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I'd like to tell you about Caliga...

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  • cybersoldier1981cybersoldier1981 Posts: 2,501 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Therakiel calls his weapon 'Caliga's Sword'.

    Caliga can pause Champions Online.

    Using Nailed to the Ground on Caliga is bad news- you're trapped there with HIM.

    Caliga can add Mods to Travel Powers.

    Caliga's tutorial is Therakiel's Temple.

    Caliga can buy Questionite with Globals and sell it for Kuwaiti Dinar.

    Caliga doesn't consider it a relationship if the woman survives.

    Caliga once kissed a handsome prince and the prince turned into a frog.

    Caliga beat Super Mario Brothers 3 with a light gun.

    Caliga can rewind a Blu-Ray disc.

    Caliga has his own tower that he rents to the Champions. That's the real reason it's in the shape of a 'C'.

    A broken clock is right twice a day. Caliga's broken clock is right seven times a day.

    Caliga sued Marvel for having too many copyright similarities to City of Heroes.

    Caliga is still using a calendar from 1996.

    Caliga is an unlockable character in Injustice: Gods Among Us. If you play the entire story mode on the hardest difficulty setting and set your mother on fire while she sleeps, you will be prompted to enter a code. The code is Up twice, down twice, left, right, left, right, both trigger buttons, Y, triangle, the # key, your date of birth, and bite off your pinkie finger. This will also delete every game on your memory card and cancel your Netflix.

    Caliga is neither hero, nor villain. Caliga's one true enemy is the moment of indecisiveness. He has only faced the problem in choosing a side once. NCSoft was kind enough to take the blame for the complete and utter annihilation of City of Heroes and City of Villains after Caliga destroyed it in a frustrated fit of rage.
  • chalupaoffurychalupaoffury Posts: 2,553 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga is the only player in game to have access to world pvp.

    PRAY HE NEVER USES IT.

    Caliga has 857 costume slots. They all look the same.

    Caliga did resistance exactly once. Doctor Destroyer locked himself back up, and Citizen Harmon surrendered. He also got gunblades, darkspeed, and Arcane's undergarments. He's still wearing the last one.
    In game, I am @EvilTaco. Happily killing purple gang members since May 2008.
    dbnzfo.png
    RIP Caine
  • jorifice1jorifice1 Posts: 588 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    WARNING! EXTREME CHAMPS. MEME AHEAD!





    Caliga genuinely understands what Shev is talking about..........

    'Wen considered the nature of time and understood that the universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. Therefore, he understood, there is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, he said, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.' Terry Pratchet The Thief Of Time
  • gingervitosgingervitos Posts: 275 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    My thoughts on Caliga.

    37463909.jpg

    Git Gud M8!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Cause I'm worth it. Playing since 2009.
  • jonsillsjonsills Posts: 6,318 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga became mildly disappointed in one of his lieutenants. He began to chide the man...

    ...and all Cryptic's servers crashed in terror.
    "Science teaches us to expect -- demand -- more than just eerie mysteries. What use is a puzzle that can't be solved? Patience is fine, but I'm not going to stop asking the universe to make sense!"

    - David Brin, "Those Eyes"
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  • cybersoldier1981cybersoldier1981 Posts: 2,501 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga slept with my one true love. I'm actually fine with this, and quite proud of her.
  • flamingbunnymanflamingbunnyman Posts: 2,035 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga can unbind his equipment and devices should he ever decide he wants to part with it, and when he unslots his mods, he chooses whether he wants to be PAID with Resources or Questionite for providing the service of removing them from the unworthy equipment.
    _________________________________________________
    @flamingbunnyman in game. Formerly @Roderick in City of Heroes.
  • smoochansmoochan Posts: 2,564 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga can pause Champions Online.

    Oh okay... so the servers didn't crash, Caliga just needed to pause the game while he went to a barbeque or something.

    Champions Online: Be the hero you wish you could be in a better game.
  • trailturtletrailturtle Posts: 5,496 Perfect World Employee
    edited May 2013
    In the kingdom of the blind, Caliga has deposed the one-eyed man and lives as a despot. He's recently completed research on how to survive trading an eye for an eye, too.
  • cybersoldier1981cybersoldier1981 Posts: 2,501 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    In the kingdom of the blind, Caliga has deposed the one-eyed man and lives as a despot. He's recently completed research on how to survive trading an eye for an eye, too.
    You're back? Where's my gift from Germany?
  • crypticbuxomcrypticbuxom Posts: 4,620 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga posts a troll thread on the internet. EVERYONE congratulates him.
  • cellarrat33cellarrat33 Posts: 399 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    smoochan wrote: »


    Oh okay... so the servers didn't crash, Caliga just needed to pause the game while he went to a barbeque or something.

