From the mad mage himself, drink this everyday for a thousand years and you can look as good as him. The script here is Draconic, the screenshot is of those pieces of paper floating around Halaster's green whirlwind.

*Casts Comprehend Languages*
Flail snail coffee
Whip 2 cups of flail
Snail ooze until light
And frothy
Brew fresh coffee
Beans to strength
Desired
Gently add coffee to
Ooze