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Update on my wife for those who missed the comment in other thread.

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Comments

  • jamieblanchardjamieblanchard Member Posts: 410 Arc User
    Many hugs and well wishes for you and your family. And a glass of tea, any flavour you fancy. I wish I had more to contribute in addition to that.
    Resident TOS, G.I. Joe and Transformers fangirl.

    And knowing is half the battle!

    Rock now, rock the night
    'Til early in the morning light
    Rock now, rock the night
    You'd better believe it's right
  • ssbn655ssbn655 Member Posts: 1,890 Arc User
    Oct 13 2019 Update on my wife's condition. My wife has had some difficulty healing form the surgery on Sept. 19th that removed 95% of her tumors so much so Chemo and radiation was impossible for her to tolerate. Part of her incision still has not healed. She has steadily weakened and is in constant pain. She is on some real heavy anti nausea and pain medications. After lengthy talks she decided the best course of action for everyone was to be placed in a nursing facility where she has staff 24/7 this allows Denise my wife, our daughter and myself to get some much needed rest and for my daughter to go back to work.
    On Thursday after a lot of long talks my wife signed onto hospice. There is zero chance of a cure and she knows she has a fairly short time to live. She will reside in this nursing facility until the end sadly she will never grace our home again. On hospice she will no longer have to suffer through endless tests and scans and attempts to cure a terminal illness she will have her pain manged and her needs met. This also avails our family to grief counseling before and for two years after she passes. We have decorated her room with tons of art work we have collected over the years so it is home like. My daughter and I spend as much time there as we can. I sleep on the couch in the room every night with her except for the last three days as I have been ill with the flu. My days are spent with two hours at home in the AM taking care of household affairs and my therapy sessions for my transition and two hours in the afternoon. The rest of the time I am with my wife making our last memories together. I do not know how long she has left but she is fading fairly quickly. I think she may see Halloween but not much after that. Thank goodness I am on an antidepressant without it I couldn't function at all right now. LLAP Freya
  • azrael605azrael605 Member Posts: 10,829 Arc User
    For whatever its worth I hope your remaining tine together is filled with love. My own recent loss of my grandfather has also reminded me to never forget the fun you shared.
  • coldnapalmcoldnapalm Member Posts: 7,713 Arc User
    Omph. That is not good news. There are no words to help what you are going through...but here's to you and your family having some more moments of happiness while you can.
  • rndflactuationrndflactuation Member Posts: 788 Arc User
    I didn't say anything after the previous update since I had totally no words fitting and didn't know what to say. I am really sorry and I hope you and your wife have as much peace as you can and still many precious moments together with pain managed successfully so you can cherish together each moment, love, carying and proximity. Be strong. Know we care even if we don't know what to say. Something had to be said now.
  • jamieblanchardjamieblanchard Member Posts: 410 Arc User
    I am sorry to hear what sort of turn events have taken. =( That being said, make those memories the best ones they can be. Leave nothing unsaid.
    Shortly before my own grandfather's passing oh so long ago, he wrote a book. And he included a quote that said something along the lines of: "When a loved one passes on, the memories are all we have left. The good memories last." And, he was right.
    All my best to you and your family at this time. Do all you can there for now. We'll be here.
    Resident TOS, G.I. Joe and Transformers fangirl.

    And knowing is half the battle!

    Rock now, rock the night
    'Til early in the morning light
    Rock now, rock the night
    You'd better believe it's right
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 8,725 Arc User
    We're here for you, Freya. It may not be much, but I hope it's enough.
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  • rattler2rattler2 Member Posts: 49,075 Arc User
    I am reminded a bit of a country song by Garth Brooks titled The Dance. As a young child I never really understood the context of the song, or many songs I listened to. But over the years I learned that there was a lot more in those songs than what you hear. The MEANING became more clear.

    For me... the meaning behind The Dance is that you charish the time you have. You could run from the pain but... then you'd also miss all the good times. In short... "Better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all".

    We're with you.
    Take as much time as you need.
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  • ryan218ryan218 Member Posts: 34,630 Arc User
    I'm so sorry to read about what has happened, Freya. I haven't posted on this topic before because, frankly, I've never really been sure if my words would have helped or hurt, but I have been following along. I hope you and Denise have a loving time together for however long she has left.
  • ssbn655ssbn655 Member Posts: 1,890 Arc User
    Thank you all even a few sparse words of kindness carry a lot of weight and meaning to me. Trust me they help more then you may think. I don't feel as alone reading and rereading them. They remind me that there is a world full of kind people out there beyond my immediate family in this very trying time in our lives. I find my
    mere words are sorely lacking on expressing how much I cherish the outreach from the Trek family to me and my family. Freya
  • ssbn655ssbn655 Member Posts: 1,890 Arc User
    Final update: On Monday October 28, 2019 around 9:30 PM Central time my wife lost her war against her cancer. Denise was a unique person with a full speed ahead attitude. She was a RN for 35 years and an avid photographer with many showings. She traveled far and wide across the U.S. and ended up in New Hampshire where she saved me in so many ways. We made a life together two people who on the surface were light years apart in so many ways, She being a straight woman and myself being transgender MTF. Somehow we made it work and our life together was amazing. While we never had children from our time together we each had a child from earlier marriages and share two wonderful grand children who through them her legacy lives on. She was my friend my lover and my wife and I will love her now and forever and already feel the void that was once filled by her just hours ago. I want to thank the admins for letting me post this it has been very helpful for me to cope with her illness. I am still amazed at the outpouring of compassion by fellow Trekkers. LLAP Freya
  • coldnapalmcoldnapalm Member Posts: 7,713 Arc User
    Here's to holding on to the good memories and my sincere condolences to you and your family.
  • seaofsorrowsseaofsorrows Member Posts: 8,230 Arc User
    My sincere condolences on your loss. Denise sounded like a truly remarkable human being and she will truly be missed. :disappointed:
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  • reyan01reyan01 Member Posts: 12,889 Arc User
    So sorry to hear of your loss - this whole thing has been absolutely heartbreaking to read :'(

    As has already been said, treasure the memories x
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  • jamieblanchardjamieblanchard Member Posts: 410 Arc User
    You have my sincerest, heartfelt condolences. =( All my best to you and your family at this time, and may your fondest and warmest memories of her bring you comfort.
    Resident TOS, G.I. Joe and Transformers fangirl.

    And knowing is half the battle!

    Rock now, rock the night
    'Til early in the morning light
    Rock now, rock the night
    You'd better believe it's right
  • valoreahvaloreah Member Posts: 10,339 Arc User
    Sincere condolences to you and your family during this time. Treasure the memories you had together and you will find comfort in seeing all the lives she touched.
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  • mustrumridcully0mustrumridcully0 Member Posts: 12,637 Arc User
    My condolences. :(

    Personally, I fear there is nothing for us after our own death, just the same thing we had before we were born - non-existence. That is sometimes a scary thought, because I can't make sense of what not being is like, thankfully it's a thought that my mind can get rid of pretty quickly, and sometimes I have the irrational hope that maybe there is some trickery that can avert that all.

    But at least people's memories of us can still exist. There is still something that we left behind, the things we meant to other people, how we affected their lives. That is something that remains of us. And for the "survivors", these memories are basically a way to still have a bit of what (or who) was lost.
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  • starkaosstarkaos Member Posts: 11,001 Arc User
    And this is why people hope for an afterlife. That they will see their dead loved ones again. It is a comforting thought to believe that we will see them again. Even if there is no proof. I hope it is true and you will see her again in the next life.
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