense of humour in his mannerisms when talking)?

And your quest is quite a good effort and I plan to do your following chapters, but the foundry calls me at the moment. I have to sync up the adjustments to the building heights in Chapter 1 with the changes I made in the Prologue. Gonna be adding the grass, as well, and as some (new to Fort Neverember as they were built between the prologue and the first chapter) cobblestone pathways. It's all in preparation for the first Gaiden quest for the Campaign. An idea inspired by someone who liked my little Nivram (an NPC from Chapter 1).

Cheers, you have got me thinking in a more logical way about how the characters react to the player, and it is making me think of them more as individuals within a story, which brings them to life a little more in my head. (First step is devising a much more logical escape from jail for Hawkling!) :)Also I will be adding options in the dialogue for longer and shorter explanation,paths, as I can really see the merit of that. You have really helped me open my mind to other avenues. I do feel you have helped me learn. I will look forward to playing your quest again after you have had a chance to work on it as you plan, it will be interesting to see where you go with it too. I didn't realise when I started using the foundry that I would meet such helpful and considerate people, it makes me want to continue to improve and put out some good stuff for others to enjoy, thanks again!

New lore based campaign - The Captains Return parts 1 to 3. Reviews requested

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