I actually wrote the end that way to sort of show Bryan trying to process what he was seeing. But ty for the critique. It'll give me something to think about for my future entries.
[*]I am naming the runabouts after lesser-known scientists (Linus Pauling and Max von Laue so far). Does anyone have a good recommendation for the third and final runabout on the Odyssey? Everybody has a shuttlecraft named Einstein or Hawking so please don't go there.
[/LIST]
How about calling it the Museveni? After the scientist in Andromeda who created the Nietzschean sub-species?
The reasoning behind (prime) Jinx being willing and ready to kill (mirror) Jinx is based very heavily on the history of a race called Parasites. What the mirror symbionts were doing is very similar to something that happened in the prime universe, which Trill pretty much swore would never happen again.
It isn't entirely 100% canon, but then it is Trek... Nothing is 100% canon apart from the the shows, so I feel it's ok to use it, and being fair, the Parasites were in the shows, and it was never explained where they came from, so it could be canon, lol.
Ahh, that definitely makes sense, as Jinx being able to see that parallel and needing to prevent it
I can think of a few...
Jinx meeting the 'prime' incarnation of mirror Jinx's host, unjoined, of course.
Trill's reaction to what the mirror symbionts are doing.
Jinx's quest to stop the mirror symbionts, and free the enslaved Trill population.
Mirror universe Trill, their plans and goals, and how they proceed.
Definitely some good options there to explore, it will be great to see what comes out in future work
I actually write the end that way to sort of show Bryan trying to process what he was seeing. But ty for the critique. It'll give me something to think about for my future entries.
No worries, I totally understand, I guess I was just thinking of pacing from my own perspective
As I said, something to think about. We all have our own writing styles, so it's only natural for us to interpret the same thing differently.
Absolutely so, that's what makes these LCs so much fun and so challenging I have to admit, I just realized that I did pretty much the same thing at the end of my entry when Darien is re-integrated and regenerated, but equally, there had been the preceding scene which was clear that Marcus was already dead
Well, now. A chance to put my main character through a serious emotional and existential crisis! I couldn't pass that up, could I? (As usual with me, it goes on for a bit.)
Well, now. A chance to put my main character through a serious emotional and existential crisis! I couldn't pass that up, could I? (As usual with me, it goes on for a bit.)
Wow :cool: :cool:
Loved the Iconian references :cool: And equally, that was my take on the MU doppelgangers, not that they were simply good/evil flips, but how people would have been having had different experiences or different choices, so I really enjoyed reading that :cool:
Some really excellent stories in this batch, including (of course) another great work by shevet. I confess, I'm intimidated; even if I had a solid idea for any of my captains, I don't think I'd dare after reading these.
bortjinx: yes, I remember reading of the symbiont/parasite connection on Memory Beta. All too plausible that, like the Goa'uld from a certain other setting, the mirror versions of our familiar tummy-slugs would have a different sort of "symbiosis" in mind. (To quote the hive-queen in the unfortunate Lt. Commander Remmick: "We seek peaceful co-existence." *shudder*)
I am naming the runabouts after lesser-known scientists (Linus Pauling and Max von Laue so far). Does anyone have a good recommendation for the third and final runabout on the Odyssey? Everybody has a shuttlecraft named Einstein or Hawking so please don't go there.
If you'll forgive the pedantry: it's shuttles that are named for scientists. Runabouts are named for rivers; all the ones in canon are for rivers on Earth, but by 2409 you could probably make the excuse that they've run out / moved on to other founding worlds, if you want something more exotic.
If you'll forgive the pedantry: it's shuttles that are named for scientists. Runabouts are named for rivers; all the ones in canon are for rivers on Earth, but by 2409 you could probably make the excuse that they've run out / moved on to other founding worlds, if you want something more exotic.
