Trading reviews. Looking for honest improvements. Thanks

aristarchos01 · May 2013

Hello everyone.

I am looking to trade reviews for my first quest. I am looking for honest feedback on how to improve my quest and tips for making the next ones better. I will gladly review all quests for anyone who leave a comment on mine.
Thanks in advance to everyone.

Quest : The Kidnapped Bride
Author : @Aristarchos
Short Code : NW-DP3KMHTRP
Duration : 17-20 minutes
Difficulty : Easy to medium
Story : yes it has one, not just hack and slash

beringtom · May 2013

Hello.

i just completed your quest i have a few honest things to point out.

Outside
1. The first guard you talk to has 2 minor spelling issues if you choose (3) as you first choise. Missing a "space" between "Anger is" (yellow text) and the sentence just under it says "and many took on some kobolds" sounds wrong

2. The guard standing just as you come down the first staircase says "find any clues?" should be "Found"

3. The last wooden double door you use to switch map is placed so far from the wall, that i could look behind it.

Blacklake

1. At "capturepoint flag 01" when selecting (1) you start the sentence with "that is probable." this sounds abit wierd to me, might use "that is possible" or that is a possibility."

2. When talking to Krynn the first time, you finish the sentence with "The others I do not think we as skilled as I" we = where

That is all i have for you, the game play was cool, and the story was good.

aristarchos01 · May 2013

Thanks a ton. Grammar was never been my strong suit :rolleyes: I appreciate the honest critique. Also I am glad you enjoyed the quest

zsylin · May 2013

Combat was a bit easy at times but the story was really good. Seemed very polished overall. Good first effort

voivodak · May 2013

My quest is in sign. I'll play yours very soon, maybe tomorrow

todocaldo · May 2013

Having trouble finding yours in the catalog but I'll happily play it when I do, always happy to help someone escape Review Hell.

Mine is NW-DFGF2UXQH if you care to do the same

EDIT: Review in 4/5 stars

Well done quest, nicely detailed (especially the starting scene) with some good twists and challenging combat, especially the last encounter. I like the sarcastic, irreverent tone, nice to see a quest not take itself so seriously.

Major critique would be that some portions of your quest seemd disjointed, ie: seems like the character needs more motivation to go running through blacklake aside from that is where the shiny points are taking me. Try to make it where the player should be able to figure out where the quest is leading them even if they have no waypoints to guide them.

All in all well done, I definitely enjoyed it. Keep it up!

atiaxi · May 2013

My quest is in my signature

Yours was good! I've been doing a lot of very combat heavy scenarios lately so it was nice to have something more relaxed. The plot is good, but the writing itself needs work. By that I mean some things are awkwardly stated or strange to read. I've made more specific notes below:

- Description: "August Winthrop disappeared" -> "August Winthrop, disappeared", also "So you journey" doesn't seem like it should be a separate sentence

- Response to Winthrop: "Maybe she ran away to get away from your loud mouth" is yellow for some reason.

- Nicely done on the ambient NPCs

- Debris Pile 02: "So why is there a trail" also doesn't seem like it should be separate. (And this pile is still labeled "Debris Pile 02")

- Capturepoint Flag 01 - has default label. In reaction to "Maybe he hired" the text goes "From what I hear about..." - this seems strange, as the narration goes from third to first person for no reason.

- Krynn: "once Celest is safe in may arms" -> "once Celest is safe in my arms"

- Blacklake -> house transition has default "Press F to go to next map"

- Bookshelves' interact is "Press F to You notice music..."

- Celest: "If it wasn't my my beloved" -> "If it wasn't for my beloved"

- Edwood: "that while it appears clean it shows" -> "that, while it appears clean, shows"

- Exit from house also has default "Press F to go to next map"

Most of my notes are about typos/grammar because that's the only thing wrong with this, everything else is great

aristarchos01 · May 2013

Thank you very much for the reviews. I believe I fixed all the grammatical errors and such. I learned a few things from the critiques and fixing them. The main thing was the map transition text. I am still trying to make sense of many parts of the Foundry but the community has been a great help in all.
I will be playing the responders Foundry quests today.
Again thanks for playing my quest and for the honest reviews

lostcharta · May 2013

Nice, I liked the story and dialog. I only noticed one error in it so I think you've got most of them.

