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Forums > Home› Neverwinter Discussion › General Discussion (PC)
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D&D Jokes

vatashavatasha Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users Posts: 0 Arc User
edited May 2013 in General Discussion (PC)
Build a fire for an Orc and he will be warm for a day, cast a fireball at him and he will be warm the rest of his life


"We killed the Dragon, We killed the Dragon.........we are never going to have girlfriends are we?"

This is a scroll of learning disability.......has yoo reed this sroll u will slows lose da abillytee to understood da writtin wood dfe das ddddfes fffeser sree................................................

Lets hear some of yours
Post edited by vatasha on

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    vatashavatasha Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Neverwinter is the only place you can say..............My GF is an ugly dwarf that causes all kinds of aggro and not have your girl friend kick your butt
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    bridgemongerbridgemonger Member Posts: 194 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    A woodelf walks into a bar, and hes says

    Imma teepee imma wigwam, imma teepee imma wigwam.

    I said, relax man, you're two
    60cw 51tr 16dc 5gf
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    steampunkysteampunky Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    So the party is climbing up a rope ladder to get out of the cavern system they'd been exploring for a couple of hours in-character. While climbing, gargoyles attack!

    The Paladin: I draw my shield to bash any that get close and protect the ropes from being cut!
    The Mage: I cast a sleep spell to knock one out so he plummets to his doom!
    The Ranger: I draw my shortswords!

    The Ranger rolled highest initiative, so he hit the bottom before the sleeping gargoyle. :D

    -Rachel-
    Great Weapon Fighter tanks? Who are you kidding? Cleric tanks. They draw -all- the aggro.
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    steampunkysteampunky Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Two elves walked into a Bar.

    Now there is a Bar Elf subrace.

    -Rachel-
    Great Weapon Fighter tanks? Who are you kidding? Cleric tanks. They draw -all- the aggro.
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    spyke2009spyke2009 Member Posts: 674 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    bridgemonger wrote: »
    A woodelf walks into a bar, and hes says

    Imma teepee imma wigwam, imma teepee imma wigwam.

    I said, relax man, you're two tents

    /char fixed for you
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    vamaelvamael Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users Posts: 11 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    armor2.jpg
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    arontimesarontimes Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Head of Vecna. Google it.
    Member of Grievance.

    Taking a break from Neverwinter indefinitely...
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    thehadrielthehadriel Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    vatasha wrote: »
    Neverwinter is the only place you can say..............My GF is an ugly dwarf that causes all kinds of aggro and not have your girl friend kick your butt
    LOL I love that. :D
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    thrishfishthrishfish Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 13 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    steampunky wrote: »
    Two elves walked into a Bar.

    Now there is a Bar Elf subrace.

    -Rachel-
    haha, both are hilarious.

    You are seriously my favorite poster :-)
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    morvek01morvek01 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 118 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    Would you consider it sexual harassment if a Halfling walked by and told you "Your hair smells nice."?
    If you can't be constructive in your criticism, go back to world-of-whiners.
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    thehadrielthehadriel Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    morvek01 wrote: »
    Would you consider it sexual harassment if a Halfling walked by and told you "Your hair smells nice."?
    Woah, you went there.
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    hurk97hurk97 Member Posts: 154 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    An orc walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Wow, that's really neat. Where'd you get it?"

    "In a cave." the parrot replies.

    2009-06-01-minotaur-merchant-e08d6262.png
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    thehadrielthehadriel Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    hurk97 wrote: »
    An orc walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Wow, that's really neat. Where'd you get it?"

    "In a cave." the parrot replies.
    http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19904090/1001DnD_Jokes *shakes head in disappointment*


    While we're at it, "We killed the dragon! We killed the Dragon! We ... we're never going to have girlfriends, are we?"
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    nighthalasnighthalas Member Posts: 55
    edited May 2013
    Neverwinter guard manual: "In case of a red dragon attack, a soldier must hold his sword and shield with outstretched hands, so that molten metal does not drip on the soldier's boots."
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    steampunkysteampunky Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    An Elf, A Human, A Half Orc, and a Dwarf walk into a bar. Each orders their favorite drink and just as they're brought to the table a fly drops directly into each glass! A Vermimancer flees the scene...

    The elf puts his napkin over his wine glass in disdain and huffs as he orders a new glass and demands it be served flyless and free.

    The Human picks the fly out of his beer and drinks it without a qualm, much to the elf's disgust.

    The Half Orc quaffs his bitter drink without pausing, swallowing the fly.