I can use the criteria of Kane's shuttles being named after solar events. First was the Equinox, and the second was the Zenith, but in truth, the Equinox was named for the Nova-Class ship
I confess, I'm intimidated; even if I had a solid idea for any of my captains, I don't think I'd dare after reading these.
Do it I very nearly passed up on this challenge, thinking "People don't know my characters anyway, an alternate wouldn't really be much of a contrast..." and was just going to draw Courtney Cox in an MU uniform :eek: But in the end, I knew that to benefit from the LCs, I have to play whatever hand it deals me, so I just let the ideas percolate
I confess, I'm intimidated; even if I had a solid idea for any of my captains, I don't think I'd dare after reading these.
May I add a "do it" to the chorus? Writing's fun. And it improves with practice, like everything else. (I'm enjoying these challenges a lot - and I'm glad, as always, if people are enjoying the results!)
I confess, I'm intimidated; even if I had a solid idea for any of my captains, I don't think I'd dare after reading these.
(...snip)
You should write an entry! No matter how it turns out (I switched between first- and third-person SEVERAL times in mine :eek:), we'll all enjoy reading it.
Side note: Edited mine to fix the switching between 1st and 3rd person (Leyla, if you're reading this, thanks for pointing that out.)
Shevet: Great entry! Sounds like Tylha has a lot of personal reflection coming up.
As an aside, you're welcome to use my soundtrack idea if you wish.
Although it's not quite long enough, starting In the House in a Heartbeat by John Murphy when Kane and Palmer are first called to the bridge gives a fairly appropriate soundtrack till the point where he meets his counterpart :cool: Any other feedback you may have on the entry would be much appreciated Did it work, or did it just drag?
Man...Shevet, that was a truly awesome story!!! I loved your thoughts on the more "philosophical" side of things--yet never did I feel the action was slowing down.
I also thought that was really brave of you to have Tylha reveal such an ugly moment, and to a subordinate, at that. I hope they'll be able to have the same--or maybe an improved--working relationship after that. Maybe having to vocalize those attitudes will bring about an improvement. After all, Soledad is going to be watching, and watching closely.
Unfortunately I'm even more sure I won't be entering this week's challenge. Contemplating Mirror!Alyosha is just horrible, on so many levels. He's either a tool of Mirror Starfleet Command's--a horrible thing to unleash upon enemies, an assassin or torturer--or he's with the Devidians, in just as terrible of a state. And after what Alyosha went through in the last entry...I'm neither willing to put him through that nor do I feel up to writing it.
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It's not very well written, since I've just knocked it up in half an hour over my lunch break.
I also liked your idea of mirror Trill society. My main recommendation is something you have probably already thought of - make the formatting consistent.
I find myself coming up with ideas while commuting. Perhaps the frustration with other drivers is taken out on my fictional crew later on?
Some really excellent stories in this batch, including (of course) another great work by shevet. I confess, I'm intimidated; even if I had a solid idea for any of my captains, I don't think I'd dare after reading these.
Well by now hopefully you have fallen for the peer pressure and started writing. Anyone who can point out the subtle difference between shuttle and runabout nomenclature should be able to write a decent short story. (Now I have to figure out why Captain Carter bucks the system - that should be easy. Rivers are boring!)
Thanks to the others who made suggestions. Now I'm certain that the third runabout can't be named after a human. Maybe it'll be named after the Andorian who invented chroniton mines...or the Vulcan who created an injection to help fellow Vulcans withstand the hideous smell of humans.
destroyer831642 - welcome to the mayhem of literary challenges (and hopefully you are reading these - I haven't seen you post to this thread. Please do so!).
I liked how the mirror universe characters "won." It's too easy to make the normal universe characters the good guys and the mirror universe characters the bad guys.
One suggestion - add some more descriptive sentences next time. You have a lot of dialogue but not a lot of showing us what happened. Was the mirror ship of the same design? What went through your captain's mind as his/her ship was obliterated? (And is your captain male or female? I missed that.) Details like those would make it more well-rounded.