Comments.
* In the first guard dialog one of your responses has "?A" without a space between them i think. It's hard to see.
* The first remains you have to click on are a little hard to interact with. Not impossible, you have to angle yourself a bit. Maybe lift them up so it's a bit easier.
* The parts of blacklake that are not on the main quest path seem kind of empty.
* The flag you have to click on clips into the ground.
* Some of the flames between the bonfire and the static purple campfire seem to be burning sideways.
* It's possible to reach the warlord before killing the goblins. He just stands there and doesn't do anything. Maybe make him only appear once the rest of them are dead.
* You seem to have put an invisible wall closing off part of the map. This kind of breaks immersion. Maybe put some baracades up that match where the wall is to give a reason my character can't walk there.
* Stacked encounters: Maybe I'm wrong but I think the end boss is two encounters at the same time. Be very careful doing this. At higher levels the difficult on encounters ramps up and it's very easy to make an encounter that is far far harder than you wanted. People playing clerics may find it especially difficult. It you want an impressive fight make them fight several groups one after another, not all at once. I notice the ogre is also with another group, but since it's not necessary to kill that in order to progress it's less of an issue.
* The braziers on either side of the door clip into it a little.
* The exit door is too high for the corridor. It goes into the ceiling.

Other than those it was good. I liked the characters and the fact that the first map was well populated with guards and random bystanders and kittens (Aw... kittens) ect.

If you could look at either (or both if you're feeling generous) of mine I'd appreciate it.
Details in my signature.

zekrallmizzrym · May 2013

I will review your quest, hopefully you will have a go at mine.

Review of "The Kidnapped Bride."

Status: Done 19th May 2013, in game comment / rating left.

Really did enjoy your quest. Well thought out story, good attention to detail.

All of the searching NPC's at the start, made the level feel more alive.

My Quest

Campaign: Resurrection of Xunvrae (4 parts)
Quest Name: The bones of Xunvrae
Author: Elimgarak83
Short Code: NWS-DNNZST5FJ
Tags: Story, Explore, Combat
Tested: 14 GWF, 60 CW, 60 DC, 29 CW
Quest forum post: http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?235592-Resurrection-of-Xunvrae
Quest Gallery: http://s1145.photobucket.com/user/LokiMizzrym/library/Resurrection%20of%20Xunvrae/The%20bones%20of%20Xunvrae

dugada · May 2013

Hey,
I will preview your quest.
Here is my quest:
NW-DDJJA7X98 - The Cry from the past
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?256402-The-camp-and-bandits (name is changed)

dugada · May 2013

Hey
I reviewed your quest and I really like it.
Story and dialogues were perfect, and also good enviroment
Just 2 things:
-Its quite easy - spawn little bit more encounters (but not too much, only few more)
-Add some emotes (for example push the door, with that barricades, etc)

aristarchos01 · May 2013

Thank you all for the reviews.
I spent a few hours adding some more polish to the quest. Added a few hidden encounters and details to different maps. Then........ the server crashed as I was play testing it. I plan on releasing a new version soon.
Also I have quite a few quests to review myself. If you commented on my quest I will get to yours as soon as possible. Thanks again

luther8 · May 2013

Go ahead and review my quest in my signature, I'll do the same once I see yours

zelrant · May 2013

Hey, let's trade reviews. I really need some feedback too.

I'll do your quest after I get home from work.

