Review Trade: Breaching the Swarm... Pick your side, kill your allies?

nimmanu · July 2013

I think I'm finally ready to do some review exchanges. My quest, Breaching the Swarm, is a semi-balanced quest. I think that most people, once they know the quest, can get through it in 20 minutes (likely a little less). The combat is all easy, as it's meant to be more a story-based quest with the option to use it as a speed-through quest.

There are some things I'd especially like feedback on (please tell me if you want feedback or just a review):

The puzzle if anyone's willing to tackle it.

The final option to choose your side, and your impressions on that and the battle afterwards.

Of course, any bugs, visually incorrect aspects (floating things and the like), or other issues would be good to be addressed.

I'd like to know if you were amused by the references in it, annoyed, or uninterested. I can easily change it to be a fully serious quest without any problem.

Anyone who explores it and discovers a lot of the fun additional things, I'd really like feedback from, too.

So far, I've made a lot of awesome changes based on player feedback, so please help me improve it. I'm VERY open to feedback!

NOTE: The quest is written in a story-esque form, not "foundry form" so quotes are in quotes and things like people smiling at you aren't in ooc. Also, as stated in my opening line, NO items are required for the central quest line. Items are to make it so that each play through can be a little different.

thalazar1 · July 2013

Just finished. Interesting story and a whole lot to do and see on the side. my memory is terrible and i didnt write it down thinking i could come back to the scroll so sadly i couldnt do the puzzle and had to fight my way through. will leave a pm with a few things i picked up.
feel free to give the ruined temple a go in my sig.

nimmanu · July 2013

I need to give some hints on that part, maybe. Although one way or another, it's about memory retention.

Also, which ending did you choose? Villagers or Eila?

thalazar1 · July 2013

villagers

they made me a statue :rolleyes:

nimmanu · July 2013

thalazar1 wrote: »

villagers

they made me a statue :rolleyes:

Oh, that's not all they did. That's just all you've noticed on this play through. If you're rolling your eyes now, just wait.

pris23 · July 2013

I just ran your quest. I sent you my feedback in a PM to avoid spoilers. Part 3 of my campaign really needs more reviews. You can leave feed back at http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?407831-Part-3-Wind-of-the-North-The-Secret-to-Paradise-Will-trade-as-always&highlight=pris23.

lolsorhand · July 2013

While I missed out of the majority of the story, but explained why in PM. It's nothing to do with the quest, I didn't have that much time before the stores closed here

I really liked this one, and it has alot of choices. The writing is deffo the strong suite in this quest imo, and add to that balanced encounters and ( From what I did read. ) An interesting story, I will replay this to read everything and play through the puzzle way

Great job!

pris23 · July 2013

lolsorhand wrote: »

While I missed out of the majority of the story, but explained why in PM. It's nothing to do with the quest, I didn't have that much time before the stores closed here

I really liked this one, and it has alot of choices. The writing in deffo the strong suite in this quest imo, and add to that balanced encounters and ( From what I did read. ) An interesting story, I will reply this to read everything and play through the puzzle way

Great job!

I agree that the dialog was definitely done well. I can see that quite a bit of effort was put into that aspect for sure.

karitr · July 2013

I know the play count is still young, but how do you guys manage an average of 27 minutes!

Oh dear nimmanu, I think I may have just royally screwed your average :eek: Hope the notes being PM'd you are worth it.

nimmanu · July 2013

LOL, how fast did you run it? I need to know in order to put in more stuff if needs be? Honey did it on his GF in 20 mins... so I figured I'd be able to keep it close to 15 for the faster ones. I take it that's not so? I have no problem adding more encounters if it's way too easy as it is.

I will try to get to the other reviews tomorrow. I admit that I ended up spending many hours lost (as in literally couldn't figure out where to find things

) in lolsor's latest... oh my.

But I'll get to people tomorrow!

lolsorhand · July 2013

nimmanu wrote: »

LOL, how fast did you run it? I need to know in order to put in more stuff if needs be? Honey did it on his GF in 20 mins... so I figured I'd be able to keep it close to 15 for the faster ones. I take it that's not so? I have no problem adding more encounters if it's way too easy as it is.

I will try to get to the other reviews tomorrow. I admit that I ended up spending many hours lost (as in literally couldn't figure out where to find things ) in lolsor's latest... oh my.

But I'll get to people tomorrow!

Sent you a pm about that

(The hints tell you directly where things are though xD)

nimmanu · July 2013

Alright, I want to take a moment to say that some of the issues with "what?" are that a lot of clues are hidden. And some of your choices make them even more hidden.