(And feel free to comment/critique my entry too. That's part of the fun.)
Although it's not quite long enough, starting In the House in a Heartbeat by John Murphy when Kane and Palmer are first called to the bridge gives a fairly appropriate soundtrack till the point where he meets his counterpart :cool: Any other feedback you may have on the entry would be much appreciated Did it work, or did it just drag?
Honestly? Your entry was just plain awesome. Brilliantly executed, nothing dragged, and everything felt appropriate. I get the feeling that when S'rR's finds out what happened to Marcus, heads will be rolling in the Mirror universe. :eek:
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
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Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
The drabble that's been posted has been great (drabble is jargon for super short stories). I won't critic as I tend to be too critical of writing, but I do like the plots I'm reading. Good job to everyone.
Unfortunately I'm even more sure I won't be entering this week's challenge. Contemplating Mirror!Alyosha is just horrible, on so many levels. He's either a tool of Mirror Starfleet Command's--a horrible thing to unleash upon enemies, an assassin or torturer--or he's with the Devidians, in just as terrible of a state. And after what Alyosha went through in the last entry...I'm neither willing to put him through that nor do I feel up to writing it.
I totally understand where you're coming from, and respect your choice to not participate, but feel obliged to offer this question:
But are those the only options?
While working out what to write, I had to work out how Mirror Marcus could/would be different from Prime Marcus. As mentioned in Shevet's entry, MU doesn't necessarily have to be good = evil, so I contemplated the MU as seen in DS-9: Similar levels of technology, similar personal connections, but no recognizable 'starfleet'. I figured that without a Starfleet to enter, Marcus would not have been put in the situation to bring about his immortal re-awakening, he would still have come from a prestigious family, but how would such a family maintain its fortune in such times? 'War profiteer' is an easy slide from 'weapons designer', but would still utilize Marcus' talents for engineering, and after that, it was simple to flip names to reinforce the differences, switch selflessness for selfishness, and transition the relationship between him and Palmer from one of a supportive mentor, to the distance of employer and employee...
As above, totally understand why you may choose not to participate in this LC (I really was very close to passing myself) but just wanted to show some alternates beyond the simple good/evil flip you understandably wish to avoid
Well by now hopefully you have fallen for the peer pressure and started writing. Anyone who can point out the subtle difference between shuttle and runabout nomenclature should be able to write a decent short story. (Now I have to figure out why Captain Carter bucks the system - that should be easy. Rivers are boring!)
Thanks to the others who made suggestions. Now I'm certain that the third runabout can't be named after a human. Maybe it'll be named after the Andorian who invented chroniton mines...or the Vulcan who created an injection to help fellow Vulcans withstand the hideous smell of humans.
I just had another thought in addition to Museveni... How about Kumari? A ship's name with considerable historical relevance to the Andorian people
Honestly? Your entry was just plain awesome. Brilliantly executed, nothing dragged, and everything felt appropriate. I get the feeling that when S'rR's finds out what happened to Marcus, heads will be rolling in the Mirror universe. :eek:
Thanks, I'm glad it didn't drag, I just couldn't shake the feeling while I was writing... Not too sure how S'rR's might react to this (or if a future LC will allow for the opportunity to explore that...) but one thing's for sure, Marcus will not be getting 're-started', as sci-fi immortals often can, he is as dead as the proverbial door-nail I just hope the description of the Renovatio was identifiable as to its inspiration
The drabble that's been posted has been great (drabble is jargon for super short stories). I won't critic as I tend to be too critical of writing, but I do like the plots I'm reading. Good job to everyone.
I've never heard the term drabble before, but I like it :good:
Unfortunately I'm even more sure I won't be entering this week's challenge. Contemplating Mirror!Alyosha is just horrible, on so many levels. He's either a tool of Mirror Starfleet Command's--a horrible thing to unleash upon enemies, an assassin or torturer--or he's with the Devidians, in just as terrible of a state. And after what Alyosha went through in the last entry...I'm neither willing to put him through that nor do I feel up to writing it.