    Or something...

    like a really long bathroom break to read his copy of the WSJ.


    Gotta keep track of his portfolio.

    All his shares in Astral Diamonds are going through the roof.


    CellarRat33 :: formerly Bsquared

    ***
    "The great thing about glory unending is that it's dirt cheap!" - Tateklys
    From the Adventures of Thundrax (canadascott)
    ***
  • nephtnepht Posts: 6,883 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    If Caliga isnt poked at least 12 times a day he starts to get withdrawls.
    nepht_siggy_v6_by_nepht-dbbz19n.jpg
    Nepht and Dr Deflecto on primus
    They all thought I was out of the game....But I'm holding all the lockboxes now..
    I'll......FOAM FINGER YOUR BACK!
  • cybersoldier1981cybersoldier1981 Posts: 2,501 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga can have your cake and eat it, too.

    Being Caliga means never having to say 'I love you'.

    'The Caliga' is an Archetype available by Pre-Ordering the game through a combination of smoke signals and interpretive dance.
  • smoochansmoochan Posts: 2,564 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Every kiss begins with Caliga.

    Champions Online: Be the hero you wish you could be in a better game.
  • nephtnepht Posts: 6,883 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga posts a troll thread on the internet. EVERYONE congratulates him.

    Thats pure win right there.
    nepht_siggy_v6_by_nepht-dbbz19n.jpg
    Nepht and Dr Deflecto on primus
    They all thought I was out of the game....But I'm holding all the lockboxes now..
    I'll......FOAM FINGER YOUR BACK!
  • cybersoldier1981cybersoldier1981 Posts: 2,501 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga can poop in the toilet and clog the sink next door.
  • chaelkchaelk Posts: 7,732 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    xcaligax wrote: »
    tumblr_lxoywvW53j1qfu4tho1_250.gif

    Caliga always goes for the personal touch
    *Realizes thats a straight line andwaits for Smoochans comment*
    Stuffing up Freeform builds since Mid 2011
    4e1f62c7-8ea7-4996-8f22-bae41fea063b_zpsu7p3urv1.jpg

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  • flamingbunnymanflamingbunnyman Posts: 2,035 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga can pick up any instrument - even the Great Stalacpipe Organ - and play it perfectly, even if he's never seen it before.

    Unfortunately, the only song he knows is 4'33".
    _________________________________________________
    @flamingbunnyman in game. Formerly @Roderick in City of Heroes.
  • jorifice1jorifice1 Posts: 588 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga is actually the last remaining Champions Online player.
    The rest of us are merely his Alts.
    We are just so well written that we do not know it yet.

    'Wen considered the nature of time and understood that the universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. Therefore, he understood, there is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, he said, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.' Terry Pratchet The Thief Of Time
  • kemmicalskemmicals Posts: 853 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga once knocked over a pair of drumsticks resting on a drum kit... and they played the drum section of YYZ perfectly. Scientists have been trying to replicate this to no avail.
    f34246a20a4272b22ac09b2dc2e2b0ad.jpeg
  • smoochansmoochan Posts: 2,564 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga is dumb. :mad:

    Champions Online: Be the hero you wish you could be in a better game.
  • scorpagorscorpagor Posts: 607 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    smoochan wrote: »
    Caliga is dumb. :mad:

    He rejected your friend request again?

    There, there...*pats back*
  • smoochansmoochan Posts: 2,564 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga once decided to que for hero games. Now you know why pvp is dead.

    Champions Online: Be the hero you wish you could be in a better game.
  • target1onetarget1one Posts: 30 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    This thread is better than all of the "Chuck Norris facts" on the Internet put together.

    Target1one

    "ENOUGH!!! You are ALL of you BENEATH me! I am a GOD, you dull creature, and I will NOT be BULLIED by--" -- Loki

    *SMASH* *SMASH* *SMASH* <pause> *SMASHSMASH* "... puny god..." -- Hulk
  • lafury001200lafury001200 Posts: 567 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Charles Barkley criticized Caliga once.

    Caliga took Barkley's "E"'s away.

    Permanentturribluh
  • lafury001200lafury001200 Posts: 567 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Charles Barkley criticized Caliga once.

    Caliga took Barkley's "E"'s away.

    Permanentturribluh

    Thurs is terrible, just terrible!
  • wraithshadow13wraithshadow13 Posts: 531 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    tumblr_lxoywvW53j1qfu4tho1_250.gif



    This is just one of the many ways Caliga can beat you in PvP, because he has Telepathy Now... All of it...
  • malvoumalvou Posts: 488 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Everytime Caliga walks, it's in style.
    1367627423539_zps3792dcd7.gif
  • smoochansmoochan Posts: 2,564 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    target1one wrote: »
    This thread is better than all of the "Chuck Norris facts" on the Internet put together.

