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Forums > Home› Neverwinter Discussion › The Foundry

Removing the Grey Mask, need feedback please. Will trade reviews.

zogvarnokazogvarnoka Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 151 Bounty Hunter
edited June 2013 in The Foundry
Removing the Grey Mask
Rise of Shadovar Campaign

NW-DJ56XFK6G

You have been contacted by a secret organization within Neverwinter's military to undertake a mission. The mission, if you choose to accept it, is to eliminate one of Neverwinter's thieves guild leaders. See Guard Frinko for further details.
sewerd.jpg

blueroom.jpg

This is the introduction to the Rise of Shadovar campaign. It is set within current Forgotten Realms lore. This campaign seeks to have four+ parts upon completion with a new module coming as I can get them done. Target is for 2 weeks after final release of previous quest in the campaign.

It is intended for solo players. I advise bringing potions.
Your initial play through will probably be 45 minutes+ (yes its a bit long).
This quest has moderate roleplay, heavy combat, and light humor.
Optional side areas add more story plot/lore.
#roleplay #combat #solo #zogvarnoka


Thanks for trying out my quest.
Removing the Grey Mask
NW-DJ56XFK6G
My first installment in the Rise of Shadovar Campaign.
Post edited by zogvarnoka on

Comments

  • howitzer29howitzer29 Member Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    My quest is called "Rezade and the Ruins," and can be found at NW-DDTRJVWYB. It's also about 45 minutes, and features a good deal of story, combat, and a few puzzles, too.

    I'll give yours a try when the servers come back up.
  • zogvarnokazogvarnoka Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 151 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    howitzer29 wrote: »
    My quest is called "Rezade and the Ruins," and can be found at NW-DDTRJVWYB. It's also about 45 minutes, and features a good deal of story, combat, and a few puzzles, too.

    I'll give yours a try when the servers come back up.
    Loved your quest howitzer! nice work.

    Still need some constructive criticism if anyone has time. Looking to fine tune and polish things up before starting on the second part.
    Removing the Grey Mask
    NW-DJ56XFK6G
    My first installment in the Rise of Shadovar Campaign.
  • gilidusgilidus Member Posts: 34
    edited May 2013
    I enjoyed your foundry Zogvarnoka. It was well made but there were some parts of text I would recommend changing.

    My recommendations for Removing the Grey Mask:

    -During the first conversation with Guard Frinko, the part that says "The guard looks nervous" is not in OOC when the rest of the sentence is.

    -Numerous times throughout the foundry, there is no blank line between the OOC and chat. Separating OOC and chat would improve readability.

    -Coro Jimpop states that "And before you ask, it only works to leave the headquarters not to get in.". This is a run-on and needs to be split up differently. I would recommend writing it as "And before you ask, it can only be used to leave the headquarters, not to get in.". Or even better, "And before you ask, it can only be used to leave the headquarters; you can't gain entrance by using it.".

    -"GM note: you hear what sounds like common room ahead" should be "GM Note: You hear what sounds like a common room ahead" or "GM Note: You hear what sounds like the common room ahead".

    -"Get the key off the table" as the only statement when you find the key is a bit weak. I would change it to something like [OOC]You notice an old brass key lying on the table[/OOC] Pick it up? Yes/no options for the player, "yes" answer giving you the key and advancing the story.

    -A Crying Girl has an OOC that states "The girl looks on the brink of tears again". This would sound better as "The girl looks to be on the brink of tears again" or "The girl appears to be on the brink of tears again".

    -The small bag of gems and a note reads "Greymask I have to agree with you...". Greymask needs a comma after it.

    -The barrel with the body parts gives the message "The meat in this barrel is starting to rot by the smell. And... yea you're sure now. Its either elvish or human appendages." There are several problems with this. I would recommend changing it to: [OOC]Based on the rancid smell of the meat in this barrel, it must be starting to rot. On closer inspection, you realize the meat is actually human or elvish appendages.[/OOC].

    I look forward to reading your thoughts on my foundry. The shortcode is in my signature.
    Labyrinth of the Pso'nul'ja - NW-DAIIR7LMF
  • zogvarnokazogvarnoka Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 151 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    Thanks for the feedback gilidus.

    I'll be sure to give your quest a try :)
    Removing the Grey Mask
    NW-DJ56XFK6G
    My first installment in the Rise of Shadovar Campaign.
  • zogvarnokazogvarnoka Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 151 Bounty Hunter
    edited May 2013
    Update:

    Added some more details and effects.
    Fixed grammar and spelling.
    Fixed issue with the little girl.
    Cave still might have pathing issues. Not much I can do there as it is a Cryptic issue.
    Removing the Grey Mask
    NW-DJ56XFK6G
    My first installment in the Rise of Shadovar Campaign.
  • zogvarnokazogvarnoka Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 151 Bounty Hunter
    edited June 2013
    Update and final publish: (barring major bugs)

    *Added even more details.
    *Sewers have been redone and modified. Shortened a bit as a result.
    *Cave is redone. Fixed the warping issue. Companions work correctly in it now.
    *Took out some areas in the thieves guild to make it smaller and easier to get around.
    *Added sounds in preparation for the upcoming patch.
    *Added some more lore/plot objects.
    *Minor bug and grammar/spelling fixes.
    Removing the Grey Mask
    NW-DJ56XFK6G
    My first installment in the Rise of Shadovar Campaign.
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