Requesting Review: Zanaver's Rod (NW-DQUECIOMN)

veratio · June 2013

Hi Folks,

I just published my first foundry quest, and I'm looking for some reviewers/playtesters to tell me how I could improve it.

The quest is called Zanaver's Rod (NW-DQUECIOMN). It's intended to be part of a larger campaign, but for now starts & ends with Frinko. To that end, it's intentional that it sort of drops you into the middle of the story without much pre-history, and there is a bit of a plot twist at the end that will lead to other quests.

The premise of the story is that a noble Lady was murdered (will be explored in the quests previous to this one) and you have to go find an artifact rod that will help identify her killer. During a bit of exploration, you will learn a couple things about Zanaver, the wizard who created the artifact (and owned the crypt), along the way.

Type: Storyline w/moderate combat
Difficulty: Soloable
Time: 30 minutes (?) I'll have a better feel for this once more people start playing/reviewing

I'm looking for any type of review content, from grammar/typo errors, misplaced items, to general "look & feel" comments.

Thanks all in advance! Please feel free to post your short code here and I will review your quest as well.

veratio · June 2013

Version 3 published

* Revamped all lighting within crypt
* Rearranged some crypt rooms to feel less like a maze
* Moved quest turn-in into map to avoid turn-in bug
* Added markers for non-explorers so sparkly trail appears more reliably.
* Moved some encounters to avoid stacking
* Added some flavor here & there.

Let me know what you think, and post your short code here so I can take a peek!

veratio · June 2013

Bump. No Bites?

mllebean · June 2013

Just ran and reviewed yours. If you'd like to reciprocate, my quest is a roughly 45 minute single person spoof adventure.

NW-DUTKDLBYI

Info and comments at http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?326671-My-first-quest!-Kind-hearted-reviewers-wanted-)&p=4198891#post4198891

avatre21 · June 2013

Hi, I've played and reviewed your quest. I'll just add here, on the second page of Zanaver's journal, it says "Who've lay cold and dead" and I think - sorry if I'm wrong! - it should say "Who've lain cold and dead". Other than that I enjoyed your quest, especially the crypt, that was a huge maze of a place without being too much of a maze..? :rolleyes:

I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at mine. NW-DHMMZR6BJ. It's my first too, I'm not very good at titles or descriptions but I hope the quest itself is okay

maerwin · June 2013

going to run through your quest in a hour or two. My quest is in the sig

veratio · June 2013

mllebean wrote: »

Just ran and reviewed yours. If you'd like to reciprocate, my quest is a roughly 45 minute single person spoof adventure.

NW-DUTKDLBYI

Info and comments at http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?326671-My-first-quest!-Kind-hearted-reviewers-wanted-)&p=4198891#post4198891

I have some company over, but I'll try to get to this on Sunday (maybe tomorrow, not sure).

veratio · June 2013

maerwin wrote: »

going to run through your quest in a hour or two. My quest is in the sig

Well, what did you think? I'll try to run yours tomorrow or Sunday.

veratio · June 2013

avatre21 wrote: »

Hi, I've played and reviewed your quest. I'll just add here, on the second page of Zanaver's journal, it says "Who've lay cold and dead" and I think - sorry if I'm wrong! - it should say "Who've lain cold and dead". Other than that I enjoyed your quest, especially the crypt, that was a huge maze of a place without being too much of a maze..? :rolleyes:

I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at mine. NW-DHMMZR6BJ. It's my first too, I'm not very good at titles or descriptions but I hope the quest itself is okay

I think you're absolutely right. I'll change that when I get the chance. Will look at your quest Sunday, time permitting. Appreciate your feedback!

redneckronin · June 2013

Ok have just played through this.

Really enjoyed the pace of the combat. Overall the Environments were nice. Had a "what's this here for" moment when I first went through the landscape entry zone (Crypt Environs) with it having no Encounters / Interactables in it, then I thought - actually its a nice touch, sets the scene nicely; and then at the end I was "Oh, that's why", so over-all very, very nicely done on that part.

I thought perhaps some of the internal Crypt areas could have done with a bit more decor, not much but a bit - particularly thinking about the room with the two Battle-Wight Commanders and linked groups. That's a significant combat effort for no "pay off" in terms of story progression, and bit of appropriate decor, and an interactable story element could provide that pay off.