    Well yes... seeing as all the chuck norris jokes are here, just with chuck's name replaced with Caliga... so in mathematical terms:

    (all chuck norris jokes) + (original caliga jokes) > (all chuck norris jokes)


    The above was brought to you by Caliga's Accurate Internet Statistics Foundation(tm).

    Champions Online: Be the hero you wish you could be in a better game.
  • sistersiliconsistersilicon Posts: 1,687 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    malvou wrote: »
    Everytime Caliga walks, it's in style.
    1367627423539_zps3792dcd7.gif

    The beat that goes with this is "No Church in the Wild". Caliga didn't think it was his best work when he recorded it, but he figured Kanye and Jay-Z could use some help with their flow anyway.
    Choose your enemies carefully, because they will define you / Make them interesting, because in some ways they will mind you
    They're not there in the beginning, but when your story ends / Gonna last with you longer than your friends
  • cybersoldier1981cybersoldier1981 Posts: 2,501 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Women who have become single mothers because of Caliga send him a check every month.

    Caliga actually has an attack where he can throw lockboxes at you.

    The only way to stop Caliga is to rub his stomach and sing him 'One Night in Bangkok' by Murray Head.

    Caliga can get a checkmate in Chinese Checkers.

    Caliga was once pulled over for driving 95mph in a 35mph school zone. He let the policeman off with a warning.

    Caliga already knows what he's getting for Christmas- your bike.

    Caliga was accused of being a chauvinist pig because he beat his ex girlfriend with his current girlfriend. Not 'accompanied by', he actually used his current girlfriend as a bludgeoning tool.

    While some people can tie a cherry stem in a knot with their tongue, Caliga can weave a miniature basket the same way.

    Caliga doesn't farm for costume parts. The mob that drops that particular piece immediately finds the spawn point in that zone and hands over the costume part upon his arrival.

    Some items are bound on pickup, bound on equip, and bound to account. Caliga's items are bound by love.

    Caliga invented 'your momma' jokes.

    When Caliga removes his helmet, his head is that of a baby and he speaks with Morgan Freeman's voice.

    Caliga cannot cross a line of bullsh*t.

    I opened a Malvan lockbox, and on the first try I got the Alien Gladiator Helmet. Caliga also got this, as well as 3 Cursed Eyes, 4 Scourge Eyes, a Cyberninja Become Device, a WoW flying mount, free Netflix, and a nude photograph of Trailturtle.
  • xmyuikixxmyuikix Posts: 83 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    The beat that goes with this is "No Church in the Wild". Caliga didn't think it was his best work when he recorded it, but he figured Kanye and Jay-Z could use some help with their flow anyway.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6I5Ryv7Ip4 Actually his theme is this. Strings by Joe Boyd Vigil.
  • towershield#4714 towershield Posts: 1,208 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    -snip-

    I opened a Malvan lockbox, and on the first try I got the Alien Gladiator Helmet. Caliga also got this, as well as 3 Cursed Eyes, 4 Scourge Eyes, a Cyberninja Become Device, a WoW flying mount, free Netflix, and a nude photograph of Trailturtle.


    There goes my "days without spitting out my drink" streak.
    ___________________________________________________________________________________________
  • nephtnepht Posts: 6,883 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga is really a small Chinese girl called Bob.
    nepht_siggy_v6_by_nepht-dbbz19n.jpg
    Nepht and Dr Deflecto on primus
    They all thought I was out of the game....But I'm holding all the lockboxes now..
    I'll......FOAM FINGER YOUR BACK!
  • gingervitosgingervitos Posts: 275 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga once got one shot'ed by a Sniper AT. Based on true events.

    Git Gud M8!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Cause I'm worth it. Playing since 2009.
  • matixzonmatixzon Posts: 120 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga has won "The Game".
    @mawexzon

    I like cats :cool:.

    UGC Campaign: The Coldblooded Scrolls
  • sockmunkeysockmunkey Posts: 4,504 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Caliga is so cool. He can actually live up to the hype of this thread.
  • trailturtletrailturtle Posts: 5,496 Perfect World Employee
    edited May 2013
    Caliga used voice chat once. Knocked out the entire server.
  • flyingfinnflyingfinn Posts: 8,408 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Someone duct tape his mouth. The servers seem to crash frequently now.
    CHAMPIONS ONLINE:Join Date: Apr 2008
    And playing by myself since Aug 2009
    Godtier: Lifetime Subscriber
    tumblr_n7qtltG3Dv1rv1ckao1_500.gif
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  • chalupaoffurychalupaoffury Posts: 2,553 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Remember when I mentioned that caliga was the only player with world pvp? This isn't a crash, he's actually pvping with the server.
    In game, I am @EvilTaco. Happily killing purple gang members since May 2008.
    dbnzfo.png
    RIP Caine
  • trailturtletrailturtle Posts: 5,496 Perfect World Employee
    edited May 2013
    Remember when I mentioned that caliga was the only player with world pvp? This isn't a crash, he's actually pvping with the server.