The purpose of the quest is that I want it to be repeatable with something new learned or discovered each time. I don't want it to become something that people get accustomed to.

Making different choices in future runs will net you new information; particularly with dialogue choices.

The ending makes somewhat of a difference, as well... which side you pick may lead to some of your allies turning on you. You may find that your choice might leave you wishing you'd made another.

nimmanu · July 2013

lolsorhand wrote: »

Sent you a pm about that (The hints tell you directly where things are though xD)

Yeah, I read the hints, but I couldn't find one of the places it said it was. I did eventually find it, but... yeah. I was apparently have a mentally deficient moment when I took on your quest, because I had a hard time with several things I couldn't find, lol.

But I don't blame that on you, by the way. It's supposed to be a challenge. Don't dumb it down, you know?

lolsorhand · July 2013

nimmanu wrote: »

Yeah, I read the hints, but I couldn't find one of the places it said it was. I did eventually find it, but... yeah. I was apparently have a mentally deficient moment when I took on your quest, because I had a hard time with several things I couldn't find, lol.

But I don't blame that on you, by the way. It's supposed to be a challenge. Don't dumb it down, you know?

Never, the only things I keep simple is my hack n' slashers. My campaign, well. - Every encounter is there for story.

nimmanu · July 2013

Thanks to all of you, I have changed a bunch of inappropriately named items.

I have changed Felix's dialogue about the teleporters to be more explanatory, I hope.

I've added a hint or two of trouble here and there so that at least one part of the final battle (if you choose a certain dialogue option with the traitor) won't be as surprising.

I've removed a few guides and simply moved teleporters to more reasonable/ understandable positions.

I've added some dialogue to the puzzle that warns of real life things you might want to do (though that was done yesterday, so anyone who played today might not notice it--or might have done it

).

I have a lot to do tomorrow, thanks to all of you!

Included is adding some sort of new graphic to the sarcophagi that shows "new" magic on them that repulses you once you try to talk about them the first time.

I will be looking at maybe fixing a few of the dialogue areas to better foreshadow the final boss.

And a bunch more. So much wonderful help. You guys ROCK!

karitr · July 2013

nimmanu wrote: »

LOL, how fast did you run it? I need to know in order to put in more stuff if needs be? Honey did it on his GF in 20 mins... so I figured I'd be able to keep it close to 15 for the faster ones. I take it that's not so? I have no problem adding more encounters if it's way too easy as it is.

FAST??? No, no, no, you misunderstand. When I say I royally screwed your average I was going in the other direction. I think I was in there at least 2 hours

:o:eek:

jintortle · July 2013

I trade:

The Wonderful Wizard of Og nw-dqeedzbrg

cheers doing yours now!

Completed: I liked the setting and was amused about how the Urchin had attacked his father. (what ever happened with that)?

I was ganked by spiders unawares just walking a little behind me at start. (lol my Mouse somehow wanted to edit the screen from my Foundry - Must close down game in future between Foundry Editing and Playing).

Anyways - was a good quest and enjoyable end battle - I also liked the Birds - Would be good if you could have Crabs instead of spiders near the beach - but alas foundry does not have them!

Cheers : Play mine whenever you can and good luck!!!!

nimmanu · July 2013

thalazar1 wrote: »

Just finished. Interesting story and a whole lot to do and see on the side. my memory is terrible and i didnt write it down thinking i could come back to the scroll so sadly i couldnt do the puzzle and had to fight my way through. will leave a pm with a few things i picked up.
feel free to give the ruined temple a go in my sig.

Alright, so long story short... I have tried everything to run this quest now.

I got a telephone call in the middle of running it with my husband on our two characters. It was a very important phone call (our 6 year old is getting an insulin pump), so I told him to go ahead and take off and I'd finish it later. We logged out... I had some items, he had 1 or 2.

I came back and tried to run it. I ran into a barrier and smashed an orb... but the barrier remains and I cannot pass. I figure that I'm missing something and try to re-run the quest. I leave to PE to start from the beginning and abandon the quest. I destroy everything in my bags pertaining to the quest and try to pick it back up... it says I already have the quest. I do NOT already have the quest. Nowhere to be found anywhere.

So yeah. I will try after I work out to get honey back online and maybe he can share it with me again. Or maybe if he abandons, too, I can get the quest again.