I think an interesting question, though, might be: what are the mirror Devidians like? Perhaps they're a force for good in the Mirror Universe! Angels rather than spectres... Or perhaps their abilities work in some unexpectedly different way.... Just tossing out some ideas!
Personally, I am a great believer in giving my characters a hard time. One of my literary role models is Alistair Maclean, who was very definitely of the same opinion. The protagonist of The Satan Bug, for instance, is gassed, half-blinded, and has his foot run over by a tank... and this is before the book even starts; when he reaches chapter one, he has real problems to contend with. Something to aim for, I think.
I think an interesting question, though, might be: what are the mirror Devidians like? Perhaps they're a force for good in the Mirror Universe! Angels rather than spectres... Or perhaps their abilities work in some unexpectedly different way.... Just tossing out some ideas!
Personally, I am a great believer in giving my characters a hard time.
Thank you for posting this because when I read it I suddenly realized that this is exactly what I have been doing to Kathryn: that everyone is trying to counter her thoughts, words and actions at every turn! And yet, she overcomes.
@ everyone - I'm still catching up to the stories while trying to stay on top of the discussion so forgive me if I have not offered any suggestions or joined in the conversation of creation. But what I have read so far has been just fun
As above, totally understand why you may choose not to participate in this LC (I really was very close to passing myself) but just wanted to show some alternates beyond the simple good/evil flip you understandably wish to avoid
The difficulty comes in thus: if he's a foundling in the MU, then just as on Earth he will at first be brought into a lab environment. In the STO universe he was blessed in that the scientists actually cared for him--including after the accidental death of one of their colleagues--and I think after a certain amount of time, he was able to enter a more family-like environment. I even think he may have been taken in by one of their families--perhaps a couple that could not or had chosen before that not to have children. They recognized his rights as a sentient being and eventually gave him a real home and the chance to find himself as a person.
In the MU we do seem to see a Starfleet of sorts--the Terrans seem to have defeated the Klingon-Cardassian Alliance and re-formed their Empire. So I see them finding him and weaponizing him once they see what he can do: literally raising him from infancy to be their tool, since they would have pretty much absolute power over his upbringing. That's why I feel that if found on Earth, such a fate woud be nearly inescapable.
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I think an interesting question, though, might be: what are the mirror Devidians like? Perhaps they're a force for good in the Mirror Universe! Angels rather than spectres... Or perhaps their abilities work in some unexpectedly different way.... Just tossing out some ideas!
I can see what you mean...that said, I don't know that I would literally alter their biology for another universe.
Oddly enough, as I see the MU, the Ferengi may be the force for good there. Their predatory instincts do not seem as strong as other species (my theory being that the Ferengi were not the apex predators on their world until very, very recently, evolutionarily speaking, and therefore behave more like small predators like a housecat or a ferret), and that may render them immune to whatever it is that has corrupted the MU to such a degree and driven the predatory instincts of so many species into a frenzy (one that at least as I see it, the Devidians would undoubtedly be caught up in--making them either the same as they are, or even worse). In the MU they seem to have become just bold enough to take a stand, but not SO much so as to become consumed by it.
At least, that's the way I see the MU.
Personally, I am a great believer in giving my characters a hard time. One of my literary role models is Alistair Maclean, who was very definitely of the same opinion. The protagonist of The Satan Bug, for instance, is gassed, half-blinded, and has his foot run over by a tank... and this is before the book even starts; when he reaches chapter one, he has real problems to contend with. Something to aim for, I think.
Hmm...I think that sounds a bit extreme. I definitely think characters should face challenges--serious ones. That said, I also like for there to be bright moments, and I am not comfortable going as far as, say, the new Battlestar Galactica. So, given that right now Alyosha's in sickbay after having had an encounter that for him is just as difficult as it would've been to make him face a Mirror counterpart, I don't really want to go there.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
Comments
I actually wrote the end that way to sort of show Bryan trying to process what he was seeing. But ty for the critique. It'll give me something to think about for my future entries.