    ... I hope that means the server won't respawn with one fewer star...
  • mensarmensar Posts: 294 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    Is it something in the water.... or... are you all on drugs?

    Just checking.

    If this thread and logic ever meet there will be a black hole.

    This message brought to you by the superhero:
    Bacon Overlord

    All available action figures, check.
    Hit the global cap, check.
    All lore and event perks done, check.
    All 1K mob perks done, check.
    All nemesis mob perks done, check.
    Break 20,000 perk points, check.
    Complete all 5K perk points, stay tuned!

    Come see me on steam (be friends, drink fine wines, clink glasses and KILL STUFF ONLINE!)
  • trailturtletrailturtle Posts: 5,496 Perfect World Employee
    edited May 2013
    mensar wrote: »
    If this thread and logic ever meet there will be a black hole.

    You mean the mighty fist of Caliga?
  • towershield#4714 towershield Posts: 1,208 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    mensar wrote: »
    Is it something in the water.... or... are you all on drugs?

    Just checking.

    If this thread and logic ever meet there will be a black hole.

    Actually, black holes are formed when Caliga punches logic directly in it's stupid face.

    "Stop hitting yourself!" wasn't originally a line to tease someone with, it was originally a plea made by Caliga's subjects to not hit himself in the face. Just the act of facepalming shifted the tectonic plates of his homeplanet.
    ___________________________________________________________________________________________
  • mensarmensar Posts: 294 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    You mean the mighty fist of Caliga?

    Color me confused...

    I did a 50,000 global worth of items giveaway a few days ago, but there's a thread dedicated to someone I see in chat once in awhile talking in all caps with many exclamation points.

    Is it just me? Or... am I missing something?

    Not trying to be the mood breaker.. just coming back to the forum and a bit confused.

    I'm sure someone can fill me in.

    This message brought to you by the superhero:
    Bacon Overlord

    All available action figures, check.
    Hit the global cap, check.
    All lore and event perks done, check.
    All 1K mob perks done, check.
    All nemesis mob perks done, check.
    Break 20,000 perk points, check.
    Complete all 5K perk points, stay tuned!

    Come see me on steam (be friends, drink fine wines, clink glasses and KILL STUFF ONLINE!)
  • trailturtletrailturtle Posts: 5,496 Perfect World Employee
    edited May 2013
    mensar wrote: »
    Color me confused...

    I did a 50,000 global worth of items giveaway a few days ago, but there's a thread dedicated to someone I see in chat once in awhile talking in all caps with many exclamation points.

    Is it just me? Or... am I missing something?

    Not trying to be the mood breaker.. just coming back to the forum and a bit confused.

    No worries, I gotcha. The character of Caliga's very, very easy to caricature in one-liners like this. This thread isn't about worshiping a community member, or paying homage to people who've earned it -- it's about something we can all agree is funny. Caliga as a player is cool and all, but this thread's about him just as much as an "Over 9000!" thread is about Akira Toriyama.

    (At least, that's my read and intent.)
  • mensarmensar Posts: 294 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    No worries, I gotcha. The character of Caliga's very, very easy to caricature in one-liners like this. This thread isn't about worshiping a community member, or paying homage to people who've earned it -- it's about something we can all agree is funny. Caliga as a player is cool and all, but this thread's about him just as much as an "Over 9000!" thread is about Akira Toriyama.

    (At least, that's my read and intent.)

    Yeah, I was just curious what I missed. I knew it was something.

    I still can't PM you, by the way. Did you get your AF?

    This message brought to you by the superhero:
    Bacon Overlord

    All available action figures, check.
    Hit the global cap, check.
    All lore and event perks done, check.
    All 1K mob perks done, check.
    All nemesis mob perks done, check.
    Break 20,000 perk points, check.
    Complete all 5K perk points, stay tuned!

    Come see me on steam (be friends, drink fine wines, clink glasses and KILL STUFF ONLINE!)
  • crypticbuxomcrypticbuxom Posts: 4,620 Arc User
    edited May 2013
    You can't buy your fame unless you're female or Caliga.

    The difference is that Caliga didn't have to even go that far. ;)
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