Neverwinter Jokers and Jesters Wanted!

celdren · May 2013

I've been RPing in the Forgotten Realms for a long time. From the old Gold-box DOS games, to Neverwinter Nights, and now the Neverwinter MMO.

I just realized why I have never seen it snow in Neverwinter.

sychanthris · May 2013

What did the Dwarf yell at the Elven child when she was hanging off his beard

LEGOLAS!

lol LOTR Pun there....

What did the half orc say to the halfling...

What's your excuse.... I am a half orc... but what's a Half a Ling?

shlayerz · May 2013

Not necessarily a joke with a punchline, but the funniest person I've ever played D&D with.

One campaign he rolled a warlock with a severe mental disorder who had a sock puppet, except he honestly believed it was the sock puppet who was the real warlock, and he did all of his magic out of it. He role-played this all flawlessly throughout the whole campaign, too.

This group I played with had a rule: at least one male had to play a female character in all campaigns. Well, this guy decided he would do it. He must be an excellent actor or something because he tied his shirt into a sort of bra, and acted like a dainty woman the entire game.

I've since lost contact with him, but he was easily the best D&D player I've ever had the honor of playing with.

dfdddfd · May 2013

Motivators: Never say never!
Neverwinter player 1: Hey bud! C'mon get your *** in neverwinter! its cold down here :<
Player 2: I'm already in, meet me at Neverember!
Player 1: Wait I have a quest at Neverdeath...
Player 2: But I have a quest at Nevere-omfg ok we've been thru this ill just TP now..
Player 1: Man I'm never gonna get that Heavy Inferno Nightmare...
Player 2: Never... ever talk about that thing... makes me feel so bad >.<
(>'.'<)

lorddethsoth · May 2013

DM: Golstaff, you have entered the door to the north. You are now by yourself, standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls.
Cheeto: Where are the Cheetos?
DM: They're right next to you.
Golstaff: I cast a spell.
Cheeto: Where's the Mountain Dew?
DM: In the fridge, duh!
Golstaff: I wanna cast a spell!
Cheeto: Can I have a Mountain Dew?
DM: Yes, you can have a Mountain Dew, just go get it.
Golstaff: I can cast any of these, right? On the list?
DM: Yes, any, any of the first level ones.
Cheeto: I'm gonna get a soda; anyone want one? Hey, Graham, I'm not in the room, right?
DM: What room?
Golstaff: I wanna cast...Magic Missile.
Cheeto: The room where he's casting all these spells from.
DM: He hasn't cast anything yet.
Golstaff: I am though, if you'd listen. I'm casting...Magic Missile.
DM: Why are you casting Magic Missile? There's nothing to attack here.
Golstaff: I...I'm attacking the darkness!

DM: Fine, fine, you attack the darkness. There's an elf in front of you.
Elf: Whoah! That's me, right?
DM: He wearing a brown tunic, and he has grey hair, and blue eyes...
Elf: No, I don't, I have grey eyes.
DM: Let me see that sheet.
Elf: Well, it says I have...Well, it says here I have blue, but I decided I wanted grey eyes.
DM: Whatever. OK, you guys can talk to each other now, if you want.
Golstaff: Hello.
Elf: Hello.
Golstaff: I am Golstaff, Sorcerer of Light.
Elf: Then how come you had to cast Magic Missile?

DM: You...you guys are being attacked.
Cheeto: Do I see that happening?
DM: No, you're outside, by the tavern.
Cheeto: Cool, I get drunk.
DM: There are seven ogres surrounding you.
Elf: How could they surround us? I had Mordenkainen's Magical Watchdog cast.
DM: No, you didn't.
Cheeto: I'm getting drunk. Are there any girls there?
Elf: I totally did! You asked me if I wanted any equipment before this adventure and I said No. But I need material components for all my spells. So I cast Mordenkainen's Faithful Watchdog.
DM: But you never actually cast it.
Cheeto: Roll the dice to see if I'm getting drunk.
DM: (rolls dice) Yeah, you are.
Cheeto: Are there any girls there?
DM: Yeah.
Elf: I did though! I completely said when you asked me!
DM: No you didn't! You didn't actually SAY that you were casting the spell. So now there's ogres. OK?!
Cheeto: Ogres! Man, I got an Ogre-Slaying knife! It's got a plus 9 against ogres.
DM: You're not there! You're getting drunk!
Cheeto: OK, but if there's any girls there, I wanna DO them!

xredfield · May 2013

Have you heard about the new railroads being built all across Toria? It's made from the finest and most magical parts of the wooden innards of a great race of treefolk! I hear they're called Entrails!

nukeyoo · May 2013

Hmm.. a joke that is game oriented... Jeopardy style...

What is class balance. :rolleyes:

darkstarx3 · May 2013

the biggest joke i could see would be CW 1 shot everyone with Ice Knife.. OH WAIT thats not a joke that happens ALL the time in EVERY PVP match LOLOL

nielim · May 2013

5 rogues walk into PvP dominion and lose.

jollygreenxx · May 2013

A dwarf and a Halfling walk into a bar....wait they can't hit a bar

What do you get when you mix a rogue and a cleric......UNSTOPPABLE

Why was the Halfling barbarian fired? he had a Short Temper

How do you stop a halfling from drowning gently lift him out of the puddle

how to do escape from a halfling......Step on a chair

How do you teach a halfling to dance.....Put him up on on a Music Box

Whats the Best kind of party?......A halFLING

How do halflings get out of the sun....hide is a pothole

How many rogues does it take to screw in a light bulb.....WAIT WHERE IS MY LIGHT BULB

How do you kill a Rogue? CC the enemy off a bridge while he is using Duelist's Flurry

survient · May 2013

What's a control wizard's favorite finishing line?
"Bigby got your throat?"

xkitarux13 · May 2013

So in a duel between a GWF and a Rouge Who wins?