After finding Zanaver's Journal I found the Chest in the North West part of the Crypt, but I could Interact with it to find the Key mentioned in the Journal. I did find one crypt door are, with a trap just beyond it (so I assume we should be able to get there) that I assume is the route in to Zanaver's Lab (as mentioned in the Journal).

I think the Bookcase in the first area and the crypt-box in the tunnel both still have "to interact" in their "Interact Text", which is fine, but a "to search Bookcase" and "to examine Crypt" might be nicer to look at (I confess I am certain I have a few of these left in mine, but have not tracked them down yet.

In the "Dusty Journal" there's a bit that reads "who've lay cold and dead"; that should read "who lay cold and dead" or "who've lain cold and dead".

This was a very solid 4/5, and came close to being a 5/5.

I think a tweak of the decor levels, maybe play with the environment in the first part of the Crypt Environs (add some weather, or mist etc) and it would bring it to life more (which is ironic considering its a crypt full of the dead).

Many thanks for the Quest, I enjoyed it, and enjoyed reviewing it.

All The Best

veratio · June 2013

redneckronin wrote: »

Ok have just played through this.

Really enjoyed the pace of the combat. Overall the Environments were nice. Had a "what's this here for" moment when I first went through the landscape entry zone (Crypt Environs) with it having no Encounters / Interactables in it, then I thought - actually its a nice touch, sets the scene nicely; and then at the end I was "Oh, that's why", so over-all very, very nicely done on that part.

I thought perhaps some of the internal Crypt areas could have done with a bit more decor, not much but a bit - particularly thinking about the room with the two Battle-Wight Commanders and linked groups. That's a significant combat effort for no "pay off" in terms of story progression, and bit of appropriate decor, and an interactable story element could provide that pay off.

After finding Zanaver's Journal I found the Chest in the North West part of the Crypt, but I could Interact with it to find the Key mentioned in the Journal. I did find one crypt door are, with a trap just beyond it (so I assume we should be able to get there) that I assume is the route in to Zanaver's Lab (as mentioned in the Journal).

I think the Bookcase in the first area and the crypt-box in the tunnel both still have "to interact" in their "Interact Text", which is fine, but a "to search Bookcase" and "to examine Crypt" might be nicer to look at (I confess I am certain I have a few of these left in mine, but have not tracked them down yet.

In the "Dusty Journal" there's a bit that reads "who've lay cold and dead"; that should read "who lay cold and dead" or "who've lain cold and dead".

This was a very solid 4/5, and came close to being a 5/5.

I think a tweak of the decor levels, maybe play with the environment in the first part of the Crypt Environs (add some weather, or mist etc) and it would bring it to life more (which is ironic considering its a crypt full of the dead).

Many thanks for the Quest, I enjoyed it, and enjoyed reviewing it.

All The Best

Really appreciate the detailed review. I have yet to change the lay -> lain, but will do so probably tonight.

I am a bit confused about your comment about the key - were you were weren't you able to loot the key and open the portcullis? I'm hoping you were, because I haven't heard from anybody who's gotten back there yet and I'd like to - I spent a fair bit of time getting the "lab" right.

Originally I had thought to put a mourner in the crypt graveyard outside in the first area, to sort of spice it up, as you mentioned - but then I deleted her. It felt wrong when I playtested it to have somebody mourning in a graveyard that's basically decrepit, forgotten, and falling apart. When music is available in the patch, it will have some creepy theme when you're running/riding through.

I appreciate the interact-with-text comment - I'll change that.

I'll take a peek as well about weather/mist/etc. I think mist might go well with the creepy/abandoned theme I'm trying to get across.

If you have any ideas w.r.t. decor level, I'd be happy to hear them. I was running dry on ideas within the crypt - everything else I started to put in there started to feel wrong (who puts real furniture in a crypt anyhow).

To the rest of you who've posted your reviews, thank you as well. I will do my best to share reviews as promised - got caught up this weekend in another project out of game.

Thanks!

orodalf · June 2013

Review time.