@jinx:
Excellent entry! It's interesting too see what Trill might have been had things worked out differently.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
How about calling it the Museveni? After the scientist in Andromeda who created the Nietzschean sub-species?
Definitely some good options there to explore, it will be great to see what comes out in future work
No worries, I totally understand, I guess I was just thinking of pacing from my own perspective
As I said, something to think about.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Loved the Iconian references :cool: And equally, that was my take on the MU doppelgangers, not that they were simply good/evil flips, but how people would have been having had different experiences or different choices, so I really enjoyed reading that :cool:
bortjinx: yes, I remember reading of the symbiont/parasite connection on Memory Beta. All too plausible that, like the Goa'uld from a certain other setting, the mirror versions of our familiar tummy-slugs would have a different sort of "symbiosis" in mind. (To quote the hive-queen in the unfortunate Lt. Commander Remmick: "We seek peaceful co-existence." *shudder*)
If you'll forgive the pedantry: it's shuttles that are named for scientists. Runabouts are named for rivers; all the ones in canon are for rivers on Earth, but by 2409 you could probably make the excuse that they've run out / moved on to other founding worlds, if you want something more exotic.
I can use the criteria of Kane's shuttles being named after solar events. First was the Equinox, and the second was the Zenith, but in truth, the Equinox was named for the Nova-Class ship
Dooo eeet
May I add a "do it" to the chorus? Writing's fun. And it improves with practice, like everything else. (I'm enjoying these challenges a lot - and I'm glad, as always, if people are enjoying the results!)
You should write an entry! No matter how it turns out (I switched between first- and third-person SEVERAL times in mine :eek:), we'll all enjoy reading it.
Side note: Edited mine to fix the switching between 1st and 3rd person
Shevet: Great entry! Sounds like Tylha has a lot of personal reflection coming up.
@marcus:
As an aside, you're welcome to use my soundtrack idea if you wish.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Although it's not quite long enough, starting In the House in a Heartbeat by John Murphy when Kane and Palmer are first called to the bridge gives a fairly appropriate soundtrack till the point where he meets his counterpart :cool: Any other feedback you may have on the entry would be much appreciated
I also thought that was really brave of you to have Tylha reveal such an ugly moment, and to a subordinate, at that. I hope they'll be able to have the same--or maybe an improved--working relationship after that. Maybe having to vocalize those attitudes will bring about an improvement. After all, Soledad is going to be watching, and watching closely.
Unfortunately I'm even more sure I won't be entering this week's challenge. Contemplating Mirror!Alyosha is just horrible, on so many levels. He's either a tool of Mirror Starfleet Command's--a horrible thing to unleash upon enemies, an assassin or torturer--or he's with the Devidians, in just as terrible of a state. And after what Alyosha went through in the last entry...I'm neither willing to put him through that nor do I feel up to writing it.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
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I also liked your idea of mirror Trill society. My main recommendation is something you have probably already thought of - make the formatting consistent.
I find myself coming up with ideas while commuting. Perhaps the frustration with other drivers is taken out on my fictional crew later on?
Well by now hopefully you have fallen for the peer pressure and started writing. Anyone who can point out the subtle difference between shuttle and runabout nomenclature should be able to write a decent short story. (Now I have to figure out why Captain Carter bucks the system - that should be easy. Rivers are boring!)
Thanks to the others who made suggestions. Now I'm certain that the third runabout can't be named after a human. Maybe it'll be named after the Andorian who invented chroniton mines...or the Vulcan who created an injection to help fellow Vulcans withstand the hideous smell of humans.
I liked how the mirror universe characters "won." It's too easy to make the normal universe characters the good guys and the mirror universe characters the bad guys.