Anyway, I wanted all to know that I'm still working on it and that I'm taking it in order as best I can. I won't give up til I've run this for you, Thal!

mee2002 · July 2013

OK, just finished this. Was a good story. I definitely missed some stuff though, despite my attempt to be thorough. Some misc notes:

- Manuela stands on the dialogue option "Who did this..." then plunks back down. Looks a bit odd.

- When talking to Felix I chose the puzzle route, then accidentally picked to change to combat. I didn't see a way back, so I hit done, talked to him again, and picked the puzzle. This made 2 Felixes spawn and unlocked both doors.

- When talking to Kim, after she gives you the mirror she becomes Customizable Elf 01 and you pick up the mirror from Fancy Chair 01.

It was a nice, immersive world you built. I'll run it again sometime and see if I can't gain some new allies.

nimmanu · July 2013

Okay, got back and got into the Ruined Temple after a bit of jockeying around with honey.

I like the 'flavor' conversations in the tavern, and your entry area to the outside of the temple is particularly beautiful.

I really like how complete it is, and some of the less obvious entrances, too. Cleverly done so that they aren't impossible, but still challenging.

Random note: I've gotten 4 nightmare lockboxes so far in here.

I am greatly enjoying looking at your catacombs. I think they are very nicely done! You might consider, if you have details left, a nice eerie light where a certain orb is. Just a random thought I had as a fellow author, lol.

I did find myself past the place that had me stymied before I had to go off to the gym...

You've done well enough with it that I'm finding myself looking in every nook and cranny... just in case there's a sparkly helper ;p

Oh, there's a typo. "there's a magic barrier block the way" Blocking. Noted mostly because it's so good otherwise, lol.

But I have bad news for you. I used potions. 1 star!

(I'm kidding, for those who will take me serious, cause someone will!)

nimmanu · July 2013

mee2002 wrote: »

OK, just finished this. Was a good story. I definitely missed some stuff though, despite my attempt to be thorough. Some misc notes:

- Manuela stands on the dialogue option "Who did this..." then plunks back down. Looks a bit odd.

- When talking to Felix I chose the puzzle route, then accidentally picked to change to combat. I didn't see a way back, so I hit done, talked to him again, and picked the puzzle. This made 2 Felixes spawn and unlocked both doors.

- When talking to Kim, after she gives you the mirror she becomes Customizable Elf 01 and you pick up the mirror from Fancy Chair 01.

It was a nice, immersive world you built. I'll run it again sometime and see if I can't gain some new allies.

Fixed Kim and Manuela. I think I can fix the Felix thing now that you mention it. I made a change to him, so he goes to the same area either way... just as well only use one of him. Thanks for mentioning it! Fixed and fixed everything else already!

I'm going to add an item in the torture room that maybe will give some clues as to the traitor. Although he's somewhat mentioned in a dialogue tree along the way, he only gets one mention.

I had hoped to have people trying to guess who the traitor is, but that doesn't seem to have worked, lol. Some don't even seem to realize that the traitor is still alive, I think.

nimmanu · July 2013

pris23 wrote: »

I just ran your quest. I sent you my feedback in a PM to avoid spoilers. Part 3 of my campaign really needs more reviews. You can leave feed back at http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?407831-Part-3-Wind-of-the-North-The-Secret-to-Paradise-Will-trade-as-always&highlight=pris23.

Love the lab! Excellent placement on the runes. I find them a challenge. The second area was also very nice. Small touches can make a big difference.

Peeked your interest should be piqued your interest (an extremely common error, by the way), and this lead to a war should be led to a war (lead = metal, led = guide you along a path). Extremely minor and few if any will notice. I'm just excessively nitpicky with the English language.

Really liked the hearty meal thing! Small touch, but a good one.

Ah yes. All is lovely... aside from the monsters nearby. LOL

Can I keep Hyuga? Er, wait, what was I saying? Love the busy village! Yeah, that's what I was saying.

I like the story already, though I'm waiting to see how it ties in, heh.

Speedy is sure speedy!

I love the 'climb on his shoulders' part, though it took me a little time to get my head out of my... er. And figure it out.

We are ready whe you are. (when)

You here the unmistakable sound (hear)

I liked that battle. Close one for me, but nice.

Lol, piggy just went running off into the distance. Too cold for him, I guess.... lol

Awww, I had to leave without Hyuga. *sad panda face*

But uh... lewt sux, 1 star.