The Control Wizard...
Blimey Wizards...

darkstorn42 · May 2013

Famous last words of beloved D&D player characters;

--"What? The dragon won't miss one gold coin."

--"I sneak attack the dragon"

--"You guys are all being racist, just because they're BLACK elves."

--"Its okay, he needs to roll a 20 to hit me."

--"I didn't FIND any traps."

--"I attempt to disbelieve."

--"I'll be fine as long as he doesn't crit."

--"Whats the harm in drawing one card?"

--"I put the head of Vecna on."

--"Hmm, all the scroll says is I prepared Explosive Runes today."

Also, not last words but one of my favorite quotes;
"I sneak attack him with the ballista."

neuromatik86 · May 2013

thank you very much

bobbyblacknutz · May 2013

how many dwarfs does it take to screw in a candle??? None cause there to small hahahahaha

bucketoffail · May 2013

I thought, possible, I might roll in here with a pun to die for, Orc go Rogue with a joke that slays you. Unfortunately I would probably fumble with that 1 also.

daggerknight1 · May 2013

A Skeleton walks into a bar and says "give me an ale, and a mop".

tribalshadow78 · May 2013

HAVE FAITH!

I am a Cleric.

mordimius · May 2013

A human male and a Half-orc male walk into the Moonstone Mask. After a moment of checking the scene they head to the bar. The Human looks to the Half-orc and says. "Watch this." The human turns to a Human cleric and says. " Unlike the castle we are sworn to protect. I can not say Never to you." She instantly swoons and moves closer. The Human male looks to Half-Orc with a wink and says. " Next drink is on me if you can get that Elf over there at your side." The Half-Orc looks over and walks toward her. After five minutes the Human male begins to wonder what happened just then his Half-orc friend walks back to him. His face red with two hand prints and two daggers stuck in each shoulder. The Human looks at him and yells "What in the Hells happened?!" The Half- Orc rubs the back of his head and says. "I found out she was a Trickster Rogue.. Needless to say I found out what was not one of her 'Tricks'"

manmodebob · May 2013

How do u maed nEvrWinert runs fester?
Delet system34
Baspingo

itskrumbs · May 2013

What happens to a dwarf when it rains?

It gets wet.

asmotiz · May 2013

A Halfling, a Dwarf, a Tiefling, and an Elf are riding along on a big wagon pulled by a horse called Neverwinter.

As they are galloping along, all of a sudden they hit a big bump in the road and everyone bounces into the air and lands hard. The Elf says "What was that?" and the other three yell "WOW!"

g01iath · May 2013

Question: why are paladin's a dragons favorite snack?

Answer: Because they are hard and crunchy on the outside, and soft and gooey on the inside. :-)

....plus they don't melt in your hand, just in stomach acid.

sannit5 · May 2013

At the behest of the great god Pelor, an army of hundreds of powerful adventurers set forth to hunt down the legendary tarrasque, who for millennia has ravaged the lands of civilized people. After an epic battle that stretches on for a whole day, leveling houses, burning forests to ash, and blasting whole mountains down to piles of rubble, the tarrasque is reduced to a single hit point. But only a handful of adventurers are left, and they are too drained to pierce its mighty armor. Just when all hope seems lost, a first-level magic-user emerges from the mist and slays the beast with a single tap from his quarterstaff. The adventurers stare at him, astounded, until finally one of them asks how he did it. “It was easy, really,” the magic-user says. “That thing had an AC of, like, 35. You people must have pretty terrible THAC0s.”

dagroth · May 2013

I'm not a mighty Guardian wielding shield or sword
but still I tell of battles through written deeds and words
I'm not a heroic Fighter charging through the frey
but the tales I write are mightier with every word I say
I'm not a Rogue or Cleric, I neither heal nor hide
but rest assured I cover all their details inside
and alas I'm not a Wizard though magic I do hold
when bringing you on adventure through every story told

kaywind · May 2013

Alright here's my joke: are there nymphs in this game?
Of course not.

gslapdicks · May 2013

A cleric and a control wizard are sitting next to eachother at a bar.

The control wizard, coming down with a cold sneezes softly.
The cleric says "Bless you," and goes back to his drink.

Once again, the control wizard sneezes, this time into his sleeve.
The cleric once again says "Bless you." and goes back to his drink.

The control wizard once again sneezes, this time towards.
The cleric, growing tired of the control wizard, once again say "Bless you."

Finally, as the control wizard begins to sneeze one last time the cleric grabs him by the nose and says...
"You'll have to wait a minute, you only get 3, you see," and goes back to his drink.

smolderingpanda · May 2013

One time my GM told me we were going to run a module by the book...

defect508 · May 2013

A Minotaur walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey, do you serve Minotaurs here?" To which the bartender replies "Yeah, sure, we don't discriminate here." Just then, a drunk in the back yells, "Great! I'll take three of 'em of wheat!"

jintortle · May 2013

What is a Drow's biggest want??

Open Beta.

Neverwinter Jokers and Jesters Wanted!

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