One suggestion - add some more descriptive sentences next time. You have a lot of dialogue but not a lot of showing us what happened. Was the mirror ship of the same design? What went through your captain's mind as his/her ship was obliterated? (And is your captain male or female? I missed that.) Details like those would make it more well-rounded.
(And feel free to comment/critique my entry too. That's part of the fun.)
Honestly? Your entry was just plain awesome.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
But are those the only options?
While working out what to write, I had to work out how Mirror Marcus could/would be different from Prime Marcus. As mentioned in Shevet's entry, MU doesn't necessarily have to be good = evil, so I contemplated the MU as seen in DS-9: Similar levels of technology, similar personal connections, but no recognizable 'starfleet'. I figured that without a Starfleet to enter, Marcus would not have been put in the situation to bring about his immortal re-awakening, he would still have come from a prestigious family, but how would such a family maintain its fortune in such times? 'War profiteer' is an easy slide from 'weapons designer', but would still utilize Marcus' talents for engineering, and after that, it was simple to flip names to reinforce the differences, switch selflessness for selfishness, and transition the relationship between him and Palmer from one of a supportive mentor, to the distance of employer and employee...
As above, totally understand why you may choose not to participate in this LC (I really was very close to passing myself) but just wanted to show some alternates beyond the simple good/evil flip you understandably wish to avoid
I think an interesting question, though, might be: what are the mirror Devidians like? Perhaps they're a force for good in the Mirror Universe! Angels rather than spectres... Or perhaps their abilities work in some unexpectedly different way.... Just tossing out some ideas!
Personally, I am a great believer in giving my characters a hard time. One of my literary role models is Alistair Maclean, who was very definitely of the same opinion. The protagonist of The Satan Bug, for instance, is gassed, half-blinded, and has his foot run over by a tank... and this is before the book even starts; when he reaches chapter one, he has real problems to contend with. Something to aim for, I think.
:cool: :cool: YESSS!!!! :cool: :cool:
Thank you for posting this because when I read it I suddenly realized that this is exactly what I have been doing to Kathryn: that everyone is trying to counter her thoughts, words and actions at every turn! And yet, she overcomes.
@ everyone - I'm still catching up to the stories while trying to stay on top of the discussion so forgive me if I have not offered any suggestions or joined in the conversation of creation. But what I have read so far has been just fun
The difficulty comes in thus: if he's a foundling in the MU, then just as on Earth he will at first be brought into a lab environment. In the STO universe he was blessed in that the scientists actually cared for him--including after the accidental death of one of their colleagues--and I think after a certain amount of time, he was able to enter a more family-like environment. I even think he may have been taken in by one of their families--perhaps a couple that could not or had chosen before that not to have children. They recognized his rights as a sentient being and eventually gave him a real home and the chance to find himself as a person.
In the MU we do seem to see a Starfleet of sorts--the Terrans seem to have defeated the Klingon-Cardassian Alliance and re-formed their Empire. So I see them finding him and weaponizing him once they see what he can do: literally raising him from infancy to be their tool, since they would have pretty much absolute power over his upbringing. That's why I feel that if found on Earth, such a fate woud be nearly inescapable.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
I can see what you mean...that said, I don't know that I would literally alter their biology for another universe.
Oddly enough, as I see the MU, the Ferengi may be the force for good there. Their predatory instincts do not seem as strong as other species (my theory being that the Ferengi were not the apex predators on their world until very, very recently, evolutionarily speaking, and therefore behave more like small predators like a housecat or a ferret), and that may render them immune to whatever it is that has corrupted the MU to such a degree and driven the predatory instincts of so many species into a frenzy (one that at least as I see it, the Devidians would undoubtedly be caught up in--making them either the same as they are, or even worse). In the MU they seem to have become just bold enough to take a stand, but not SO much so as to become consumed by it.
At least, that's the way I see the MU.
Hmm...I think that sounds a bit extreme.
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Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.