(Yes, that was another joke. Imagine that!)

yipykaye · July 2013

Played your quest. This will have *Spoilers*

A few things I saw.
Some of the spiders webs in open area seem misplaced or simply out of place.
In the crypt reading the text you repeat yourself that the appearance differs from the others.
Near the trapped merchants the fire just comes from the stone floor maybe some logs burning would be nicer.
Manuela instantly says she doesn't have the key before you even ask her.
With a few of the dialogues when you have the NPC disappear after talking you dont get to read the last page of text. I had similar problem and just added another dialogue with "." in it so that was what skipped.
Alric's husband? Maybe partner but <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> marriage isn't even accepted fully now let alone back in the day. Just seemed odd.
when leaving the crypt suddenly there are building on the foreshore and the quest leads me to Xander but that doesnt seem to be what the quest talks about.
After city gates well I was just bored with the story. Didn't want to bother reading more so just asked for the shortest answer.
At the end the reward chest popped up before I had to kill last mob.

Overall some of these things would have been great in a small quest. But all together I just didn't enjoy my time. I was looking for the out about half way. I love having some extra detail here and there to add to the story. But I don't need 3 options for every line of every dialogue to make it fun. Have a decent story and use the extras to add to that story. I know you put in alot of work into this quest obviously with all the side work and I felt bad running past everyone not talking to them. I know this might sound harsh but its all feedback and I want to honestly tell people who their quest makes me feel. Good Luck and I will keep my eye out for more of yours.

xpurpleinsanityx · July 2013

Playing yours now~ Would be grateful if you could check out my Part 2

*points to sig*

Edit: Kicked out for maintenance in the middle. (Guess I was taking too long!) Will finish up as soon as the shard comes back up. Looking great so far, though.

Edit: Played/Reviewed! I absolutely love your environments~ all of them were stunning! I also loved the additional content throughout the quest. One bug I noticed is that in *SPOILER* the puzzle..if you don't take the one ingredient that you don't need..it is left floating there when you are done. On that, I loved the puzzle! Combat was fairly easy and completely non-challenging as a 60 TR, so the experience was fairly laid back which gave me plenty of time to take in the environments and lore.

nimmanu · July 2013

jintortle wrote: »

I trade:

The Wonderful Wizard of Og nw-dqeedzbrg

cheers doing yours now!

Completed: I liked the setting and was amused about how the Urchin had attacked his father. (what ever happened with that)?

I was ganked by spiders unawares just walking a little behind me at start. (lol my Mouse somehow wanted to edit the screen from my Foundry - Must close down game in future between Foundry Editing and Playing).

Anyways - was a good quest and enjoyable end battle - I also liked the Birds - Would be good if you could have Crabs instead of spiders near the beach - but alas foundry does not have them!

Cheers : Play mine whenever you can and good luck!!!!

This is a pretty cute area. Nicely decorated.

Some of your emotes don't seem to make sense, but I guess since it's a little silly and fun anyway, that's no big thing.

She's The Loving Lady, but your instructions say talk to the Lovely Lady. (minor detail)

Second level could use a little love in the dungeon.

Apparently, I'm not a very nice person.

Love the drunken floozie.

Ugh, okay, so I finally got past the 3. I think the lich with the others might be a bit much, but that's personal opinion and not relevant to the general questing public, I suspect, lol.

trishani · July 2013

Played!

I really enjoyed your indoor environments. Very well done! Love the crypt in process of renovation. I did hit a snag in which I did the non-puzzle route in the crypt, and because the mobs were busy with the NPCs I was able to skip by them and run to the end. I had to go all the way back through the corridor once I got to the end and the NPC wouldn't open the teleporter. Would have been good to know before hand! Small nit-pick though.

I will have to go back another time and play through all the dialog options. I had to cut a few of the dialog choices short because of time and felt I lost a lot of the plot. No idea how some people did it under 30 min. I was over 40 and felt like I missed so much. I was a bit confused by the end! That being said it was a fun play through and I could do it as a 36 DC with a little "help" at the end.

Bravo!!

I could use some feedback on mine as well. Working on a sig, but until its in place the code is: NW-DJCDSG3R9
Thanks!!

nimmanu · July 2013

yipykaye wrote: »

Played your quest. This will have *Spoilers*

A few things I saw.
Some of the spiders webs in open area seem misplaced or simply out of place.
In the crypt reading the text you repeat yourself that the appearance differs from the others.
Near the trapped merchants the fire just comes from the stone floor maybe some logs burning would be nicer.
Manuela instantly says she doesn't have the key before you even ask her.
With a few of the dialogues when you have the NPC disappear after talking you dont get to read the last page of text. I had similar problem and just added another dialogue with "." in it so that was what skipped.
Alric's husband? Maybe partner but <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> marriage isn't even accepted fully now let alone back in the day. Just seemed odd.
when leaving the crypt suddenly there are building on the foreshore and the quest leads me to Xander but that doesnt seem to be what the quest talks about.
After city gates well I was just bored with the story. Didn't want to bother reading more so just asked for the shortest answer.
At the end the reward chest popped up before I had to kill last mob.