    The Dwarf on the other hand picks the fly out of the dwarven spirits and thumps it on the wings with a fat finger, screaming:

    "SPIT IT OUT, YE WEE *******!"

    -Rachel-
    Great Weapon Fighter tanks? Who are you kidding? Cleric tanks. They draw -all- the aggro.
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    hurk97hurk97 Member Posts: 154 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    thehadriel wrote: »
    http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19904090/1001DnD_Jokes *shakes head in disappointment*


    While we're at it, "We killed the dragon! We killed the Dragon! We ... we're never going to have girlfriends, are we?"

    Oh, so you want original jokes? Sheesh, you really need to get off your high horse, 99.9999% of jokes are not original. Both of those jokes were 10x funnier than anything else you laughed at.
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    lomax6996lomax6996 Member Posts: 490 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a Duck under his arm, his wife answers the door "what's this?" The warrior replies "this is the dragon i've been shaggin'" The angry wife shouts "That is not a Dragon that is a duck" The warrior looks at her and says "I was talking to the duck!!!!!!!!!"
    *STO* It’s mission: To destroy strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations... and then kill them, to boldly annihilate what no one has annihilated before!
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    lomax6996lomax6996 Member Posts: 490 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    ROFL - Love this one!

    A horde of orcs is wandering through the countryside looking for towns to pillage when the chieftain spots a lone dwarf standing on a rocky outcropping atop a nearby hill.
    The dwarf yells as loud as he can, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your best warrior up here!"
    The orc chieftain points at this best warrior and off he goes around the outcropping. The dwarf jumps down and the sounds of battle are heard. Seconds later the orc's head comes rolling down the hill.
    The dwarf climbs back up and yells, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your two best warriors up here!"
    The orc chief points at his two best warriors and off they go. Moments later there are sounds of battle and then both orc heads come rolling down the hill.
    The dwarf climbs back into view and yells again, " I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 10 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
    The orc chief waves and his 10 best warriors run around the outcropping. After a few seconds, all 10 heads come rolling down the hill.
    The dwarf climbs bacl up on the outcropping and yells, "I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 100 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
    The orc chief motions and 100 orcs charge up the hill. The clash of weapons starts ringing down the hill and dozens of orc heads start bouncing across the ground.
    Eventually, one orc comes running back down and starts screaming, "Boss, it's a trap! Dere's two of dem!"
    *STO* It’s mission: To destroy strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations... and then kill them, to boldly annihilate what no one has annihilated before!
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    thehadrielthehadriel Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    hurk97 wrote: »
    Oh, so you want original jokes? Sheesh, you really need to get off your high horse, 99.9999% of jokes are not original. Both of those jokes were 10x funnier than anything else you laughed at.
    No, I just thought it was funny that there was an identical post on another forum. And yes, why don't you keep telling me what I think is funny....
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    drakedge2drakedge2 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    A joke with some famous last words...

    A great and powerful wizard had just taken up a new apprentice, wanting to put a new spell into his spell book he looks over and says...

    "Apprentice! Read me that fireball scroll..."
    UGC - Planescape - The Skeleton Key
    8IxArUQf.jpg
    A story driven quest, with a fun and challenging amount of combat, that takes you into the world of Planescape, carefully hand crafted by me.
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    vapourbladevapourblade Member Posts: 4 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Why are Pirates in NeverWinter called Pirates ?

    They just Arrrgghh.
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    kikoodutroa8kikoodutroa8 Member Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    "Don't bring a great weapon fighter to a mage fight."
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    panderuspanderus Member, NW_CrypticDev, Cryptic Developer Posts: 1,007 Cryptic Developer
    edited May 2013
    I think a year or so ago, maybe more, WotC sent us these videos, some of us had not actually seen them before (myself included) and they are amazing.

    "Rawwwr, I'm a monster."
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    calaminthacalamintha Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    - Knock.
    - Who's there?
    - A 3rd level wizard.

    (LAAAAAAAME!)
    panderus wrote: »
    I think a year or so ago, maybe more, WotC sent us these videos, some of us had not actually seen them before (myself included) and they are amazing.

    "Rawwwr, I'm a monster."

    That ending was brilliant.
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    vatashavatasha Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    panderus wrote: »
    I think a year or so ago, maybe more, WotC sent us these videos, some of us had not actually seen them before (myself included) and they are amazing.

    "Rawwwr, I'm a monster."

    Here is the red dragon interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Azcn84IIDVg
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