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Startrek - The Captains Hair...

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
Captain: Ensign, Plot a course to earth maximim warp. Ill be in my ready room.

*Captain enters ready room and orders earl grey, sits down to relax*

Ensign: Ensign Tang to captain..

Captain: Go ahead.

Ensign: We have reached the border of Alpha centuri block, awaiting orders.

Captain:... Ensign, perhaps I did not make my orders clear, proceed to earth imediatly!!!

Ensign: Yes sir!

*captain takes sip of tea*

Ensign: Captain, we have reached the system of Sol, awaiting orders.

Captain: *frustrated* Ensign, you have had direct orders to proceed to earth, go there at once!

Ensign: Yes sir!

*captain sits back and listens to bethoven*

Ensign: We are approaching earth captain, awaiting orders!!

Captain: Ensign, you are stripped of rank!, inform the commander to approach earth at standard orbit and perpare to beam down.

Ensign: ...*cries*..yes sir!

*THE CAPTAINS HAIR FALLS OUT*

Epilogue:

Captains log, stardate 245432.10.

Today has been most unusual. I had to releive a young ensign of command due to derliction of duty. I had made some simple orders to navigate to earth, yet the ensign had trouble understanding my request and refused to proceed past a simple border in order for us to continue on our mission.

I am requesting that star fleet retrains all navigational officers in the simple ability to go directly to where they are ordered.

This simple and frustrating oversite has caused considerable frustration in the commanding of this ship, and micromanaging my staff has become a overwhelming problem.

In addition to this. It seems that starfleet requirs its high ranking officers to beam down to a planet, without use of simple scanning equipment. Indeed, there seems to be an inhabilty to contact the ships scanners and direct my crew the the correct location of hostile forces, and/or objectives. Despite this, the tricorders have NO problem identifying random anomolys. Yet cannot triangulate the location of humanoid life forms, and/or the energy signatures of objectives.

This has left me on several occasions, wandering about aimlessly, looking for the elusive combatants and/or objectives that may have slipped past my dysfunctional human organs.

I request that starfleet imedialy upgrades tricorder scans and communications between ground partys and ship scanners.

With gratitude.

Captain Equinox.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Suplimental:

    I must be weak, I have asked the ships doctor to scan my life signs, as I find myself unable to brush (nay PUSH) past a simple leaf, in order to talk to a farmer.

    I fear that that we have been infected with a terriblr virus, that gives us terrible weakness (or plant life terrible strength)

    Life signs are failing... targs shall eat our bodies....

    Captain Equinox, out.

    Suplimental:

    Targ was carrying a hypo spray...

    Out party is saved, yet our sanity is not...
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    Not to be nit-picky, but a captain can't strip an officer of rank, it would have to go through a formal court-martial. On top of that, an ensign is the lowest naval officer rank, so you can't strip an ensign of rank to begin with.

    Good post though. Keep it up.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    The Starfleet has to economise wherever it can. Actually, what we think is a TRIcorder is just the hull but inside is a ONEcorder.
    As for dumb cres, well they economised the RAM and CPU of any new officer. They're back to 'd-doh, does not compute!'

    Oh, come on, cryptoguys! Instead of adding and changig trivial things, how about fixing this stuff, who's been on the board her for as long the game is online.:mad:
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    Ah! My tricoder indicates that the next big chunk 'o metal I need to scan is over there. Oh, its just an anomaly half stuck in the ground that I can't scan anyway. I wonder where the final object I need to scan is...? *Wanders off in an area marked by a gigantic circle*

    Tricorders so desperately need to be fine tuned.

    Usually on ground missions, the last thing I care about my tricorder reading is anomalies.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    rofl i like the part about the leaf. I find it incredible TRIBBLE you cannot walk through the fauna... the leaves. also for planets with atmosphere they sure doesn't seem to be any wind blowing!

    also lots of spray starch in my uniform, it never moves or creases. and spray starch in my hair too!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    At least yours don't turn off your cloaking to get your attention. :p
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    Roach wrote: »
    At least yours don't turn off your cloaking to get your attention. :p

    They do in my Defiant....
    Cmdr Tactical Officer: Captain, I've detected enemy ships in the system
    Captain: Then why the h*** did we just decloak?
    Cmdr: Because I wanted to get your attention....?
    Captain: If we survive, I'm stripping you of rank, and you're going to spend the next two weeks scrubbing the warp plasma conduits.
    LC: Yes sir....
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    Sometimes I would just love to go to my bridge and ask them to scan a planets surface, look for anomalies, get some general information about the planet's condition before just blindly teleporting down into unknown situations. I mean seriously we have these wonderful ships with supposedly wonderful equipment...Um..why can't we use it? And I also agree that starfleet got ripped off on a bunch of faulty tricorder's, dang Forengi's will sell anything. The poor Kliingon's didn't fair any better, there tricorder's basically just made noise for how long? Would love a minimap tricorder screen on ground which would when activated display anomalies, lifeforms both human and animal (if any) and what directions they would be in. Oh and while were at it...where are we storing these tricorders at? What happened to wearing them over the shoulder on a strap? I hate having to store all these devices, weapons, etc..up my backside! It's quite uncomfortable and not very 'Trekkie!'.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    Aranarth wrote: »
    They do in my Defiant....

    lol- possibly the same academy trained all our bridge officers and the whole BOff thing is just a Ferengi ponzi scam?
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2011
    Roach wrote: »
    lol- possibly the same academy trained all our bridge officers and the whole BOff thing is just a Ferengi ponzi scam?

    Now that you mention it, my helmsman's credentials did seem a little suspect....
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