Typo report:

Guard Frinko: "I'm just passing through, sorry." (comma, not period0
Guard Frinko: "Mariana Frey..." (you spelled her first name wrong)
Guard Frinko: "Some time ago, there was a wizard who went by the name of Zanaver." (add "by the name of," otherwise it feels awkward)
Guard Frinko: "He wasn't well known; he kept most of his research to himself."
Groundskeeper's Log: "... go where in the Underdark and how to preserve them." ("Underdark" is proper, no comma needed)
Groundskeeper's Log: "The entry is signed 'Groundskeeper Rowan.'" (no comma, yes end punctuation)
Groundskeeper's Log: "Today, two more bodies..." (comma)
The Sarcophagus still has its default name, "Graveyard Sarcophagus 07."
Graveyard Sarcophagus 07: "It's not clear whether they were being prepared for more bodies or opened by looters..." (whether, not if)
Bag - Sack - Spicebag - 01 still has its default name.
Brain: You spelled "receptacle" incorrectly.
"Crypt Sarcophagus 03" still has its default name.
"Wheelbarrow 01" still has its default name.
Gral't'kel: "We noticed your arrival and made... provisions... to ensure that you won't escape." (flows better, ellipses only have three dots, past tense)
Gral't'kel as a monster still has the "Drow" groupname.
Guard Frinko: He says Masriana again.

Other stuff:

Who's Gral'fek?
I didn't find Zanaver's Lab. Found the key, but not the lab. Probably didn't pay enough attention. =/

Nice quest. I liked exploring to find things out about Zanaver and the Groundskeeper.

voivodak · June 2013

Quest added to my list. I'll play it tomorrow and then i'll post the review.
Please, return the favor, my campaign is in sign

veratio · June 2013

orodalf wrote: »

Review time.

Typo report:
Guard Frinko: "I'm just passing through, sorry." (comma, not period0

Guard Frinko: "Mariana Frey..." (you spelled her first name wrong)

Guard Frinko: "Some time ago, there was a wizard who went by the name of Zanaver." (add "by the name of," otherwise it feels awkward)

Guard Frinko: "He wasn't well known; he kept most of his research to himself."

Groundskeeper's Log: "... go where in the Underdark and how to preserve them." ("Underdark" is proper, no comma needed)

Groundskeeper's Log: "The entry is signed 'Groundskeeper Rowan.'" (no comma, yes end punctuation)

Groundskeeper's Log: "Today, two more bodies..." (comma)

The Sarcophagus still has its default name, "Graveyard Sarcophagus 07."

Graveyard Sarcophagus 07: "It's not clear whether they were being prepared for more bodies or opened by looters..." (whether, not if)

Bag - Sack - Spicebag - 01 still has its default name.

Brain: You spelled "receptacle" incorrectly.

"Crypt Sarcophagus 03" still has its default name.

"Wheelbarrow 01" still has its default name.

Gral't'kel: "We noticed your arrival and made... provisions... to ensure that you won't escape." (flows better, ellipses only have three dots, past tense)

Gral't'kel as a monster still has the "Drow" groupname.

Guard Frinko: He says Masriana again.

Other stuff:
Who's Gral'fek?

I didn't find Zanaver's Lab. Found the key, but not the lab. Probably didn't pay enough attention. =/

Nice quest. I liked exploring to find things out about Zanaver and the Groundskeeper.

Hm, looks like a lot of people aren't seeing it (the lab). Maybe I'll put it into the quest main storyline instead of as a side objective. The idea is that you get the key from the chest and then go back to where you read about the key and the portcullis is unlocked. There's not much to see in there, just some bits about Zanaver's research. I intend to explore his legacy more in a later quest.

Gral'fek will be an antagonist later in the campaign. Bear in mind this is quest 2 or 3 in a larger campaign. When starting any sort of story or project development I find it's best to start in the middle if possible with a loose framework about what you want the rest to look like, so that's what I've done here.

Really appreciate the review. I will incorporate most of the proposed changes.

veratio · June 2013

voivodak wrote: »

Quest added to my list. I'll play it tomorrow and then i'll post the review.
Please, return the favor, my campaign is in sign

Added this to my queue.

veratio · June 2013

Re-published this with significant storyboard changes! More reviews and re-reviews would be greatly appreciated!

redneckronin · June 2013

Just played this through on my level 11 Grd-Fighter.