Overall some of these things would have been great in a small quest. But all together I just didn't enjoy my time. I was looking for the out about half way. I love having some extra detail here and there to add to the story. But I don't need 3 options for every line of every dialogue to make it fun. Have a decent story and use the extras to add to that story. I know you put in alot of work into this quest obviously with all the side work and I felt bad running past everyone not talking to them. I know this might sound harsh but its all feedback and I want to honestly tell people who their quest makes me feel. Good Luck and I will keep my eye out for more of yours.

Thanks for your comment. I'll see what I can do to get to yours tomorrow. Appreciate you taking the time for a run through and to type up your viewpoint. It's helpful to see different views.

pris23 · July 2013

nimmanu wrote: »

Love the lab! Excellent placement on the runes. I find them a challenge. The second area was also very nice. Small touches can make a big difference.

Peeked your interest should be piqued your interest (an extremely common error, by the way), and this lead to a war should be led to a war (lead = metal, led = guide you along a path). Extremely minor and few if any will notice. I'm just excessively nitpicky with the English language.

Really liked the hearty meal thing! Small touch, but a good one.

Ah yes. All is lovely... aside from the monsters nearby. LOL

Can I keep Hyuga? Er, wait, what was I saying? Love the busy village! Yeah, that's what I was saying.

I like the story already, though I'm waiting to see how it ties in, heh.

Speedy is sure speedy!

I love the 'climb on his shoulders' part, though it took me a little time to get my head out of my... er. And figure it out.

We are ready whe you are. (when)

You here the unmistakable sound (hear)

I liked that battle. Close one for me, but nice.

Lol, piggy just went running off into the distance. Too cold for him, I guess.... lol

Awww, I had to leave without Hyuga. *sad panda face*

But uh... lewt sux, 1 star.

(Yes, that was another joke. Imagine that!)

Hey thx for playing. There is a main plot happening with the lab that has been going on through-out the entire campaign. This way I could make each quest a sub-plot and have different dungeon/play areas.

The last two quests are going to take me awhile to put together for sure.

Thanks for pointing out my grammatical errors. I usually end up redoing dialog a lot and things get messed up or I just mess them up in the beginning (spelling errors, etc.)

That last fight sure is tough. I wanted it to feel epic, with the God and villagers helping, but it was very hard to balance. I am glad that it wasn't too tough. Difficulty scaling is one of the hardest things in my opinion.

yipykaye · July 2013

nimmanu wrote: »

Thanks for your comment. I'll see what I can do to get to yours tomorrow. Appreciate you taking the time for a run through and to type up your viewpoint. It's helpful to see different views.

Kudos for you taking feedback, positive or negative without raging that I didn't love everything about the quest.
It is hard but I try to do this in life also. I will learn from honest feedback but I won't learn from dishonest praise.
Your attitude has now made me want to review more of your work. Well done.

nimmanu · July 2013

yipykaye wrote: »

Kudos for you taking feedback, positive or negative without raging that I didn't love everything about the quest.
It is hard but I try to do this in life also. I will learn from honest feedback but I won't learn from dishonest praise.
Your attitude has now made me want to review more of your work. Well done.

You know, I think most people just want to be acknowledged. I think that you gave your feedback in a spirit of honesty and a desire to help, and I appreciate that.

nimmanu · July 2013

pris23 wrote: »

Hey thx for playing. There is a main plot happening with the lab that has been going on through-out the entire campaign. This way I could make each quest a sub-plot and have different dungeon/play areas. The last two quests are going to take me awhile to put together for sure.

Thanks for pointing out my grammatical errors. I usually end up redoing dialog a lot and things get messed up or I just mess them up in the beginning (spelling errors, etc.)

That last fight sure is tough. I wanted it to feel epic, with the God and villagers helping, but it was very hard to balance. I am glad that it wasn't too tough. Difficulty scaling is one of the hardest things in my opinion.

You know, I don't think very much of typos in a situation like this, unless it's riddled with them. I mentioned them because your over-all appearance was that you are as much a stickler as I am, and I think you would be happier knowing they were fixed.

Really loved your quest and felt it was very nice. I will make a point when I finish with trades to play some of your other quests.

Review Trade: Breaching the Swarm... Pick your side, kill your allies?

Comments