Here's mine:

NW-DFJR2DOH6 - The Epic: Secrets of Shiganshina
Recommended Players: 1
Est. Playtime: 10-20mins (depending on the choice you'll make at one point)

Thanks in advance!

tarum89 · May 2013

This is a very cool idea!
I'm sorry if my quest will not be perfect in grammer, but as many player, i am not english user (but i do the dungeon master in my lenguage, in paper rpg).
This is my quest:

NW-DB5GERXA3 - "An Artifact from the Depths"

I will start playing your when the server will be open once again!
Thanks again

EDIT: i unpublished my quest some hours ago for some little changes but now it's already online

aristarchos01 · May 2013

Hi everyone. I fixed many grammatical errors, changed dialogue to flow better, added missing details to make the maps seem more alive, a,d also added many hidden (non quest essential) encounters. Thanks so much for all the ideas and suggestions, it helped me greatly.

Also I WILL get to all the people who have commented on my quest, or even posted in this thread. As time allows I will and give honest feedback, just don't expect grammatical criticism because that is not my strong suit.

Hope you all enjoy!

tarum89 · May 2013

Hi, tomorrow i will play your quest for sure, you are the first of my list now

I would like to advise that i have republished my quest now, with fight balanced (well, i hope...)

EDIT: I really liked your quest, the fights were hard enough to get me interested in it, it was not repetitive and the character were really.... characters!
Looking for continue your story, if you will create a sequel or another quest with that bard

Good Job!

I hope you will enjoy my quest too. It's in my signature.
Unlucky as all the foundry users, i suffer of the lack of sounds, i really used it to give the right feel and to make credible some important part in the quest

Cheers

aristarchos01 · May 2013

atiaxi wrote: »

My quest is in my signature

Yours was good! I've been doing a lot of very combat heavy scenarios lately so it was nice to have something more relaxed. The plot is good, but the writing itself needs work.
Most of my notes are about typos/grammar because that's the only thing wrong with this, everything else is great

I reviewed your quest today. I am behind on reviewing quests but they will all be gotten to!

Let me say I LOVED your story! My highpoints were the overall story and the moral choices you get to make. It played out like a mystery novel instead of a linear quest. I gave it a well deserved 4 stars.
The only few things from 5 stars I will list:

The front gate of the Church seemed to be floating. I think it was barely above ground but the quest tracker didn't recognize it as an impassable object and the sparkly trail ran right through the walls.

Woodfall, while nicely done was a little too big. It was extremely spread out. Running all over gets boring very quickly. Either condensing the size or adding more details along the way would bring this map to life. Right now it feels lonely and deserted.

Lastly, during the "investing the proof" part of the quest I was a little confused. Nothing indicated me to climb down the ladder. I don't think even Crumon's text told me to do so. I may have missed it. Even after I examined the proof I was a little lost before I climbed back up the ladder. Maybe just more detail to help a player along.

All in all a thoroughly enjoyable quest and I would like to see where it goes next

cobbler · May 2013

Hey man about to review your quest. Here is my info

Quest: On the High Seas
Author: Rezail1989
Short Code: NW-DJO7QLOMI
Duration: 23-30 minutes
Difficulty: Medium to Hard
Story: Not based on any lore as of yet all unique story.

gilidus · May 2013

My opinions of The Kidnapped Bride:

-Fun story, good idea behind it

-Pretty well decorated

-The second sentence of the quest description is a large run-on sentence

-When talking to Senior Guard Thurman, he states "Professional what I am not sure but a professional none the less". I had to read this several times to understand what he was trying to say. It should be something along the lines of "Professional what? I am not sure, but I'm a professional none the less."

-Combat too far on the easy side

Pretty good over-all.

I look forward to reading your thoughts on my foundry, it's the one in my signature.

cobbler · May 2013

It was nice short and had a twist. The combat was good pretty decent and i like the characters. A couple of problems i had were from a level design stand point. There were some invisible walls at the beginning that i was able to jump over. The large door at the end was a bit weird and off didn't seem like it should be there. Overall it was good a defiantly a 4 star quest. I also like the quest choice.

aristarchos01 · May 2013

More grammatical errors been fixed or changed.
As far as the ease of combat, I planned it that way because at high levels some classes have lots of difficulty on simple easy encounters. So there are no double encounters that are necessary for the quest. there are a few that are hidden if you look.

Will be playing all the foundry missions this weekend of everyone who has replied.
Thanks again