My own fault I know but some of those fights are tough without a companion.

As I said in the in-game review, I really like the changes you have made, makes thing flow a bit smoother. Even if it does remove some of the mystery.

The addition of the extra crypts, even just as story elements rather than quest objectives brings the place to "life" a bit more.

Loved the story-mechanism you used for introducing the key to the inner-crypt, brilliant bit of story telling.

All The Best

magilzeal · June 2013

Just did your quest, and left a review. I definitely enjoyed it, and my only slight issue might be that the undead encounter stacking about mid-way through the dungeon may be rough for some higher level characters that don't have good equipment yet. Oddly enough the demon encounters at the end didn't seem nearly as rough. I might have some commentary on the story, but it's hard to look at it from the middle, so I'll save that for when there's more material.

As you mentioned to leave a short code to review our quests as well, here's mine (15-20 minutes probably, soloable): NW-DTWX9RBQH

veratio · June 2013

magilzeal wrote: »

Just did your quest, and left a review. I definitely enjoyed it, and my only slight issue might be that the undead encounter stacking about mid-way through the dungeon may be rough for some higher level characters that don't have good equipment yet. Oddly enough the demon encounters at the end didn't seem nearly as rough. I might have some commentary on the story, but it's hard to look at it from the middle, so I'll save that for when there's more material.

As you mentioned to leave a short code to review our quests as well, here's mine (15-20 minutes probably, soloable): NW-DTWX9RBQH

Hello, thanks for the review. I'll take a peek at your quest soon as I can.

Which stacking are you referring to? There's only one stacked encounter that I can recall and it should be pretty easy (one standard caster/summoner and one easy/standard 4x skeleton archer, I think). There was previously one other stacked encounter in a side room that was difficult (two commanders, several wights) but I removed one of the encounters. It would help me a great deal if you could point out the one that appeared stacked.

magilzeal · June 2013

veratio wrote: »

Hello, thanks for the review. I'll take a peek at your quest soon as I can.

Which stacking are you referring to? There's only one stacked encounter that I can recall and it should be pretty easy (one standard caster/summoner and one easy/standard 4x skeleton archer, I think). There was previously one other stacked encounter in a side room that was difficult (two commanders, several wights) but I removed one of the encounters. It would help me a great deal if you could point out the one that appeared stacked.

Well, I do believe it was primarily those two packs that had me worried, though I thought it was more than two--I'll need another run at this later to confirm, it just seemed to me that there were more mobs in several of the packs than were in typical encounter packs, but I do admit I'm a little inexperienced with the foundry. Plus my tendency to dash around and spam rampant AoE as a GWF has caused me to pull an extra pack now and then (it happened at least once that I noticed during the quest), so perhaps it was a combination of factors that caused me to think there were more monsters per encounter than there actually were. Again, I'll have to have a look through it again to see if there's actually any cause for concern, but probably not, as I didn't actually have much trouble (was just worried classes with less AoE might if they were undergeared).

veratio · June 2013

magilzeal wrote: »

Well, I do believe it was primarily those two packs that had me worried, though I thought it was more than two--I'll need another run at this later to confirm, it just seemed to me that there were more mobs in several of the packs than were in typical encounter packs, but I do admit I'm a little inexperienced with the foundry. Plus my tendency to dash around and spam rampant AoE as a GWF has caused me to pull an extra pack now and then (it happened at least once that I noticed during the quest), so perhaps it was a combination of factors that caused me to think there were more monsters per encounter than there actually were. Again, I'll have to have a look through it again to see if there's actually any cause for concern, but probably not, as I didn't actually have much trouble (was just worried classes with less AoE might if they were undergeared).

One thing about dashing around - in the room with the portcullis going to Zanaver's Lab there are two encounters - they aren't stacked, but the tendency I've noticed is to run into the room & look left at one encounter far away and not notice the one right next to you to the right. I thought about changing it, but I sort of like that mechanic.

Requesting Review: Zanaver's Rod (NW-DQUECIOMN)

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