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So know any good DnD/Forgotten Realms jokes?
lonnehart
Member Posts: 846 Arc User
I found that joke thread/contest that was posted entertaining and there were quite a few gems within the many jokes that were posted... though they were had to pick out from the ones that were seemingly pasted on from other joke sites. So who's got ORIGINAL jokes just for this game and its setting? I could always use a good laugh... staves off the bouts of depression I get every so often and will probably cheer up other people who read them as well. 
*sings* "I like Gammera! He's so neat!!! He is full of turtle meat!!!"
"Hah! You are doomed! You're only armed with that pathetic excuse for a musical instrument!!!" *the Savage Beast moments before Lonnehart the Bard used music to soothe him... then beat him to death with his Fat Lute*
"Hah! You are doomed! You're only armed with that pathetic excuse for a musical instrument!!!" *the Savage Beast moments before Lonnehart the Bard used music to soothe him... then beat him to death with his Fat Lute*
Post edited by lonnehart on
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Well to explain a bit of the 'characters involved': although any DnD fan would know Elminster (who's one of greatest '<font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> Granpa Mages' in history) rest of characters are my own OC (official characters) from Faerun world. Their initial creation was ... several years back. In the time when BG II was released (oh I'm old). Back then I even used to make a short stories with them and planned write book (which I never found time to do). I decided to revive them in Neverwinter though
-please. Everyone knows HIM
Let's say thine life is worth as much as a castle. Thou shan't build more than that with own hands even putting thine life right? Not too wrong line of thinking it seem. Yet we have an evil known as currency. As much as it's complex Ye surely know that things got wrong with this thy moment Ye realize that the castle is worth as much as a street cat and so is thine life. And that's my friend an economic bubble
Rouge's line of work
As far as I recall in last 1000 years Rouges as commodity exceeded in assassination. I do not know why thou people say it's unfair nowadays. Unless thou want them to abandon this line of work. I admit some Rouges also made outstanding yeast-cakes in the past so I guess they'll be fine either way.
Merchants
Never believe merchants! They shall prove Ye that sack of salt is more priceless than a river of gold and next thing Ye shall be fighting demon lords of nine hells just to bring a few pockets of salt. At least that is how I recall my last meeting with a merchant.
Racial differences
Most of Faerun races are quite similar in fact. For example: a father asked what is most important to be a good father either if it's human, elf or halfling would say pretty much similar things. Sole exception though ought to be dwarves, since they and they only teach their daughters how to shave a beard. Yet... this difference seem understandable.
What Evil Fears
It is not like an Evil as an entity ought to fear one and a single thing. It tends to change with the time and the results of those changes ought to be amusing. There was a time when Evil's greatest fear was 7-feet-tall, bald man with broad sword in hands and mysterious hamster over a shoulder. I heard that even now some foul gods tremble in fear hearing a hamster's squeak or that their faces start to ache as if recalling being kicked fiercely with a big boot.
Kyrion vel Albiorne's 'not so handy' wisdom
-a half-elf Rouge and blade-master. Although he seems to take his life lightly all the time and care pretty much about income: he tends to end as 'hero of heroic deeds' ... not accordingly to his plans. His greatest life mistake is a marriage with a Drow bladedancer. They're both a devoted believers of dead goddess Elistrae.
Being a Rouge
If to compare it with anything: it's like having a dark elf wife. No matter the situation Ye always need a sharp weapon in hand and steel-hard 'assets' in pants... or Ye shall be doomed.
Moonstone Mask
I can imagine the moment when I'll get access to their VIP section. Unfortunately each time I imagine that I ought to be bald, weary, cranky and over 200 years old... so there is no fun thing for me left to do there. 'Elites' and money involved are a scary thing I would say.
Dwarven Friends
I love my dwarven friends.
They work for 70% of their time - so they don't nag me.
They drink for 30% of their time - so I have someone to drink with.
Also there is a bonus which is even better than all I've mentioned! Each time they get drunk they tend to forget their money purses. Get one dwarven friend and Ye could live by that. Get five dwarven friends and Ye shall be a wealthy person. Get twenty dwarven friends and Ye could found an own city! I really need more dwarven friends.
Sylain Elistrae's girly wisdom
-probably weirdest Wood-elf girl to ever walk Faerun. Why? She's Devotee of Moradin (yes that Moradin) with almost sexual level obsession about swords, blades and fighting. Well it could be blamed slightly on her Grandfather who's no one else than a 'hamster wielding boot for all evil' - Minsc (yep she's 1/4 human). To add to it 'Elistrae' is not her family name but more of a title... but there is a whole story behind. Lets just say this small good-hearted girl is pretty much... insane
Men Demands
It was all good and nice once the thing was whether girl had big or small <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>. But now they demand girls to have a specific size of horns as well! How can a normal girl accept such thing?!
Problems
I think that a good sword can solve all problems. If it does not seem to solve them: USE BIGGER SWORD!!!*
*indeed, her grandfather blood ^_^
-Roland "the Evil Tiefling" is... an evil Tiefling. Living in a secluded area and feasting upon "cutest kittens or squirrels he could find" is his trade. Yes indeed... he is far from 'normal'. Although he considers himself an Evil genius and in fact there is much more truth to it that one could expect. His sarcasm is as sharp as arrow (to the knee :P )
Virgins
There was a time when Neverwinter had a serious problems with Virgins being abducted for sacrifices. Each time some evil cult doing that got exterminated a new one came to town to do the same. That's when someone came up with an idea of establishing a Moonstone Mask. And the problem was no more...
WELCOME TO MY ART CORNER!
"I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
Neverwinter, 2013.
I would love to see selected 'winner entries' sometime
WELCOME TO MY ART CORNER!
"I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
I am a Guardian Fighter in Neverwinter.
That should keep you laughing for days.